Nice Try, Jane Sinner
Page 25
“My friend is a stay-at-home mom she makes over $2000 a week working from home click here to see how”
—janelle45
Offensive material removed by moderator.
—leef tappynix
“It’s too bad, I thought I wanted her to win.”
—roxanne22
Jenna’s plan of action is much better than what I had in mind. She thinks I should own it. The fact that I tried to kill myself. She says the public needs to see that everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves compassion and a second chance. I’m not sure if she believes it, but if she believes it will get me back on the show, that’s good enough for me.
Bonnie and I came up with a clever idea to make a video that addresses the suicide thing. I’m working on it now; should take a day or two to get right.
FriJul22
I went to McNugz Club today (they still email me the locations every week), only to find Marc and Chaunt’Elle already there. I wasn’t exactly surprised to see her with Marc, even after he voted her off. No one wore Hamburglar masks. I guess those are reserved for initiations only.
CHAUNT’ELLE
Oh hey, Jane. Marc said you might come by.
Marc grinned smugly.
JS
Yeah. It’s been a while.
MARC
If you want the votes, you’ll have to earn them.
JS
How?
CHAUNT’ELLE
A nugz-off.
I knew exactly how that would go—Chaunt’Elle would kick my ass. She spends too much time eating junk food with Marc. I figured I’d cut my losses and let her have this one.
JS
Actually, I’m here to see Mr. Dubs.
He’s never hard to spot.
MR. DUBS
What can I do for you, Jane?
We went outside so we wouldn’t be overheard. Mr. Dubs waved the cameras that came with Marc to follow us, but I told them to go back in. I didn’t like how happy Mr. Dubs was with cameras pointed on him.
JS
I know you know about the surprise AP announced. And my bid to get back on.
MR. DUBS
I might have heard something about it.
By that, he means he tweets about it every hour.
JS
Yeah. Well, I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I’m going to do this right this time.
MR. DUBS
Cool! That’s great. Thanks for letting me know, Jane.
JS
So you think it’s a good idea?
MR. DUBS
I think it’s going to be much harder for you than the others to get back on. You betrayed the public’s trust.
Yeah, well, I don’t really care about the public’s trust.
MR. DUBS
And I know you have your reasons for wanting to get back on the show. But Robbie isn’t a bad person, you know.
JS
How can you say that? He’s the worst!
And here I thought Mr. Dubs was on my side. I almost told him R was the one who leaked my journal online, but I didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that Mr. Dubs has probably for sure read it. I threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it.
MR. DUBS
He’s not so different from yourself, Jane. It’s easier to hate someone than it is to open up to them. I’d hate to see you get hurt. Promise me you’ll . . . play nice.
Yep. He’s definitely a dad.
JS
I’m not going to do anything stupid.
Or at least undeserved.
AP released even more bonus content on the website today, much to the delight of the masses. Besides promoting the surprise twist, the new video is basically a teaser trailer for the upcoming man drama.
Cut to the living room destroyed after a night of Marc’s shenanigans. Cut to close-up of an unidentifiable stain on the couch. Cut to Marc’s eyebrows dancing when he said he was meeting a “lady friend” later. Cut to R in the interview room.
R
[deadpan]
He’s possibly the worst human being I have ever met.
Cut to Marc’s blond stubble covering the kitchen sink and floor. Cut to Marc’s interview.
MARC
[laughing]
Bro needs to relax.
Cut to Marc showing up at R’s indoor soccer practice holding a six-pack. The ref shoos him off the field. In the background, R puts his head in his hands.
I told AP that if reality TV doesn’t work out for him, he should consider sitcoms.
I just finished uploading my reapplication/suicide ownership video to the internet. It’s not so much a video as it is a photomontage with text overlay set to a bumpin’ eighties jam.
Jane Sinner: Talented Artist. (photo of doodle of hand/toast)
Jane Sinner: Sensitive Poet. (photo of my vacuuming poem with “B+ Good Job, Jane” written on the top corner)
Jane Sinner: TV Celebrity. (photo of me doing a fist pump after I won the Bachelor challenge)
Jane Sinner: Star Athlete. (photo of me all sweaty after a run, catching my breath)
Jane Sinner: Failed Suicide Attempt. No one can be good at everything. (photo of me shrugging)
Ninety-seven likes and counting! I wish I’d had time to get it done sooner. The live debate/public vote is happening the day after tomorrow. We’ll do our thing at the school theater at one o’clock. Votes are accepted on the HOO website from two till seven. The winner will be announced live at nine. I’m nervous I’m nervous no I’m not.
Tweet from Chaunt’Elle: So grateful for the second chance!! <3 <3 <3 #HouseofOrange #InItToWinIt #AttitudeofGratitude
Who knew Chaunt’Elle’s twitter account had so many followers?! My tweets would be so much wittier if they weren’t all hypothetical. Jenna has been nagging me for a while to get an account—she thinks I’d get a lot of followers, and probably she’s right—but I prefer to be more subtle about my egocentrism. My thoughts are more amusing as inside jokes between myself and I.
SatJul23
Chaunt’Elle threw a massive party at her friend’s house tonight, a last-minute attempt to get support before the vote tomorrow. Jenna and I dropped by in lavish masquerade masks. It wasn’t a masquerade party, but why not? I didn’t drink because I don’t want to be hung-over for the debate tomorrow, but I had fun anyway. It’s so much easier to appear in public these days with my face obscured by feathers and glitter.
SunJul24
How to deal with talking in front of crowds:
1. Eat breakfast and throw it up noisily.
2. Overanalyze the entire situation until it becomes so familiar it’s no longer terrifying.
3. Drink three beers.
I’m no genius, but I think I might be a genius. When I stepped up to the podium I was not shaking, nauseous, or sweating uncontrollably, which sounds like success to me. I didn’t take any notes because I planned to let Chaunt’Elle, Holly, and Raj do most of the talking. This was Jenna’s idea. She is probably a genius as well. Chaunt’Elle was dramatically overprepared, with fake eyelashes, a carefully arranged messy ponytail, and a tight, low-cut shirt that said MCNUGZ, NOT DRUGZ. In what kind of world do sexy McNugz Club T-shirts not only exist but also receive a standing ovation from the entire school population?! Holly curled her hair and wore a T-shirt speckled with polka dot molecules. Raj looked clean and tidy in slacks and a dress shirt. I wore skinny jeans, lipstick, and an old T-shirt my dad got from the dentist with a graphic of a smiling tooth brushing its own teeth. Jenna and I agreed it’s very meta. My hair did its own thing, which was fine with me. I wonder if the others have managers as well. If they have strategies and wardrobes with philosophical significance and campaigns fueled by a burning desire for revenge.
The auditorium was packed, and the stage lights were hot and uncomfortable. Four podiums were arranged in a loose semicircle facing the audience. AP sat at a desk, looking professional with a lamp and pitcher of water next to his notebook. He took his time
introducing the show, the debate, each of us, the sponsors.
AP
First question. Why did each of you decide to come on the show in the first place?
RAJ
To win the car.
HOLLY
To challenge myself and overcome my shyness.
JS
For the glory. And the car.
CHAUNT’ELLE
To meet new people!
AP
Next question. What is the biggest obstacle you’ve had to face on the show?
RAJ
The swarms of adoring women.
HOLLY
Dealing with all the cameras and lack of privacy.
JS
Protecting my food, I guess.
CHAUNT’ELLE
I don’t know. Relationships?
AP
Let’s take a look at some of the highs and lows of the past six months.
AP played a ten-minute clip, showing everything from Chaunt’Elle crying for no apparent reason, to Marc flinching when the mini-fridge opened, to R washing dishes at midnight, to my face hitting the pavement, to Raj’s rage when he lost at Mario Kart, to a time lapse of Holly studying all night. After the clip, AP opened the floor to questions from the audience. I could tell he planned it out ahead of time—HOOcaps distributed mikes through the audience efficiently, one step ahead of the questions.
STUDENT 1
[to Chaunt’Elle]
What’s the deal with you and Marc?
CHAUNT’ELLE
It’s complicated. We’re friends.
STUDENT 1
How would you feel about competing against him, after he stabbed you in the back like that?
CHAUNT’ELLE
[flustered]
I don’t know. I mean, it’s just a game, but I still want to win. I hope we can be friends though. It’s just a game.
AP
Well said, Chaunt’Elle. It is indeed just a game. The lady in the back?
WOMAN
[to Holly]
Did your grades ever slip during your time on the show?
HOLLY
Not really.
WOMAN
How were you able to manage your time so well?
HOLLY
Discipline. And day planners.
I was impressed at how well Holly did in front of a crowd. Maybe the show was good for her, after all.
AP
The gentleman in the front row? What’s your question?
TOM(!)
It’s for Jane. Are you pissed that Robbie leaked your journal online?
I hadn’t seen Tom since before Bonnie left, I think. I had no idea he’d show up. I stood with my mouth hanging open for a while before I remembered how to respond.
JS
Yes.
TOM
I would never do that to you.
JS
Most people wouldn’t.
TOM
I’m not most people.
JS
Next question?
TOM
Is it true that Alexander Park’s sister has been helping you get back on the show?
JS
We’re friends, but she isn’t part of the show. Who gets back on is entirely up to the votes.
TOM
Sure.
SOMEONE ELSE
You don’t even have a high school diploma, Jane. What makes you prepared to take on a reality show?
JS
A diploma is just a piece of paper. It has nothing to do with me being prepared or not.
The questions went on for another ten minutes or so, and it was surprisingly exhausting. I was glad when AP moved on to closing remarks.
Holly, Raj, and Chaunt’Elle smiled and didn’t say anything unsafe. We expected that. Which was why Jenna had arranged for me to go last.
JS
I don’t care if you like me or not. And it doesn’t matter if you trust me. No one watches reality TV to see everyone get along. No one wants to see the nice guy finish first. You all want to see conflict. You want to see drama. You want arguments and hurt feelings and stupidity and tears. I don’t want back on the show because I think I’m a better person than everyone here. I’m not. I want back on the show because someone I cared about screwed me over, and I am going to do what it takes to make sure he doesn’t win. If that doesn’t make for good television, I don’t know what does.
I thought about thrusting a bloody sword into the air, shouting ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? to the roaring crowd. It’s hard to say how they reacted to my speech. The spotlights effectively blinded me, and the dull thump of my slightly drunk and adrenaline-fueled heart was all I could feel. AP thanked us and explained the voting procedure (open for five hours, one vote per registration, blah blah), and I’m pretty sure the audience cheered enthusiastically as we left the stage.
I felt like running a thousand kilometers while we waited, but I didn’t want to reappear onstage even more red-faced and sweaty than I already was. I wasn’t in the mood to face Tom and his inappropriate questions, so I left with Chaunt’Elle, Raj, and Holly. The four of us ended up hanging out at Denny’s, no cameras. We talked about everything other than the show. It was nice enough, but my stomach was too queasy to properly enjoy anything.
We walked onstage together, single file. The lights were brighter than I remembered, and I couldn’t see the audience, only hear them cheer. My palms were sweaty. Knees weak. Chaunt’Elle grabbed my hand and I grabbed hers back, and then we were all holding slick hands together. Terrified. AP let the crowd work themselves up while we stood there. Sweat trickled down my back, and I questioned every decision in my life that had brought me to where I was standing now. I felt like the entire world was looking at me.
I felt like an idiot.
Alexander Park called my name.
I wasn’t sure it meant what I thought it did until Chaunt’Elle hugged me and pushed me forward. The audience roared and the lights were relentless and my stomach couldn’t figure out where it wanted to be. I smiled.
Jenna was waiting for me backstage, grinning, arms reaching for me. Neither of us is a big fan of physical contact, but I wanted to hug her because a chance like this might never happen again. I threw up into a garbage can instead. I could still feel the crowd buzzing through every inch of my body. AP’s face filled a TV monitor next to me. I wondered how many thousands of people had just watched me on television, and I panicked. I closed my eyes and promised myself Netflix and chocolate and whatever else it took to get me through one more interview. The show has come a long way since the first YouTube webisodes.
Jenna, AP, and I had a celebratory glass of champagne at Jenna’s place tonight. It took me a while to stop shaking. But eventually I did, and I feel ready to move back in next week. I’m only mildly terrified now.
Relevant text from Bonnie: I never doubted you’d make it back on. Time to kick some ass.
MonJul25
I’ve been flooded with congratulatory emails and mild threats all day. I don’t care as much as I thought I would. I called the parents this evening when they got home from work. They were happy I called. I know they are still concerned, but they’d be concerned for me no matter what I did. I talked with Carol too, and she is full of youthful excitement and pride. Adorable.
TueJul26
Date night. Jenna won’t tell me who won—she wants me to be surprised. So does AP. They really are the same person sometimes. I’m not nervous. I’ve been ignoring this night for too long for it to feel real. I’m wearing the shirt with the graphic of my face and a light cardigan. I’m hoping it will encourage my date to not take me too seriously. I’m also wearing lipstick and very tight jeans because it is a date after all.