The Hard Way

by Katie Ashley

  When it came down to it, Maddie effortlessly gave her speech. And for one so shy, her voice echoed throughout the ‘God dome’ flawlessly. Of course, there was one part she did falter on. That was when she mentioned Jake. Several of us had gotten permission to wear black armbands in memory of him. His parents planned on attending, and his mom was going to accept his diploma during a special part of the service.

  In the end, the whole ceremony was a blur, and before I knew it, I was tossing up my cap with the rest of my classmates.

  I waded through the crowd towards my family. Showing a unified front, my mother and father were sitting together. My family took up about three rows considering both Alex and I and one of my other cousins, Brittany, were graduating.

  “Congratulations, Noah!” Mom shouted over the roar of the crowd. She hugged me to her and kissed me on the cheek.

  My dad was grinning behind her. “Way to go, son,” he said, sounding like the proud—rather than prodigal—father.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Across the aisle, I saw Josh. He beamed and waved at me. I waved back.

  “Ready to go eat?” Mom asked.

  “Sure,” I replied.

  At first, Mom had wanted to rent out a room at the country club to celebrate my graduation and my cousins. But Grammy wouldn’t hear of it. She’d been up since four am cooking, and we were all going to pile into her house like we did at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

  We partied long into the afternoon. My uncles had even allowed my dad to come, and I was glad to see him and my Uncle Mark talking like old times over steaming plates of fried chicken, green beans, corn, and okra. It was a surreal feeling seeing him sitting there. He was still working overtime to make things right between us. Although I knew he wanted to desperately, he hadn’t pushed me about bringing my step-mother or introducing me to my half-sisters who were seven and five. That was just going to have to wait. I was quite ready to go there yet.

  At four, Alex found me through the crowd. “It’s about time we left.”

  I nodded as that familiar feeling of grief fueled dread entered the pit of my stomach. “Hey Mom, we’re going to the cemetery now.”

  “Okay, sweetie.”

  Mrs. Nelson had asked for all of Jake’s friends to meet at Rolling Gardens around four. She was going to have Jake’s cap and gown along with his diploma sealed into the mausoleum, and she wanted his friends to be there for it.

  So Alex and I climbed into my Jeep and headed down the road. I couldn’t help shaking my head at how it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It should’ve been Alex and me riding along the highway with an inebriated post-graduation Jake. The corners of my lips curved up as I thought about how stoked he would’ve been to be finished with school. I could almost picture him standing up in the back, hanging precariously out the side of the Jeep and screaming at passing traffic like an idiot. But instead, the backseat was ominously quiet.

  FUCK! It shouldn’t have to be this way. We should have had the radio blaring, been singing along at the top of our lungs, with our futures burning bright ahead of us. Instead, only Alex and I had futures left. Once again, the burning ache raged its way through my chest, causing me to rub my heart over my shirt. “I think I’d rather be shot than have to go do this,” I admitted.

  “Yeah man, I know what you mean. I don’t know why there has to be so much shit in life you have to do when you don’t want to,” he mused.

  “I guess the closer we get to being adults, the more we’ll have to do it,” I said.

  “Maybe you’re right. It sure is a pisser though. I mean, your whole life you want to be older. Old enough to drive, to smoke, to drink, to graduate, and to go to college. Then when you finally make it, you find out it all kinda sucks!”

  I laughed. “You got that right.”

  There were already several cars at the cemetery. I wasn’t surprised to see Maddie and Pastor Dan. We’d talked about going, and I knew Pastor Dan was going to say a prayer.

  Mrs. Nelson smiled as she saw Alex and me walking up. Jason and Jonathan stood behind her, but Mr. Nelson wasn’t with her. Figured, that the Asshole wouldn’t come. He’d probably thought it was stupid idea.

  Once we were all gathered around the vault, Mrs. Nelson cleared her throat. “I just want to thank you guys for taking time out of your parties and celebrations to come be with us. I won’t have this opportunity again—I will imagine Jake graduating from college and how his life would have turned out, but it won’t be tangible. This diploma and robe are real. I especially want to thank Maddie for all the time she spent tutoring Jake. I don’t know if he would have made it without her. I want to thank all of you for being such wonderful friends to Jake. He loved you all, and we love you too.” As she began to choke up, she nodded to Pastor Dan.

  He smiled sadly and stepped forward. “If you’ll all bow your heads please,” he said. We obediently lowered our heads and waited for his voice to echo through the cemetery. After he finished, a chorus of “Amen’s” rang through the cemetery. Several of the girls including Maddie wiped the tears from their eyes. Jason and Jonathan took the cap and gown along with the diploma and gently eased them in beside Jake’s urn. Then a cemetery worker in a blue jumpsuit stepped forward. His nametag read ‘Earl’. He wiped his face on a red bandana and then started sealing the vault back up.

  We all stood around in reverent silence for a few minutes. Mrs. Nelson nodded and turned to us. “Thank you all again for coming. We love you.” She motioned for Jason and Jonathan. They both took one of her arms and led her down the hillside to the car. I exhaled noisily with relief.

  “Tough day, huh?” Maddie questioned behind me.

  When I whirled around, she once again took my breath away. Her long dark hair cascaded in waves over her shoulders almost to her waist. I had to hold back from reaching over and running my fingers through it. Her dark eyes held a sadness that only I could fully understand. “Yeah, it’s been a rollercoaster for sure. You hanging in there?”

  She nodded.

  I smiled. “By the way, you did a great job on your speech today.”

  “Thanks. I was afraid I would choke up,” Maddie said, with a grin.

  “Nah, I knew you’d do great.”

  We were interrupted by Blaine. “Hey, Noah. Hi, Maddie,” he said.

  “Hi,” we both echoed.

  Blaine turned to me. “Listen man, I’m having a bon voyage party tonight. I’d really like to see you there.”

  I eyed Maddie before I said, “I don’t know. I mean, we’re leaving for Rio on Sunday morning. I have a lot to do…”

  Blaine snorted. “Yeah, I know, but that’s why you really have to come.” He glanced over at Maddie. “Duh, where are my manners? You should come, too, Maddie.”

  She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

  Blaine grinned. “Yeah, why not? You can make up for lost time.” When Maddie gave him a blank look, he said, “You know for all the times Jake invited you to our parties and you never came.”

  Maddie nodded. “Thanks, Blaine.”

  “So I’ll see you two at my house?” he asked.

  “Um, yeah, maybe,” I replied.

  “Good deal, man.” He snaked his arm around Maddie’s shoulder, and I stiffened. “Listen pretty lady. Noah doesn’t sound too convinced, so I’m trusting you’ll work your sweet magic on him and get his boring ass to the party.”

  Maddie laughed. “Okay, I’ll try.”

  “Awesome! See you guys later!”

  When Blaine was out of earshot, I threw a wary glance at Maddie. “You aren’t serious about wanting to go, are you?”

  “Yeah, I think I am.”

  I sighed. “Do you even know what goes on at Blaine’s parties? It isn’t Bible Study and worship music.”

  Maddie shot me a death glare. “I didn’t think it was, Noah.”

  “I just don’t think you’d like it, that’s all.”

  “Well, I think I would,” she countered. She sto
od before me with her arms folded across her chest, a determined look etched on her face.

  “But why now after all these years?”

  “Because I want to have a little fun, okay? Today is graduation day. Four years of working my tail off to earn the coveted Valedictorian spot. Doesn’t that earn me the right to party a little?”

  I scratched the back of my neck. “Well, maybe.”

  Maddie barreled on. “Plus, I’m leaving for a month of missionary work on Sunday, and in case you didn’t notice, I’m standing in the cemetery where we just interred Jake’s cap and gown. I think I could use some down time.”

  “We could go for ice cream,” I suggested.

  She gave me a truly heinous look. “All I’m asking for is one time, Noah. One time to say I actually attended a high school party.”

  I groaned. “If you seriously want to go, I’ll take you.”

  She grinned. “Good. I’ll tell my dad.”

  “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! You can’t tell your dad you’re going to a party at Blaine’s. He’ll never let you out of his sight.”

  “Duh, I realize that. I’m going to tell him you’re taking me to the movies, and then I’m going to spend the night with Mandy.”

  My eyes widened in horror. “You’re going to lie to Pastor Dan about where you’re going?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about that speech you gave me awhile back about them trusting you and all?” I shook my head in disbelief. “I think I’ve corrupted you or something.” Although a large portion of me was doing a fist pump of pride at Maddie’s new rebellious behavior, the other part felt horrible that it was because of me that she wanted to do some naughty things. I mean, she’d definitely been making an impact on me for the better, but I shouldn’t be leading her astray.

  Maddie laughed at my expression. “Noah, I don’t think one little white lie isn’t going to kill me!”

  “It’s not just a white lie. What about the other night at karaoke?”

  Her eyes widened in horror. “You promised not to ever mention that!”

  “I’m not mentioning it…I’m just reminding you,” I replied, lamely.

  Maddie shook her head. “I don’t need reminding.” She glanced over to where her father stood. “I’ll meet you back here in just a minute, okay?”

  With a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, I watched her practically skip away—the virginal good girl off to lie to her holy father. Oh, shit, this couldn’t be good.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The party started just after dark and conveniently after Mr. and Mrs. Johnson left for the airport. When I parked the Jeep, I glanced over at Maddie. “I just want to prepare you for some of the things you’re gonna see tonight.”

  “I’m not a baby, Noah,” she snapped.

  “Okay, okay,” I muttered as I hopped out of the Jeep. She may have been putting on a brave front, but she would see. I’d just wait to see her reaction when a couple started going at it in front of her and naked people were running around. Then she’d be singing a different tune.

  We’d barely made it to the bonfire by the pond before Callie, the girl who I dated most of 10th grade, thrust two beers in our hands. “It’s so good to see you, Noah,” she slurred.

  “Um, yeah, good seeing you too.”

  Although she was standing with her latest flame, Callie inched closer to me. “Man, we had some good times together, didn’t we?”

  I shifted nervously on my feet—scared of what direction the conversation might be headed in. “Yeah, we did.”

  Running her finger down my chest, Callie shopped at the waistband of my shorts. “Do you remember that camping trip when we went skinny dipping, and we got all those splinters from screwing on Old Man Bradford’s dock?”

  Maddie squeaked beside me, and I knew it was time to get the hell out of there. “Yeah, good seeing you,” I muttered before taking Maddie’s arm and leading her away. Once we put enough distance between Callie and the ghosts of my sexual past, I turned to Maddie. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay,” she murmured. She was eying the plastic cup in her hand suspiciously.

  “You don’t have to drink anything tonight.”

  She eyed me before downing half the cup. “Refreshing,” she replied, her body shuddering as the alcohol hit her stomach.

  I rolled my eyes. “Come on,” I said. Even in their drunken stupor, kids were shocked to see Maddie at the party. One guy stopped us. “Hey, I know you,” he slurred. “You’re that smart girl. What the hell are you doing here?”

  Before I could say anything, Maddie stepped forward. “I was invited.”

  The guy raised his eyebrows. “Cool. Wanna another beer?”

  “Sure,” Maddie replied.

  “Awesome!” he said. He glanced at me before giving Maddie a seductive grin. “If you’re not with him, maybe we could go somewhere and talk?”

  Maddie shook her head furiously from side to side. “No, no, we’re definitely together.” At her declaration, my brows shot up in surprise. She smiled sweetly at the drunken asshat before replying, “Thanks for the beer.” She quickly pulled me away.

  “So we’re together huh?” I questioned.

  Tilting her head, she replied, “It’s the truth, isn’t it? I mean, I did come here with you.”

  I bobbed my head while fighting not to say, Yeah, but that’s not exactly what I hoped your statement meant.

  After she took two long, lingering sips, I sighed. “Uh, don’t you think you need to take it a little slow—you know considering you’ve never had alcohol before?”

  “I’ll be fine,” she snapped, shooting me an exasperated expression.

  When I saw Presley cutting through the crowd towards me, I cringed. I’d avoided her at all costs since that night at her house, but it looked like I wasn’t going to be able to get away this time.

  She smiled hesitantly at me. “Noah, can I talk to you?”

  The usual plastic cup was missing from her hand, and there was an unusual sincerity in her voice. I glanced over at Maddie. “Um, I guess so. But only for a minute.” As I started into the brush with Presley, I turned back to Maddie. “Stay right here, okay?”

  “Fine.”

  I followed Presley further into the woods. When she deemed we were far enough from prying eyes, she stopped. She glanced up at me through her eyelashes, and I swallowed hard. “Presley, I came out here to talk and nothing else. Do you understand?”

  She snorted. “Believe me, I don’t want to do anything with you but talk!”

  “Fine, then start talking.”

  Presley bit her lip momentarily before blurting, “I’m pregnant.”

  The world titled around me before spinning wildly in a crazy mosaic of colors like Willy Wonka on crack. I knew I wasn’t panicking because there was a possibility I was the father. It was the realization of who the father most likely was.

  “Say what?”

  Presley rolled her eyes. “You heard me the first time before you spazzed!”

  “Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to hear it again to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating or something.”

  “Fine. I’m pregnant, dickweed. Can you comprehend that now?”

  “Loud and clear.”

  Presley’s expression softened. “So…”

  “Is it….?”

  She nodded.

  I’ll admit that there was a small part of me that was pretty skeptical. I mean, we’re talking about the school mattress here. “Um, are you absolutely sure?”

  At my question, I expected her to be outraged and haul off and knock the shit out of me. But she seemed to anticipate it. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure. We were exclusively together the entire month of March, which is when I got pregnant.”

  I held up my hands in surrender. “Okay, excuse me for sounding like a giant douchebag here, but considering your reputation, do you really expect me to believe without a doubt that Jake is your baby’s father?”

  Presley narrow
ed her eyes at me, and I took a step back in case she hauled off and knocked the hell out of me. “I will be happy to do a DNA test for you and any other assholes who want to doubt me, but there’s no way in hell that it is anyone else’s but Jake’s.”

  “Holy shit,” I murmured as I staggered back on my feet. Jake was going to be a father. The thought made me feel lightheaded. “So what do you want to do? I mean, do you wanna have it or have an abortion?”

  “No, I want to keep it,” she replied.

  That was pretty shocking considering Presley wasn’t exactly the maternal type. It was kinda like Paris Hilton, minus the Chihuahua, standing before me telling me she was dropping off the social scene to raise a kid.

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “Yes, I’m positive.”

  “Wow…” I murmured.

  “Noah, I might have had a funny way of showing it, but I did love Jake. He’s the only guy I’ve truly loved with my heart—not just my body.” She slowly rested her right hand on her stomach and smiled. “Don’t you see how amazing this is? I’ve got a little piece of immortality growing within me—a part of Jake will live on through this baby.”

  My jaw dropped open, and I stared at her in disbelief. Seriously, had the world gone freaking crazy? The ultimate good girl, Maddie, had just begged me to come to a keg party and was now slightly inebriated. The ultimate man-whore and horse’s ass, Jake, had actually had a soft side. Now the reigning school slut had turned into a motherhood worshipper like Angelina Jolie.

  And me? I didn’t even want to begin on the wacked out rollercoaster of realizations I’d been through. Hell, I’d even become a hopeless romantic in love with “love” and the good girl. Jesus, it was too much.

  “Have you told Jake’s parents yet?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “No, I wanted to wait until I was out of the first trimester. You know, in case something happened. I didn’t think they could bear losing Jake and his baby too.”

  “That was thoughtful of you,” I mused.