Wrecker

by Winter Travers

  He grumbled but didn’t back out of our deal.

  I wiped the first table then called to Bos. “Do we have a blender I can borrow for the night? The one in my trunk busted.”

  *

  Wrecker

  “When you gonna be back?”

  I swung my leg over my bike and looked back at Pipe and Maniac. “Not sure. Probably a few days.” It was Thursday, and while I loved being on the bike, driving back and forth to Weston every day wasn’t something I wanted to do. Especially when I didn’t start the drive back to Kales Corners ‘til after seven. I wouldn’t be back to Alice ‘til after nine, and I knew she was going to be halfway in the bag by the time I knocked on the door.

  Though she had told me she had plans tonight and wasn’t going to be home.

  “You’re really not gonna tell us what the hell you are up to?” Pipe asked.

  “Hadn’t planned on it, but you might be able to help me with something, Pipe.” I didn’t like to ask for help, but if Pipe gave me some information about Kales Corners, it would cut down on the time I would waste looking for Alice if she wasn’t home.

  “What do you need?” he asked.

  “What is there to do in Kales Corners?”

  His brow furrowed, and his jaw dropped.

  Maniac laughed and shook his head. “Fucking knew it when I heard you went to check on Alice.”

  “Knew what?” I growled.

  “That you were going to fall for her crazy ass.”

  “I didn’t fall for anyone.” I hadn’t been able to hit Boink when he was giving me shit on the phone before, but now it looked like Maniac was going to be on the receiving end of my fist.

  “Well, you at least fell into bed with her and can’t seem to find your way out,” Maniac quipped.

  I moved to get off my bike, but Pipe stepped in front of Maniac and folded his arms over his chest. “Try The Bar and save your fists from getting bloodied by hitting Maniac.”

  “Give me a name for the bar and I’ll consider not pummeling Maniac’s face.”

  Pipe chuckled. “I did.”

  “It’s called The Bar?”

  “Never said Kales Corners was known for its originality.” Pipe stepped back into Maniac, bumping him toward to the clubhouse. “I’ll keep an eye on everything while you handle your shit.”

  “Try not to make a pile of shit I have to deal with when I’m back.” I cranked up the bike, still itching to knock Maniac out. “I’ll keep track of Boink, though.” There wasn’t any reason to add more people into The Ultra than needed. They all knew what was going on, but I still didn’t want anyone else to get involved unless they absolutely needed to be.

  Pipe nodded. “Got it.”

  I drove away from the clubhouse with a little less weight on my shoulders knowing I didn’t have to worry about anything in Weston. Everyone was up to speed about what was going on, and if need be, they could step in to help when it came time.

  Now, they also knew what I was doing. I knew within the hour, everyone in the club was going to know I was in Kales Corners with Alice. Give it another hour after that, and all the chicks would know too.

  Though, they weren’t going to know much because I wasn’t even sure what I was doing.

  *

  Chapter 8

  Alice

  “I don’t mean to alarm you, Bos, but I think we might be getting arrested.”

  Bos looked up from the pool table. “What in the hell are you talking about, woman?”

  I watched Mark Allen walk through the front door of The Bar with Kales Corners’ finest behind him. “Well, I may or may not have made a pit stop outside when I went to bathroom.”

  “And what the hell did you do on this pit stop?” he demanded.

  I grimaced when Mark pointed at me. “I wanted to test a theory.”

  “Woman,” Bos thundered. “You better stop talking in circles and tell me just what your crazy ass did.”

  I leaned across the pool table. “I may or may not have drawn a huge dick on a certain car’s windshield.”

  “With what?”

  This is where I might have broken the law, but I blame the margaritas that Reierson was blending up behind the bar. He was making them strong, and when I had too much tequila, I got a little crazy. On top of the crazy I normally was. So, I was uber crazy Alice when I was on margaritas. “Um, a can of spray paint I found.”

  “Where in the hell do you find a can of spray paint in a bar?” he thundered. “I didn’t know I had to follow your every damn move when I agreed to go out with you. If I would have known that, I would have stayed home with Mazie so she could clip my toenails.”

  I wrinkled my nose and grimaced. “Ew, Bos. Totally TMI.”

  “I think my TMI toenails don’t have nothing on the fact that you’re about to get arrested for tagging someone’s car.”

  It wasn’t just someone. It was Mark Allen. The same guy I had locked in my trunk before I went on a joy ride in a bumpy ass field making sure I hit every bump and rut. “We.”

  Bos shook his head. “Ain’t no goddamn ‘we’ in this, woman.”

  “You’re just gonna abandon me? Our motto is ‘no woman left behind,’ Bos. You can’t abandon ship when the seas start getting rough.” I closed my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest. “They’re behind me, aren’t they?”

  Bos stood up slowly. “Evening, gentlemen.”

  “We’re going to need a talk with Ms. Dorman.”

  Damn. No introduction. No hello. All the niceties were forgone when you broke the law.

  “What about? We’ve just been enjoying a few beverages and playing a couple games of pool tonight.”

  “I think that’s something we need to discuss outside.”

  That voice sounded familiar. “Mike Billy?” I stood up and turned around slowly.

  “It’s Officer Mackson now.”

  A grin slowly spread across my lips. “That’s not what I called you when we were behind the old mill ma—”

  His cheeks turned beet red and even the tips of his ears colored a pretty shade of pink. “That was a long time ago, Alice. A time that we don’t need to revisit.” He tried to talk with authority, but it was just laughable. The last time I had seen Officer Mackson, he had been speeding away from my house embarrassed as hell from the fact he had gotten a little too excited when we had been in the backseat of his Caprice. He had a wet crotch, and I had tears streaming down my face because it had been funny as hell.

  Now, the tables had turned. Well, I didn’t have a wet crotch, but you got the point.

  Mike still looked the same, except now, he was wearing a dark blue police uniform that was ill-fitted and looked to be one size too big.

  “If we could go outside where it’s a bit quieter, that would be good.”

  I glanced over at the other officer and smiled. I had no idea who he was, but that might have to do with the fact that he looked to be about thirteen. “I haven’t finished my margarita.” As if that was going to stop them from arresting me.

  “Pretty sure you’ve had enough to drink, Alice.”

  Oh, Mark Allen. He was never able to keep his fucking mouth shut. “Last I checked, I didn’t ask you, Marky.” That would have been a much better delivery if I hadn’t slurred “ask” and “you” together. Damn you, tequila.

  “Just head out with them, Alice. Ain’t nothing going to happen.” Bos walked around the pool table and laid his cue on the felt top. “You didn’t do nothing wrong, darlin’.”

  Pfft, that was a damn lie, but since Bos sounded so convincing, I was going to roll with it.

  I did a curtsy and nodded to the door. “Shall we?” I led the way out the door with the two cops, Mark Allen, and Bos following. This was a scene I never thought would happen. I’m sure to everyone at the bar, they weren’t surprised to see it, though. I was Crazy Alice, after all.

  “Look, the sun went down,” I announced when I pushed the door open.

  “That’s what happens at night,�
� Bos pointed out.

  “Such a smart man,” I cooed. I sat down on the curb in front of The Bar.

  “You should know that it’s dark out since you were out here drawing a dick on my windshield!” Mark screamed.

  He was always so overdramatic.

  Officer No-Name put his hand on Mark’s chest and pushed him back two steps. “Calm down, Mr. Allen. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  Someone really needed to check this guy’s ID because I honestly didn’t think he was old enough to drive, let alone be upholding the law in Kales Corners. “Can I see some ID?” There I was again, opening my mouth when I knew I should keep it shut.

  Bos nudged my ass with his foot. “Shut the hell up, woman.”

  I twisted around and looked up at him. “Like you aren’t thinking that kid wasn’t just sucking on his mama’s titty before he came here.”

  Bos’ head snapped up at the sound of a loud bike pulling into the parking lot. “Looks like one of your motorcycle guys are coming to save you.”

  “What?” I slurred. I turned to the parking lot and about peed my pants when I saw Wrecker pull up directly in front of me. Maybe I was going to have a wet crotch by the time this was over.

  Mike Billy stood in front of me, blocking the view of Wrecker. He pulled a small notebook out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Name.”

  I blinked slowly. “Huh?”

  “What is your name?” he enunciated slowly.

  “I had my tongue down your throat ten years ago, Mike Billy. My name hasn’t changed since then.”

  Bos chuckled and sat down on the curb next to me.

  I leaned to the right and saw Wrecker had gotten off his bike and was now standing a couple feet behind Mike Billy, listening. “Hey, Beardilocks.” I gave him a jaunty wave and what I thought was a sexy smile but I’m pretty sure it bordered on the line of Jokeresque.

  “Name, Alice,” Mike Billy demanded, snapping me out of my greeting to Wrecker.

  “I’m the drunk one, and even I know how ridiculous you just sounded asking me name while you said me name.”

  “My,” Bos whispered. Maybe he was a good wingman after all. He might have to be an honorary member of the Girl Gang.

  “This is protocol. Please just answer his question.” This was from Officer No-Name.

  “Name,” Mike Billy repeated.

  “Boobs McGee.”

  Bos huffed next to me, and I was pretty sure Officer No-Name smiled.

  “Name.”

  “Phil McCracken.” I leaned to the side and was pretty sure behind that sexy beard, Wrecker was smiling.

  “Name,” Mike Billy screeched. He stabbed his pen into the notepad and gave a little growl.

  “Do you need a Xanax? I don’t have any but I know where yo—”

  Bos elbowed me in the side and shook his head. “Shut it, woman.”

  Probably telling the cop where he could get some drugs wasn’t the best idea. If only my brain would have figured that out before I opened my mouth. “The Walgreens over in Marlton has them. But only if you have a subscription.”

  “Prescription.” Thank God for Bos.

  “Prescription. That’s totally what I meant.”

  “Can I ask what’s going on here?” Wrecker stepped next to Mike Billy. He towered over him, and the sheer bulkiness of him completely dwarfed Mike Billy.

  Mike Billy looked over and had to tilt his head back to look Wrecker in the face and not his chest. “Not sure what it has to do with you, sir.” Mike Billy sounded like he went through puberty in that one sentence.

  “Everything has to do with Beardilocks.” I hiccuped and leaned against Bos. The tequila was running rampant through me now, and my filter was gone. “He’s the president of the world.” See, no filter. I closed my eyes and willed myself to shut up.

  “She drew an erect penis on my car!”

  A loopy smile spread across my lips. “I forgot you were here, Mark Allen. Thank God, you used your womanly voice to pipe up.”

  Bos’ body shook with laughter under my head. “I’d correct you by saying manly, but you were right on with womanly.”

  “And, for the record, would we be having this little…whatever this is, if I had drawn a flaccid cock on your car?” He should be thankful it was a hard cock and not a soft Jello-y one.

  “What car?” Wrecker asked.

  Mark pointed to his car. His piece of shit car, by the way.

  Wrecker walked over to it and swiped his finger through the shaft. “It’s still wet,” he announced.

  “That’s what she said.” Please let that have been said inside my head.

  Bos bent over wheezing with laughter, and even Mike Billy let a smile slip.

  Wrecker walked over to his bike, grabbed a white cloth, and stalked back to the car. He wiped the windshield and then held up the rag. “It’s gone. Nothing happened.” He tossed the rag at Mark, then stood in front of me and reached out his hand.

  “I think I’m being arrested.”

  “You can’t be arrested when there isn’t any evidence.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the curb.

  “The evidence is right here,” Mark screeched, holding up the rag which now looked like a shirt.

  Bos pointed his finger at Mark. “Arrest him, officers. He’s holding the evidence.”

  Wrecker hauled me over to his bike. He grabbed a helmet from his bag and set it on my head. “Snap that on, babe.”

  “We were in the middle of questioning her,” Mike Billy said. He reached for my arm, but Wrecker stood in front of me.

  “I’m not sure why you are pinning this on her. Did she confess to doing it?” Wrecker demanded.

  “Well, no,” Mike Billy sputtered. “But we have reason to believe that Alice would have done it.”

  Wrecker turned to look at me. “You do it?”

  I shook my head. “I can barely walk a straight line, let alone draw a stellar penis.”

  “Stellar?” Bos called.

  I leaned around Wrecker to look at Bos. “I totally meant that. Did you see how awesome that dick looked?”

  Bos nodded. “Guess it was a pretty good dick.” His eyes bugged out, and he stood up. “I need to get the hell out of here. Saying shit I never thought I would,” he muttered. “You taking her home?” he asked Wrecker.

  Wrecker nodded. “I got her.”

  “Later, Crazy.” Bos gave me a two-finger salute and headed in the direction of his house on foot.

  “Never thought I would like that ol’ man, but here I am, liking his old ass.”

  “Heard that,” he yelled from the sidewalk.

  “What are we going to do about my car?”

  Ugh, back to Mark Allen. Stuffing him in my trunk was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Too bad it seemed like I was forever going to have to deal with him being a bitch about everything.

  “Your car is fine,” Wrecker growled.

  I had to appreciate the fact Wrecker was here to save the day. Pretty sure I would have wound up in the back of a police car if it hadn’t been for him. I ducked back behind Wrecker and tried to fasten my helmet. This was going to take all of my concentration.

  “I hate to admit it, but he's right. We didn’t know she had done it in the first place, and now that everything has been cleaned up, there isn’t anything else to do.” Mike Billy flipped his tiny notebook shut and stuck it in his chest pocket.

  “Knew I always liked you, Mike Billy,” I muttered. I had both ends of the buckle in my hand and stuck my tongue out to up my concentration on getting them together.

  “Why do you call him that?” Officer No-Name asked.

  “‘Cause it’s his name.” I tried to join the two ends together and missed stunningly. “Take two,” I whispered.

  “It is not my name,” Mike Billy insisted.

  I took a deep breath and peeked around Wrecker at him. “You were okay with me calling you that while you ca—”

  “Stop!” he shouted. “My name is Michael W
illiam. Not Mike Billy.”

  Wrecker laughed. At least, I’m pretty sure that was what the noise was I heard come from him. Also, his mammoth shoulders gave a little shake. He had to have laughed. Score one for drunk Alice.

  “Now everyone be quiet. I’m hunting bunny wabbits.” I tried to get the two ends together but was yet again fouled by the damn thing.

  “Did she just say she was hunting bunny wabbits?” Office No-Name asked.

  “With Alice, you get used to her weird real quick,” Mike Billy quipped.

  “That’s Boobs McGee to you, Mike Billy.” I held the ends of the strap up close to my nose. “Time for you two bastards to meet and get it on.”

  Wrecker turned around, grabbed the ends from me, and snapped them together. “I’d like to get home tonight, babe.” He looked down at me with a smile peeking out from his beard.

  Wow. Beardilocks wasn’t pissed off at me. From the glint in his eye, he seemed rather happy. “You have the whitest teeth I have ever seen.” Yeah, I was a real charmer.

  “Thanks, babe. Now get on the bike and try not to fall off.”

  Seemed like a simple enough task. I patted him on the shoulder. “I so got this. Is it okay if I touch your handlebar?” It was an innocent question, but it also sounded like a dirty innuendo that I would have said. “I mean your actual handlebar.” My eyes dropped to his crotch. “Not that handlebar.”

  “I got you, babe.”

  “Not that I wouldn’t touch your handlebar if I had permission.” My God. I just couldn’t stop. “If the Earth could open up right now and swallow me, that would be great,” I whispered.

  Wrecker leaned close and pressed his lips to my ear. “You always have permission.”

  Jumping Jehoshaphat. Even in my drunken mind, I knew Wrecker had very blatantly flirted with me. “Uh, good to know.” I cringed and spun around to face his bike.

  “We’ll be heading home tonight, officers. Thanks for taking care of Alice for me ‘til I got here. It’s good to know Kales Corners has such a thorough and understanding police department that doesn’t jump to conclusions without all the facts.”