My Favorite Cowboy

by Donna Grant

  “Goddamn it, Caleb. Why didn’t you ever tell me or Abby?”

  “Why? What good would it have done? We all had our shit to carry.”

  Brice tossed aside his hat and ran a hand through his hair as he turned away. He spun back to face Caleb. “I understand things about you better now. Had Abby and I known earlier, we could have helped.”

  “There was nothing anyone could do.” Caleb clapped his brother on the shoulder as he walked past. “At least Audrey is safe now. Patty is in custody and will be charged, and thanks to you shooting Zeke, we have the other men, as well.”

  “Should you have stayed with Audrey?”

  Caleb didn’t stop on his way to the bathroom. “She didn’t want me there.”

  He pulled off his sweat-soaked shirt and wadded it up to throw it aside. Then he paused, looking at it, knowing it was the last thing he’d worn that Audrey had touched. He’d never look at the shirt the same way again.

  And every time he wore it, he would think about her.

  He’d be thinking of her for the rest of his life—right up until his last breath.

  “You shouldn’t give up on her.”

  Caleb jumped and whirled around to glare at his brother, who stood with his hands on the doorjamb. “What the hell, Brice? I thought you’d gone.”

  “You’re not going to get by without replying.”

  “She made it very obvious that she doesn’t want me. I’ve had so many women beg and plead with me to try and change my mind. It’s a horrible experience. I didn’t want to do that to her.”

  Brice cocked his head to the side. “What if it would’ve made a difference?”

  “Then I would’ve gotten on my knees and said whatever she needed to hear.”

  “I know you well enough to say that if you don’t try with her again, you’ll regret it, always. She’s your match in every way. If you love her, don’t give up on her.”

  He didn’t say anything as Brice walked away. It was only after the front door closed that Caleb realized he hadn’t asked how his brother and Naomi were handling things.

  Caleb threw the shirt into a corner and turned on the shower.

  Chapter 36

  “You’ve lost your ever-loving mind,” Maddy said as she paced back and forth.

  Audrey couldn’t disagree. She still didn’t know why she hadn’t stopped Caleb before he left her house. Every word that fell from his lips struck her right in the heart—and it terrified her.

  Now, three days later, she could still see Caleb standing in the kitchen, still hear the pleading in his voice as he spoke. She could still see the hope in his eyes.

  Maddy stopped in front of her, causing the image Audrey had created of Caleb to vanish. She blinked and focused on her sister’s angry face.

  “You had the thing you’ve been searching for,” Maddy said, her voice laced with frustration and a bit of ire. “The love you read about, one that you thought would never find you. Well, it did.”

  Audrey pushed the uneaten food away. She couldn’t stand the smell of it right now. “You don’t know that.”

  Maddy snorted loudly. “You haven’t slept properly since you stayed the night with Caleb. You haven’t eaten in three days, and don’t think I haven’t seen you repeatedly filling your wine glass. You haven’t even been to work, despite being cleared by the police. Nor have you returned any of the messages people have left for you to see to their horses.”

  “Stop,” Audrey mumbled.

  But Maddy shifted so that she stayed in Audrey’s line of sight. “Face it, sis. You’re primetime, one hundred percent in love with Caleb Harper.”

  Audrey stood and pushed passed Maddy. She couldn’t hear any more from her sister because it was the same things she’d been saying to herself.

  “Why did you let him leave?” Maddy asked, following her.

  Audrey stopped as she entered her bedroom. She turned and grabbed the doorframe. “Because I’m terrified of letting myself love him,” she said and closed the door.

  * * *

  Comfortably numb.

  That’s what Caleb had been for three days thanks to his stock of prime bourbon. He hadn’t left his house or answered his phone—although he looked each time it buzzed to see if it was Audrey.

  And every time it wasn’t her name on his screen, another dagger pierced his already shattered heart.

  He’d even barred the doors so that his interfering family and friends couldn’t get in.

  Persistent banging pulled him from slumber. He pushed up on his hands and winced at the pounding in his head.

  “Fuck,” he murmured and rubbed his eyes.

  The knocking intensified.

  “I’m coming!” Caleb shouted as he rolled into a seated position on the bed.

  Whether whoever banged on his door heard him or not, they didn’t let up. He stood, swaying before he stumbled out of his bedroom.

  Caleb used the walls to hold himself up as he squinted and shuffled to the door. The closer he got, the louder the pounding became, making his head feel as if it were going to explode.

  “If you don’t stop, I’m going to shoot you,” he growled.

  Immediately, the knocking ceased. Caleb pressed his head against the door then looked through the peephole. The bright sunlight that met his eye felt like a needle to his brain and caused him to jerk back.

  “Who is it?” he demanded.

  “Your brother and sister,” Abby stated.

  Caleb heard the anger in Abby’s voice. In fact, he was surprised that it had taken her this long to try and talk to him. “Go away.”

  “Open the fucking door before I break it down,” Brice threatened.

  Caleb leaned a hand on the wall and squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Give me a few hours, and I’ll come see y’all.”

  “It’s going to be now,” Abby replied.

  Caleb straightened and shook his head. “No.”

  He turned and took three steps before his door was kicked in. When he spun around, he had to lift his hand to shield his eyes from the light that seared his retinas. “What the fuck?”

  “I warned you,” Brice said as he walked past.

  Abby gave Caleb a shove. “Get some clothes on. And why the hell does it look like it’s night in here?”

  “He lowered the blinds.”

  Caleb lifted his head at the sound of Clayton’s voice. Damn. So much for it just being Abby and Brice. Now, Caleb had to deal with his brother-in-law, as well.

  “Ugh. I’ve never seen the place so dirty,” Naomi said.

  Caleb rolled his eyes. If he thought he could make it to his room, he’d head there immediately. But it was all he could do to stand upright. Apparently, he’d drunk much more than he realized.

  Of course, it didn’t help that he hadn’t had any food in … he’d lost track of exactly when he’d last eaten.

  “We got this.”

  Caleb squeezed his eyes closed when he heard Jace’s voice. And if he was there, so was Cooper.

  Caleb was unceremoniously grabbed by the arms and dragged into his bathroom. He opened his eyes long enough to see that it was his friends. He didn’t even have time to try and break free as they threw him into an ice-cold shower.

  Which sobered him immediately.

  Caleb glowered at the duo from beneath the spray. “One day, I’ll pay each of you back for this.”

  His friends weren’t smiling. Jace turned and walked away.

  Cooper ducked his head for a moment then met Caleb’s gaze through the glass. “We’ll be waiting in the living room.”

  When he was alone, Caleb removed his briefs and threw the soggy underwear into the sink. He turned up the heat and scrubbed himself. By the time he dried off, the headache no longer made his stomach sour, but it still throbbed in time to his heartbeat.

  Caleb put on a pair of jeans and the first shirt he found before he walked out of his room to find the others sitting solemnly in the living room and kitc
hen. He looked around at the six individuals who made up his family.

  Naomi couldn’t sit still. She picked up empty liquor bottles and trash. As she straightened, she was the first to see him. There was a wealth of pain in her chestnut eyes that might never go away. It was the same anguish he saw in Brice’s gaze.

  “There you are,” Abby said as she brought Caleb a mug of coffee.

  He accepted it but didn’t bring it to his lips. “If you’re here because you think I’m going to do something stupid, I assure you, that’s not the case. I just need some time.”

  “That’s not it,” Brice murmured.

  Caleb looked around, but no one volunteered any information. “Then I think someone needs to tell me what’s going on.”

  Clayton took Abby’s hand and gave it a squeeze. It was a small gesture, but one Caleb had seen him do a thousand times. It was Clayton’s way of giving Abby courage to do or say something she found difficult.

  Caleb suddenly had an uneasy feeling. He didn’t want to know what it was they had all come to say, because it couldn’t be good if all six were there.

  “Don’t,” Caleb told Abby.

  She drew in a breath. “You need to know.”

  It had to do with Audrey, Caleb was sure of it. The thought that she was hurt—or worse—was too much. He held up a hand. “Don’t say another word.”

  “It’s about Mom,” Abby said at the same time.

  Caleb felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach. In a heartbeat, his panic turned to fury. “Then you’ve all wasted your time. I don’t want to hear another word about Helen.”

  “She’s dying,” Brice said.

  Caleb pointed to the door that hung by one hinge. “Get out. All of you.”

  Naomi walked to him and simply hugged him. She said nothing, and it was her lack of words that touched him. Her embrace told him that she understood his hurt and was there for him, but that she stood with the others. Then, his sister-in-law walked out.

  Jace rose and came to Caleb. “Hear them out. Please.”

  Cooper was next. He nervously ran a hand over his jaw. “You may not be my brother by blood, but you’re still family. Understand that everything we do is because we love you.”

  No sooner had they walked away than Clayton took their place. He put a big hand on Caleb’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’m not going to pretend to know what you’ve gone through, but if you want a future, you have to put this behind you.”

  “It is,” Caleb ground out.

  Clayton’s lips twisted ruefully. “You and I both know that for the lie it is.” He gave Caleb’s shoulder another squeeze before looking over his own at Abby and following the others.

  Caleb walked to the sink and set the mug on the counter. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  “No, you don’t,” Abby said.

  Caleb faced her. “You’re going to tell me that I have to say goodbye to the woman who left us.”

  Abby shook her head. Her blue eyes were red from crying. “I wish you had told me that you tried to stop Mom from leaving. I hate that you’ve carried that around all these years alone.”

  Caleb shrugged because there was nothing to say.

  “You think because she left that you did something wrong.” Abby walked to him and cupped his face in her hands. “You weren’t the problem. None of us were. She was. You are kind and generous and loved more than you could ever know. Never forget that. Never,” she said, emphasizing the word.

  Caleb felt emotion choking him. He gave her a nod because words wouldn’t come.

  Abby smiled at him and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Then she quietly walked from the house.

  “I think she practices what to say to bring us to our knees,” Brice said into the silence that followed.

  Caleb was grateful for the respite of brevity, but it was just for a moment. “They left you for last?”

  “We didn’t plan any of this, though I told them it wouldn’t work.”

  “Is this where you convince me to go see Helen?”

  Brice sighed as he rose from the barstool. “I’d planned on it. Abby and Clayton saw her two days ago. The hospital notified them when Helen was brought in via ambulance. Someone found her unresponsive at the motel and called 911. Yesterday, Abby and Clayton brought the kids to meet her.”

  “I wouldn’t have.”

  Brice shrugged. “I don’t think I would have either, but it wasn’t my call.”

  “Did you go see her?”

  “Yeah.”

  Caleb wasn’t surprised. His brother was the most forgiving out of all of them. “And?”

  Brice blew out a breath. “She has cancer. The doctor’s say her body is riddled with it. She never got treatment, so it’s just a matter of days before she’s gone.”

  “And she came home to say goodbye? To ask for forgiveness?” Caleb quipped.

  “I don’t know. I don’t care. This isn’t about her. Naomi helped me see that it’s about me, about my future with my wife.”

  Caleb rubbed his temple. He walked to the cabinet and pulled out two aspirin before taking them with the lukewarm coffee.

  “I think it’s something you should think about,” Brice said.

  Caleb cut his eyes to him. “Going to Helen?”

  “Your future.”

  “That’s all I’ve been thinking about.”

  Brice issued a bark of laughter. “I’m not sure how you could do much of anything with the amount of liquor you’ve consumed.”

  “The pain was too much. I needed to numb it.”

  “And did dulling it help?”

  “No,” Caleb said with a shake of his head. “It made it worse.

  Brice walked toward the mudroom. “We’re not going to force you to come with us to the hospital. That’s a decision you have to make on your own. But think about this. What if you don’t go? What if you don’t get to tell Helen all the things you want to say? How can you go forward with anything? You need closure. And this is your only chance to get it.”

  His brother’s words rang in Caleb’s head long after everyone had left. Caleb drank some coffee and three bottles of water before he made some peanut butter toast. And all the while, he was determined to remain at the house.

  Yet he found himself putting on his boots, grabbing his keys, and setting his hat atop his head before heading to his truck. He had no idea where he was going until he pulled up at the hospital.

  And when he walked into the room where his mother’s frail body lay hooked to numerous monitors, he knew this was exactly where he needed to be.

  “Caleb,” Helen said and reached out a bony hand to him.

  He walked to her bed but didn’t get near enough for her to touch him.

  Helen’s eyes filled with acceptance. “I’m so sorry for leaving. Every night in my dreams, I see your face and your big brown eyes staring at me from the stairs. Then I hear your soft plea for me to stay. That’s haunted me all these years. I was a horrible mother, and I thought leaving would be for the best.”

  “We needed you,” Caleb said.

  His mother nodded slowly. “I realized that too late. I had no right to come back here, but I wanted to see all of you one last time. I needed to see the beautiful people you’ve grown into. You three were so strong. You still are. Look at what you’ve done,” she said with a watery smile.

  Abby came up on Caleb’s right and took his hand. Brice moved to Caleb’s other side and put a hand on his arm. The three of them stood together—as they always would.

  “Please, forgive me,” Helen begged Caleb as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  All the horrible, hateful things Caleb wanted to say to her vanished. None of it mattered any longer. He nodded slowly. “I forgive you.”

  Her smile was bright as she looked at each of them. Then she closed her eyes. One of the monitors began beeping loudly. They moved as nurses rushed into the room, but Caleb knew that his mother was gone.

  He stood with his siblings, friends,
brother-in-law, and sister-in-law as Helen Harper was pronounced dead. And during it all, Caleb realized that he felt different. Healed.

  All the anger and bitterness that he’d carried with him all these years was gone.

  And the future looked brighter than ever before. There was a piece missing, though. A vital bit that Caleb was now ready to fight for.

  It was time for him to win Audrey’s heart.

  Chapter 37

  Audrey stood inside her clinic. New supplies had already begun arriving thanks to Maddy. There were so many things she needed to do. Tom Hopkins had called, asking if Audrey would return. Even Mrs. Bremer had left a message, wanting to discuss the future.

  But Audrey didn’t want to work with either of them. Her mind was stuck at the Rockin’ H Ranch with Caleb. Worse, she feared it always would be.

  “Weren’t you going to check on the mare at the rescue?”

  Audrey blinked and turned to face Maddy. “I did. Whatever else Patty was, she was an excellent vet. She did a good job with the mare.”

  “You were part of it.”

  Audrey turned away and blew out a breath. Soon, the empty cabinets would be full again. If she wanted, she could pretend that none of the past week had even happened.

  “What are you going to do?” Maddy asked.

  She knew better than to ask what her sister was referring to because she knew Maddy meant Caleb. But Audrey couldn’t think about that. Not now.

  Possibly not ever.

  “I think I’m going to spend some time at the rescue. And helping individuals. I have a lot of money saved up. I don’t need to find a job right now.”

  Maddy sighed loudly. “I always thought you were the smartest person I knew. You had a goal and never let anything or anyone stand in your way. I envied you that.”

  Audrey spun around to look at her sister. Maddy had never spoken to her about anything like this before, and she was completely taken aback by all of it.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Maddy briefly looked at the ceiling. “You had life figured out early. You knew what you loved and what you wanted to do. You got the grades and saved every cent you worked for. You managed to maintain a four-point-oh GPA in college while interning with an equine vet. Successful doesn’t even begin to describe you. How could I ever compete with that?”