SEAL Heroes

by Katie Knight

  Fate. The word popped into his mind, and he shook it away. This wasn't the time to be going all spiritual. It was merely a fluke meeting that would end with them parting ways at the airport in Fairbanks. When they finally made it to their gate, Megan took Logan to a donut shop close by to get him his bagel, while he offered to stay with her bags. Even from the waiting area, the air was rich with the scent of freshly ground beans and an undertone of cinnamon and flour. She returned, carrying two Styrofoam cups and a small brown bag, as Logan trotted alongside her. Ben tried not to focus on the soft sway of her hips, but it was damn near impossible.

  She wore dark jeans that hugged her body and tall leather boots that stopped at her knees. The olive-green sweater might’ve been plain on someone else, but it brought out the kaleidoscope of color flecked in her eyes. Megan had always been a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but she looked anything but simple. Her beauty was one that didn’t need adornments or flashy garments—she could steal any man’s breath all on her own.

  Megan held one of the drinks out to him and shifted her weight to her left hip. “A thank you for helping me lug all the bags.” She placed her own down on a table nestled between the seats and opened the brown paper bag.

  Logan’s eyes lit up as Megan spread a thick layer of cream cheese over the bagel and passed it to him. The delight on the kid’s face as he sank his teeth in actually made Ben chuckle. After the tension of back-to-back missions over the past few months, it was nice to laugh.

  "You didn't have to," he protested as he lifted the coffee to his lips and eyed her over the rim. "But I could use it." One sip of the espresso, steamed milk, and toasted hazelnut brought him back to senior year when they'd grab a drink and muffins almost every day before heading to class. After all this time, she’d remembered his favorite drink. Or at least, the drink that used to be his favorite. He hadn’t had a hazelnut macchiato since he’d left California. The taste was brewed with so many bittersweet memories, some that he couldn’t face. Anyway, they never tasted as good when she wasn’t by his side.

  They exchanged a glance, the air around them thickening with unspoken disappointments. What would have happened if he’d taken a chance on their relationship and moved into an apartment with her? Maybe they would have been happy. But probably not.

  Megan busied herself by keeping Logan entertained, and Ben scrolled blindly through his phone, trying to keep his eyes from wandering over to her. She was so beautiful. It was one of the things that had initially drawn him to her, but it was more than her physical appearance that was attractive. She was determined and sweet. Nurturing, but bold and resolute. The click of heels sounded to his left, and he glanced over his shoulder. A flight attendant was crossing the small waiting area and stopped in front of them.

  “Good morning.” The woman was older—maybe late forties—and had her dark hair drawn away from her face in a professional bun of some sort. “Are you waiting for flight seven-fifty to Fairbanks?”

  “Yes.” He sat up a little straighter and Megan nodded.

  "Wonderful. The pilot has arrived, and we're ready to begin boarding." The flight attendant smiled and gestured for them to follow. Megan stood, lifting Logan on her hip, and reached for the bags just as Ben did. His skin brushed against hers, and goosebumps shot up his arm. They’d always had crazy chemistry, and it appeared it hadn’t been dampened with time. Megan removed her hand from the suitcase, and he took charge, collecting the luggage. He walked behind her, appreciating the feminine curve of her hips and backside.

  "It's going to be a quiet flight,” the attendant told them. “It’s a small plane and we had some last-minute cancellations, so you're the only three traveling today. You'll have your pick of thirty-seven seats," the woman said with a laugh and began scanning their boarding passes.

  Once they boarded the Bombardier Dash, he was faced with the dilemma of where to sit. With Megan and Logan being the only other passengers, it would be an awkward hours-long flight with them sitting rows apart, and only slightly less awkward if he sat across from them. He chose the window seat directly across from their row. With Megan seated next to the aisle, maybe they’d have time to talk once the flight was underway. Was he dreading it, or hoping for the conversation to happen? She seemed engrossed in settling the boy, pulling colorful board books from the carry-on.

  Ben resolved that if he got the chance, he would apologize for the way he’d ended things between them. It would be nice to learn what her life was like now, maybe get some closure for himself. He wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to ignore him—or hell, even scream at him—she was absolutely entitled.

  Either way, it would be an interesting flight.

  Chapter Two

  Megan swallowed hard as old memories bombarded her. Ones where Ben held her tightly against him after thoroughly loving her. Ones where they snuggled together talking and laughing for hours. And then there was the memory that had left her hardened to any other man. The look in his eyes when she’d suggested they rent an apartment together. His brows had shot up as his eyes had flashed with panic, and then—worse—steeled over, blocking her out. In an instant, Ben had bailed on her and signed up for the SEALs. He’d shattered her soul-deep, but she was strong and had dealt with the pain. It wasn’t the first time she’d been left by a man she loved. Her father had walked away when she was only seven and started fresh with a younger wife who had children of her own—and that family had instantly trumped Megan and her brother and sister. That's why it was such a big deal that she'd opened her heart to Ben. She hadn’t wanted to end up like her mother, so utterly crushed that she never fully regained her sense of self. Of course, she'd been scared to fall for Ben, but her love had outweighed the fear. She’d believed that Ben would never hurt her that way, that she could trust him with her happiness and her future—and she'd been proven wrong.

  Now the one man she’d given her heart to was sitting on the same airplane, with only a thin strip of aisle separating them. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, and her mouth went dry. He wore a fitted charcoal sweater and straight, dark jeans that complimented his toned body. Gosh, he was so handsome with sculpted cheekbones and a strong jaw. His hair was longer than it had been, brushing the base of his neck. The length made him look more rugged and more than a little dangerous. A scar slashed across his chin, only adding to the aura of a tough military man. She bit at her lip and rummaged through her duffel bag to unload more toys and games for Logan. If she kept him busy, he'd be an angel and hopefully, his chatter and enthusiasm would be enough to keep her mind off past regrets.

  If only she hadn’t run into Ben, she’d be completely relaxed on the flight to join Logan’s parents at the medical convention they were attending. She reminded herself that, relaxed or not, she just needed to make it through the next few hours, and then Ben would go his separate way. If she considered things objectively, she was working, and that meant her sole attention should and would focus on Logan. While being a nanny was supposed to be a temporary job to pay the bills while she decided to reevaluate her career in marketing, it had become so much more. She ended up loving the little boy in her care and happily spent each day coming up with new, enriching activities to entertain him.

  Sometimes they’d bake together, or run through an obstacle course in the backyard, and the day almost always ended with a cuddle and a story. Not one read from a book, although reading was a favorite pastime for both of them. No, their nighttime story was one told from memory, mind, and heart. As a child, she'd loved listening to her grandmother come up with fascinating tales, only made more potent through silly voices, facial expressions, and hand gestures. Now she passed on that same simple joy to Logan.

  The plane hummed to life, and they began taxiing down the runway. She’d made sure to pack some of Logan’s favorite gummy snacks, and she pulled them out now. If he were chewing, the change in altitude would be less likely to bother his ears. The seats began to vibrate as the engine whirred faster, and she c
lutched the edge of her chair. At the front of the plane, the flight attendant was giving a demonstration on the inflatable life vest hidden beneath the seats.

  She drew a breath in through her nose and exhaled slowly through her lips. She’d always been something of an anxious flyer, and this was the smallest plane she’d ever been on. On the other hand, she didn’t want to freak Logan out by acting nervous. Megan touched her fingertips to the base of her neck where her pulse was pounding in rapid beats. Between seeing Ben again and her reservations about the flight, her nerves were completely frayed. She snuck a glance at the hard planes of his face and warmth rushed up to her cheeks and down her neck. He caught her staring, must have realized at a glance that she was stripping him down with a single skim of her eyes. Embarrassed, she looked away. Megan had spent many lonely nights gleefully imagining that Ben had gotten bald and thick around the middle—maybe losing a few teeth. No such luck.

  "Okay, we're going to take off now." She reassured Logan with a smile, and he grinned back, dimples popping on his cheeks. He wasn't in the least bit nervous to fly. Since he was an infant, he'd been traveling with his parents on a regular basis. Both were doctors, Charles Hamilton an anesthesiologist and Susan Hamilton, a neurologist, and though both were perpetually busy, they put in the effort to spend as much time with Logan as possible, even if it meant bringing him along on their work-based travels, with Megan there to look after him during the day. It was a great deal for her—free travel, a chance to explore, and the world’s most adorable sidekick for every step along the way. Her heart expanded as his face lit with excitement when the wheels of the plane lifted off the ground and they were airborne. Her stomach dipped with the movement, but at least they’d made it into the air safely. Logan squinted out the window, pointing down to the airport they’d just left, the sun streaming over his soft shock of hair.

  With the perils of take-off behind them, Megan opened up one of his favorite pop-up books and read about the mighty dinosaurs that used to walk the earth. She couldn’t help but breathe in the scent of his Superhero Berry shampoo when he rested his head on her shoulder to get a better look at the pictures. When they were able, Megan lowered Logan’s tray and put out his coloring books and crayons. Clutching green in one hand and blue in the other, he began scribbling over the page. His lips pouted as he concentrated on his masterpiece. With Logan engrossed in his coloring book, she had nothing to keep her mind off Ben—or to distract her from her flying nerves. She honestly wasn’t sure what was worse—dwelling over possible flight problems, or dwelling over the man who’d broken her heart who was now sitting so close.

  Ben made a noise in the back of his throat, and she glanced over to find him staring at her. The intense look in his blue-gray eyes made her stomach flip-flop, but she couldn’t look away. They sat there for a for one breath, then another as the silence amplified around them.

  “You’re a really great mom,” he said in a low voice.

  "I’m a really great nanny," she corrected, and he raised a brow and offered a questioning look. "Marketing wasn't for me, but this is. Every day is like revisiting my grandmother—except now I’m the old woman who’s watching the child.” She offered him a smile, one that hadn’t been as bright since the day he’d left.

  “You’re not even thirty,” he smirked, the familiar curve of his mouth making her pulse pound. “I wouldn’t start touring retirement facilities yet.”

  She laughed, easing some of the tension wrapped around her like a thick blanket.

  “When did you make the career change?" Ben angled his body toward her, displaying his broad shoulders and hard chest.

  "I started with Logan's family about six months ago. I was introduced to the Hamiltons through a mutual friend and we’d instantly hit it off and they didn’t mind that I wasn’t formerly trained as a nanny. They were more concerned with how well I would get along with Logan and it was love at first sight with this little guy.” Megan stroked Logan’s hair before tilting her head toward Ben to continue. “Before that, I was a marketing manager at a firm in Anchorage. I had thought I’d found my career path but it rapidly became oppressive. The long hours, constant expectation to be creative on the spot, the endless media plans all got to be too much. It wasn’t fulfilling, you know?" Of course, he didn't. He was a SEAL. With every mission he embarked on, Ben was serving his country, safeguarding freedom, saving lives. His career was noble and humbling, while her marketing career had been self-serving. "So, I resigned and decided to reevaluate what I wanted out of life.”

  Ben nodded, “You’ve always been the nurturing type.”

  And he hadn’t. Sure, Ben would try to give her physical affection outside of sex, but she had been able to tell that it didn’t come easily. He never told her about his childhood, except that he’d been taken away from his mother by child services when he was very young. Maybe that was part of their connection—they’d both been abandoned by someone they’d loved and that meant they shared a mutual pain no one else could understand. Or perhaps it was because she’d wanted to heal and nurture everyone. Did something inside her recognize how broken he was before she really knew him?

  “Tell me about your work.” She was eager to divert the topic away from her life. He leaned back, elbows propped against the arms of his seat, legs spread wide. He’d always been so self-assured, such a force even before joining the SEALs, that she’d always felt safe with him.

  “I’m still with the SEALs. The men in my company have become like brothers.” The words hung in the air, and she ignored the sinking feeling in her chest. Did he have any regrets over choosing the SEALs over her—leaving her behind? But perhaps he didn’t see it that way. Maybe she’d been so head-over-heels, she’d built the relationship up in her mind, seeing things that weren’t really there.

  “Listen,” His deep voice broke through her thoughts. “The way I left—”

  The whole world seemed to be moving in slow motion. How many countless hours of sleep had she lost wondering why he’d so callously brushed her off, as though she meant nothing to him? Thinking that maybe if she’d been funnier, sweeter, smarter—just plain more—he would’ve stayed. There had been so many tears, and a squeezing pain in her heart that could still catch her off guard and steal her breath.

  “Megan, it wasn’t right.” His shoulders sagged ever so slightly, like he held the weight of the earth on his back. “But you have to know that it wasn’t you. I had such a screwed-up childhood—I didn’t want to drag you down with me. For things to get more serious and have one of us get hurt.”

  She nearly snorted with bitter laughter. “It already was serious.” And she had been hurt.

  His frown deepened, eyes filling with compassion that she didn’t want or need.

  Perhaps her heart could ache for the boy he’d once been and what he’d endured, but not for the young man who’d treated her so unfairly. He’d made the decision to walk away from what they had together with barely a word of explanation. She didn’t want to bring up the past, not when she still bore the jagged emotional scars of a broken heart unhealed. Would it ever stop hurting so much? She didn’t know—but one thing she was sure of was that she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing the pain she’d endured at his expense.

  Throwing her shoulders back, she raised her chin and locked eyes with him. “It was for the best.” Did he hear her voice waver? “I really should be thanking you. When you left, it forced me to move on and decide what I really wanted out of life. To be independent.” Something flashed in Ben’s eyes, then disappeared. There was her wishful thinking again, conjuring up what wasn’t there. Maybe he believed her, but the words were just armor she used to shield her heart.

  “I still owe you an apology, Megan. The way I left was incredibly unfair to you, and I am sorry.” He released a long pent up breath. “Even though leaving was the right decision for me, as well.”

  “See? We both found what we were looking for in the end. Besides, our relationship is in
the past. We had some nice times together, but we needed to be our own people.” She straightened her shoulders and tried to shrug off his apology.

  Oh, it shouldn’t hurt this bad, not with all the years between them or the fact that she’d said the words first, relegating their relationship to a mistake she’d put behind her. But somehow, the words coming from him hurt in a way she couldn’t brace herself against. Maybe because she wasn’t expecting his apology, especially the way he owned up to his actions. Before it was easier to hate him, but his sincere words brought back all the times he was so tender with her, so kind.

  “I love the SEALS. My work is my life.” The conviction in his words sliced open old sores. He had no regrets—hadn’t looked back. “I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, but it doesn’t excuse the way I treated you on the road to getting where I belong.”

  She swallowed down the hard lump in her throat and fought for composure, but she wasn’t going to find it staring at his face. She nodded and turned to check on Logan who was content in his artwork. Megan busied herself arranging the crayons in their box and neatening up his papers. She wasn’t fooling anyone, she was sure of it.

  “Megan. Look at me.” Ben’s voice was so low, the words nearly got lost in the hum of the plane’s engines. She had no choice but to meet his eyes, ones that were already fixated on her. “I’m glad I have the chance to say how sorry I am. Even more glad that it all worked out for you in the end.”

  She struggled to find her voice—something that never had been a problem for her—and was saved when the flight attendant came between them to offer drinks and snacks. Logan reached his chubby hand into the basket of individual serving bags and fished around until he pulled out cookies. Megan politely declined, offering the attendant a weak smile. She was torn between relief that the moment between her and Ben was over…and disappointment. It was good to get the apology—to be told she did nothing wrong, that the break up wasn't her fault. But rather than easing that long-held pain, it just made the ache more acute. There was soreness in her lungs, and everything seemed to slow. She had wholeheartedly believed their love would last and that he’d felt the same as she had. Now that he'd apologized, it appeared Ben only regretted hurting her, but he didn’t regret leaving her in the first place. He’d walked away, and he hadn’t looked back.