“And what do they want?” She worded her phrase in a neutral voice.
“Oh, the usual. Go find some nice girl, get married, settle down, make them grandkids.”
“And what does Jamal want?”
Matt couldn’t stop his fingers from reaching up and touching his hair once again. “I think he wants to stay here. But I’m not sure. I’m not sure he really knows. I’d say his heart wants his family, but his head wants to be himself.”
“And what do you want?”
“I just want him happy.”
“And?”
His heart was beating so hard he was surprised she couldn’t hear it. “And I want him. I want to be his boyfriend.”
She smiled and patted his hand. “So why aren’t you then? Does he feel the same back?”
“I-I think so.” How he could though, after the way Matt had treated him the other night, was beyond Matt.
She sat back and studied her coffee. “So just enjoy being with him. What’s the problem?”
“I guess I just don’t get his family. Why does he put up with it?” That was the biggie. Were it Matt, he would just tell the bunch of them where to go. He might even give them a map to get them there as well.
Ms. Feinstein’s voice cut into the fantasy that was beginning to form in his head, of what he’d like to do with families like Jamal’s. “Yes, but honey, it’s not your place to understand his family. If you care for him, then your place is to support him.”
Didn’t he know it. Matt sighed, knowing she was right on every count.
“The rest will come along, or it won’t. But, please Matt…”
“Yes?” His voice sounded like a petulant child not getting what he wanted. He hated when he sounded that way.
“Please don’t pressure him about either being gay or about his family. I’m sure he’s got enough crap on his shoulders as it is. If you care for him, then just support him as much as you can. The other stuff will work itself out, or it won’t. But there’s nothing you can do, and if you try, you’ll just lose him. Got it?” She fixed him with a stern look.
“Got it. Anything else?”
“Yes, wear something not gray for a change. And shave, would you?”
He laughed and rubbed his stubble. “Don’t like my beard then?”
“No.”
“Okay, I’ll shave.”
“Today. Get yourself a shave, and go take that poor boy out to the movies or something.”
“Okay, okay! I’ll do it.”
Ms. Feinstein snuggled back into her oversized coat, a sly smile on her face. “Good, now don’t fuck it up.”
****
Matt stood before the wide windows and teal-colored slatted-front of the local crêpe cafe, his heart pounding. This was it, the big reveal. Jamal had left a text on his phone only an hour after his talk with Ms. Feinstein, saying he had gotten the results. Matt should have stayed at work, but he was too terrified. No way could he stay there and stew until five, when he was supposed to be off. No, some things you couldn’t wait for, and this was one of them. He had all but run to where Jamal had said to meet him.
Jamal was where he said he’d be. Even through the window Matt could make out his intense green eyes. The boy was sitting at the long table that faced out onto the street. Matt’s heart threatened to pound its way out of his chest as he nodded to Jamal and walked to the door. Steel and glass was never so hard to open, as in that moment. What would Jamal say? Would it be okay? Would Jamal still want him? Why had he reacted the way he had done, the other night? Yeah, the walk back had been sweet, after the fight. But they hadn’t spoken since that night. What if Jamal had thought it over, and decided he didn’t want Matt?
What if the test was positive? Just the thought made Matt’s chest tight.
The balmy warmth of the cafe enveloped him as he walked through the door. Jamal was to his right, but the boy wasn’t looking at him, choosing instead to keep his gaze towards the window. Gritting his teeth, Matt walked to the long wooden counter that nestled under the wrought iron window that stretched across the entire front of the building. No doubt in the past this had once been a warehouse. It had that sort of look.
Jamal looked tense, even from the side. There was a rigid way that he held himself, and the way his head stayed resolutely forward that told Matt he was as nervous as he himself felt. Well, here goes nothing, just the rest of my life.
“Hey.” Not the most innovative opening, but really, what did you say in a situation like this? Matt patted Jamal on the shoulder before sitting down at the empty bench next to him. It was the first tiny victory that Jamal didn’t flinch or pull away when he did that.
Jamal smiled at him, but it was a weak, nervous smile. “Hey,” was all he said back. Even that word sounded like it was hard to get out of his mouth.
Well, one of them needed to talk. Reaching out, Matt grasped Jamal’s hand. “Hey man, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
Jamal snorted and gripped Matt’s hand. “No, it should be me apologizing. I’m sorry I fucked it all up. I just never thought anyone would ever want to be with me, it’s just, y’know…” He was blinking rapidly.
Feeling even more like shit now, Matt brought his other hand up so he could cover Jamal’s in both of his. “Well for starters, as I said the other night, I want you to be with me. I’ve wanted you for going on three years now.”
Jamal looked him in the eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me before the other day? I just thought no one really liked me very much, that I was too ugly for anyone.” His words were so low Matt had to lean in to hear him.
Matt’s voice was just as soft. “Are you out of your mind? Jamal, have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re stunning, you’re a fucking ten out of ten. Oh my god, just look at you, really look at you. Look at your eyes, look at your lips, your face, your body. Look at you.”
Jamal pulled a face. “I have looked at me. I’m nothing special.”
“Well, maybe not back home— in which case your country must be the best looking country on earth— but to me, where I sit, you’re perfect. Like I said, I’ve been attracted to you ever since you first moved over here.” Jamal looked like he didn’t know what to say at that. Taking the initiative— hell, he had nothing to lose at this point— Matt held tightly onto Jamal’s hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such an insensitive asshole the other night. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. You can hate me. You can say you never want to see me ever again, but Jamal, I want you. I want to be with you. I want to protect you when your dad is being harsh to you. I want to go to bed with you, and I want to wake up next to you. I want to make you breakfast. I want to go on long walks with you. I want to take you to the races this summer. I want you. I want to show you off to my friends and take you home to Mom and Dad. I want you to laugh. I want you to cuddle with me at night in front of the TV. Do you get this? I like you. I really like you. And yeah, I know it’s only been a short while, but I want to be with you. I don’t need any more time to get used to that idea. I already know it.”
“Oh.”
Jamal looked stunned by that barrage. Hell, Matt couldn’t blame him. He’d have been stunned into silence too, had it been him hearing it. Maybe he’d said too much. Maybe it was only a couple weeks and one disaster of a date, but there it was. He couldn’t lie. Jamal would just have to take it or leave it. The long pause before Jamal opened his mouth to speak seemed to be eons. People could have been born, grown up, had kids, and died in that space. Matt could feel his heart jackhammering. Hell, Matt could hear his heart jackhammering. He half expected to look down to see it spring out, Alien-esque, onto the table.
“Did you mean all that?” Jamal turned his hand over and placed his fingers between Matt’s. And he smiled. It was like the sun had come out, his smile.
“I did.”
“Oh.” He bit his lower lip to keep from stopping his smile from getting even bigger. “I like you too… I mean I feel the same way, everything you said. Ex
cept the family bit, well, maybe my sister. If I took you to Kazakhstan, then we’d just get ignored. Or something.”
“That’s okay. I’d love to meet your sister.”
“My sisters. There’s two of them.”
“Then I’d love to meet your sisters. All two of them.”
“The doctor…”
“Yes?” His heart really was going to fall out of his chest, fall out and pump frantically all over the table.
“I’m okay.”
“I… uh… what? You’re clear? You’re fine?”
“Yeah, all clear.”
“Oh. Thank. Fuck.” Matt didn’t care who was watching at this point; he took Jamal by the shoulders and planted a kiss right on his mouth. Jamal stiffened momentarily under his fingers, then relaxed into the kiss. When it broke, Matt grinned and held up a finger. With his other hand, he dug around in his coat pocket until he found what he was looking for. Slapping it down onto the table, he said, “There.”
“You got tested too?” Jamal held a hand up to smother his laugh as he picked the paper up with his other hand. He looked at it, Matt watched his eyes scan the document until he got where he wanted to go. “Negative too?”
“Yep.”
“So what are we waiting for?”
Matt grinned. “Indeed, why’re we still here?” He stood up and offered his hand to Jamal. When the boy placed his in Matt’s, Matt said, “Lead the way, you know where you’re going.”
“I do now.”
“Good. So do I.”
for Asselle
Author Bio:
Arielle Pierce currently resides in both southern Spain and in Wales, ensuring that she doesn’t miss the worst of the rains and gales of one country, nor the blazing heat and droughts of the other. When not merrily scribbling away about the adventures of two men in love (or lust, more likely) she can be found sewing sock kitty cats for her small son or gardening in her back yard, where she is locked into a losing battle with the weeds (and with the sock cats, for that matter).
Contact & Media Info:
http://ariellepierce.wordpress.com/
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6565275.Arielle_Pierce
[email protected]
Other publications include:
Song of the Sea
In the Lonely Sea
The Faery Reel
Bent Over by the Bear: Tale of a Twink
Pounded by the Bear: Tale of a Twink's Submission
Dominated by the Bear: Tale of a Twink's Pleasure
Possessed by the Twink: Tale of a Twink's Surrender
Betrayed by the Bear: Tale of a Twink Forsaken
'Breathe' from the Anthology, Dark Menagerie
Black Little Pony (upcoming)
When We Were Horses (upcoming)
Heavenly Creatures (upcoming)
Table of Contents
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Un/Common Ground Page 7