Johnny and The USed Wonz

by DaNeo Duran

  Closing his eyes he imagined a day they’d support a major artist or headline their own tour.

  Sunday 10th June 1984

  The bus pulled into Las Cruces. As per Dane’s wishes, the band visited radio stations before heading to the venue and soundchecking.

  But, instead of hiding in the dressing room as they normally did, leaving Dane to man their T-shirt stand, they dressed in stage outfits and joined him in the foyer.

  Before long the first music fans arrived. Neither Johnny nor Stu knew Mazz could behave so flirtatiously. Man and boy after man and boy followed her swaying hips or girly giggles to the merchandise stand where Johnny noted Christine, who’d at first seemed uncomfortable in her ludicrously short dress stood behind the table and got into character.

  T-shirts began selling rapidly.

  Dane looked at the diminishing stock and told the lads, ‘I’ll have to place a new order tomorrow at this rate.’

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve been leaving you alone to this,’ Stu said autographing a T-shirt for someone called Joanne.

  ‘Females,’ Johnny said seeing a gaggle arrive. ‘Go get ’em Stewie.’

  A high percentage of first arrivals had bought tickets principally to see The USed Wonz and happily bought T-shirts.

  Eventually time passed and the rate slowed with the arrival of firm Jefferson Starship fans the band left Dane and prepared to play.

  Friday 23rd January 1981

  In a room above a Camden pub Johnny and the Used Ones showed up to support Raging Reprieve. Nodding to Hal Johnny placed his amp on stage next to Hal’s.

  Two hours later Johnny and the Used Ones completed their five song set. Off stage Christine hugged Mazz saying she’d been brilliant. Johnny and Stu agreed; it had been their tightest gig to date with an audience reaction to confirm it.

  Johnny hoped they’d done enough to impress one particular guest he’d invited but before finding out he helped Christine move the keyboards the youth club had apparently leant them for the last time.

  ‘Play well,’ Johnny said when Hal came to the stage with silent smugness.

  Hal shook his head. ‘Don’t I always?’

  You didn’t last time, Johnny thought.

  Given that he’d spent his lunch breaks in musical instrument shops searching for Strats that sounded as good as Hal’s, Johnny had begun wondering whether he’d imagined the sound quality of Hal’s Stratocaster. But minutes later standing amongst the audience sipping tap water he at once heard the truth.

  It sounded tremendous. He scrutinised Hal’s fingering technique but finding it sloppy knew that couldn’t be key to the sound. Its greatness therefore lay in the instrument if not the Marshall amp.

  He thought of Nate’s music shop where Mrs Toulson had taken him. Still buying strings from the American, Johnny decided to drop in on his next day off.

  When Raging Reprieve inevitably lost the crowd’s attention Johnny slunk off to find his guest.

  He’d invited his boss along to witness the new line up but had an ulterior motive.

  Seeing the barmaid pulling Geoff a pint Johnny stepped in. ‘I’ll get this.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Geoff asked.

  ‘Yeah, makes asking a favour of you easier.’

  Geoff laughed. ‘Ah, well cheers anyway.’

  They clinked glasses.

  ‘So,’ Johnny said, ‘what d’you think, was letting Marlon go the right thing?’

  ‘Those girls you’ve pulled are gorgeous. Plus I think Marlon’s over it now.’

  ‘Apart from that, what d’you think of the band as a whole?’

  ‘Different; more ambitious than before.’

  ‘More honest too. We know there’s a long way to go but the girls are perfect for me and Stu. It’s the right team; everyone needs this.’

  Geoff seemed to mull thoughts over. ‘Yeah, I see there’s something about the four of you.’

  ‘We’ve got a problem though. The keyboards we used aren’t ours and we can’t borrow them anymore.’

  ‘Is this where I come in?’

  ‘I guess.’

  ‘A loan?’

  ‘I can’t think where else to turn. I’ve been saving but was hoping to buy studio sessions.’

  ‘How much are we talking?’

  Johnny couldn’t be sure.

  Before he could answer a blonde who he’d spotted hovering around finally spoke. ‘I’m sorry to bother you.’

  ‘Yes?’ Johnny said.

  ‘My friend fancies you and wants to know if you’re going out with either of those girls in your band.’

  Smiling, Johnny said he’d join them in a minute.

  Geoff said, ‘Lending money isn’t normally my thing. But come and see me tomorrow after work I’m considering a proposition for you.’

  Having worried the band would have to stop gigging Johnny excitedly entered the thick of the crowd where he found the blonde and her friend. But, deciding he didn’t fancy either girl explained he’d been seeing his keyboard player for weeks.

  Right then, when he needed an excuse to leave, Hal’s guitar started spluttering on stage.

  Raging Reprieve hobbled to the end of the song. Hal tried spare leads whilst the singer told the audience bad jokes.

  Johnny didn’t move; Hal hardly deserved favours.

  ‘We’ve got a couple more songs,’ the singer said. ‘Can anyone help our man here with a guitar?’

  Excusing himself Johnny headed towards them.

  ‘What’s up?’ he said to Hal.

  ‘What does it look like? The guitar’s packed in.’

  ‘Sure it’s not the amp?’

  ‘The amp’s only a month old. You gonna lend me your guitar or what?’

  ‘You’d lower yourself to my Squire Strat?’

  ‘No, but what choice have I got?’

  Johnny had been joking but Hal’s response appalled him. ‘You mightn’t have a choice but I do.’

  ‘Now then you two,’ the singer said amiably. ‘Johnny, we’re in the crapper here. Could we get a lend of your fine guitar?’

  ‘Okay, but I reckon it’s yer amp.’

  ‘It’s the guitar,’ Hal barked. ‘Hurry up will you we’re losing the crowd?’

  Johnny acquiesced and whilst Hal wired the Squire into his Marshall, Johnny felt the lush neck of the sunburst Strat before laying it in his case. Behind him Hal struck a chord. The amp spluttered, clearly incapable of producing proper sound.

  Johnny dumped his own amp on top of the Marshall before Hal could object.

  ‘Your valves have gone.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous,’ Hal said. ‘I turn it off and on twenty times before I use it.’

  ‘Yup, that’ll knack ’em.’

  ‘No, that’s what stops them knacking.’

  Johnny smiled before positioning himself in the audience ready to listen. When the band started he felt pleased with the look and sound of his guitar and amp but after one song Hal swapped back to his own guitar.

  Though the real Fender’s sunburst finish looked great Johnny preferred the blue and white of his Squire.

  But, within one chord the Fender’s sound crucified Johnny’s guitar.

  ‘That Hal’s an idiot,’ Stu said when Johnny joined him.

  ‘Guitar’s heaven-sent though.’

  ‘Yours sounded good but Mazz agrees his is awesome.’

  Saturday 24th January 1981

  Given the girls had no means of repaying a loan Johnny didn’t see the point in inviting them to meet Geoff and preferred to find out Geoff’s proposition before telling Stu.

  After work he found his boss talking to some of his stall holders.

  ‘Ah, just the man,’ Geoff said excusing himself and turning his attention to Johnny. ‘Let’s take this to my private office.’

  He’d visited Geoff’s office on occasion but the private one turned out to be his car. It might have been ‘N’ reg but once inside Johnny recognised quality as he got comfortable in the passenge
r seat.

  ‘Alright,’ Geoff said, ‘Firstly, how much do you need?’

  ‘String machines vary but second-hand Rhodes are cheap enough. Four hundred should probably do it.’

  ‘Perfect. Not too much. How do you intend paying me back?’

  ‘Bit by bit I suppose. Could you take it out my wages?’

  Geoff nodded. ‘I’m happy to help you with your band. You’ve been a tenant three years and never been late with the rent.’

  ‘You’ve been my employer that long and never paid me late.’

  ‘That’s true,’ Geoff said. ‘I’ll give you the cash – interest free if, I can call the favour in now.’

  ‘Hmm, is that why we’re having this conversation in the car?’

  Geoff laughed. ‘It’s legal enough; bit flimsy on the ethical side though.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘I’ve been tricked out of some money and I’m seeking revenge.’ He flashed a wicked smile.

  ‘Understandable. More than four hundred I take it.’

  ‘Considerably. I bought some land figuring I could put a few extra stalls on it. Stupidly, I followed some bad advice and didn’t employ a solicitor; pretty much unheard of in this country I know. Nevertheless I paid and waited for the deeds which appeared in the hands of someone else’s solicitor who told me I didn’t own them.’

  ‘You lost the land?’

  ‘Well, I fought back with a lawyer. We won the battle but it cost time and money. Plus I’d been looking forward to profiting from the stalls so in all I was pretty peeved.’

  ‘I’m interested to hear your proposition as long as you’re not wanting me and Stu to snap someone’s neck.’

  ‘Good heavens no,’ Geoff said. ‘I’m thinking of something far more subtle. I reckon you’re smart. You ever play poker?’

  ‘Poker?’

  ‘I guessed not.’ Geoff reached to the back seat for a briefcase, its black leather contrasting with the seats’ beige. ‘Read this.’

  Johnny took the offered book. ‘The Education of a Poker Player by Herbert O. Yardley.’

  ‘Right. Understand it as best you can. We’ll meet secretly and I’ll teach poker’s strategies.’

  ‘Okay,’ Johnny said feeling confused, ‘why poker?’

  ‘I play with a bunch of guys and Leonard.’

  ‘Leonard?’

  ‘The guy that set me up. When you’re good enough I’ll position you so someone invites you along. We’ll appear not to know each another. But we’ll have our own language; a set of visual cues I’ll feed you.’

  ‘You’ve given this some thought. I take it you can’t just win the money back off him yourself?’

  ‘You’ll come to learn that poker is much more than a game of chance. It’s a dark art. People can expose or hide themselves within the cards but Leonard and I have been playing so long we know each other’s game inside out. He won’t bet heavily against me. He knows when to be cautious. But he’ll want to teach the new boy a lesson.’

  Geoff talked on but looked out the windscreen as if lost in contemplation. ‘I’ll provide you with enough cash to enter the game. He’ll want to take that off you and we’ll let him have some. But when he goes for the kill; that’s when I’ll signal you to take his legs from under him,’ he faced Johnny again, ‘assuming we have a deal.’

  ‘Sounds exciting,’ Johnny said already considering the usefulness of the new skill.

  ‘Okay, read the book.’

  Outside with a pocket full of cash Johnny noticed the long bonneted car’s bulging air intake and Aston Martin badge; not a name he’d come across before.

  Thursday 29th January 1981

  On their next day off the lads took the tube south of the Thames. At Nate’s shop, the same door chime and smell of guitars greeted Johnny as had done when he’d first visited with Mrs Toulson.

  ‘How you doing Johnny Won?’ Nate said across his empty shop.

  Following introductions Johnny asked, ‘How business?’

  ‘Good.’

  Johnny cast an eye around but saw no one but Stu.

  ‘It’s early man,’ Nate said. ‘Anyway, how’s the Squire?’

  ‘Actually we’re after keyboards but I’ve heard a sunburst Strat that sounds amazing.’

  ‘Sunbursts usually do,’ Nate said.

  ‘Why, it’s just a colour isn’t it?’

  ‘Kind of. But its transparent finish means any knots in the grain are visible.’

  Johnny looked at the sunburst Strats hanging up. ‘I don’t see any knots in these.’

  ‘That’s because they don’t have any,’ Nate said. ‘The best pieces of wood get reserved for sunburst. The knottiest bits get coated in dark colours.’

  ‘And flawless pieces resonate better?’

  ‘Generally.’

  ‘Can he try that one?’ Stu asked pointing at one.

  ‘Sure.’ Nate lifted an outrageously priced Stratocaster from the wall and plugged it into an amp.

  Johnny strummed. ‘It’s nice but it doesn’t have what I heard.’

  ‘Try this one,’ Nate said passing him a similar instrument.

  ‘Different character,’ Johnny admitted.

  ‘They’re all a bit different but you know, if you’re happy enough with your Squire stick with it. The one you want will arrive when it’s time.’

  Sighing, Johnny agreed and turned from the walls of guitars to Nate’s diminutive keyboard collection.

  ‘What’s your budget?’ Nate asked.

  ‘Small, I’ve borrowed the cash.’

  ‘We’re replacing a Rhodes and Roland RS202,’ Stu said.

  Nate stroked his chin. ‘You sure you want Rhodes, they’re right out of vogue?’

  ‘Why, they’re great?’ Johnny said.

  ‘Yeah, but synths have massive sonic possibilities. With Rhodes you get – Rhodes.’

  ‘Not Christine, she bangs hers through guitar pedals,’ Stu said.

  ‘Well, I’ve a couple of abused items that might interest you,’ Nate said leading them past the amps to a pair of sorry looking items. ‘They’re a private sale. Been heavily toured as you see. They work perfectly but these deep scratches mean they won’t fetch much. I told the owners I’d get what I could for them.’

  ‘Cool,’ Johnny said.

  ‘What’s this one?’ Stu asked looking at the other one stacked on top of it.

  ‘Logan String Melody,’ Nate said. ‘Italian; only four octaves but impressive breadth of sound.’

  After a demonstration they discussed price.

  ‘You want them?’ Nate asked.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Okay, just don’t bring them back here if they conk out. At this price there’s no warranty.’

  Johnny paid cash and promised to have them removed from his shop the next day.

  They made to leave but Nate said, ‘Hey Johnny, remember this?’

  He held up a guitar and to Stu said, ‘Johnny came here, crikey, five years ago with some bad-tempered woman who wanted him to have it.’

  Remembering, Johnny took the old instrument and strummed a few chords. ‘It’s not so bad. I can’t believe it’s still here.’

  ‘I’ve sold it twice; keeps coming back to haunt me.’

  ‘People trading for something better?’

  He held the instrument at arm’s length.

  Unlike five years ago the instrument radiated hope. ‘Can I plug it in?’

  ‘If you must.’

  Johnny played. The sound meant both nothing and something.

  ‘What’s up?’ Stu asked.

  ‘Not sure,’ he said pulling the lead out.

  Friday 30th January 1981

  Much to Hal’s annoyance it had been decided Raving Reprieve would support Johnny and the Used Ones for their last arranged gig.

  ‘Giz a hand,’ Johnny said to Christine when he arrived at the dingy but vibrant club having picked up the two keyboards from Nate’s shop with Stu.

  ‘They look miles bette
r than I expected,’ Christine said ignoring their scratches and surprising Johnny by throwing her arms around him.

  After setting up and soundchecking she said the Rhodes sounded better than the youth club’s and the Logan had a clearer sound than the Roland.

  Later, standing amongst punters drinking their first paycheques since Christmas, Johnny listened to Ranging Reprieve’s set. Hal had borrowed a cheap solid state amp and yet still the sunburst Strat sounded great.

  Making his way to the stage Johnny tuned his guitar as Raging Reprieve wrapped up. His band enjoyed a huddle and Johnny dashed to the bar for a glass of water.

  Jumping onto the now vacant stage he didn’t worry when Mazz asked whether he’d checked his guitar’s tuning.

  Instead he turned to the mic and shouted, ‘Good evening, we’re Johnny and the Used Ones.’

  Behind him Stu’s drums began their crescendo. With rehearsed timing Johnny drove his plectrum into the guitar’s strings. He knew what to expect but didn’t get it.

  Instead a horrendous sound screeched unpardonably from his amp destroying the moment forcing Johnny’s eyes and teeth to clench shut.

  ‘What the hell,’ he shouted off mic before spinning to silence the band.

  As their sound fell away he composed himself. Each string he plucked had less harmonic relation to the previous.

  ‘Sorry ladies and gentlemen; seems someone’s been tinkering,’ he said into the mic. He turned to Mazz. She pulled an E-octave for him to retune to. Moving onto the A and D strings he said, ‘You’ve got to wonder who would do such a thing.’ When the guitar sounded right he played a few chords and flashy licks. ‘What d’ya think; we ready?’

  Johnny grinned. The event had broken the ice and established rapport with the audience.

  * * *

  ‘It was Hal,’ Mazz said after their performance.

  Johnny nodded. ‘Did you see him?’

  ‘I think so. I asked him what he was doing.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘He looked worried.’

  ‘Was he rude to you?’

  ‘A bit.’

  ‘Right, let’s keep an eye out for him.’

  He accompanied her to the bar.

  ‘He’s there,’ Mazz said before long.

  Johnny looked towards the stage. ‘Okay, come with me.’

  Mazz followed seeing Johnny sweep up a discarded lighter from a table they passed.

  ‘Nice stunt you pulled there Hal.’

  ‘What d’you want?’ Hal said sneering down from the two foot high stage.

  ‘You borrow my gear without a word of thanks; then, you pull a stunt like that.’

  ‘Like what?’ he started turning away.

  ‘Tell him what you saw Mazz.’

  She swallowed. ‘I saw you with Johnny’s stuff. Yours was nowhere near.’