Johnny and The USed Wonz

by DaNeo Duran

  In the bathroom she looked at the rail of seldom exhibited outfits. Spying her favourite burgundy dress, she stripped, trying it on for the first time since meeting The USed Wonz half a year earlier. Despite being respectably knee-length, its lines too closely matched her own for Earl’s comfort so it’d been relegated along with items of shorter hemline or plunging Vs.

  Her reflection showed its still perfect fit. Selecting the right shoes, Linda imagined giving Earl the finger feeling more like the person she used to be.

  Back in the office Fiona whistled her appreciation.

  Thanking her Linda said, ‘I heard the phone, anyone important?’

  ‘Johnny, he rang again.’

  ‘Was he cross I missed the Whisky?’

  ‘Not after I explained why.’

  Linda raised an eyebrow. ‘You told Johnny, me and Earl had trouble?

  Fiona looked concerned. ‘Is that a problem?’

  ‘Not now you’ve said it.’ She bit her lip.

  ‘I’m sorry. He’s was worried.’

  Linda got back to work but thought of her apartment.

  Ringing the same glazier Joan had used weeks’ earlier she found him not only remembering the apartment but he had a record of the necessary glass.

  ‘I’m on top of everything, if you need to get back for the glazier,’ Fiona said.

  That seemed true and Linda found her mind wandering once more.

  She’d loved the apartment but thought it might be time to look for another one. Suddenly it dawned on her; she could sell her office – unit prices had soared. Without Earl she could buy her own apartment and start afresh.

  The phone rang interrupting Linda’s contemplation but Fiona picked it up. Linda half listened.

  ‘Lake: All–’ Pause, ’Yes, she’s here,’ Pause, ’Oh, okay,’ Pause, ‘See you soon.’

  ‘Someone for me?’ Linda asked pretending to read a contract.

  ‘Johnny. He’s coming in.’

  ‘What, when?’ Linda took her glasses off and began fussing with her hair.

  ‘He’s just around the corner.’

  ‘What the hell’s he playing at? He’s got a plane to catch.’

  Fiona watched as Linda rummaged her handbag for nail polish. ‘Can I ask you something Boss?’

  ‘As long as I don’t have to answer.’

  ‘You know Johnny’s got a thing for you?’

  ‘So he says.’

  ‘It’s pretty obvious he does.’

  ‘If you’re asking why it matters how I look for him, then the answer is, I don’t know.’

  Before Linda’s nail polish dried Johnny and his Stetson came through the door.

  Tied on a call Fiona waved.

  He nodded back but focusing on Linda said, ‘You should come to England with us.’

  Johnny, appalled that anyone lucky enough to share Linda’s bed could behave so idiotically, couldn’t have been more sincere.

  Behind him Fiona’s phone went down.

  ‘That’s a great idea,’ she said. Linda gave her a stern look. ‘Sorry boss.’

  ‘Johnny, you need to be at the airport,’ Linda looked at the clock, ‘in no time at all.’

  Johnny had time.

  He approached Fiona’s desk. ‘D’you mind if I use your phone?’

  When Linda rolled her eyes, Fiona told him to be quick.

  From his wallet he found the hotel details. He phoned reception and told them Christine should just have arrived in the bar.

  A minute later she came to the phone.

  ‘Babe, I need the flight details,’ Pause, ’I just do,’ Pause, ’Yeah, Linda. Can you tell Stu to look after my bag and guitar. I’ll see you at the airport.’ Pause, ‘I won’t be late.’ Pause, ’You’re best. See you soon.’

  He put the phone down.

  Over his shoulder Linda said, ‘Johnny, will you just stop.’

  He ignored her. ‘This thing got the number for LAX?’

  Also ignoring Linda, Fiona spun her Rolodex. ‘Right here.’

  She handed Johnny the receiver.

  Learning the plane still had empty seats, he booked the nearest one to the row The USed Wonz had.

  ‘All done,’ he said triumphantly but in turning saw Linda had hidden her face in her hands.

  He glanced back at Fiona.

  ‘Boss?’ she said.

  No response.

  Johnny laid his hat on Fiona’s desk.

  ‘I’ll wait outside,’ Fiona said making to leave.

  With Fiona out the door regret hit Johnny as he realised his selfish desire to be with Linda had blinded him of her feelings. He couldn’t possibly know how she felt.

  Shamefully he went to her side and stroked her wrists wanting to pull them away from her face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said but she didn’t move. ‘I’m such a div.’ He waited wondering if she might be crying. ‘D’you want me to cancel the flight? I’ll cancel it.’

  But, as he moved she at last lifted her face to his.

  He looked at her dry but suddenly exhausted eyes.

  ‘Can you get Fiona please?’

  He fetched her.

  To his relief, Fiona confirmed she could manage the office for the few days.

  ‘I’ll find the hotel from the schedule and book you a room,’ she said now back at her desk.

  ‘Thanks,’ Linda said getting to her feet. ‘We better get going.’

  ‘We’re alright,’ Johnny said.

  ‘I need my passport.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Come on my place isn’t far.’

  She grabbed her suitcase and Johnny followed.

  Outside he said, ‘D’you want me to drive?’

  ‘It’s one thing leaving my business in someone else’s hands it’d be quite another letting anyone else drive my car. Can you even drive stick?’

  ‘I’m English all we do is drive stick.’

  ‘Okay, get in will you?’

  ‘Cool,’ Johnny said before realising he’d opened the passenger door. Suddenly Linda shoved the suitcase in with him.

  ‘Doesn’t fit in the trunk I’m afraid.’

  ‘Just as well I forgot my hat,’ he winced as his view vanished.

  Beside him Linda appeared. Behind him, her still warm engine snarled – turbo at the ready.

  A tyre-burning journey brought them to her apartment. Johnny realised if he’d driven they’d still be two miles back. The engine idled.

  ‘I wouldn’t care if I never saw this place again,’ Linda said, her tone dour.

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ Johnny said to keep her moving.

  Inside the open plan space struck a chord with him. ‘I could live like this.’

  ‘Even with the mess?’ Linda nodded towards the patio where the door stood awaiting repair.

  She disappeared with her suitcase leaving him to imagine the previous night’s horror; the smashed tree pot, soil and damaged floor. He understood how alien and un-homely the place must feel to her; knowing Earl would never be back.

  As if it would help, Johnny started the answering machines. Fiona’s enquiring messages did nothing to cheer the place up.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Linda said two minutes later.

  ‘Passport?’

  ‘Right here. Just got to leave the keys for Joan to let the glazier in.’

  The Lotus swept through LA until Linda swung them into the airport’s car park.

  ‘The change will be as good as a rest,’ Johnny said getting out hoping Linda would be okay.

  Her sardonic laugh didn’t settle his concern.

  Lumping her suitcase into the airport Johnny asked anyone in uniform where they should check in. He had no idea how he’d find Christine and his passport and tickets.

  Fortunately Mazz spotted them.

  Johnny looked and felt relief seeing Mazz approach with the biggest of smiles. She flung her arms round him.

  ‘You know how to worry us,’ she said.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. Br
eaking the hug he motioned to Linda.

  ‘Hi Linda,’ Mazz said, ‘you coming too?’

  ‘If that’s okay?’

  ‘Of course. Christine’s over here.’ She took Johnny’s free hand and led the way.

  Together again Christine handed everyone their passports and tickets. Stu, sick of being the workhorse, handed Johnny his guitar and case.

  ‘Lost your hat?’ he asked.

  Linda collected her tickets and checked in with the rest of them.

  Soon she took her seat on the British Airways 747. On her right a couple spoke, possibly in Italian. On her left a young man smiled but said nothing.

  With the band someway behind her, she felt agonisingly alone. She wondered whether they’d be giving Johnny a hard time for dragging her along.

  The captain’s voice interrupted her thoughts and cabin-soft music with an apology. It seemed a plane somewhere ahead of theirs needed towing off the runway following engine failure. Linda having already pictured the eleven hour flight could only guess how much longer they’d have to stay seated.

  Just as the idea of going to England reached its most unbearable Christine came to her aid.

  ‘You alright up here? Johnny won’t tell us a thing about what’s happened.’

  Christine squeezed into the man on Linda’s left as the crew member Linda had planned to collar to ask about leaving the plane passed.

  ‘Are you sure you’re okay with me coming along?’

  Christine pulled a face. ‘Linda, everyone’s delighted.’

  ‘Thanks, because I really don’t want to be on my own right now and certainly not for days in London.’

  The young man having looked back down the aisle said, ‘I’m travelling alone. I don’t mind changing seats.’

  ‘You just want sit next to Mazz don’t you?’ Christine said.

  The man laughed but for the next hour Christine sat chatting with Linda. The pilot announced they’d be receiving permission to take off soon.

  ‘Ooh, Johnny won’t be enjoying this,’ Christine said. ‘Typical a plane broke down after we spent so much time convincing him flying’s safe.’

  Linda felt sorry for him, imagining how trapped he might feel. ‘Send him up I’ll look after him.’

  ‘You trying to get rid of me?’

  ‘Hardly, you’ve stopped me wanting to get off.’

  Twisting to face behind her, Christine called to Johnny. When he didn’t show she went to get him.

  ‘Oh dear,’ Linda said when he appeared on Christine’s arm, a ghost of his former self. She helped him fasten his seatbelt as the plane finally started taxiing.

  ‘I don’t like flying,’ he said simply.

  ‘I know.’ She cupped his face never having experienced such desire to care for anyone as she did then.

  He cradled her arm and rested his cheek on her shoulder. The Italian couple ignored them as she spoke soothingly.

  ‘Think of what’s ahead. Imagine the video shoot and how that’ll help the band.’

  ‘Hmm.’

  Linda smiled feeling like she’d been some use. Kicking her shoes off, she wiggled her toes and rested her head on his, welcoming the break from her feelings of despair.

  Stroking his hair she realised her feelings for Johnny ran counter to her learned understanding of Earl and other men she’d known. In this unique case she didn’t want to be protected but to protect.

  Monday 25th June 1984

  Under an already high sun, Stu dumped the yellow bag in the bus’ boot. Jack and Quinn had favoured sleep over exercise, a wise decision given the eight hour drive to Reno lying ahead. Of the band Johnny had been first back to the motel and to bed having taken the family room’s pull-out mattress. Stu had later stepped over him before crashing on the couch.

  The next morning the lads woke to find the double bed untouched. Only Dane joined them for pad-work; his pudgy body perhaps indicating it’d tone up in its pursuit of martial technique.

  Turning away from the bus Stu said, ‘Still no sign of the girls?’

  ‘Not yet,’ Johnny said thinking if he went now he could phone Linda without upsetting Christine.

  * * *

  Linda picked up on second ring. Not having spoken to her since Friday, Johnny told her about the incident at KOMP and how Dane now had them selling demos.

  When Linda spoke Johnny thought back to the previous night with Christine. What did she know about Linda? What weird thing prevented Linda considering him romantically?

  * * *

  With his bag and acoustic guitar he’d a foot on board the bus before he glanced left and saw Christine and Mazz staggering home shielding their eyes from the morning’s glare.

  ‘Blimey, girls,’ he exclaimed.

  ‘H’ve we time to shower?’ Mazz slurred.

  ‘Afraid not, Stu’s checking out now. Your bags are with him.’

  Ignoring his insinuation to collect their bags, Mazz squeezed past him boarding the coach. Christine followed.

  ‘You okay, babe?’ he asked.

  Stopping she looked at him with glassy eyes. ‘Hmm.’

  Her tone suggested she’d had a great night.

  Johnny followed her up the steps. He’d never been jealous of her lovers; the previous day’s revelation hadn’t altered that.

  He’d never fancied women still drunk from the night before; that hadn’t changed either.

  The girls collapsed in their usual seats. Johnny fetched their bags and headed to the backseat where he could play guitar with plenty of room but without disturbing the others.

  * * *

  With Jack at the wheel and Las Vegas behind them they travelled northwest along Veterans Memorial Highway, Route-95.

  Other than thickets of course dry grasses signs of life vanished; the only indication of civilisation: Route-95’s un-altering tarmac carriageway. Occasionally massive KW trucks would rattle by putting Johnny in mind of the movie Smokey and the Bandit. That reminded him of Bandit’s Trans Am which reminded him of the Camaro he’d seen in Casper’s Customs. If he had a Camaro SS he’d surely get the eight hour journey down to six. He’d even give Linda’s car a run for its money given the road’s lack of bends.

  Two hours later everyone but Jack at the wheel and Johnny at the back appeared to be sleeping. Even Stu who loved America’s scenery rested.

  Johnny put his guitar away. It clonked against the seat before him. He muted the strings but saw he’d woken Christine.

  Standing she approached him clutching her pillow. ‘I’m tired and uncomfortable.’

  ‘You want a drink?’ he asked.

  They shared a Pepsi and she leant her pillow on him getting comfortable.

  He stroked her hair wondering if he should say anything but she beat him to it.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she murmured, ‘what I told you yesterday doesn’t have to change anything. I can handle you pestering Linda as long as you don’t mind me grouching about it from time to time.’

  ‘Well at least now I know why you’re grouching.’

  Another truck whistled by.

  Johnny said, ‘I don’t pester anyway. She misses me if I don’t call.’

  Christine sighed. ‘I guessed as much.’

  Johnny reckoned she’d still be woozy. Figuring this would be his best chance to find out more he asked again what she and Linda had discussed in London.

  ‘I suppose you may as well know,’ Christine started, ‘Linda told me she only ever goes for beefy sized men. I wasn’t surprised when she hooked up with that Dwight fella.’

  ‘Well I’m hardly Kenneth Williams.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What’s her attraction to gorillas?’

  ‘She thinks men should be protectors. I didn’t tell her about martial arts; I’m hardly going to help you into another woman’s heart.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ Johnny said.

  ‘I thought she’d pee her pants laughing when she saw our sparring stuff getting loaded onto the bus.’

 
‘I remember that too. So she doesn’t see me as a defender?’

  ‘Quite the opposite. With you she wants to play guardian; says she’s never felt that about anyone. Either way, you don’t fit the mould for romantic interest.’

  ‘Sounds dumb,’ he said looking down at her.

  He guessed there must be more.

  Christine must have sensed his thoughts.

  She huffed. ‘Years ago I had an abortion. I got over it; sort of. Anyway Linda had one too.’

  ‘An abortion?’

  ‘When she was fifteen. She thought she’d gotten over it too. Then you came along.’

  Johnny gave her a questioning look but her eyes had closed.

  Christine continued. ‘She was certain she was having a boy. He’d have been younger than you – but not by much. Anyway you bizarrely got her thinking about it again. She reckons her son would’ve looked like you; and now she wants to protect you.’

  ‘You were right,’ Johnny said taking a deep breath.

  ‘How?’

  ‘I am finding this weird.’

  ‘Well I kind of get it. Anyway the whole thing voids your suitability as a lover. It does explain her dishing out the seven grand though. You can see how that’d fulfil a need in her.’

  ‘I can’t think of a thing to say about it.’ Johnny sighed wanted a change of topic. ‘D’you think we’ll ever discover who nicked the cash?’

  As if sleep talking Christine said, ‘The way I see it, it depends how determined they are to bring us down. You said, when you handed the money over the guy told you not to take it personally.’

  ‘True, he did.’

  ‘So maybe the rumour’s nothing to do with the guy. Like Dane says if they’re trying to bring us down they’ll have to try harder because we’ve switched their last effort to our advantage.’

  ‘If it was their effort.’

  ‘Right. If it wasn’t theirs’ we can probably forget finding this silver-haired villain and his thugs; it’ll blow over. But if they’re still after us, whether they succeed or not, they’ll surely stick their necks out too far at some point.’

  ‘I don’t know which is worse,’ Johnny said.

  ‘I know you want that money. I want justice too but I’ve been thinking lately it might be best just putting this down to experience. Linda will get her money back.’

  Johnny considered her points.

  Seconds later she’d fallen asleep.

  Resting his head Johnny speculated which of Christine’s predictions would emerge. He didn’t believe the caller to KOMP had been so random. Surely the bad guys wouldn’t be blowing their own trumpets. His mind drew blank as he followed Christine to sleep.

  Thursday 08th March 1984