Moonday

by J F Clayton

  Goodbye Captain’s log.

  Second Return

  Date: Monday 19th September 2157 – 20:39 CET

  Location: Alpha 12 – Moon Base

  As the three figures, fully suited in their orange spacesuits and helmets, walked past him Peter straightened his back and saluted. He could feel the tense muscles in his back contract pulling his posture tauter. He held his position, his facial muscles rigid, but his eyes betrayed the emotion and he was aware of the growing water droplets carefully balanced in the corners of his eyes. He glanced upwards and saw the light reflect off the black peak of his hat before deliberately blinking a few times trying to hold back the tears.

  As he watched them go through the exit hatch he lowered his hand and at the same time the muscles in his cheeks and also in his heart. He could still see the helmets turning to face him and saw the returners looking and nodding at him through the hatch. With a practised art, he stood to attention again, before nodding back both appreciatively and gratefully. His muscles remembered his training of standing emotionless to attention, but he couldn’t banish the sadness from his face. He was going to miss the returners.

  Peter took a few steps back to watch the action through the window wall. He could see them better as they walked to the escape pod. Even though they seemed to be moving slowly, it didn’t take them long to reach the launch site. Everything had been prepared. Liam had done a great job. He watched as one of the three turned and waved. Peter glanced at Maria, who was standing next to him and watched her as she, with sadness in her eyes and half-hearted smile, waved back, even though she knew that he couldn’t see her.

  Peter said to no one in particular, “When they land, they’ll have the advantage that it’s full Moon on Earth. If they need light...” Peter didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t really want to think about what could go wrong. He saluted again to stop himself from thinking. Patrick noticed Peter saluting and looked serious as he imitated Peter.

  Maria watched them saluting and thought they both look good with their captain’s hats. She smiled about Patrick’s behaviour and at how they looked standing next to each other. Patrick was now taller, but lankier, than Peter, and he seemed to understand the gravity of the situation and was acting appropriately.

  Peter looked at Paul and Beatriz, who were standing quietly next to Maria. He thought we’re all here to say goodbye except Dervla, and of course, Liam was sitting at his workplace controlling the launch.

  It only took a few minutes before Liam announced they were ready to launch, and he started the countdown. The ten second countdown seemed to last forever, and Peter froze his emotions and waited. He’d got an empty feeling in his stomach. He glanced around. They were waiting together, yet he had the feeling that he was alone. The escape pod launched and at first moved slowly upwards, but with an ever-increasing acceleration. Out of the corner of his eye Peter saw Paul waving to Patrick indicating that they should go. Peter was still watching the path of the escape pod and was aware of them respectfully going, and leaving Beatriz standing alone.

  Peter noticed Beatriz turning her head and suddenly realising that she wasn’t standing with the others anymore. She shook her head trying to shake off the confusion before she, almost faltering, stepped back, turned around and left.

  Gently Peter took Maria’s hand, she turned her head and looked at him directly, with wide open vulnerable eyes. Their eyes met and fleetingly they shared their loneliness. He squeezed her hand, forced a smile and said half seriously, “Art Feldmann will be safe now.”

  Maria laughed briefly and spoke inappropriately loudly as she queried, “Because Steve is no longer here?”

  Looking sad, Peter nodded a few times, then smiled and his expression relaxed, but only for a moment. Maria noticed his mood changing. His eyes became square and his expression serious. He was obviously worried, and she wasn’t surprised when he said, “I have to go and check the statue.” His voice became slower and calmer as he added, “Maybe he’s left a surprise for us.” Peter rushed to check on the statue.

  Maria was still standing in front of the window wall, looking with her head bent a little forward and with her sad eyes at the empty landing site. Her closed right hand rested on her chest. She was holding her necklace and thinking about how much she was going to miss Charlie. The next launch was going to take place in less than a month, and she comforted herself with the thought that this wasn’t so long to wait. A little smile grew on her face which despite its best attempt, failed to bring hope to her unhappy eyes.

  Out of breath, Peter arrived at Art Feldmann’s statue. He had the impression that he hadn’t taken a single breath on the way there. He stood, bending forward at the waist with his hands on his hips, right under the statue and breathed in and out a few times deeply as he inspected it. He closed his eyes and was grateful that she was still intact.

  Peter could feel the tension leaving his body. He’d been sure that Steve, before he’d left, had done something bad to the statue. Peter had intended to check before Steve’s return, but with all the excitement he’d somehow forgotten. Peter couldn’t fully believe that everything was okay and continued looking for something out of place. He didn’t find anything, but still had a funny feeling that Steve had been up to something.

  Peter admired Art Feldmann’s statue, and he thought he’d really liked to have met her. He’d like to have had a beer with her. He shrugged his shoulders, she’d been dead a long time before he’d been born. If only he had a time machine, he would be able to travel back and talk to her. He smiled and shook his head slightly as he thought how crazy his thoughts were. A time machine, people tell such stories about time machines, and he wasn’t even sure what time was.

  He looked up at the statue and noticed her smile and wondered whether Art Feldmann could explain to him what time was. Maybe he should ask Meichun if she knows what time is. He took his communication device out of his pocket, felt a little guilty, and took a photo of Art Feldmann’s statue.

  He was breathing normally again, he put his communication device in his pocket and slowly walked back to his office. On the way he smiled and thought it was late enough in the day to have a whisky.

  As soon as he stood in front of his desk, he carefully placed his captain’s hat down and looked at it lovingly before stroking it once or twice gently. He turned his head and looked for the bottle, that he’d left on the desk. He took the whisky bottle firmly in his hand and poured himself a generous measure. He thought for a moment what his hat meant to him, and he wondered with an ironic smile as he slowly and lovingly stroked the soft fabric on the top of the hat with his fingertips, if he would have the opportunity to return to Earth whether he would take it with him, or not. He stood there lost in thought for a moment before his facial muscles hardened. He took the glass firmly but carefully in the other hand and sat down abruptly. He leaned back in the chair and let himself sink into his favourite memory of his wife while he sipped the drink slowly.

  After just a few small sips, he felt how tight his clothes were around his waistline, and he wondered whether he should lose a little weight or even drink less whisky. Unconsciously he shook his head, he didn’t want that. He’d rather do a little exercise. He needed to prepare for the possibility that he would one day return home, even though he knew he couldn’t leave anyone behind. He thought of his wife and sighed. His eyes looked for something familiar, a comforting image to rest upon. He glanced in the mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked sad. He’d no idea if he would get the chance to return like Europa, Charlie and Steve had.

  His last difficult conversation with Steve occurred to him. He sighed deeply and long and enjoyed the relaxing feeling that flowed through his body. The conversation had only taken place a few weeks ago, but Peter felt that with every kilometre that Steve flew away, the event was slipping further into the past.

  Peter leaned his head back onto the chair’s head support, and his half-closed eyes relaxed as they stared aimlessly at t
he ceiling. He half smiled as he began to remember. Steve had never stopped trying to get closer to Europa. He’d even suggested that they do an additional bone density medical examination and could train together if necessary. Europa didn’t have a problem with it. Both had passed their medical examination easily and there was no reason for the extra training. Peter saw them both clearly in his mind’s eye. He felt a passing closeness that drifted away with their growing distance. His neck muscles relaxed, and his head fell forward slightly. He straightened his head. He must remember to ask Beatriz if she would test his bone density.

  He drank a sip of whisky and felt the warmth of the strong alcohol in his throat as he smiled and remembered that Steve had complained after the muscle and bone density test. He was angry and claimed that Beatriz was obviously confused. Europa, who was in the middle of her menopause, couldn’t have a better result than he did.

  Peter had tried to defend Beatriz and explained that bone density has a genetic component and the result could be valid. Peter shuddered as he remembered what Steve had said, “She’s an old woman with dementia and no longer knows what she’s doing.” Steve tone had sounded accusing as he told Peter, “You have to do something. Things are getting critical. She’s screwed up the test. You don’t know what she could do next.”

  Peter had reacted cautiously and waited for Steve’s next move. He had the feeling that it wasn’t really about Beatriz, Steve had been emotional because he was torn about returning.

  Steve’s expression had been hard. He’d seemed to have the impression that Peter wasn’t listening to him. Steve needed a reaction to help him calm his frustration. Annoyed, Steve had said, “We need a third volunteer to fly with us. Have you decided yet?”

  Peter had looked at him in silence. He’d known Steve was angry and wanted a reaction. Peter had been surprised when it occurred to him that Steve was trying to lose his place in the escape pod.

  Steve hadn’t been able to stop himself, “The teenager has never lived on Earth. We don’t know if he can even survive there. Maybe his muscles and bones won’t be strong enough.”

  Peter had waited patiently until he thought Steve had said everything he wanted to. He’d started to get a sense of what Steve was afraid of and why his little outburst was happening. Peter became more compassionate as he thought, “It’s almost as if he wants me to order him to stay here. He doesn’t want to be left behind and is scared to go home.”

  Steve had been convinced that Peter wasn’t listening to him, “Patrick has never been immunised.”

  Peter had nodded, he knew Steve was right.

  Steve had laughed briefly, believing he’d won. He’d got a reaction from Peter.

  But Peter hadn’t been thinking about Steve, he’d decided to talk to Beatriz about Patrick and was thinking that he and Patrick could train together before they returned, then he’d be sure that his bones and muscles were strong enough.

  Peter had looked pointedly at Steve, and as he spoke the determination was clear in his voice, “We’re all going home even Patrick.”

  Steve looked angry and mocked, “How can that work, there isn’t enough room for everyone.”

  Peter’s voice had remained firm and clear, “Everyone will get the chance, even though it could mean that I have to stay here.”

  Steve’s expression got grumpier.

  Peter had sighed and asked gently, “You have your place in the escape pod, what’s the real problem?”

  Steve had ignored Peter’s question, “Europa wants to be home for the Sputnik anniversary.” He’d paused briefly, “But the shortest Moon-Earth distance is on the October 18th and the Sputnik Bicentenary will take place on October 4th.” Steve had looked at Peter. He’d expected a reaction.

  Peter had only shrugged.

  Steve wasn’t finished, “We’ll return on September 19th and the next two groups will return on October 18th after Patrick turns sixteen.”

  Peter had remained mute. He’d waited for Steve to explain what he really wanted.

  Steve had taken a deep breath before he spoke quickly, “I want to know who’s coming with us.”

  Peter had been relieved and managed to suppress his smile before looking Steve directly in the eyes. When he spoke, his voice sounded conciliatory and understanding, “I don’t know yet.” Peter had shaken his head, “I’m sorry. I really don’t know yet.”

  Steve had remained silent emitting a tense feeling, leaving Peter with the feeling that he was about to explode as he left.

  Peter had relaxed after Steve had gone, but not completely. How could he answer Steve if he didn’t know who else was returning? He went through the list of people on the Moon Base, and what he already knew about their wishes. Liam was determined to stay, but how could he leave Liam here without a possible rescue. Beatriz wanted to be in the last escape pod, so she could provide any necessary medical care. Maria wanted to stay and care for her gardens as long as possible, and Dervla won’t return without her son, but then what did he want? He shuddered and forced himself to believe: He wanted to be the last to leave the Moon Base. The decision was between Paul and Charlie. Paul needed to return because of his DNA condition. He couldn’t risk living much longer outside of the protection of the Earth’s atmosphere.

  Peter knew he had to talk to Paul, but he didn’t really want to choose between the two of them. He hoped that they’d make his life easier and make the decision themselves.

  Looking at the floor with his head bowed and a sick empty feeling in his stomach, which ended with the faint taste of vomit in his mouth, he walked along the corridor to Peter’s office. His eyes followed the pattern on the floor with difficulty. He was reassuring himself, “Tread carefully, don’t step on the small cracks on the floor.” The walls floated past him unnoticed as his eyes concentrated on the floor pattern. This wasn’t a decision he wanted to make, but it was time to be brave. Time to prove what he was really made of. Furtively he wiped his eyes and blew his nose. For a moment he stood nervously outside Peter’s door, and he felt old-fashioned as he knocked.

  The knocking at the door surprised Peter and brought him back to reality. He’d looked up curiously. Charlie had slipped in the room and spoke quietly as he announced, “Maria wants me to volunteer to return.”

  Peter looked at him with compassion.

  Charlie added, “She’s promised me she’ll be on the next flight.” He breathed deeply in and out and with a furrowed forehead and sad eyes he whispered, “But what will happen if there is no place for her in one of the pods.”

  Peter felt sorry for him and wanted to reassure him, “If necessary I’ll stay. I promise not to leave anyone behind.”

  Charlie nodded. His expression was sad, but he still tried to smile and look brave.

  Peter wanted to comfort him. He understood why he’d volunteered and also that he didn’t really want to go. Peter knew that he was torn because Maria had asked him. Peter’s voice sounded kind and he tried a brave smile, “We’re sending additional communication equipment. Maybe you’ll be able to send a message to let Maria know you’ve arrived safely.”

  Charlie nodded thankfully and said weakly, “She’s already told me to send her a message to say we’re fine as soon as we land.” Charlie turned to go. He wanted to be alone. Peter thanked Charlie’s back as he left.

  The door closed silently behind Charlie. There wasn’t anything to see, but Peter still stared at the door. He was grateful, but at the same time sad that it had come to this. He nodded and held his head in his hands, thinking of Charlie’s pain and his own guilty relief that he didn’t have to make the decision.

  With renewed energy Peter said to Meichun, “We have a return plan.” He almost sounded happy. “Europa, Steve and Charlie are returning on September 19th and six more will return on October 18th.” The brief burst of energy was already spent as he added quietly, “And I’ll stay on the Moon Base with you.”

  The gloomy mood didn’t last for long and he soon said, with a more positive n
ote and a conscious portion of self-deception, “Of course, only if the others agree with my plan.”

  He thought of the three people who had accepted his plan and travelled today. Peter closed his eyes and remembered the faces as he had recently seen them. Europa had looked happy and determined. Steve had looked resolute and his behaviour had been rude. He didn’t care what happened after he’d left the Moon Base and he wanted to leave as soon as possible. Charlie’s watery eyes sought solace in Maria’s gaze. Peter could hear her reassure Charlie that she’d soon follow him. It was almost funny watching him trying to hug her while wearing that bulky spacesuit. He’d known it wouldn’t really work, but he tried anyway. Maria smiled as he tried and waited until he gave up, then she embraced him and gently laid her cheek against his. She turned her head and kissed him lightly on the cheek before he turned his head and their lips touched each other fleetingly. Charlie closed his eyes, and Peter thought he’s never going to forget the feeling her lips just made.

  Steve was getting impatient and said gruffly, “Come on. Let’s fly.”

  Maria let Charlie go and they looked at each other emotionally.

  Maria whispered, “Have a good journey,” and she smiled at him lovingly.

  Europa and Steve had already got their helmets on. Charlie put on his helmet and turned on the radio.

  Peter assured the returners, “We’ll see each other again soon.” Even though he knew this was a lie. He looked at Europa walking, she seemed happy and energetic. Steve’s walk was rebellious and self-confident, while Charlie took only small reluctant steps, while repeatedly looking back.

  Before they left the base Maria ran forward and stopped Charlie, she pushed a Moon flower in his hand. They could all hear over the radio as he said, “Don’t forget me.”

  Maria wiped a tear from her eye as she said, “Never.”

  Peter rubbed his hands on his face and leaned back in his chair. The day had been exhausting and he was happy that it was almost over. He poured himself a whisky, turned to Meichun and asked, “How long will we have to wait for a possible response?”