“Jason, you know you’re not, like, doing the list with us, right? Haven’t we had to tell you this every time?”
He nods. “Yes. And I know I’m not doing it with you. But I can help. I can be, like, a list coach. A resource. Some of this stuff is hard, obviously.”
“Actually . . .” I look it over. “I think this is our easiest one yet.”
13 Must-Dos to Keep Crushing It as 13-Year-Olds
Hula-hoop on a unicycle. (in process)
Start a movement. (trying)
Figure out how we feel about God. (on the path)
Spend more time with Bubbie and Zeyda. (doing this)
Perfect the art of persuasion, especially with Kaylan’s mom. (on it)
Train for and run a race. (not yet)
Come up with many varieties of fruit-infused water. (yum. doing this)
Properly thank our teachers before the end of the year.
Find a unicorn. (hmm)
Win an online contest. (TBD)
Be Me. (crushing this)
Eat one of those super-spicy chips. (on order)
Convince Ari’s parents that they need a dog and come up with an awesome name for said dog. (working on it, on hold until spring)
“You do?” he asks. “How?”
“Well, we’ve started each thing already, and are well on our way with all of it,” I explain. “And we have way more time with this one.”
“Yeah, but win an online contest? How can you control if you’re going to win? If it said enter online contests, I’d understand. But win? No way. You can’t demand that of yourselves.”
“Well, we’re obviously going to try.”
He shakes his head defiantly. “And figure out how you feel about God? People spend their whole lives on that. I mean, you can’t have that done by the end of the school year.”
“True.”
“Plus, wasn’t that what your bat mitzvah was about? You kind of have an advantage over Kaylan.”
I shake my head at him, realizing that he can actually be quite frustrating, but that may be one of the things I like about him. “Yes, it was partly what my bat mitzvah was about and I loved thinking about all that stuff. But I don’t have an advantage. We’re both working on it.”
“I just don’t think you can have a deadline for that.” He sighs. “I’m sorry.”
“Jason.” I sit down next to him on the beanbag chair. We’re sitting so close, the string of his hoodie tickles my arm. “We’re not saying we’ll have it figured out or we’ll never debate it for the rest of our lives. We’re just saying we’ll come to some kind of conclusion.”
He nods like he’s listening but isn’t convinced. “Okay. Well, good luck. And remember I’m here to help.”
He looks over at my door and then leans over a little like he’s about to kiss me again. My stomach flips over three times the way I usually do in the pool, and then my phone rings.
It’s a FaceTime call.
It’s Kaylan.
29
KAYLAN
“SHE’S PROBABLY HAVING DINNER RIGHT now,” Cami says over my shoulder. So far Ari hasn’t answered the FaceTime call. It’s not like I have anything that mega important to tell her, but I wanted to show her our room and the balcony and the view of the ocean. There’s gonna be fireworks tomorrow so maybe I will FaceTime her in for that, too. I don’t want to tell her about the email from my dad since I’m trying as hard as I can to push it away from my thoughts. I guess it’s not going that well.
“Hiiii,” Ari sings, answering the call, her face appearing in the little box.
“Ari, my love!” I yelp, and Cami swats my arm.
“Hey, I thought I was your love.” She laughs like she’s kidding but I don’t think she’s really kidding.
“You are too,” I mouth.
“OMG, it looks so amazing there,” Ari says. “Even the little of what I can see of the room looks so über fab. Give me a tour! Give me a tour!”
I get up from the chair and start walking around.
“Hey!” Cami hits my arm again. “I want to say hi, too!”
“Hi, Cami,” Ari yells out, and then Cami moves the phone a little so she can say hi.
“Ari, your room is fab. I’ve never seen it,” Cami says.
“Oh,” Ari replies. “Um, thanks.”
“Hey, whose shoes are those in the corner, by the door?” Cami asks. “Those blue Nikes.”
It’s quiet for a minute and then another head pops into view on the phone.
Jason.
Guess he got new shoes. Guess he’s over at Ari’s.
My stomach drops.
I’m suddenly regretting this call.
“Hey,” Jason says. “I was just, uh, making a photocopy of the break math packet.”
Sure he was. I don’t know why he has to lie. I know what’s up. Lying only makes it worse.
“Cool,” Cami replies, and then glares at me like puh-lease.
I ignore her. “Hey hey. So what’s—”
Ari interrupts, “So can I please have a tour of the room and stuff? And can you bring me down to the pool? Show me everything. It’s one degree here but with the wind chill it feels like negative twenty.”
“Ouch,” Cami says. “That’s torture.”
No one says anything for a few minutes after that.
It’s basically just Ari and me staring at each other, with Jason popping his head in every other second.
This is more awkward than I expected and I kind of want to say that we have a bad connection and hang up.
“Come on. Tour! Tour!” Ari yells. Is she not sensing this awkwardness? I don’t think she is.
I take her around the room and show her everything and she oohs and aahs and I take her out to the balcony.
“Wowie, amazing view,” she says.
Jason adds, “Cami, invite me next year!”
And she laughs like it’s the funniest thing ever that would never in the world happen.
After that, my enthusiasm for this tour and FaceTime fades. The whole interaction is just weird and awkward and I’m not even getting any time to really talk to Ari. I just want to hang up.
“Okay, guys, we’re going back down to the pool and I need to charge my phone. Talk later. Bye!” I don’t even give Ari a chance to respond, which is probably rude. I’ll text her later and clear the air and catch up on all the important stuff.
As we’re walking down the hallway with towels over our necks, heading to the elevator, Cami says, “See, that was super weird.”
I don’t answer.
I agree with her, but I don’t want to discuss it.
“They were probably making out like right before we FaceTimed.” She stops walking. “Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly; my stomach is feeling queasy and unsettled. I thought I didn’t care about this Ari/Jason thing. But maybe I do care. Or maybe Cami is making me care.
Is it possible for another person to make you care about something? In a bad way? I don’t know.
“He’s not that great,” Cami continues. “I saw his feet through the screen and his toenails looked really long.”
“He was wearing socks!” I yell louder than I meant to, and the other people waiting for the elevator with us look very confused.
“Oh, he was? Hmm. I imagined it then, I guess.”
We’re quiet for a while after that, and even at the pool, I take out my magazines and read on the lounge while Cami plays a game on her phone. I kind of wish Lou or Jane would walk by, or even her parents. I think I need to interact with some other people. Maybe we could make other friends here or something.
All I know is this—I’m starting to feel like this is going to be a very long week.
At dinner that night, we’re all showered and our cheeks are red and we’re sitting around the table talking about the day. Cami’s parents order cocktails and Lou and Jane order mocktails of the fancy drinks they have on the menu—they have giant piece
s of kiwi and strawberries on skewers. Cami and I order Shirley Temples.
I try to tell myself that this is great and I’m having fun and we’re sitting by the ocean eating dinner and I’m wearing a new sundress my mom ordered online for me. I tell myself all the happy, great things, but inside I feel like I’m slowly being buried under the sand and I can’t breathe.
I don’t think I want to be here.
I feel awkward with Cami’s family, and Cami’s really annoying me. That FaceTime call was so strange and I haven’t even had a moment of privacy to talk to Ari about it.
I miss my mom. I miss Ryan’s annoying video game sounds.
I tell myself it’s great that Dad’s helping to pay for comedy camp and that I’m going! But that doesn’t really help, either. It just feels icky. And missing my dad’s visit only makes me more nervous about it for some reason.
Why in the world did I think this was a good idea? I feel like I didn’t think it through. All I thought about was sunshine and warmth and fanciness but I didn’t consider the rest of it.
“Kaylan, you okay?” Cami’s mom asks, taking an olive out of her drink.
I nod. “Yeah, fine.” I force a smile.
“Okay. Just checking.” She smiles back at me.
“After dinner, we’ll go make s’mores,” Cami whispers. “They have it every night here. But get this—they help you assemble it. So you don’t even need to get your hands sticky!”
“Wow.” I force another smile. “That’s great.”
30
ARI
“YOU’RE GOING TO KAYLAN’S EVEN though she’s not there?” my mom asks me. She’s scrambling some eggs for Gemma, my dad, and me. “And what time are your camp friends coming over? I’m so confused about the plans. Please explain, Ari.”
“I forgot my favorite cardigan there, and I really want it.” I pause, peeling apart a biscuit and popping the pieces into my mouth. “My camp friends are coming later this afternoon and we’re going to the movies and then dinner at Hunan Balcony.”
“You’re going to walk over there right after the movie?” my dad chimes in.
My mom adds, “Call and make a reservation; they’ve been so busy lately, and you’re a big group.”
“Um, okay.”
My dad says, “I’m going to be over at my parents’ this afternoon going through some paperwork.”
“Mom and I are cleaning out my room,” Gemma tells us. “I need to have a more grown-up room. I mean, I’m almost ten. It’s essential. Ooooh, I just had a brainstorm! Ari, you should’ve put that on one of your lists!”
I consider it for a moment. What a good idea. But it’s too late now. We already have our list and my room is already pretty grown-up anyway.
“Oooh,” I mock her in a loving way. “Gem! You could make a list! And put that on it.”
My dad looks from Gemma to me and then back to Gemma. “I have no idea what we’re talking about,” he admits.
“Don’t worry about it.” My mom takes another biscuit off the plate. “Okay, seems like we all have a lot to do today.”
I spend the rest of the morning making piles of books and old toys I want to donate. Around lunchtime, I get to Kaylan’s house and Ryan answers the door.
“Hey,” he grumbles. “Kaylan’s not here.”
“Hi. I know that. Duh.” I smile and take off my boots and leave them by the door. “I came over because I left my cardigan in her room.”
He shrugs.
“Ari!” Kaylan’s mom comes to greet me, wearing her personalized apron. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just forgot my cardigan,” I tell her.
“Oh, you sure it’s here? I was just organizing Kaylan’s room, and I didn’t see it.”
I feel my cheeks flash red. “I’ll go check.”
She smiles. “It’s great to see you, though.”
I ask, “Are you missing Kay?” and laugh a little.
“Of course,” she says. “But we’ll manage. You think she’s having fun?”
I nod, and think back to the FaceTime call. “Yeah, I’m sure. I mean, it’s a super-fab resort. How could she not have fun?”
“Well, yeah. You’re probably right. Okay, well, go look. We’re eating lunch in about fifteen minutes. Would you like to stay?”
“Um.” I think for a minute, realizing this is exactly what I’d hoped to happen. I hear TV sounds coming from the den, and I assume Kaylan’s dad is in there. “Sure! Can I test out something for you guys? Do you have any fruit in the fridge?”
Kaylan’s mom crinkles her eyebrows together. “I think we have a few plums, some blueberries . . . maybe a lime? I’m not sure.”
“That’s perfect.” I run up the stairs. “Be back in a few.”
I get back downstairs and pop my head into the den. Kaylan’s dad and Ryan are in there watching some game and not talking at all. Every few seconds, Mr. Terrel takes out his phone and types furiously and then puts it down. Ryan doesn’t seem to notice. It’s awkward to sit here like this, in total silence, so I decide to text Kaylan.
Me: Hey. At your house. Gonna test a fruit water out on your fam!
She writes back a second later.
Kaylan: Oh! What am I missing there?
Me: Not much. Ryan and your dad are in the den not talking and your mom’s making lunch.
Kaylan: Sounds about right. LOL.
Kaylan: Tell me if you notice anything out of the ordinary. K? Maybe my dad canceled his wedding and he wants to get back together with my mom?
Ari: Um. Okay.
“Is it okay to borrow this pitcher?” I ask Kaylan’s mom once I’m in the kitchen.
“Sure,” she says, looking at me, confused. I can’t remember if we told her about the new list or not, so I decide not to mention it.
“I’m just really into fruit water,” I tell her. “And I’m trying to come up with as many varieties as I can. Kaylan is, too, ever since the hibachi place. Has she tried any out on you?”
She nods. “Oh, yes! The fruit water. She made an outstanding cucumber pineapple before she left.”
“Delish! This is going to be a plum blueberry,” I tell her, cutting up the fruit and putting them in the pitcher. “We’ll let it sit in the fridge a few minutes before lunch, okay?”
She smiles. “Okay, Ari.”
When we sit down for lunch, I pay attention as best I can, but so far there’s nothing to notice at all. Kaylan’s dad doesn’t even offer to help bring anything out. He’s quiet most of the time, except for asking to have things passed. Like, “pass the chicken salad,” “pass the chips” and stuff like that.
I’m starting to wish I hadn’t done this. It’s mega awkward to be here without Kaylan, even if it was just her mom and Ryan. But with her dad here, too—it seems like everyone is sitting on a painting, trying as hard as they can not to smudge it.
“So how’s everyone?” Kaylan’s mom asks. “Isn’t it lovely to have Ari with us? What a special surprise.”
Ryan head-tilts, not as enthusiastic as a nod, and takes another roll out of the basket.
“It’s great,” Kaylan’s dad says. “I’m happy to be here, even if it is freezing.”
He looks pretty much the opposite of happy.
“Well, lucky Kaylan got to escape this cold,” I say, when I can’t think of anything else.
“That’s true,” Kaylan’s mom says. “I’m going to refill the salad and bring out your water, Ari. Be right back.”
Again, no one offers to help, so I get up to follow her into the kitchen. On my way in, I notice Kaylan’s dad texting under the table. I try as hard as I can not to snoop but it’s weird when you see a dad doing something a teenager would do. It feels so funny and out of place, like when you see a little kid dressed up like an elderly person on Halloween.
I can’t read any of his texts but whatever he’s discussing seems tense and angry.
We come back with the refilled salad bowl and the water and we all eat, occasionally discussin
g sports and random TV shows, but nothing exciting or important. Ryan talks a little bit about his band and that they’re trying to get some local gigs for summer.
“What is this water?” Ryan makes a face.
“It’s fruit-infused,” I explain. “Blueberry plum.”
“Uh, okay.”
“I think it’s delicious,” Kaylan’s mom adds. Her dad takes a sip and nods, seemingly unsure of what to say.
I want to have something great to tell Kaylan later. Some out-of-the-blue love connection between her parents, even though that would be sort of sad for Robert Irwin Krieger and Zoe. But people’s parents are people’s parents. I think no matter what age someone is, they’ll still deep-down hope that their parents get back together. Even if it wasn’t a great marriage or anything.
People want their parents to love each other.
It’s a basic fact of human existence.
The thing is, though, there’s nothing good to tell her. Her dad is checked out, more interested in his phone than anything else. He hasn’t said anything of importance. He hasn’t even mentioned the wedding, not that I’d really want him to. Her mom is doing all the work here, trying to make everything amazing. She’s cheery, carrying this whole lunch on her shoulders.
I have no idea what I’ll tell Kaylan later, when she asks about it. I guess I can say that the fruit-infused water reactions were mixed, but her mom really seemed to like it. That’s something.
I debate this the rest of the afternoon, until my friends arrive. When they do, we hug and squee in the driveway even though it’s frigid outside and then we run up to my room so they can all settle in. It’s cheesy to say but just having them here makes everything feel warmer.
“This is literally the best ever,” Alice says, plopping down on my beanbag chair.
“The beanbag?” I ask, laughing.
“No, just being here. All together. Can we stay up all night?” she asks. “Can we squeeze amazingness out of every second?”
“Of course,” I tell her. “All I have planned so far is going for Chinese and seeing a movie, okay? And Jason wants to come over and hang later.”
“Ooh, Jason.” Zoe shakes her head. “I still can’t believe you’re totally over Golfy after all that.”
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