Mistakes

by A. M. Hayward

  I stopped and took a deep breath, realizing I was totally out of control.

  I closed my eyes and willed myself to take deep breathes. There just had to be a way for me to talk to him. The one thing I knew for sure was that he was a huge key to helping find my friend. He’d been there after I left, and if nothing else, he could tell me what happened to her when they found out I was missing.

  I needed to get to Chicago. I needed to convince Mom to let me go.

  Mom was a brick wall about Chicago. No matter how hard I cried, begged, and pleaded, she refused to let me go. I even tried to tell her that Chicago had a news station that wanted to do an interview there. She didn’t buy it, and I lost all hope. Life became meaningless to me, and I felt empty and hopeless.

  I had stopped talking to Mom; there was just no point. She wouldn’t listen and told me I had to move on with my life. I had just been kidnapped! My best friend was missing! I never realized before now how selfish my mother was. I hated her. I didn’t want to be around her, and as soon as I was able, I was out of here.

  Mom, of course, called the doctor because that would fix everything. He prescribed me anti-depressants and said it would help with what I’d been through and with my recovery. I didn’t want to recover. I wanted to feel miserable. It was the least I deserved.

  Sixteen days after I returned home, I sat in the living room as I did most days since I’d stopped speaking to my mom. I watched the local news, hoping to hear anything about what was happening in Mexico. I was obsessed. It was the only thing that mattered.

  True to her word, Jennifer had continued to keep the story of Maddy’s kidnapping in the news even if it was just a mention of the phone number to call with information. For that, I was very grateful. I didn’t know if it was always like this, but it suddenly seemed that young women were disappearing in Mexico at an alarming rate. Before I’d been involved, I’d never realized this was such a huge problem. I’d never paid any attention to the news. Why bother when I was a self-absorbed twit whose only worry was about what to wear the next day. I couldn’t believe I was so blind to the horrors of the world. All I kept thinking was, What on earth were we thinking, going there? How could we have been so stupid? My priorities had definitely changed.

  Today, the news was abuzz with the release of a kidnapped victim from Dallas. His name was Dalton McKenny, a local businessman. From what I could see, his family looked like they had some money. He’d been kidnapped around the same time as Maddy and I, which got my attention.

  The picture they had up was of a man in a clean-cut suit. When they flashed a video of the same man being lifted onto a gurney into the back of an ambulance, you would have thought it was a different person. He was obviously lucky to be alive.

  The kidnapping was different from ours. His family had been contacted for a ransom, which they paid, but they didn’t disclose how much. An American tourist happened to drive past and saw him on the side of a road where he’d either struggled and got away, or been dumped by his kidnappers. He was malnourished and dehydrated, and he’d suffered numerous tortures at the hands of his captors. However, aside from a broken leg, a few cracked ribs, and a concussion, he was expected to make a full recovery.

  I really was praying that since Jack and me, and now this man, had escaped, that maybe Maddy would be the next one found.

  Day seventeen and I had put the Dalton kidnapping out of my head. The day was like any other. I got up, avoided my mom, took the phone off the hook, and sat in front of the television in a trance.

  The doorbell rang. I didn’t want to see anyone, and I knew it would be for her anyway. I started to make my way back upstairs to my room, but when I reached the third step, she called to me.

  “Aimee,” she said in an overly cheerful voice.

  “Whoever it is, I’m not here,” I yelled back, and continued up the stairs.

  “Excuse me,” she said to the person at the front door, and I kept going, hoping to reach the sanctuary of my room before she caught me.

  “There you are,” she snipped when she saw me almost at the top of the stairs. “The police are here. They want to talk with you.” Her words were echoing in my brain, but still I couldn’t move. “Aimee, come on,” she demanded as she came toward me, and before I could get away, she’d grabbed my wrist and yanked me down the stairs. “Good grief. I think I may have to send you to a mental hospital. I’m pretty sure you’re having a breakdown.”

  The police waiting for me in the sitting room and rose when I came into the room. “Please tell me she isn’t dead,” I sobbed.

  The one closest to me looked saddened. “I’m sorry,” was all I heard before I started screaming. “No, No, No!” Snot and tears ran down my face as I fell onto the couch and hugged myself into a little ball, rocking. “Please,” I whispered.

  The policeman sat down on the couch next to me. “Aimee, we can’t be sure, but by all accounts, it doesn’t look good, I’m afraid.”

  “How?” I whispered, staring at nothing. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t move. I just continued rocking back and forth.

  “Ms. Lancaster?” one of the policemen said as he sat on the couch next to me.

  “Aimee,” I corrected meekly.

  “Aimee, I know this is hard on you, and you’ve gone through your story many times, but in light of some new developments, it would help us to hear your account again,” he said softly.

  “What new developments?”

  He looked at his partner and nodded. The other policeman took out a small notebook and began relaying the facts.

  “Approximately eighteen hours ago, a Mr. Dalton McKenny was found near the Mexican/American border in critical, but stable condition. He was able to recount some of his time being held captive in a border town in Mexico with a Ms. Maddison Turner.” I gasped as he met my eyes and gave me a sad smile. Then he took a breath and continued. “The two of them had been held in a cell together for about fourteen days as far as he could tell.”

  I sobbed and rocked faster and faster. “He saw her?” I whispered, scared of what he was going to tell me next. “He was with her? What did he say?” I couldn’t sit any longer, and I jumped off the couch and paced the room. “How was she? Is she still alive? Please tell me she’s alive!” I was firing off questions faster than I could even think them through. The two officers looked at one another and then back at me. I could tell something was wrong. “What are you not telling me?” I choked.

  Just as I was about to lose my mind, he kept his eyes glued to his little notebook as he said, “Mr. McKenny believes that Maddison was shot and killed by the kidnappers just prior to his departure.”

  My knees crumbled. “No,” I whispered, sobbing so hard my shoulders hurt. I choked and couldn’t breathe. “No.” I could no longer hear what was being said. All I heard was mumbling.

  “Come on, Aimee,” my mom said as she pulled up. The police were not in the room anymore, and I had no idea where they’d gone. Mom helped me lay down on the couch and put a blanket over me, and I cried myself to sleep.

  The next week was a blur. I stayed in my bed and let the world pass me by. The utter guilt and sorrow was killing me. I couldn’t come to grips with the fact that I’d left her there. My best friend in the whole world. The one person that really got me was gone, and it was my fault. The tears had long stopped. I had nothing left.

  Mom came storming in and marched to my windows. As she threw back my curtains, the sun assaulted me. “That’s enough of this. I swear. I don’t know what do to with you. It’s been almost a week since you’ve come out of this room. You don’t eat. You don’t talk. You don’t do anything but lay there. Have you even taken a bath?”

  “Just go away,” I mumbled and tried to cover my head with my comforter.

  She pulled the blanket completely away from me, leaving me rolled up in a ball in my bed. �
�I don’t think so. You’re getting up today. I’ve worked very hard to make sure the right people are here today, and you will not disappoint me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m done. No more stories. No more parties. No more anything. Just leave me the hell alone!”

  My tirade had little effect on her. “You’re going to go get showered and put on a nice dress. We’re going out.”

  I seethed as I reached for my comforter again. “Get the fuck out of my room!”

  Before I knew it, she hit me, the loud smack reverberating off the walls of my room. I was stunned as I raised my eyes to find my mother standing over me with her hand held high, waiting to slap me again.

  “Great, Mom. So, you’re going to beat me into submission? Wonderful parenting skills you have,” I said sarcastically. “Give it a rest. I highly doubt that anyone believes you’re going to be the next Mother of the Year.”

  “You little bitch. How dare you speak to me like that! After all I have done for you,” she retorted.

  “Me? A little bitch? My best friend is dead. I was kidnapped.”

  “She wouldn’t be dead if you hadn’t taken her there in the first place,” she screamed

  Fury like I’d never felt overtook me, and I leapt from my bed to stand toe-to-toe with the woman who’d given birth to me. “How could you say that to me? I’m a mess, Mom,” I sneered her name with sarcasm. “Don’t you think if I could do it all over, I would? All you care about is how it will look to the rest of your fucking friends. Did you even miss me? Did you even worry that I might not come back?” I’d calmed down somewhat, but the tears had started again. “I wish it would have been me. I wish I could change places with Maddy every second.” I turned to grab my comforter off the floor and get back into bed. “At least her family misses her. She knew she was loved.”

  “Oh, for the love of God. Loved? That’s what you think? I heard she’s dead because they couldn’t bother to raise the money for the ransom, so the kidnappers had to kill her. You call that love?” she sneered.

  “Get out!” I screamed. She was not my mother. I hated her. It couldn’t have been true. Her parents loved her. They were strict, but everything they did was because they loved her and wanted what was best for her. They would have done anything in their power to get her back. I was sure of that.

  “Whatever you say,” she huffed. “I just thought you’d want to go to the memorial service for the girl you so dearly loved.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Maddison’s family is having a memorial service for her today, and you were invited,” she spat angrily at me.

  “Did they find her body?” I whispered.

  “No,” she said as she walked out of the room, slamming the door.

  I knew I had to be at that memorial service; I needed to be there for Maddy. I needed to tell the Turners how sorry I was. I could only imagine what they would say to me. I was sure they hated me. The guilt of everything pained my chest. There was no escaping that I had been the one to help get their daughter kidnapped in the first place. On top of my plan of deception, I had left her there to die.

  As I showered and changed, I thought about different scenarios that could happen when I came face-to-face with her family. Would they yell at me and throw me out of the service? I deserved that and more. If it would help ease their suffering to hate me, I would gladly let them.

  Grabbing my coat, I raced down the stairs before my mother could see me leave. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quick enough.

  “Oh, so you decided to go after all? Did you put on a nice dress? You need to look good.”

  “Not now, Mom. I’ll be back later,” I said, as I got closer to the front door.

  “There will be some screenwriters at the service. They want to make a movie about your ordeal. I expect you to be on your best behavior, so let’s not go overboard on the dramatics,” she said with an eye roll.

  “Are you kidding me?” I was furious. “And how do you know this, Mother? Was this your doing?” I couldn’t believe she would stoop this low. How could she do this to the Turners? “You are not my mother. I don’t want anything to do with you.” With that, I turned and bolted out the door before she could reply. How could she be so cold and heartless?

  The sun was too bright, and I shielded my eyes with a pair of thick sunglasses. The darkness engulfed me at once, and I hoped briefly that maybe the shades would help hide my guilt. I had never been one for standing in the shadows, but my life had changed. I had changed.

  Pulling up to the chapel, I was shocked by the amount of people already there. I wondered if they all knew Maddy, or if they were here to gawk at the Turners. Most people were standing around the front of the church talking. All were wearing black, and it really hit home why I was here. I remained in my car for a while just taking it all in and trying to remember that I owed it to the Turners to be here. As I prepared myself to get out of the car, my stomach flipped over. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be here. I had just put my keys back into the ignition when a knock on my window startled me.

  Screaming as I turned, I saw a very frightened Tim Jones. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said through my window as I rolled down the window.

  “Don’t worry about it, Tim. I’m just a bit jumpy these days,” I acknowledged sadly. I hadn’t seen him since before Mexico. The idea of returning to school was just too much to handle. I couldn’t face it. The thought of seeing my classmates’ faces and answering all their questions was too overwhelming. I wouldn’t have been able to take walking down the halls, and going to the classes Maddy and I shared would further solidify that she was gone.

  Tim said, “I saw you sitting in your car, and I thought I would see if you wanted to go in with me.”

  I looked back at the crowd of mourners. “I don’t think I’m going in.”

  We both remained silent for a while until he whispered, “You need to, Aimee. You need to—” he stopped and swallowed hard. “I’ll be with you the whole time. Go in with me?” I turned to look at him. Why was he being so nice to me? As I contemplated my options, Tim went on. “It’s just that I can’t think of a world where she isn’t a part of it. She was such a sweet, caring person. She helped me so much and never asked for anything in return.” I looked up at him, surprised. I didn’t even know they knew each other all that well. “I miss her. Come in with me. Come on, Aimee. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  I laid the side of my head against the steering wheel as I continued to stare at him. I knew he was right, and I needed to stop being a coward.

  “So, it looks like they’re getting ready to start.” He placed a hand on my door.

  “Yeah, I’ll go. Just give me a minute, please, Tim?” I rolled my window back up, looked into the mirror and looked away again. Then I took a deep breath and opened the car door.

  Tim gave me a small sad smile and offered me his arm. I couldn’t thank him enough for being here with me, and I gripped his arm tighter, squeezing it. I found it hard to form the words right now to thank him, but I would find a way later.

  Together we crossed the street and reached the doors to the church. Some elderly men were handing out papers with a beautiful picture of Maddy on the front. I couldn’t make myself touch it, and Tim grabbed one for me.

  We settled into a back pew as the music stopped. All heads turned toward us, and I almost had a panic attack, thinking they were looking at me. The church doors open once again.

  Maddy’s parents and her brother Zane came in. Zane stood in between them, and it looked to me as if he were holding them up as they walked down to the front of the church that was filled with flowers and pictures of Maddy. Her parents looked devastated. Mrs. Turner tried her best to keep her head held high, but her father never even looked up. Oh, Go
d, I did this. Finally, the tears that I’d been trying to hold in broke free.

  I gripped Tim’s arm. I felt hot and clammy, as if I might throw up. “It’s okay,” he whispered, sitting me down. “You can do this.” I nodded, wiping my tears away with my sleeve and looking at my feet. I couldn’t speak to him right now. I just had to concentrate on not passing out.

  As the service started, I became numb again. I heard the murmur of voices, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen. I’d lose it if I did. I closed my eyes and wished I were anywhere but here.

  Then I heard Zane’s voice, and I had to look up. I should’ve known he would say something. I really didn’t think I could get through this. As I stood up to leave as quietly as I could, Tim grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back down, gripping my hand and squeezing it.

  “Maddison was my beautiful baby sister,” Zane said, stopping as his voice cracked, and he turned away from the microphone to clear his throat. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  He looked very nervous. I knew I would never have been able to do what he was doing.

  “Maddy…” He stopped again and threw the paper he’d been reading from to the floor. “You know, I can’t believe she isn’t here to fight with anymore.” Zane had a small smile on his face but turned somber as he said, “I can’t keep blaming everyone for what happened.” Fresh tears ran down his face. “Mom and Dad will know I was the one who broke the dish. Who’s going to tell me my room is disgusting now? And…” he shook his head and looked toward the ceiling. “It’s just not fair. She was such a wonderful person, and I miss her so much.”

  I heard a woman sobbing, and I was pretty sure it was Mrs. Turner. I was shaking and crying so hard I would have gone outside if Tim didn’t have a hold of me. I didn’t know how much more I could take.

  Zane took a deep breath. “I love you, Maddy. You’re the best sister in the world. I wish I’d told you that before. I wish you were here. You will be missed,” he said, finally breaking down.