Hexed Hit: An Urban Fantasy Mystery (The Lyon Fox Mysteries Book 4)

by Ann Denton

  There’s urine from the squirrel-rhino, the chickie pups, some animal labeled a cat peacock … that must be frickin’ gorgeous. I’m distracted briefly as I wonder if that would be like a black peacock with a cat head or like a cat with feathers and a peacock tail. Damn. I wish that shifter had been there when we busted the nap shack so I could tell.

  I shuffle through the pages, but no lizard bear pee is in the pile. So Lilypunt’s pee wasn’t collected. I don’t see the grasshorse either. I wonder if their animal forms are too small to get samples from. I mean, I woulda’ thought the chickie pups would be too small too, but with the dog in them, who knows? Maybe they lift a claw and spray?

  I feel a desperate need to stop what I’m doing and call JR. Or maybe Luke. I need to tell someone about the fact that I’m trying to imagine mixed animal shifters peeing. That’s just one of those traumatic moments that has to be shared, you know?

  Since, technically, JR works in law enforcement and this is an open case, I pick her.

  I text: I’m currently trying to imagine how a chickie pup pees. Just sharing so you get the awesome mental image stuck in your head, too.

  She responds, Maybe they fly and spray. Like a crop duster.

  I bust up laughing and Squeaky gives me a weird look. But this is why she’s in the inner circle. JR just rolls with my weirdness.

  I totally can picture a chickie pup barking as it flies low and sprays the grass, thinking, ‘That’s right mutha’ fuckers. This is my yard!’

  I thank Squeaky and leave. I Broomer over to Wanda’s Brews, a nice little pub JR and I like to hit up for happy hour sometimes. When I land, I text Becca.

  I'm here. Is Flowers still on his date?

  Becca replies, Oh yes. And you’re gonna want to see this. Seena and I have a booth in the back left corner.

  My curiosity peaked; I head into Wanda's. It’s got some televisions blaring sports on one side of the bar and then a bunch of booths on the other. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the mood lighting, but once they do, I spot Flowers and his date right away. I have to bite down on a grin as I see a pained look on his face. I crane my neck to see his date. Sitting across from him in an outfit that would make any hooker proud, is a full-fledged demon. Black horns protrude from her forehead, she has those way over-penciled thick eyebrows, beautiful long lashes, black hair, and deep orange eyes. Her skin is smooth and silky, and her large breasts spill out of the tiny leather bra she wears. It doesn't help that she has her elbows on the table pushing up her cleavage even more. I watch Flowers struggle to maintain eye contact. It is hilarious.

  I walk back to Seena and Becca's table. Flowers does not notice me at all (for obvious reasons.) Becca shamelessly has her phone out and pointed at Flowers, recording his entire miserable experience.

  I slide into the booth and nod at the golem bartender who nods back at me, his clay hands looking slightly muddy after all the drinks he's mixed. (The place is packed because Wanda's has amazing garlic fries.)

  "So, what's happened?" I ask, as I steal a bite of Becca’s quadruple sugar cream pie. It’s got molasses, honey, white fae-suckle flowers, and brown sugar all mixed in at the bottom and then this creamy meringue thing going on. It’s heaven.

  Seena snorts and pushes his glasses up his nose. “What hasn’t happened is a better question.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Seena pushes around some carrots left on his plate, “First thing she asked when she sat was, ‘Favorite sex position?’ Flowers about fell out of his seat.”

  My jaw drops. I stare wide-eyed at Becca, looking for confirmation that Seena’s not pulling my leg. She nods.

  “Tell me you got that on video,” I beg.

  Becca shakes her head sadly. “I had no idea she was gonna go there. I pulled out the camera right after, so you won’t miss too much.”

  I grab her arm. “Details. His face? What did it look like when she asked that?”

  Seena throws his head back and laughs. “Oh, man! Remember when you bonked him in the head with that yoga block?”

  I nod.

  “That face. That shocked, ‘hell no that didn’t just happen’ face.”

  I picture that face in all its glory, directed at someone else. (I don’t mention how often I’ve seen that face from Flowers.)

  Becca pipes up, “He immediately started lecturing her. Telling her that wasn’t appropriate first date conversation.”

  I press my lips together and stare over at sexy demon girl. “I imagine she didn’t take that well?”

  “Oh, she just smiled and got her phone out. We couldn’t tell from here, but from Flower’s face, I’m pretty sure she started showing him nudies.”

  “The words ‘sexual compatibility is important’ might have drifted over,” Seena says.

  “More like, we were so nosy that I sent Seena on a trip to the bathroom and he detoured by their table,” Becca adds.

  I can’t hold it in. I bust a gut. I mean, really? “What are Sarah and Tabby thinking? Flowers is probably the most uptight person I know!”

  Seena nods. “I’m shocked he hasn’t left yet.”

  “He can’t, he thinks this is a job,” Becca points out as she zooms a little more on her camera phone. “Thanks for asking us to do this, BTW. Totes awesome night.”

  I watch as the demon woman stands and makes her way to the women’s restroom.

  I can’t resist. I stand and follow, telling Becca and Seena, “I’ll be back,” with a wink.

  When I’m washing my hands, the demon woman comes up beside me. And obviously, I’m not the best at keeping my mouth shut. I say, “Hey, you don’t know me. I’m Lyon. You’re on a date with my boss. I just wanted to let you know—”

  “You’re Lyon?” The demon woman’s eyes widen, the orange color of her irises sparking a bit red around the edges. (I’ve never met a full demon before, so I have no idea if that’s normal.) She holds out her hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

  Oh crap. “Did Flowers talk about me?” Dammit all.

  “Flowers? You mean Flores? Diego Flores?”

  “Yeah, sorry. That’s his office nickname.”

  The demon woman smiles and says, “Nope. I heard about you from Sarah and Tabby. They play a lot of bingo with my grandmother.”

  “Oh,” Relief rushes through me and I extend my hand to shake. It warms slightly on contact with hers.

  Demon woman’s eyes widen as we shake. “They told me your boss liked to give you a hard time. So, they asked if I could give him one.”

  My heart twists up a bit. “They did?” That’s probably the most evil/thoughtful/perfect thing anyone’s ever done for me. Not gonna lie, my eyes mist a bit as I think of my neighbor and her best friend. They really are amazing.

  “Yup,” Demon woman smiles. “I’m happy to help. I’m Nicolette, by the way.”

  “Well, Nicolette, it sounds like you’re doing amazing. I’m super grateful.” I give her a wide smile and Nicolette’s eyes flash red again, this time stronger.

  “So, Sarah and Tabby didn’t tell me you were part-demon,” she leans against the counter. “No wonder you and your boss don’t get along. He’s about as strait-laced as it gets.”

  I arch a brow. “Wait. You can tell I’m part demon?”

  Nicolette gives me a weird look. “Yeah. All demons can recognize each other. At least a little. We’re drawn to each other.”

  “Hmm, I didn’t know that.” I mean, Luke kinda said that. But I didn’t really believe it. I’ve always just thought vamps were hot AF. I shake my head. “I’m sorry. Raised human. I know basically nothing about being a demon. I didn’t even know I might be part-demon until like a week ago.”

  Nicolette bites her lip. “Well, normally, I’d say good luck and leave it at that. But since Tres has lots of part-demons, and you’re friends with Tabby and Sarah, I’m gonna warn you—you kinda need to know the hierarchy.”

  “There’s a hierarchy?”

  “Oh, yeah,” her face is
super-serious. “Lower-ranking demons cannot mess with higher-ranked ones. It’s, like, genetically programmed into us. If you try, there are serious consequences.”

  I lean against the counter next to Nicolette. I have to lean to the side slightly because her black horns are at eye level and those suckers are pointy. “So, do you mind? Totally ignorant here. I spent most of my life thinking I was only part-fae. What the heck is the hierarchy?”

  “Well, short version: it’s all organized by the ‘supposed’ deadly sins. Lowest level are the lazies. So, sloth demons, who literally are like those losers who go around and tempt people into marathon video game sessions. Typically, they stick to the human-only cities since they’re lowest on the totem pole. They get picked on and can’t really retaliate … because, you know, hellish consequences if you violate the hierarchy.”

  “Punny.”

  She winks. “I’ve been known to toss out a good one now and then.”

  “Wow. Makes sense. I hope that’s not what I am,” I say, but I don’t hold out much hope. I chew my lip as I wonder. I mean, I am lazy. I love reading and laying on the couch. Hate cooking and cleaning. Have like zero cool powers or glowing eyes. I sigh. I probably am a damn sloth demon. Crapola. Of course. “With my luck, that’s exactly what I am.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Blood and magic test—waiting for results,” I explain. “I don’t even know if that blood and magic test will identify the type of demon I am. Or just that I am part-demon.”

  Nicolette shrugs. “Never done one. My mom’s the part-demon in my fam. I can’t tell what you are, just when we shook hands that you have some demon in you. But, anyway, the other types are anger or wrath … those demons made the vamps with their bloodlust. Then gluttony demons are above that. I’m part envy-demon, we’re the fourth most powerful. The only demons higher than us are lust, greed, then pride demons.”

  I shake my head. “I totally need to get over to Tall Tales and buy a book on this.” I sigh. “After I figure out how to reverse engineer my other powers.”

  Nicolette scrunches her face. “Why would anyone want to reverse their powers?”

  I cough uncomfortably. “I kinda made Flowers lose the letter ‘f’ from his vocab. Now he can’t say any word with that letter at all.”

  Nicolette laughs—her laugh is totally scary movie villain worthy—startling a wererabbit, who ducks under the bathroom stall door and hops out of the restroom’s animal flap without even washing her hands.

  “That is the best!” Nicolette says, clapping her hands. “I better get back out there. He probably wonders if I dined and ditched him.”

  I smile, “He’s probably hoping for it.”

  She raises her eyebrows and gives me a silly grin. “Oh no. He’s got more fun coming to him. And now, I’m gonna try and trap him into saying ‘eff words’ all night.”

  She raises her hand and gives me a high five before she leaves the bathroom.

  I fluff my hair in the mirror and stare at myself for a minute. If that’s what demons are like, it might not be so bad to be one. Even if I’m just a slothy one.

  Then I skip on out, eager to watch the rest of Flower’s torture session.

  Chapter 14

  Nicolette drags out Flowers' personal hell for another half an hour. My ribs hurt from laughing so hard.

  But Flowers catches me on his way out. “Lyon!” he barks.

  I jump in my seat, staring with wide eyes at Seena and Becca.

  “You are supposed to be researching reversals,” Flowers growls, leaning over me and into the booth. His fingers clench the booth material so hard that I’m pretty sure he’s fighting against his claws popping out in public.

  Dammit. Nicolette left him in an awful mood.

  “Just grabbing a bite and was about to get to it, sir,” I tack on the ‘sir’ in the hope that it’ll buy me a little leniency.

  Flowers closes his eyes and does a calming breath. “Be early, tomorrow night. I want a report on your progress.”

  I nod. Fuck. It’s gonna be another long morning for Lyon sponsored by the makers of Peppy Perk.

  I've left my spell reversal books in my locker. So, I sigh and start to walk from Wanda’s back to the office. I snatch out a book or two, before Luke texts.

  Where you at?

  Leaving works. You?

  Picking you up.

  I smile. I type, You aren't sick of me yet?

  I walk down the stairs and out the door, waiting for Luke's reply text. I don't get one. Instead I feel a rush of wind as Luke uses his supernatural speed to run up and snatch me off my feet.

  "My place or yours?" he asks.

  I rearrange myself so my books are in one hand and I can wrap one arm around his massive shoulders and stroke his shoulder length blond hair.

  "Mine." The word isn’t even all the way out of my mouth before he races along the sidewalk, carrying me past lumbering trolls and drunk witches. Just as my mouth starts to get dry from the wind constantly whipping at my lips, we arrive.

  Of course, Sarah and Tabby spill out of Sarah's apartment the moment they see us.

  "Well aren't you just grinnin' like a possum eating a tater," Sarah says when she sees Luke.

  That just makes him grin wider. "Yes ma'am."

  I jump out of Luke's arms and give Sarah Snow and Tabby hugs. "Thank you both so much. Flowers' date this morning was hilariousness incarnate."

  "Of course, sugar," Sarah says as she pats my back.

  Tabby shakes her head. "That man has such a stick up his ass that I'm surprised he can shit."

  Sarah waves her hand, "I don't think he can. That poor boy's so backed up his eyes are brown."

  I facepalm it on that one. I totally agree that Flowers is uptight. But I don't want to be thinking about his tiger butt at all. "Too visual. Too visual," I scold them.

  Tabby rolls her eyes. "How can you work murder cases if you can't stand a silly little discussion like this?"

  I shrug.

  Tabby shakes her head and grabbed Sarah's arm. "Well, we'd better get back to it. We're getting one of those phone games built. And then a couple of my cat shifter friends are coming over for a game of feathers."

  "Phone games?" I ask.

  "Apps," Sarah corrects Tabby. "I keep telling her, they're called apps. Our matchmaking business is getting an app."

  Tabby sniffs dismissively. "App isn't even a real word.”

  "Yes it is—" Sarah starts to argue. You can tell by the tired tone of her voice that they've had this argument a million times already.

  Luke interrupts with a question, "What are you naming the app?"

  Tabby says, "I wanted to go with blue snow match me. I mean we need to make people familiar with our brand."

  Sarah crosses her arms and taps her high-heeled foot. "And I said that that is way too long for a phone. People don't want to have to scroll down to read the name of your business. I suggested mate maker."

  "But that's totally shifter biased!" Tabby exclaims. "Trust me, I am all about the hot shifters … but our business needs to be for all supernaturals."

  “What about initials?" I suggest. And I roll my eyes and say, "Never mind," when I realize their initials will spell BS Matchmaking. That might be an accurate name, but not good marketing.

  “Don’t you worry about us, sweetie, we’ll figure it out. You and Luke go have a nice morning, now. You should be getting that boy inside before it gets any brighter out here,” Sarah gestures at the sunrise starting to peek over the treetops across the road.

  I nod. “Good luck, ladies. And thanks again for the Flowers thing.”

  Sarah nods. Tabby winks. Then they link elbows and stroll back toward Sarah’s apartment, already bickering about app names again. “—No. I’m vetoing Your Other Half. Do you know how many Frankenstein creatures that will pull in? They’re all looking for better hands, bigger feet. What if they confuse us with that body part auction house? Hand Jobs or whatever it’s called—insurance
alone for that …” Tabby’s voice trails off as the door shuts.

  “Knowing them must make life very … exciting,” Luke says diplomatically.

  I pop my lips. “Understatement.”

  Luke and I get settled into my purple velvet couch and open up the books that Flowers sent me. Luke’s the sweetest. He’s agreed to help me skim the books so I can figure out how to reverse my ability to lose things.

  I yawn. “Sucks that I have to be back at work in six hours.” I shoot up in my seat. “Shoot!”

  “What?” Luke looks over at me as he pops open a button on his collar.

  “I have to go get my uniform. I forgot it at the dry cleaners. And I’m pretty sure they have a pickup time limit before they donate to some charity—like The Shift-nation Army.”

  Luke scrunches his nose. “You took your uniform to a dry cleaner?”

  I glance at the clock and grab my keys. “Yup. Got puke on it at a crime scene—” I wink at Luke. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go through my panty drawer.”

  “Now, you know if you say something like that …”

  I smile as I pull my purse over my shoulder, “I know. Have fun.”

  I chuckle as I walk down the stairs and the few blocks to Sue’s Cleaners. The bell dings as I walk in to find a very familiar wizard lined up in front of the counter with his droopy hat at his side. I roll my eyes and stare at the wall as he gets helped by the same punk rock girl that I saw last time. Marian—the all-in-black look is accented by chains and a collar today. I watch as she argues with the wizard. It’s like deja vu. Only this time, I don’t intervene. She gives the wizard a lot of ‘tude.

  I pretend not to hear them argue as I stare at a cork board with all kinds of announcements on it: roommate wanted fliers, spell caster ads, missed magical connections, and missing people. In the bottom corner, near a flier for an exotic snake dancer, are two missing person papers. They look homemade. Definitely not from my office. One shows a witch with wild red hair named Rachel. On her neck is a tattoo with the letters EWNM. Next to her is some boy-next-door type with blond hair whose pic says he goes by Bill. The girl’s tattoo makes me think about our interview. Lilypunt said he saw a girl with orange or pink hair. What if it was red? She had a neck tattoo right? Initials? Four letters is too much for initials. But my intuition sparks.