Hexed Hit: An Urban Fantasy Mystery (The Lyon Fox Mysteries Book 4)

by Ann Denton

  “Yup,” Luke agrees, trying to hold his hand out of Flowers’ grip.

  Flowers does not appreciate our attempts to minimize his addiction. His fangs elongate and he snaps at my hand when I try to grab him by the waist and drag him away from Luke.

  “Please!” I look up at the lady doc. “Help!”

  “Unless you want me to strike him down dead and send him to Valhalla, you needa’ tell me what’s wrong so I can get him some meds. He an addict?”

  “NO!” I have to shove Flowers back with my whole body.

  Luke takes a few steps back and grabs a blanket off a patient bed to wrap his hand and staunch the catnip smell. “Lyon has the unusual magic to make people lose things. She accidentally made her boss there lose the ability to say the letter F. We tried to lose something of mine and then reverse the spell but um… the equation obviously didn’t work out. Her boss must be part of the fifty percent of cats that’s very affected by nip.” He waves his catnip green hand. Flowers’ head swivels to keep the catnip in sight at all times.

  The valkyrie huffs and walks off without another word.

  “Is she helping us?” I ask.

  But Luke doesn’t get a chance to respond. Because Flowers tackles him to the ground and starts licking and biting at the blanket around Luke’s hand.

  “You dingleberry! Get off my boyfriend!” I try to yank Flowers away. Here’s the thing though. Flowers is strong. When he lets one of his hands shift to a tiger paw, he’s strong with claws. Not a good combo when his opponent is helpless little ole me.

  Luke grabs me and suddenly, we’re across the room with superspeed. But we don’t get to rest for a second before Flowers is leaping right at us like a wild animal.

  “Walloping whiskers! His eyes have shifted!” I cry.

  Luke sweeps me up in his arms and races like the wind to another corner. Then another. I start to get dizzy when he gets to the third corner.

  “STOP!” the valkyrie returns and yells at us, spreading her wings and smacking Flowers down mid-leap.

  His head hits the floor. And I feel slightly bad as he stands up, dizzy and grasping at his poor skull.

  “You, come here,” the valkyrie snaps at Luke.

  I vaguely realize that she’s never bothered to introduce herself. I glance at her nametag. Brynhildr. Figures. Brynhildr sounds like a bitter bitch name.

  “Stick your hand in this,” Brynhildr commands, pouring out a smelly jar of yellow liquid into a bowl.

  “What is it—”

  Brynhildr cuts Luke off and shoves his hand into the bowl, blanket and all. She lets the stuff absorb for a minute before pulling his hand out and peeling the shredded bits of blanket back to reveal a very normal-looking vamp hand.

  “It worked,” I breathe. “What is that magical stuff?”

  “Biofluid,” she answers stiffly, turning to Flowers, who’s straightening up.

  His limbs have all returned to human and he scratches his cheek as the last of his whiskers disappears. He nods toward the bowl of yellow liquid. “That work on me?”

  Brynhildr gives a nod.

  Flowers dips his hand into the bowl and swipes it across his throat. “Shit! This gunk stinks.”

  Brynhildr furrows her brows. “What are you doing?”

  Flowers stares at her. “I thought you said this stu--, this goo would get rid o- my talking issue.”

  “Your issue is on your vocal cords, not on your skin,” Brynhildr replies.

  Flowers mouth drops open. “No. You can’t be serious.”

  “Yup.”

  She takes her yellow pitcher and pours some of it into a cup. “You need to drink it.”

  Flowers takes the cup and sniffs it warily. “What is it again?”

  “I already told you. Biofluid.”

  And that’s when my hand betrays me. It flies to my mouth as I realize what she’s saying. My eyes widen and a stupid, stupid loud gulp runs through my throat.

  Flowers glances over. It only takes half a second for him to look at my expression before he realizes what it means. “This is mixed shithter pee, isn’t it?”

  Chapter 21

  “You have to drink it, too!” Flowers argues.

  “No, I don’t!”

  “This is your thault!”

  “You ran in on me when I was changing!”

  “What?” Luke interjects, coming to stand between me and Flowers and crossing his arms in a very pissed-off, protective boyfriend way.

  “That’s sweet, but like, he didn’t mean to,” I touch Luke’s non-pee arm. “He was chasing a suspect.”

  “Yeah, so you gotta drink it.” Flowers reiterates.

  “That’s not logical.”

  “You’re gonna drink it or you will end up cleaning the men’s bathroom for the next year!”

  “You can’t—”

  “On every thloor.”

  I clench my fists. “Fine!” I snarl.

  “Good,” Flowers snarls right back.

  Brynhildr just rolls her eyes and pours another cup of pee.

  Luke takes my hand. “You don’t have to do this, you know?”

  “You’ll still date me?” I ask.

  “After you mouthwash like eighty times,” he rolls his eyes.

  I let out a deep breath. “Fair enough.” I glare around Luke at Flowers. “At least some people can be mature.”

  “Thuck you,” Flowers says.

  Just as he’s embracing his lisp, we’re gonna be rid of it.

  Brynhildr hands me my cup of Magic Eraser.

  I check with her. “This is really the only cure?”

  “Only one in this realm.”

  I take the cup but make a face as I slink back behind Luke. The cup is warm. Ew.

  Flowers stomps over to stand where he can see me.

  Tiger butt hair. There goes my plan to tilt my cup a bit and just get him to drink it. We glare at one another and raise our hands slowly, like cowboys about to pull their weapons.

  “On three,” Flowers says.

  Our hands slowly creep upward. My stomach’s already churning in anticipation and disgust. I can’t believe my life has come to this.

  The edge of the cup reaches my lips as Flowers’ mutters, “Three.”

  I close my eyes. But I can’t do it. I cannot willingly make myself drink urine.

  I crack my eyelid and glance at Flowers.

  “You were supposed to drink it,” he growls, still holding a full cup.

  My eyes fly open. “So were you!”

  There’s a feminine throat clearing noise behind me. I turn to see Becca standing in the door. “Is this a bad time to say that those of us who’ve been working have actually found a new lead? Hopper pointed us toward another suspect.”

  Flowers and I both lower our cups of ‘biofluid.’

  Becca arches a brow haughtily as she continues, “He saw a cat-peacock at Louise’s that night. Says it’s Rachel’s best friend. Bill’s girlfriend.”

  Flowers grumbles, “We never interviewed a cat-peacock.”

  Becca says, “Well, looks like we need to talk to Rachel again.”

  “She still at the jail?”

  “Just bonded out,” Becca responds. “Which means, if she knows anything about what happened … she’s probably heading straight for her friend to warn her to book it.”

  Flowers sets down his cup and bolts for the stairs. Guess he’s more interested in solving this case than curing his lisp.

  Brynhildr hands me a screw on lid for my cup. “Trust me, that guy’s gonna want it.”

  “I’m not sure he will.” I really don’t want to carry around a cup of pee.

  The valkyrie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Men are always changing their minds. When they’re at home, they’re always wishing they were in battle. When they’re actually in battle? They whine about going home.” She pushes the cup toward me. “When no one’s around, that guy’ll come to his senses and drink it. Cat shifters are stubborn and prideful. Maybe try mi
xing it with a little milk.”

  I chew my lip, but Luke takes the cup out of my hands and sighs. “I really don’t want to join you in the men’s restrooms for the next year, gorgeous. So, I’ll put this in the fridge at your place for you.”

  I sigh. “I guess that’s alright.”

  Becca looks at me then back at Luke. “I’m gonna tell the boss you tried a sip of that and yakked. Have a good morning, kids.” She winks and then skips to the steps to follow Flowers.

  I turn to Luke and grin. “Guess I’m getting off work early. Whatcha’ wanna do?”

  He smiles down at me and grabs my hand with his pee-free one. “Let’s go see what kind of demon you are.”

  I groan. “We all know it’s gonna be a slothy one.”

  “No, we don’t.”

  “Yes, we do,” I argue childishly as we step onto an elevator and press the button for Doctor Eduardo’s floor. “Because that’s the only logical choice.”

  Luke blows a raspberry at my logic.

  I laugh. “I love that you’re so hot, but such a nerd. How the hell did that happen?”

  Luke smiles down at me. “We talked about this, didn’t we?”

  “About what?”

  “I’ve told you about my life when I was a human, right?”

  I shake my head.

  “I could have sworn …” Luke shakes his head and grins. “Must be because it feels like I’ve told you everything.” He leans back against the wall of the elevator and tucks me into the crook of his arm.

  I snuggle in, enjoying the feel of him and the crisp, clean scent of his shirt.

  “When I was a kid, I got sick. Polio.”

  My ribs stab my heart. I freeze.

  Luke doesn’t notice. He keeps talking. “I ended up in a wheelchair. It’s why I like ‘nerdy’ things, I guess. It’s also why … even though Cookie’s—different—she’s so important to me. When she changed me, she kinda gave me my life back.”

  The elevator dings and the doors open. Luke stands up and moves toward the door. But I’m frozen.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  I’m a smear on the pavement. I’m not just dead. I’m obliterated.

  Luke tugs me again and I move forward, but my head’s in a fog. We’re at Doctor Eduardo’s desk before I know it. And he’s handing over a paper. But I’m just standing there with it in my hand like a dummy. My neck feels hot. It’s burning up. But my hands are icy. The world is wrong, wrong, wrong.

  How could this happen? The perfect guy. The perfect vamp. And one sip from me could end him.

  I have to tell him.

  “Ly, are you okay?” Luke’s bending his knees, holding my shoulders, staring into my eyes.

  I try to focus on him.

  “Hey, don’t be nervous, okay?” he rubs little circles onto my back. “It’ll be fine.” Then he frowns. “Was it what I told you? Did I do something wrong?”

  I shake my head. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s not wrong. He’s perfect. I’m wrong. Me. I’m the problem.

  “Do you want me to read it?” he gestures at the paper in my hands.

  I nod. Yes. He should read it. Maybe if we break eye contact for a second, I’ll actually be able to think. I’ll actually be able to force myself to say what I need to say. I’ll be able to tell him that I’m the reason his ex, Georgina died. Someone knocked me out and tempted her with my blood. My blood turns vamps human. She was turned human and killed. I’ll be able to tell him about Alec, my high school vamp boyfriend … and how I didn’t know that my blood was poisonous to vamps. I’ll be able to say I’m no good for him. And that this relationship—the most perfect thing in my entire life—needs to end.

  I take a deep, gasping breath as Luke unfolds the paper. But before I can turn the whirlwind inside my lungs into words, Luke drops the paper to the floor.

  He takes a step back, away from me. He sets my cup of urine on the table. My eyes meet his and my own misery is reflected back at me.

  “I … need to think.”

  Then he’s gone, vampire speed leaving nothing but wind in his wake.

  Chapter 22

  JR wraps me in her afghan. She steers me toward a huge six-foot-wide pink flower and forces its petals to open into a semi-recliner. I sink into the plant, ignoring how the side of my face gets coated in pollen.

  Tears track down my cheeks.

  JR tries to sit on the ground next to me, but she has to move some kind of spiky plant out of the way. She coos at it like it was a baby as she carries it to a spot near a window.

  Even through my heartbreak, I find the strength to roll my eyes at her plant-coddling. “Actual person here. With actual problems.”

  JR points a finger at me. “Don’t start missy. Plants have feelings, too.”

  “Do their feelings include black-as-death heartbreak?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Well, they can’t talk about them, so get over here and let me cry on your shoulder!” I pout.

  “You make best-friending sound so appealing,” JR comments as she grabs the wine and two glasses.

  I bury my face in my hands. “I just—I shouldn’t be this upset. Why am I this upset? We barely started dating.” I kick my feet out further on the far petal and scooch down until I’m staring at the ceiling. It’s that awful popcorn texture.

  JR comes over and puts the bottle and two full glasses near me. Then she lifts my feet, takes a seat, and puts my feet right back down on her lap. “Talk to me, Ly-Ly.”

  I stare at the ceiling, listless. Disbelieving. I hand her my test results, which have been crumpled in my hand since the Broomer dropped me off here.

  She scans the read out. “Succubus? Are you joking?”

  I shake my head and laugh bitterly, reaching for my wine.

  “What rank is that?” she asks. (I’d texted her about demon rankings after my bathroom meet up with Nicolette.) “I totally thought you were gluttony.”

  “Third.”

  “Third! That’s high. Crud!”

  I nod and then down most of the sweet, bubbly glass of white Riesling in half a second. “I wish I was joking. But Doctor Eduardo came over and told me that my leg turns chicken because I’m a direct descendent of Asphodel—the original lust demon.”

  “No!” JR stands and my feet fall out of her lap and grabs her phone. She does a quick internet search.

  She turns and shows me a picture of a hot-as-sin demon with black hair, an eyebrow piercing, tattoos covering his neck and chest, red horns that fade to gold at the tips protruding from his forehead. He’s so hot he’s hard to look at, until you scan down to see one very obvious rooster leg. His pants have been cut off to showcase it. There are two female demons fawning all over him in the picture.

  “Damn. Your great grand-dad or whatever, is hot!”

  I curl my lip and pour myself a second glass of wine. I don’t care about headaches tomorrow. The heartache today is worse. “Don’t be gross. And focus on my misery here, please. I don’t want to be a lust demon. I want to be a slothy lazybutt demon. I want to be a useless demon. I want to be lower ranked than Luke.”

  JR sits back down on the edge of the petal facing me. “But dude. Succubus. That means you’re sexy and sassy and stuff!” JR slaps my leg. “Why is that such a bad thing?”

  I sigh, throwing my arm over my forehead as I picture Luke’s face. The shock, the disappointment. It sprinkles all kind of sadness through me. And that sadness clings and shines like glitter. I can’t seem to shake it. “I think it’s why I turned Alec back in high school. My blood has a little succubus in it and they’re a higher-ranking demon than vamps.”

  “Lost.” JR massages my foot. “Why the heck would demon rank matter?”

  “I forgot to tell you about that part. Didn’t think it was relevant. Nicolette said demons aren’t allowed to attack those of higher rank. Maintains order in hell or something.”

  “But … you let Alec bite you back in the day. It wasn�
�t an attack.”

  I groan. “Don’t remind me. Besides, obviously, I know it wasn’t an attack. But my dumb blood doesn’t seem to know the difference.”

  JR yanks on my foot. “Luke would never attack you. Or bite you if you told him not to.”

  I glance up at her and shake my head, smacking my cheeks against the headrest. “Accidents happen though. And I couldn’t live with myself … turning him human is …” my voice cracks, “a deal breaker.”

  “He said that?”

  I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It sucks. Demonology sucks. I take another big drink and snuggle further into the flower, wishing it had pillows. I see my purse on the floor. It shakes slightly as my phone buzzes. Someone must be calling.

  I ignore the call and stare into my glass, letting JR’s comforting words gloss over me. They’re nice words, like “You’re perfect … he’s lucky to have you …” and things like that. But I don’t really listen. I just kind of exist.

  Until that damn buzzing starts again.

  “Ugh,” I grumble as I lean over and grab my purse roughly. I pull out my phone and turn it over to see four missed calls.

  I unlock my phone and see three missed calls from Becca and one missed call from Luke. I also have several texts.

  Becca’s texts say— Rachel slipped us. Apparently, she can fly. Ideas?

  There’s also a text from Luke: You aren’t home. Please call me.

  Call him so he can break up with me on the phone (not via text) like a gentleman? No thanks.

  But then a picture pops up. A text from Sarah. She, Tabby, and Luke are sitting together in her living room. He looks stiff and highly uncomfortable. Great. No way he’s getting to leave until we’ve seen each other.

  Son of a tiger. Why do those women have to be so interfering? I blow out a breath. “I gotta go.”

  “Why?”

  I hold up the pic of Luke with Tabby and Sarah.

  “Oh, send that to me.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugs. “Dartboard face for later.”

  I roll my eyes but send it. “He’s not a dartboard face.”

  “All guys are dartboard faces eventually.”

  I laugh and she saves the photo to her pics. “Ew! I don’t know why I saved this one!” she exclaims.