Bound in Blue

by Jessica Ingro

  “I don’t feel well. Must have been the alcohol. Can you please just take me home?” I smoothly lied. I was such a coward. Or maybe it was self-preservation. Either way I couldn’t tell him how dirty he made me feel. I just wanted to go home, shower and curl up in a ball under the covers.

  “That’s it?” He asked skeptically. I knew he was trained to detect bullshit, and I wasn’t so sure I’d get out of this without baring my soul—something I was loathe to do.

  I nodded and thankfully, he gave that to me and took me home. I had some reevaluating to do.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Fall progressed rapidly. The trees had lost their leaves and the colder air bit into your skin. December was upon us, and I was anticipating the first snowfall of the year. I had a feeling it would be soon¸ since the sky had that hazy look to it right before the snowflakes came down. No matter how old you got to be, something about the first sign of the fluffy white stuff always brought the fondest memories and made you feel like a kid again.

  I looked out the picture window in my sitting room, thinking about Christmas and remembering how I’d spent my Thanksgiving.

  My parents had talked about going out of town from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but wanted to know what my plans were first. Not wanting to be the wet blanket dampening their plans, I asked Mack if he wanted to have dinner with me. Why? Probably because I’m a glutton for punishment. I knew I was pushing the boundaries of our relationship by bringing it up. Something in me just couldn’t stop myself though. We needed each other—each for different reasons—which is why I couldn’t help myself.

  The look on his face when I asked him to spend the holiday with me would have been comical if it hadn’t crushed me at the same time—it was a cross between appalled and dismayed. When I told him I would cook a feast, he aloofly informed me that he was going to his mother’s for dinner. I commented on how nice that was and pressed him by saying that my parents were probably going to be out of town. I mean surely you wouldn’t want someone you care about alone on a holiday, but again, his look was priceless. He knew what I was subtly hinting at. He retreated so fast that my head was spinning from it. Needless to say, I didn’t hear from him at all that weekend, and because we agreed to a casual relationship, I couldn’t even complain about it.

  In the end, I spent the day with my parents, John and his family—the only thing missing was Rachel. I figured if John and I were both going to be home, we might as well spend the holiday together. He was my chaperone after all seeing as how Ted Yates was still at large. How he was able to avoid being arrested up to this point was beyond me.

  Much to my relief, we were able to sneak Martha away to her great aunt’s house in South Dakota. It was a distant relative that she had never mentioned to her husband before. Her aunt was only too willing to help her out, so that was one less concern I had. I wish I had been able to see her before she left, but John and Mack insisted it was best for both of our safeties that we didn’t communicate directly.

  I blindly figured Ted Yates would give up after a while. It was that hope at least that kept me going most days when I was overwhelmed with all the changes in my routine and constantly having to answer to someone. I couldn’t even go to work without someone taking me to and from the hospital.

  Mack pulled up in front of my house and double-parked, causing me to stop my silent lamenting. I quickly threw my coat on and stumbled out the door. He met me on the sidewalk and fixed my scarf to cover me more fully before ushering me to his truck. It was sweet things like fixing my scarf that kept me coming back to him. Sometimes the good overshadowed the bad.

  Sometimes.

  “Thanks for the ride to work,” I said into the silence.

  “Anytime. You know that.”

  I felt like asking, “Do I?” But decided to leave it alone. Things had been strained enough with us since the night I went to his apartment. The sex was still phenomenal, but something between us felt off. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, and it wasn’t every time we were together. It was often enough that I was getting concerned though.

  We drove in silence towards the hospital until snowflakes starting falling slowly and then in earnest.

  “Snow!” I squealed. “It’s so beautiful.”

  “Shit to drive in though,” he commented. What a downer. Although it was amazing how quickly it was coming down now, which wasn’t good for the driving conditions. It would probably be a busy night tonight filled with victims of easily avoidable accidents.

  “True but it’s so pretty to look at. Pull in over there.” I pointed to a deserted part of the lot back by the dumpsters.

  “Why here?” He hesitated before pulling in and putting the truck in park.

  “Because I want you to enjoy the snow.” Needing to feel a connection with him, I unbuckled our seatbelts and climbed over the bench seat to straddle him.

  My hands framed his head as I studied his beautiful face. I wanted nothing more than to mend what was broke inside him. Which was ironic considering I too was broken. However, I found that when I was with him, I didn’t feel so shattered. It wasn’t more than I could take as opposed to the overwhelming weight I felt when we were apart. That relief was what I wanted for him.

  “Let me keep you sheltered from the storm,” I murmured before placing soft, light kisses on his lips.

  It took a few minutes, but eventually his hands settle on my hips. His fingers dug into my skin through the light material of my scrubs. I knew then that he needed this more than I had originally assumed.

  I poured myself into that kiss. I had a strong desire to make the troubled world melt away for him—his dead wife, his stressful job, Ted Yates, whatever was going on with us.

  Somewhere along the way, his kiss became desperate—like he was trying to crawl up inside me.

  “Mack,” I panted against his lips. My forehead rested on his, and my eyes closed.

  “I need you.” There was no way I could deny him when his voice sounded so tormented.

  My ass planted itself on the seat next to him. I quickly pulled my pants down my legs, kicking off my shoes as I went. I unzipped my coat and settled back on his lap.

  My hands opened his belt and pants as I said, “Take what you need.”

  He pulled his hard cock from his pants and pushed my panties aside. Without warning he pulled me down over him, filling me in one smooth thrust. I cried out and my hands flew up to the roof of the cab. Using them as leverage, I kept up a steady pace as Mack thrust up and used his hands to drive me down over him.

  “Make it stop,” he mumbled almost inaudibly. I decided not to respond. I could see the demons behind his eyes and knew he was fighting them, using me to do so.

  “Mack…” I avoided saying his first name, not wanting a repeat of that horrible night at this place. It had been that way ever since it happened.

  “Megan…”

  “Mack…” I said a little more urgently, bearing down on him as my orgasm crested.

  “When I’m inside you, it goes away.”

  “I know,” I agreed with him. Couldn’t he see it was the same way for me?

  “Please,” he pleaded. His arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me flush with him and keeping me there. I ground down on him, losing my earlier range in motion with the way he clutched me to his body. My hips circled and my muscles squeezed in a desperate attempt to take him over the edge and give him what he needed.

  “I need you,” he whispered.

  “You have me.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and ran my fingers through his now damp hair.

  He held me down over him and came silently with his forehead planted on my sternum. We stayed like that for several minutes, both of us trying to come to terms with our emotions.

  I chanced a discreet look at my watch and cringed when I saw I was already ten minutes late for my shift. Afraid to leave him and afraid to lose the connection we had at that moment, I chose to keep my mouth shut. They could deal without me
for a few more minutes. I was enjoying how he latched onto me like a lifeline. The earlier tension that was vibrating from him seemed alleviated.

  “You’re going to be late,” he said. He pulled away from me, and his eyes sought mine. He looked almost like a lost little boy in that moment. I stroked the side of his face and gave him a small smile. I knew we weren’t going to speak about what had just happened. Some things were better off left unsaid.

  “That’s okay.” I kissed him quickly before disconnecting from him. I cleaned up as best as you could in a truck and got dressed while he righted his clothing.

  He put the truck in drive and pulled around to the emergency room entrance. I turned and looked at him before getting out. “The snow?” I asked referring to our earlier discussion.

  “It’s safe to say I have a newfound appreciation for it.” He smirked and my answering smile was wide and relieved. Mission accomplished.

  I leaned over and gave him another peck before jumping out of the truck. “See you later.”

  “Later.”

  I walked into work feeling a little better than I had over the last month. Maybe this was progress.

  * * *

  Somehow my eleven to seven shift turned into me staying until Dr. Sears could relieve me later that evening. I hated pulling double duty with a passion. Even more so when all I wanted to do was go home and digest what had happened earlier with Mack.

  Car crashes, sidewalk slips, gunshot wounds… the list of cases went on and on. I was tired and could still smell Mack on me, which made it hard to concentrate whenever I caught a whiff of his scent. I was definitely not in the line of work where fantasizing, daydreaming, or picking something apart over and over again could happen. I needed to keep my head in the game. The guilt of knowing your carelessness injured a patient wasn’t something I relished in. Malpractice was a very real and very scary thing.

  Even with all that said, I still took every chance I could to think about what our encounter in his truck meant for us. I knew he was pulling away from me before—even if he didn’t. Maybe this would change that.

  I need you. His words echoed through my mind. He was reaching out to me tonight, and I really hope I helped him work through whatever it was that was eating at him.

  I tried to put myself in his shoes. What would it be like to keep myself closed off for so long, clinging to a ghost from my past? And then to have someone start to break down those walls that I had put up? Huh… It didn’t escape my notice that that was exactly what happened when I let Mack into my life—well kind of—my sister’s ghost was nothing like his wife’s. What I did know was that it was completely terrifying when it happened, which was why I needed to give him some leeway with figuring this all out.

  There was still a voice in the back of my head though telling me that it wouldn’t be that easy. That true happiness wasn’t in the stars for me. I always believed that I was destined to suffer alone as penance for my sister’s life.

  When it came to Mack, I had no idea how deep those still waters ran. For all I knew he was a lost cause. I was all about helping people, but I wasn’t so sure I had it in me to heal him completely. I had just as many demons as he did. The only real difference I could tell between us was that I was willing to try. The question was, was he?

  “Please tell me that you bought some chocolate when you were on break,” Todd dramatically pleaded with me when I returned back to the nurse’s station from a quick stint in the cafeteria.

  “Oh don’t you wish I got you one?” I dangled a Snickers bar in front of him. He tried to snatch it from my hands, but I pulled back quickly and tucked it back into my pocket.

  “You are such a bitch!” He exclaimed.

  “I know.” I laughed at the stricken look on his face.

  “Being called in sucks.” He grumbled and popped a piece of gum in his mouth. “If I wasn’t saving for that Cher cruise next spring, I would have laughed in Laura’s face when she called me. Poor girl. She has such a shit job here.”

  “Tell me about it. Is it still snowing?”

  “Nah. It stopped a little while ago. Which reminds me… some guy handed me this card when I was coming in from my car earlier.” He gestured towards a blue envelope on the desk behind me. “You were in with a patient and I forgot. My guess is it’s someone looking to thank you for being the most kick ass doctor here.”

  “Flattery will get you everywhere and everything… except for my chocolate. Get your own!” I squealed when his hand tried to slip into the pocket holding my candy bar.

  “Whatever. I have charts to do.” He grabbed a stack and walked away with a pout on his face, making me laugh again.

  I picked up the card and ran my finger under the edge to open it. This wasn’t the first time I received a card or gift here at the hospital from someone wanting to show their appreciation for however I might have treated them. Most were really sweet—a mother grateful for her saved child, a wife happy her husband was all right. Others were downright creepy, like the guy who wanted me to marry him after I removed a chess piece from his ass. Don’t ask… I’m not even sure what he was thinking—both before and after the incident.

  Pulling the card from the envelope and flipping it over, I took one look at the front and dropped it on the floor. I think it was safe to say this was now out of control.

  I took several deep, calming breaths in an attempt not to completely freak out. My hands shook as I bent down and retrieved the card.

  The front of the white card had a morbid looking Grim Reaper and in red letters it read, “It can’t be much longer now.” Against my better judgment I opened the card. The saying “Curiosity killed the cat” now had a new meaning. The inside was blank except for the words, “Tick tock.”

  Son of a bitch. Ignorance is most certainly bliss. Thinking Ted Yates had moved on from torturing me was a far nicer thought than knowing he was still watching my every move. A chill settled deep in my bones and rocked my body. He had been in the hospital undetected by security. That was so not good. Like the difference between life and death not good.

  “Megan, you’re needed in bay three,” Laura said as she walked by me.

  “Thanks, Laura. Let them know I’ll be there in a minute.”

  I quickly dug my phone out of my pocket and called John on speed dial. Why I didn’t try Mack first, I have no idea. Nor did I think it really mattered in that moment. When voicemail activated, I left a quick and terse message for him to call me back and then went to tend to the patient in bay three.

  Two hours later, I couldn’t stand to be in that place one second longer. I was practically crawling the walls with paranoia. What felt like a safe haven for me before was the complete opposite now.

  “Dean? Do you think you can handle things without me for the next hour? I have something important come up,” I asked him when he joined me at the nursing station.

  “I don’t see why not. It’s slowed down quite a bit. Is everything all right?” His concerned look was almost my undoing. I never left work early and he knew it.

  “It will be fine,” I said more to myself than him. “Thanks for covering for me.”

  Coat on and messenger bag in hand, I came to a dead stop just inside the double doors. I couldn’t leave the hospital unescorted. Fuck.

  I tried John again, but again got voicemail. What kind of bodyguard was he if he didn’t even pick up his damn phone? Seriously!

  Just then Leonard from security came walking by, looking as if he was leaving the hospital.

  “Hey, Leonard!” I called out and joined him.

  “Hi, Dr. Huntley.” His smile was warm and went a long ways towards helping me remain calm and rational.

  “Do you think you could give me a ride? I need to give a statement down at the police station. They just called and need me there right away.” Was I going to hell for lying? Probably, but right then I had bigger things to worry about. Like remaining breathing.

  “Sure thing.”

  Thank hea
vens for small favors, I thought as he led me to his SUV.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Mack

  I looked at my watch and groaned. “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take today.” We had been watching video surveillance for hours in an attempt to gather evidence against a murder suspect, and were no further ahead than when we started.

  “I couldn’t agree with you more. I wouldn’t mind getting home at a reasonable time tonight. I haven’t gotten to spend quality time with Kara in a few days, if you know what I mean,” Jacob said with a wink.

  “Then let’s get one of the interns to keep looking through these and flag anything that looks suspicious. I don’t think we’re going to find anything anyway. Witness accounts place him in the area an hour earlier than our current spot in this footage. At this point, it’s just a precaution.”

  “Works for me.”

  We walked out of the small, cramped room. It felt good to not feel like a cooped up sardine any longer. Once we had our coats, we stopped at the front desk to talk to Regina about putting an intern on our assignment.

  “No problem, Mack,” she said, giving me the predatory smile that seemed commonplace for her. Every time she looked at me that way, I fought showing my cringe. She was not my type at all, especially in comparison to the beauty of Megan.

  Megan… that was a whole other story in itself. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with her. Or me for that matter. Things had become so murky and gray with us. All my attempts at keeping distance were quickly obliterated whenever I was with her. The smart thing to do would be to walk away from her, but I was a selfish fuck who couldn’t bring myself to do it.