My eyes are heavy, hours of spending long nights and days awake by her bedside praying for her to wake up. The dark circles underneath my eyes are obvious and my face is drawn in, pale and ghostly.
I can't eat and I definitely can't sleep. I'm a living zombie, watching the world go by whilst my own seemed to be one big blur.
How could I possibly sleep when every time I close my eyes the gunshot would echo loudly?
It would play continuously on a loop like some sick horror movie that's purpose was to torture. The door opens and Emily's doctor, Doctor Green walks in. He nods in my direction, giving me a warm smile as he usually does.
"Any more news?" I ask the doctor as he does his usual daily checks. Every day I ask the same question and every day the response would be the exact same. . . No change yet.
The doctor looks at me sympathetically and shakes his head causing my disappointment to deepen.
"It's up to her when she chooses to wake up Mr Melvin. The coma that she's in is caused by the amount of blood she lost. She'll wake up when her brain is ready to do so." Dr Green says, writing something down in his files.
Will she still be the same Emily?
Will she be able to walk, talk and laugh like she once did?
If I had just moved an inch and stood in front of her shielding her from the bullet, things would have been so different. It would be me lying in the hospital bed, completely unresponsive. Dr Green glances in my direction —
"Why don't you go home and get some rest Jake?"
His words are spoken softer this time, holding more sympathy. I shake my head in response.
"I need to be here for when she wakes up, I can't leave her."
Dr Green nods, knowing he's wasting his time convincing me to go home. He clears his throat before leaving the room, shutting the door softly behind him. I'm left alone with Emily once again.
Just me, her and the steady beeps of her heartbeat.
I stand and lifted her arm up gently before tucking myself in beside her. I drape my arm over her stomach and breathe in her warm scent, the only thing that has calmed me down these days. I lie next to her when I'm feeling desperate and right now, I'm desperate.
Guilt is eating me up alive and seeing her lie here day in, day out only makes me feel worse. I feel defeated watching her knowing I can't do anything to help. I sometimes talk to her, when I'm feeling lonely and miss the sound of her voice. I talk to her about silly things, the football or her favourite cooking show. She'd lie there unresponsive but I'd like to think she's listening to me, absorbing my words slowly.
I tenderly kiss her cheek, letting my lips linger on her soft skin. The longing to have her own lips react and kiss me back is too much and I inhale deeply, blinking away the tears. It becoming harder and harder to keep myself together and I'm worried that when she does finally wake up, I won't be strong enough for her. My hand clutches hers and I squeeze
it before burying my head closer to her.
"Muffin, please wake up." I whisper, my tone begging and desperate.
"I'll let you eat out of the Nutella jar every single day if that's what you want. We'll both watch The Titanic together and I won't make fun of you when you cry. I'll take you out to the fanciest restaurant in town and we can have a proper date. I won't ruin it this time, I promise. I'll wear a suit and we'll take you shopping to find the most beautiful dress because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Maybe we'll get you one of them ones with a split up the side, you'd look so good Muffin. I don't think we'd even make it to the restaurant." I smiled warmly, knowing if she was awake, she'd be blushing right now.
"Afterwards I'll take you dancing to that fancy place downtown, you know the one with the live band? I've got to admit though. . . I have two left feet, I'd probably end up tripping over every second and leave because I'd get annoyed at the fact I can't dance."
I imagine all the places I'd take her, all the things we'd do together. Just silly little things like lying in bed with our arms and legs all tangled up, me annoying her so much she'd eventually stop talking to me until I apologised. My smile fades as I realise we may never get to do any of those things.
"I've never felt this strong about someone. You understand me like no-one else, when I'm around you, I feel amazing. I feel like I'm on cloud nine, you're my drug Emily. I can't get enough of you."
She doesn't respond, her heartbeat beeps back at me instead, filling in the silence.
"Please wake up Muffin. Squeeze my hand, move your arm, leg, anything. Just show me you're listening, please." I beg her. I hold my breath and wait, feeling hopeful that she'd obey. Minutes pass and the silence in the room becomes unbearable. She lies completely still, not moving an inch. I sit up on the edge of the hospital bed and swallow the thick lump in my throat.
My hand loosen from hers and I feel completely deflated, like all the life has been drained from me. This is it, I can't pretend anymore that she's going to be completely fine. I have to face facts even if the facts would completely break me apart.
That's when I feel it, the slightest movement in my hand. I immediately stare at our hands intertwined, my breath caught in my throat. I didn't imagine that, did I?
I don't dare blink incase I miss it. Nothing happens for a few moments and my hopes begin to fall until I feel it again, the slightest squeeze.
It's so faint and if I didn't have hold of her hand, I would barely feel it but it was definitely there. I cry out in relief and joy as it finally hits me that she's responsive. . . She's listening to me.
'"Emily, Muffin, I'm here." I say quickly, the joy in my voice clear as day.
"You're going to be okay" I add, holding my breath once more. My eyes never leave her hand and I see it move once again, the force of her squeeze more stronger this time. A grin breaks out on my face and I wipe the tears away with my free hand. She's fighting for her life, I know it. She's showing me that she's getting stronger and my heart swells in pride.
"Do that again, squeeze my hand." I say quickly and she almost immediately repeats her actions. She squeezes tightly before letting go, letting me know she's listening. My shoulders slump in pure relief and all the days of sitting here is worth it for that one squeeze.
I'd remember this moment for the rest of my life, the moment she finally responded to me.
*****
"Bacon butty please, white bread and plenty of ketchup."
I hand over the exact change and take a seat in the hospital cafe as I wait for my order. Emily squeezing my hand had motivated me and it's like I had gotten a little ounce of my spark back. I'd realised how hungry I am and finally gave in to my rumbling stomach. I pull out my phone and add Tobias, Mum, Ivory, Trish and Aunt Myra to a conversation before texting them all.
Emily squeezed my hand today. The doctor's said it was good news but we shouldn't get our hopes up.
I send the text and took a gulp from my coffee, grateful for the instant jolt it gives me. I need caffeine and lots of it. When I told the doctor about Emily's progress, he warned me not to be hopeful as her hand moving could just be a reflex of her nerves.
I refuse to believe him, she'd squeezed my hand when I asked her to. Even if the doctors have given up on her, I haven't. For the first time in what feels like forever, I'm hopeful for the future. I smile and thank the cafe owner as she places the plate down in front of me, the glorious smell wafting in the air.
I've just picked up one half of the sandwich when a blonde sits in the chair opposite me on my table. She smirks at me flirtatiously before speaking —
"Manners and cute? Where have you been all my life?"
Her voice is squeaky, high and completely artificial. From the looks of her, she is too. Her face is covered in an inch of thick makeup, five shades darker then her actual skin tone. She wears black eyelashes stacked ontop of her real ones and I lift my eyebrow at her, putting my sandwich back down.
I sigh, feeling annoyed that I'd been interrupted from eating this glorious bacon s
andwich. My stomach rumbles loudly, filling in the silence between us and she giggles, nodding towards me.
"Hungry?" She asks, not taking notice of my facial features at all. If she had, she'd know I'm not interested at all, I'm practically scowling at the girl.
"I'm not interested." I respond bluntly, picking my sandwich back up and finally taking a large bite from it. I groan quietly as the taste finally fills my mouth and take another bite, not caring if I look like a starved caveman right now. I finally understand why Emily moans when she eats when food tastes this damn good.
The blonde appears taken aback from my words and I have to stop my eyes from dramatically rolling as I realise she isn't used to being turned down. What she's doing in a hospital cafe completely baffles me.
In the past, I would have probably played along and flirted back. Maybe even shared a kiss or two. . . eventually I'd give her my number which was in fact the number for a random pizza place.
All that was in the past now, I'm not interested in anyone beside Emily. She completely ignores my words and one of her hands rest on my arm suggestively. She strokes my skin and my eyes snap towards it.
Does this girl not get it?
What part of I'm not interested does she not understand?
"Aren't you Jake Melvin?" she purrs, getting closer to me. I can smell her sickly sweet perfume, the kind that makes you gag when it hits the back of your throat.
"Nope," I lie. I hastily move my arm away and continue to eat my sandwich which funnily enough is so much more interesting than her. She giggles childishly at my response, taking it as a joke and I raise my brow at her ignorance.
She leans forward once again, completely invading my personal space and whispers seductively in my ear. I choke on my bacon sandwich at her words and gently push her back away from me whilst trying not to have a coughing fit. Funnily enough, I'm in the right place if I so happen to die from choking on bacon. Death by bacon.
What a legendary way to leave this world.
"What do you say?" She purrs, smirking at me and I sigh dramatically before turning towards her.
"Look, I'm here to enjoy a simple bacon sandwich. I'm shattered and my girlfriend is lying upstairs in a coma. The last thing I need right now is to be doing 'that' with you." I tell her bluntly, making sure she understood my words.
I can hear a few sniggers around me and I smile tightly at her before downing the last of my coffee, scraping the chair back and standing up. Her face is priceless, she looks embarrassed and from the blush creeping up her cheeks, I'd say my guess is right. I chuckle quietly, thanking the cafe worker again before heading back to Emily's room.
Some people just have no shame.
Chapter Thirty Eight - Downright confused.
Tobias' POV-
I grab my water bottle and locker key before heading towards the door. My breathing eventually calms down but my muscles ache signalling an amazing workout. I nod a goodbye at the gym instructor by the door before heading out, wiping the sweat off my head with my arm. My thoughts turned towards Emily and I feel a pang of hurt knowing everything she's gone through. She's a good person and doesn't deserve any of it. Now she's fighting for her life in a coma.
She isn't your problem Tobias.
I sigh, annoyed at myself for thinking about her. On cue my phone beeps and I pull it out of my pocket, leaving the gym as I do so. The text is from Jake and as I read the words, a smile flashes across my face. I rarely smile so when I do, it's for good reason. Emily squeezed Jake's hand today showing some sort of improvement. Improvement is good. I text him back quickly —
Let me know if anything else changes. -T
I hesitate, my finger hovering over the send button. Should I send it? I don't want Jake taking it the wrong way. I roll my eyes knowing Jake would take it exactly the wrong way. My finger instead presses the delete button and I sigh in annoyance once more.
When Emily moved in with us I reacted badly towards her, even I know that. I took my relationship with Jake out on her and that wasn't fair of me. I realise how much of a dickhead move that was.
I run my hand through my hair as I remember the morning she helped clean me up. She made me laugh and smile as we both watched some crappy Netflix show. My whole attitude towards her since that morning has changed, we became friends.
I swallow the lump in my throat as the word 'friends' floats around my thoughts. Stop it Tobias! Don't do this again.
I shut my eyes tightly and push the feeling away. I can't do it to him, not again. I can't have a crush on another one of his girlfriends. I've regretted it ever since, the loss of a brother and the gain of an enemy is just too much. We've been at each other's throats for years and now it feels like everything is slowly rebuilding back together. As slow as a snail on drugs but still moving forward.
I just hope that snail doesn't change its mind and start going backwards instead.
"Hey Tobias, do you want to go see Emily in hospital later?" Ivory asks me, popping her head round my bedroom door. I pull my earphones out, turning the volume on my phone down.
"Nope." I shake my head, resting my arms over my head. Ivory frowns, letting herself in and shutting the door behind her. "Why not?"
"Because there's no point. She's in a coma Ivory, she can't hear us." I respond, rolling my eyes. Ivory blows out a deep breath before heading back towards the door, a stomp in her step. Damn, I angered her.
"She could still use our support Tobias. So could Jake! You know, our cousin?" She says angrily before slamming the door behind her. My bedroom shakes
from the force of the door and I groan, rolling over and putting my pillow over my head.
Moments pass and I sigh, knowing Ivory is right. I quickly grab my jacket, chucking it on before heading for the door. Ivory is halfway out the front door as I reach the top of the stairs —
"Ivory, wait up!" I yell, taking the stairs two at a time. She turns round, smiling at me before heading towards her car. I blow out a deep breath and shut the door behind me before jumping into her passenger seat. She turns the key, starting the car and reverses out into the road behind us.
"Good choice," she smiles warmly at me before turning back to the road and driving straight for the hospital.
*****
"Ivory I should probably wait out here," I murmur under my breath, signalling at the chairs outside of Emily's hospital room. Ivory frowns, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Why? What's the problem now T?"
"Jake."
I respond bluntly, looking at her as if it was obvious. She nods slowly before responding, choosing her words carefully.
"He's getting better Tobias. It's not as awkward anymore around you two. He needs us. . . both of us." Ivory gives me a reassuring look and I sigh dramatically —
"Fine but if this goes wrong, I'm blaming you." I joke, poking her in her ribs. She grabs my finger, twisting it forcefully until I yell out, pulling it back towards me.
"Ivory!"
She laughs loudly and I signal her to be quiet, looking around at the disapproving looks we're getting from the other doctors and nurses.
"Ivory, tone it down! This is a hospital, death surrounds us." I whisper loudly, my eyes widening at her playfully. She slaps her hand over her mouth, still giggling behind it and I smile at her —
"Come on, let's go in."
Ivory nods before she knocks on the door and opens it slowly, peeking her head round. I hear Jake's voice and Ivory opens it wider, stepping inside.
"Hey man," I nod towards Jake. He's sat in the exact same spot he was in last week. His eyes are bloodshot, heavy from lack of sleep. To be honest, he looks like death alive.
"Hey," he responds softly, his voice hoarse. I wonder how long he's been crying for. Jake is clutching Emily's hand in his, circling his thumb over the top of her hand repeatedly. Ivory sits in the opposite seat from Jake and I walk over to sit next to her.
"How is she doing?" Ivory asks quietly, the humour from her voice compl
etely disappearing. Jake swallows the lump in his throat, giving her a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. His voice is empty, holding no emotion whatsoever.
"Sometimes I feel her squeeze my hand. The doctor says it's nothing to be excited about because of her nerves but I feel like it is. Anything is better than nothing."
"Of course it's something to be excited about, she'll be up and about before you know it." Ivory replies softly, leaning over to squeeze his arm. I nod, agreeing with her words before speaking again —
"Yeah she'll be fine, she's tough as nails."
Jake's eyes snap towards mine and I hold my gaze with him, never looking away. I want him to see I'm for him, his eyes looked broken and lifeless. There's only one other time I've seen him like this and it pains me to remember it.
He eventually nods before turning his attention back to Emily. It's not exactly anything to celebrate but I'm hopeful we can repair our relationship.
"Why don't you and Ivory go to the cafe and get something to eat? You look shattered," I tell him, breaking the silence in the room.
"I can stay with her." I add quietly.
Jake looks between Ivory and I and I can tell he's pondering his decision. He finally stands up from the chair, scraping it back —
"I could do with a coffee, are you coming Ivory?" Jake asks and Ivory nods, grabbing her bag from the floor before swinging it over her shoulder.
"We'll be back soon, thanks Tobias." Jake responds, he bends down and places a kiss on Emily's forehead before he turns and heads for the door. My stomach flips from his actions.
What the hell was that? Jealousy?
"Don't mention it." I respond quietly, feeling anger build up inside my chest, anger directed at myself.
"I'll bring you back a coffee," Ivory says before shutting the door softly behind her. My eyes float towards Emily and I stand up, taking the seat closer to her. The machines around her beep steadily and I bite my lip, unsure of what I should do.
His Mission (HIS SERIES Book 1) Page 24