"Hey Em," I murmur quietly and immediately feel stupid, as if I'm talking to thin air. She can't hear me. Instead my hand reaches out for hers and I squeeze it lightly. I've never held her hand before and I notice how smooth and soft her skin is. Maybe the fact she can't hear me is a good thing? I clear my throat, looking around nervously. No-one is here to hear me . . . Good.
"I've been thinking a lot about you," I start, my voice coming out timid and quiet. The beeps of the machines are the only thing that respond to my words so I continue . . .
"I know it's wrong Emily but you're all I can think about. How stupid is that? I know you don't feel the same way and yet I'm still acting like this," I breathe out deeply and continue, feeling considerably lighter now my feelings are out. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
"I'm having these stupid feelings that I can't quite figure out yet. Maybe its that I care for you like I care for Ivory. . . Like a sister. Or maybe, maybe it's more than that. . . I just don't know, I'm so confused." I sigh, glancing up to study her face.
Her eyes are closed peacefully, dark eyelashes so long and thick. Her skin looks soft and delicate and my eyes trail down to her lips.
"You're so beautiful," I whisper, squeezing her hand gently. It feels good to say my thoughts out loud and not have anyone listen to them. That means no-one knows they exist and I want it to stay that way, it's safer like that. My thoughts are always wrong, too dark for anyone to work through. I'm always doing the opposite of what I should be doing, rebelling and disappointing everyone. I chuckle quietly at my foolishness.
"I'm an idiot, right? I'll get it over it, whatever it is." I quote stupidly with my free hand.
"Jake loves you, I can see it in his eyes. His eyes always tell the truth and I used to know him better than anyone. When we were little, I'd be able to tell if he stole something of mine or broke something of mine just by looking at his eyes. He'd swear black and blue he never did it but eventually he'd confess because I always knew the truth." I chuckle fondly at the countless memories I have of us as kids.
I feel a pressure in my hand and my gaze snaps down to it, she's squeezing my hand. I know Jake felt it too but it was so surreal to actually be the one to feel her squeezing. The thought suddenly hits me . . .
Can she heard me? Was she listening all along?
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach and my mouth runs dry.
"Emily, can you hear me?" I ask quietly, waiting nervously for her to respond. Moments pass and she doesn't squeeze my hand again. I blow out the breath I'm holding and slump my shoulders in relief . . . That was way too close.
"This is why I'm not open to expressing my feelings, shit comes back to bite me in the ass." I mumble to no-one in particular. The door suddenly opens and Jake walks in holding a tray of coffees. His eyes meet mine before they land on my hand. . .
The one holding Emily's.
I immediately let go of it as if it caught on fire and place it in my lap, sitting up straighter. I notice Jake's jaw clench and I look away from him, focusing my gaze on Ivory. She smiles at me, clearly oblivious to the tense moment Jake and I shared.
"I've got to go, work called." I say quickly to Ivory before dodging around her and heading out the door. As I make my way out of the hospital, I grab the box out of the back of my jeans and pull out a cigarette before lighting it and taking a much needed drag. I instantly relax and my nerves subside. I exhale the smoke and carry on walking, away from the people I call family.
It's a shame I never feel like I fit in with that family. . . Not anymore.
A real shame.
Chapter Thirty Nine - Jake, help me.
Jake's POV -
The sun is setting and the darkness invites itself into the room through the blinds. I stand up and walk over to them, blocking out the night. Ivory left a few hours ago and I'm left alone with nothing but the steady beeps. I shut my eyes and place my forehead against the wall, breathing deeply.
My legs shake uncontrollably from keeping myself together. I'm on the edge, threatening to explode at any moment. I can feel my sanity slipping away every hour I spend in this god damn hospital room.
I need a release and I need it fast. I sigh heavily and reach for my jacket, heading for the door. Before I leave, I turn around, looking at her sweet face.
"I'll be back soon," I murmur, disappearing out of the door. I head down the corridor, inhaling and exhaling deeply.
A cigarette will have to do.
I stand on the corner of the entrance and light my cigarette, shielding it from the cold air. I inhale deeply and sigh, leaning back against the glass. My eyes close and I will myself to stay focused.
She's going to be okay. She has to be.
I bring the cigarette back up to my lips, inhaling deeply again. I hear a rustle beside me and immediately open my eyes. The blonde from the hospital cafe is opposite me, sat on the bench. She's wearing a tight dress and is shaking slightly from the cold. In her hands, she clutches a bottle of alcohol tightly. Occasionally she lifts the bottle to her lips, taking a long drink.
I frown at her but choose not to get involved, it isn't my business to do so.
"Hey," she calls out towards me, her voice wobbling. She's looking directly at me, beady eyes burning holes through me. Seems like she has other plans.
"Hey," I respond back bluntly, remaining frozen in place. I don't want to show an interest.
"I wasn't okay a minute ago but I am now." She giggles, her eyes roaming up and down my body. I watch as she places the bottle down onto the bench and approaches me slowly, her eyes continuing to drink in my appearance. I clear my throat and stand up straighter. She never stops approaching me until she's an inch away from my face. I can smell the fresh alcohol on her breath so I inch away to the side, putting distance between us.
"I have a girlfriend," I state bluntly, completely baffled at this girls persistence. I continue to smoke and inhale the next one deeper, letting the nicotine seep it's way into my body.
She ignores my words and leans her body against my side before taking her hand and stroking it down my chest. I watch in disgust as her hand trails lower, her breathing shallowing out beside me. Her tongue flicks out, licking her bottom lip and I raise my brow at her actions. Months ago, I would have found this hot.
Now, it comes across desperate.
Her hand reaches the waistband of my jeans before I decided enough is enough. I grab her hand with my free one and pull it away from me, giving her an icy glare.
My face turns so we're facing each other, so close that if an outsider was looking at us, we'd appear to be kissing. It couldn't have been further from the truth. I growl quietly, my lips turning up in a snarl —
"I have a girlfriend, I won't say it again. I've told you once before but now you're simply disrespecting her by choosing to carry on."
My voice is low and threatening and I notice her eyes widen in fear. She pulls back, quickly yanking her wrist out of my grip before turning around and stomping off, swaying a little. She grabs her bottle and heads round the corner out of sight and I sigh, relieved at her absence. I close my eyes and lower myself until I'm sat on the cold floor, shivering from the frosty air. My thoughts turn back to the only girl I want, lying in a bed a few floors up. I throw the finished cigarette I'm holding onto the floor before pulling out a fresh one, lighting it up.
It's going to be a long night.
*****
I hear the door faintly open and I jolt awake, my head swaying a little from the sudden movement. I'd fallen asleep sat up with my head on Emily's bed and my neck throbs from the uncomfortable position. I turn towards the door and immediately stand to my feet.
"What are you doing here?" I say, my fists clenching tightly. I stand in front of Emily's bed, guarding her from anyone who can hurt her further.
"Jake please, she's my daughter. I just want to see her." Emily's mum responds quietly. Her eyes drift over to Emily and one hand shoots up to her mouth in
shock. I scoff at her actions.
"She's been in here almost two weeks and you decide to show up now. You're a terrible mother."
She doesn't respond from my harsh but truthful words. Instead her head falls forward in shame. She looks like a little kid being told off and I shake my head angrily. She doesn't care for Emily at all, in my eyes she's just as evil as Trevor. No mother should stand back and watch their child be beaten senseless by a thug twice their size.
"Jones shot her," I say angrily, remembering the night that haunts me every day. The way the gunshot filled the room, echoing loudly. I can feel myself losing control and I inhale deeply, forcing myself to stay calm.
"Jones is her real father.” Emily’s Mum says quietly.
"She knows," I respond, fists clenching tightly in anger.
"Does she?" Her tone is shocked. Her eyes widen at me and I nod, clenching my jaw. She rubs her forehead, shaking vigorously. Her hands are trembling as she takes a seat near the door before opening her purse and pulling out a box of tablets. I watch as she pops open four pills and swallows them straight. No water.
My eyebrows rise at her actions and she immediately appears to calm down, her posture relaxing back into the chair.
"You're a drug addict," I scoff, recognising all the symptoms. Her head snaps towards me and her eyes widen due to being caught out.
"No! I — " she begins to protest and I hold my hand up, signalling for her to silence.
"I know a drug addict when I see one." I say bluntly, sitting back down into the chair next to Emily. I hope to God she can't hear this conversation right now.
"What do you want? You should leave," I say firmly as I watch Emily. She looks so innocent, so caught up in a world she doesn't deserve. She's beautiful and pure yet the people around her ooze evil and danger . . . me included.
"I just want to see my daughter."
"You should have visited her two weeks ago! How can you call yourself a mother? You've abandoned her, she still needs you!"
She didn't flinch and instead calmly opens her bag before popping out another two pills and swallowing them. I scoff at her and my laughter fills the room.
"You're actually unbelievable," I shake my head and run a hand through my hair.
"Get out."
My voice is serious, flat with no emotion.
She looks at me, bewildered, her eyes wide with confusion. I knows she's deciding whether she should stay or not. She takes one last look at Emily before standing up, taking the easy way out. A few moments pass before she speaks again —
"I can pay for the room."
"I don't need your money, neither does Emily."
Without saying another word, she turns her back on her daughter, her only child and leaves the room.
*****
Birds chirp loudly outside the window and I groan, lifting my head from the mattress. I rub my eyes and stand up trying to ignore my body screaming out in pain from sleeping in such an awkward position. I stretch my arms and groan once again, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.
"I hate hospitals," I grumble to myself, grabbing the water bottle near me and taking a sip.
"Can I have some?'"
I freeze, the bottle in mid air.
My breathing catches in my throat and I feel my lungs tighten as I turn slowly. Her eyes are barely open, a small smile on her lips. One of her arms reaches for the bottle and I stand there frozen, staring at her with my mouth hung open. She's awake.
I drop the bottle and it hits the floor with a loud thud, sending water spilling everywhere. My eyes never leave hers and I open my mouth to say something, anything. She's awake and she's moving.
"Am I dreaming? I'm dreaming. God, I'm going crazy," I choke out, rubbing my eyes furiously with my hands. I open them slowly and find her looking at me, bewildered.
"Jake, are you okay?" She asks, her voice croaky and weak. My laughter fills the room, getting louder and louder. I charge towards her, the realisation finally hitting me that she's awake. She groans when I fling my arms around her, squeezing her tightly.
"Muffin?" I question, inhaling her scent.
"Yes? Ouch, that hurts," she croaks out and I immediately let go of her, pulling back. The grin on my face begins to make my cheeks ache. I cup her face, stroking my thumb against the soft skin. A small smile stretches on her lips as her eyelids flutter closed.
"Am I really awake?" I chuckle, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. She pulls back slowly, her eyebrows creasing with sudden confusion.
"Where am I?" She asks, looking around the room. Her eyes appear panicked and her voice cracks in fear. I watch sadly as her eyes widen in fear and she pulls back the covers, revealing the plaster dressing over her wound. I look away, my eyes filling with guilt as I know she now has to remember everything that happened.
Jones, the kidnapping, being shot. . .
Her eyes widen and she begins breathing erratically, her chest rising heavily up and down.
"Emily, it's okay. You're okay!" I tell her, taking hold of her shoulders gently. I force her to look at me but her eyes dart around the room and she starts screaming hysterically.
"He's going to kill me! Help me!" She whimpers, her whole body shaking with fright. I stand back, feeling frozen to the spot. I don't know what to do as I watch her become hysterical.
The door swung open and two nurses run in, pushing me aside. Emily screams and lashes out, her arms flying everywhere. I notice the nurses take out a syringe and I stand back helplessly, watching as they pin her down and sedate her.
"You don't need to do that!" I protest, reaching up to tug at my hair. My eyes widen as I watch them, unable to tear my eyes off her. Emily continues to scream repeatedly that Jones is going to kill her.
Every time I heard her broken words, my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces from the fear in her voice. The nurses lie her back down gently onto the bed as her body becomes heavy from the drugs. She starts to slur her words and her eyes grow heavier by the second.
"Jake, help me!" She whispers frantically, her arm reaching out towards me before she finally gives in to the sedative and closes her eyes. I breathe heavily, trying to calm myself down from the scene that just unfolded in front of me. My body is frozen in place and a nurse guides me back to the chair, pushing my shoulders down to get me to sit.
"It's normal behaviour, gunshot victims usually do this. It's a sign of post traumatic stress. It'll get better as time goes on."
I nod, feeling completely numb. Her eyes held so much fear, so much pain. I reach out for her hand and hold it gently, watching her chest rise and fall steadily as she sleeps. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. It does nothing to control the chaos going on inside my brain.
Her words continue to play on a loop inside my mind, her voice breaking with fear —
"Jake, help me."
Chapter Forty - Forgiveness.
Emily's POV
I open my eyes slowly and feel grateful for the darkness that welcomes me. I'm not ready for any bright lights just yet. My body screams out in pain and I groan quietly, shifting out of the position I'm in. I pull back the covers and glance back down at the ugly white plaster on my stomach.
Bile rises to the back of my throat as the images come flashing back to me . . . the gunshot, Jake's screams and then darkness.
Complete darkness.
It makes sense that I was in a hospital room. The smell is clear in the air and I'm hooked up to several different machines. The steady beeps and my breathing are the only sounds in the dark room. DC Jones face flashes through my mind and I immediately begin to shake, my hands trembling in fear.
Calm down Emily, you're safe now.
Am I safe? Is DC Jones locked up? Did Jake kill him? Where is Jake?
I look around the room and notice get well soon cards perched neatly on my bedside table. There's also a jug of water with an empty glass that I'm extreme grateful for considering my throat feels like sandpaper. I sit up slowly, careful not to p
ut too much pressure on my lower stomach.
I can't believe I've actually been shot.
It hurts like an absolute bitch. I grit my teeth as pain instantly flares up and pant from the effort of finally being able to sit up. My arm stretches out for the jug and I pour myself a glass of water, spilling a little from the nervous shake in my arms. The instant it touches my lips, it feels heavenly. I chug it down quickly, feeling like I'd been dehydrated for years.
How long was I out for?
I set the glass back down and notice Jake's jacket in the chair next to me, he must not be too far. I sigh and look around for my phone with no luck.
I guess I'll have to wait.
*****
Jake's POV -
I turn around and walk back through the hospital doors making my way through the route I've now memorised. I push open the door leading to the private rooms and head for number 52, the one Emily is in.
She was still asleep when I left her but the nurse told me she'd be waking up soon. I don't want her to wake up alone but on the other hand I don't know how to react when she does wake up. She looked terrified before, her eyes wide and her body trembling. I curse myself for standing there frozen to the spot, I should have helped her.
All the days of waiting for her to wake up and it finally happened. I definitely didn't expect it to go the way it did but I completely understand why she was so freaked out. Jones kidnapped her, mentally broke her down and tied up her up for weeks. The marks on her wrist were still healing from the ropes he'd used. I stop outside the door and wait a moment before pushing it back slowly and walking in. I stop as soon as I notice she's awake and sitting up. Her eyes stare straight into mine and once again I remain rooted to the spot.
"Hey you," she says quietly, giving me a little smile. I smile back at her —
"Its good to hear your voice again, thought I lost you there for a moment."
My own voice comes out quiet and I fiddle with the small white tablets in my pocket once again.
His Mission (HIS SERIES Book 1) Page 25