by JJ Ellis
Opening the back of the SUV, he started pulling the boxes out and headed toward the cabin. As he stepped on the porch, he came to a complete and sudden stop. His body began to tremble and his eyes glazed over. There in front of him lie the body of his brother. The vivid image had him dropping the box and turning to vomit over the porch rail. He could still see the blood splatter, the gore, and the pool of blood beneath sixteen-year-old Ben.
"Logan are you okay?” she asked, concern coloring her words. “Poor baby, let me help.”
“I’ll be okay, just give me a minute,” he said, wiping his mouth. “When I stepped on the porch, the image of Ben came back in detail.”
"I’m so sorry, this is my fault,” she cried. “You wouldn’t be going through this…”
“Stop! Just stop!” he commanded. “Don’t talk like that. I chose to do this.”
Jayna nodded as she dried her tears. Stepping aside, she let Logan unlock and open the cabin door. Moving through, she was amazed at the sight. The rough log walls were decorated with mounted heads of deer, elk, and moose. In front of the fireplace was a bearskin rug. What really stood out was the lack of any electrical lamps throughout the living area.
“Dylan did say he likes it rustic for his hunting adventures,” Logan said as he stepped in. “I didn’t realize how rustic though.”
“I just hope there's running water,” Jayna said with a giggle. “I’m not sure how good I’d be at pumping well water.”
A fussy whimper sounded from the carrier so Jayna moved to a sofa and sat down. She cast an apologetic look to Logan then pulled CJ from the carrier and began to feed him.
Logan smiled, set the box down, and headed outside to get the rest of the supplies and gear. A few minutes later, he locked the front door. Seeing that the other two would be a while, he decided to check out the cabin. Wandering into the kitchen, he found it well provisioned for the upcoming hunting season. It looked like his little brother had learned from the previous October’s blizzard to stock up. With Dylan laid up after his recent car accident, these supplies would last quite a while if need be. Oh how he wished his brother were there instead of in a hospital in Billings.
Leaving the kitchen, he walked toward the back of the house and the bedrooms. He was taken aback stepping into what had been his parents' room. Instead of the king-sized bed, he found four sets of bunk beds. Dylan really had taken over the place. Checking each room in turn, he found each had a pair of bunk beds in them.
Out the back window, Logan noticed a new building connected by a covered breezeway. He would need to check it out as soon as he could. But first he would have to take care of the ‘I’ve got gas’ cry he heard coming out of the living room. He walked in and took CJ from his mother as if it was just a normal part of his day. And he was quickly rewarded with a hot wet feeling down his back when he put the little boy over his shoulder. “Ugh, he blurped on me! Gross!” he said, reaching for the burp cloth Jayna held. “Well, at least you seem happy now, little man.”
The baby made what seemed to be a content gurgle, probably secretly laughing at him. He felt a light brush against his ear as CJ began flailing his arm. “Are you having fun exploring the world, my man?”
“Logan what’s up the stairs?” Jayna asked as she headed to the other side of the room.
“That’s just the loft. We always used it as a place to get away from Mom and Dad.”
Climbing the stairs Jayna let out a great laugh. “It looks like your brother took over this room.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a queen-sized bed up here,” she snickered. “As well as some interesting artwork.”
“Artwork? My brother has artwork?”
“Yes. Nudes are considered artwork,” she replied trying not to laugh. “At least they’re tastefully done.”
Good lord, what had he walked into. He should have known Dylan would have made a home away from home. His brother couldn’t give up his tastes even for the hunting season. With a sigh, he headed upstairs with CJ.
“Looks like a buffet for this little man up here,” Logan joked as he reached the loft. “Counting you, there are four pairs of breasts in all."
“Three pairs of them are perfect,” Jayna said looking at the paintings. “The artist really is excellent.”
“One pair is perfect,” Logan mumbled before he realized what he was saying.
“I think your friend is delusional CJ,” Jayna said with a smirk. “Maybe he just wants to make your mommy feel good about her fat body.”
“You’re not fat, you’re perfect,” Logan spat out, sitting next to her. “I mean…” He was interrupted as her lips met his in a passionate kiss. Pulling back in shock, he set CJ on the bed. As he turned back and opened his mouth to speak, he was met with another kiss. He returned the sentiment without hesitation. This was something he had avoided for years, but now, he wanted it. Vaguely, he felt her hand moving up his leg, and the touch both excited and terrified him.
At that moment CJ let out a cry and they broke apart in alarm. Picking up the crying baby, Jayna’s attention became focused completely on him while Logan silently breathed a sigh of relief. No matter how attractive he found her, he could never have her.
“I’ll see if I can find something to make a bed out of for the little man,” Logan said, standing. “I know Dylan hosts families so there should be a portable crib somewhere.”
“Thank you,” Jayna murmured, not looking up from her son.
Logan went first to the long closet that took up one of the side walls of the loft. Peeking in, he saw a portable crib right inside the doorway. Spare bedding, mattresses and furniture took up three quarters of the space. He pulled the small crib out and pushed it over near the bed. “Your luxury accommodations, young sir.”
Jayna stood and put the sleeping baby in the small crib. “Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry. About the kiss. It’s just been so long since someone has made me feel attractive.”
“It’s okay Jayna,” he murmured. It broke his heart that the father of her son had obviously had no real interest in her. How hard was it to tell someone you supposedly loved that they are beautiful.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “You don’t seem okay.”
Logan walked over to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “I’m okay. You don’t need to be sorry that it happened. It’s just…” He let go of her and busied himself getting fresh linens out of the closet to make the bed.
“What is it, Logan?”
“You don’t need to be sorry that it happened, but it can’t happen again. I don’t feel…things. I refuse to feel anything. Life is safer that way. Hell, I don’t think I can feel anything anymore.”
“Everybody can feel, Logan. If they let themselves. What happened to make you think that way?”
Logan shrugged. “If you let yourself feel things for others you only get hurt. I mean look at what happened to you and Reggie.”
“Fair enough,” she murmured. “What would you like for dinner?”
Logan put the last pillow case on then turned back to Jayna. “I’ll worry about dinner. You lie down here for a while. If you over do it and start bleeding heavily, it’s a long way to a doctor.”
Jayna knew he was right so she laid down on the bed and watched her son sleeping through the bars of the crib.
“Is chicken and rice okay for dinner?” he asked as he walked to the stairs.
“Yeah,” she said with a yawn. She was asleep by the time he was halfway down the stairs.
Logan started to make dinner and his mind wandered back to the second kiss with Jayna. He found the strength from deep down to push it aside. To get his mind on other things he grabbed the prepaid phone and called Andrew.
“Hello.”
“Hey Andrew. It’s Logan. How are our friends in the black car?”
Andrew chuckled. “They’re eating at Vito’s right now, I believe. Then they will be heading back to Moe’s
Lodge. We suggested they stay there while they are in town ‘visiting where their grandmother grew up.’ Don’t worry, we’ll keep an eye on them and let you know if they make a move.”
“Wow! ‘Visiting where their grandmother grew up’ huh? Almost sounds legit, maybe I’m just paranoid.”
“No their story had a flaw. I asked about Lost Valley and they bit. They aren’t here to sight see.”
“Thanks Andrew. I’ll check in again soon.”
“Bye boss.”
Logan hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. Dinner was almost done so he would set the table, serve it up and go get Jayna.
“Hey Sleeping Beauty,” he said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She was so peaceful and beautiful. He almost hated to wake her up, but she needed to eat.
Bending slightly closer to her, he reached out to touch her shoulder. The urge to kiss her swept over him and threatened to paralyze him. He couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be right for either of them. He again reached out and shook her shoulder. “Time for dinner, Sleeping Beauty.”
Jayna stirred and her eyes began to open slowly. “You’re not a very good prince, don’t you know you are supposed to kiss me awake,” she murmured.
Logan’s mouth dropped open and he stared as she sat up and smiled at him. With no thought to what he was doing, he reached out and pulled her close. His lips crushed hers in a desperate kiss. They dropped to the bed, his body covering hers. No matter what thoughts went through his mind, trying to get him to stop, he was able to easily push them aside.
As his mouth hungrily devoured hers, his hands roamed her upper body. Her flesh was so soft, so pliable beneath his touch. He’d forgotten how wonderful a curvy woman felt beneath his hands. It had been so long.
Jayna gasped as his hand grazed her breast.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked releasing her lips.
“No. Just super sensitive,” she moaned, pulling him back to her. Their lips met again.
Logan could no longer hear his inner voice telling him to stop as his hand maneuvered underneath her bra. The warmth and softness of her skin made him want to scream, but instead he moaned and ran his fingertips gently over her nipple. A single drop of moisture had him chuckling as his hand slid down her stomach over her hip and onto her thigh.
With the lack of skin on skin stimulation, the voices of doubt began to get louder…until Jayna’s delicate hands pulled his shirt free of his slacks and snaked up his abdomen to rest on his chest. He couldn’t breathe but he couldn’t stop kissing her either.
When Jayna’s hands buried in the hair on his chest, teasing the skin beneath, he growled only to have it muted by another kiss. He couldn’t think straight. All he wanted was…her, a woman. For the first time in years he allowed himself to want a specific person in every way possible. Jayna McIntyre. His hand moved from her stomach to her waistband and the minute his fingers breached the barrier, she stopped him.
“No Logan.”
It took him a moment to realize what she’d said as her hand clamped around his wrist.
“I don’t think you want to go there right now,” she chuckled.
Reality came back, crushing him. He lifted himself off of her and sat on the edge of the bed. “What the hell was I thinking? You’ve just given birth and you belong to someone else.”
Jayna sat up abruptly, moving next to him. “First of all, I do not belong to that monster, or anyone! I’ve hated him for years. I was just too scared to leave him. When I got pregnant and he still came after me almost every day, I knew I had to get out. Reginald Sanders hasn’t truly been my boyfriend in years. And second, my just having given birth has nothing to do with anything – except for me not being able to have sex for six weeks after!”
Logan looked at her with a smile. She was definitely a passionate woman and she’d just shot down two of his biggest arguments for staying away from her. “You deserve someone who will treat you right,” he said softly. She had looked down at her clasped hands so he lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “All I could ever give you is the physical. I’m not capable of more. I’m sorry.”
“I never said I want anything more from you, Logan. I’ve never had a good physical relationship with anyone. Maybe that’s all I want too.”
Logan stood up and pulled her to her feet. “You’d regret it,” he murmured, kissing her forehead. “Let’s head downstairs, the food is getting cold.”
**********
CJ slept in his car seat/carrier propped on a chair next to his mother as she and Logan had dinner. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t talk about what had happened earlier in the loft.
“How long do you think we’ll be here?” Jayna asked.
“I don’t really know. It’s going to take some time, but I have a plan to send our goon friends on a wild goose chase across Nebraska and South Dakota.”
“And how will you do that?” she asked.
“My mom’s friend Maxine is headed east tomorrow. She’s going to use your debit card along the way.”
A smile spread over Jayna’s face. “Reggie keeps a close eye on my spending. He’ll think we're traveling east.”
“Exactly,” Logan grinned. “Once they are way from here, we’ll go back home and let the authorities know where he is.”
“But how do you know he will leave Alaska?”
“There is no way he’ll stay put when the chase is really on. If his goons reported that they saw you in Harper’s Rock, he probably made plans to leave on one of Daddy Sanders’ planes as soon as it felt right.”
Jayna let Logan’s words sink in while she finished her meal. The thought of Reginald being in Harper’s Rock sent a chill through her, but the thought of this whole mess ending soon thrilled her. “Logan, how will we get my debit card to your mom’s friend?”
His look was sheepish when he peered up at her. “She should already have it. I took the liberty of grabbing it earlier, before we left. We just need to call her with the pin.”
“Wow,” Jayna murmured.
“I’m sorry. But I saw her at the store and she said she was going on a trip and the idea just kind of formed.”
“And she just agreed to use a stranger’s debit card?”
“She’s a survivor of abuse,” he said softly. “All I had to do was say that I had a friend who was running from abuse and she was more than willing to help in any way she could. I’m sorry if I overstepped…”
“No, no! That’s okay. You did what you had to do to protect me and CJ, and I appreciate that.”
“I’ll call Maxine to give her the pin number after I clean up.”
**********
After dinner, Logan took their personal belongings up to the loft then returned to the first floor to make calls. Jayna wanted to pump milk for the baby so he gave her the privacy she needed.
Just as he hung up the phone, he heard movement upstairs.
“Logan,” she called down. "Didn’t we bring the heating pad?”
“I bought a new one,” he called back. “It’s down here in one of the boxes.”
“Bring it to me please,” she called.
“Sure, I’ll be right up,” he answered. Digging through the boxes, he found the heating pad and took it out of its box. Once all of the packaging was discarded, he headed up to the loft. “Why do you need this?” he asked, stopping suddenly when she came into view. Her shirt was open and her bra was on the bed beside her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “But the cramping gets really bad when I pump. I thought maybe the heating pad would help.”
“Should you be cramping that badly?” he asked, concerned.
Jana chuckled. “My uterus is contracting back to its normal size. I don’t think it's a problem if it hurts.”
Logan smiled and smirked at her. “Smart ass.”
“I told you.”
Logan plugged the heating pad in beside the bed and laid it across her stomach, his hand brushing
the bottom of her breast. He pulled back quickly and looked into her eyes. “You’re not the least bit shy are you?" What was meant as a simple statement came out more as a sensual whisper.
She shrugged. “You rescued me from the shower, watched me give birth and watch me nurse my son multiple times a day. I don’t think I have anything left to hide from you.”
“Why do you have to know all the right things to say?”
"Because I’m a thinker. I think things through, except when it came to Reginald Sanders it seems.”
“Sometimes we don’t see ourselves clearly enough to think straight, when the heart is involved.”
“True. Could you hand me that piece of the pump?”
Logan handed it to her and watched as she prepared her breast. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m going to get some linens and make up my bed downstairs.”
As he gathered what he needed from the closet, he berated himself for the thoughts he was having about a woman who was preparing to store nourishment for her child. His eyes should not have set on her breasts in that situation. But for some reason he wanted to see her, to touch her. God damn it! He wanted her. More than he’d ever wanted anyone.
Until two years ago, if he had a physical need, his friend Julia had been more than happy to oblige him. But he’d been with no one since she moved away. That must be why Jayna appealed to him so much. But she’s the one person he couldn’t have. In his mind, she should be off limits. “I’m going to take a shower and make up a bed in the first room. I’ll take the baby monitor receiver so if you need something tonight you can just holler.” His eyes stayed purposefully away from the working end of the pump. Truthfully while that thing was working he was kind of afraid. It looked uncomfortable and painful.
“Okay. Thank you,” she said softly. “I think I’ll take a shower after you. If you’ll watch CJ for me.”
“Of course I will,” he answered with a smile. “I’ll let you know when I’m done with the bathroom.” Hurrying down the stairs, he tossed the linens on the first bunk and rushed into the bathroom.