Bittersweet Moments

by Bowie, Emily

  “Then talk.” I can’t help but run my gaze over every inch of her like a starved man.

  I’m annoyed she still looks so damn gorgeous and that I feel myself wanting to forgive her. Her hands tremble, and she places them on top of the table, her fingers reaching for the coaster. She stares intently at the small round cardboard as she proceeds to tear it apart little by little.

  “I just didn’t want to talk like this.” Her voice is soft, making me lean closer to hear her.

  Lifting up my baseball cap, I run my other hand through my messy hair in frustration. Reining in all my smart-mouth comments, I try to give her the benefit of a doubt.

  “I will try to keep the sly comments to myself.” The sentence is forced through my teeth. I still refuse to adjust myself not wanting to give her the upper hand. The tightness that is choking my dick makes it hard to concentrate. I force a smile so I don’t frown at my own discomfort.

  I watch her nod as she tries to gain the confidence to say whatever has been on her mind. I want to yell at her to spit it out. Obviously, she came here to say something. Biting the inside of my cheek, I refrain from all comments as I try to wait her out.

  “Raya?”

  I grumble, hearing my sister’s voice.

  “Raya!”

  Raya and Shay were best friends and college roommates, the whole reason we originally met. Seeing how Raya sinks into her seat at the sound of her name has my frustration rising so much I stand up, making my presence known. Shay pauses midstep as she sees me glaring at her. So much for Shay being on my side and angry with the girl in front of us.

  “Hush down,” I scold her for being stupid. I told her she was hiding from her father. No one needs to broadcast this to a gossip-ridden town.

  Shay smacks my shoulders. “This town can keep the best secrets,” she reminds me before I see Raya slide out of the booth for them to embrace.

  “I’ll let you girls talk,” I tell them, angry all over again. I don’t think Raya was ready to tell me what was on her mind anyway. This would only postpone her from going home.

  “Raya, how about you come by tomorrow, late morning?” I tip my hat in goodbye, needing to get out of sight to fix my pants. I may need a cold shower too to calm myself down.

  CHAPTER 14

  For the second day in a row, I find myself walking down the Steeles’ driveway. I’m more excited than I should be; the thought of seeing Brax makes my insides jumpy. I try to rein myself in, knowing I came here for a reason. I promised myself I would not leave until he knew he was a father. As soon as the tree cluster moves from my view, opening up to their yard, I see him hunched over their green tractor with no shirt on. His smooth skin valleys and slopes along his muscle ridges. He is the sexiest man I have ever set eyes on. His faded blue jeans hug his ass perfectly, allowing me to check it out.

  “Give me one second,” he calls out from over the heart of the engine. I swear he’s putting his body on show just to remind me what’s no longer mine. Licking my lips in appreciation, I remember how my body purred to life at the smallest touch of his. How I used to lick my way down his abs, teasing him before he would flip me so that he was the one in control. I miss the way he controlled my body.

  Straightening up, he uses his tanned forearm to wipe his forehead. He has a light coating of hair on his chest that narrows down like a treasure trail to his pants. I almost forgot how fine he is without a shirt. Damn. I think I may need a fan more than he does.

  “If you wore a shirt, that might be easier,” I tease him, walking closer.

  “But then you wouldn’t have that look on your face right now.” He gives it back to me like old times, but the intensity feels so much more than back then. The sexual tension weaves like little spindles, catching us in its web. He gives me a know-it-all smirk as he wipes his hands on an old rag just before he jumps down onto the ground.

  “Want to hop into the shower with me?” I look up from his toned stomach to his face to see he looks completely serious. I can feel my eyes go wide at him going straight to the point. I wasn’t expecting such a forward invitation. My mouth opens a few times as I consider and change my response multiple times in my head.

  “The invitation is open if you want it,” he continues to bait me, slowly stepping backward so we stay face to face.

  I do want it. But I refuse to give in. He seems to be in a better mood today. It should be easier to tell him, but with all his advances, I have a hard time remembering the reason I drove back here.

  He goes into the house, confirming he wasn’t joking. I’m still planted in the same location in the middle of the driveway as I look around for what I should do while I wait.

  Wait a minute. He expects me to wait for him till he’s done with his shower?

  I’m dumbfounded, unsure if I should go or leave. I want to leave to teach him a lesson. But I need to tell him the truth, even if it means waiting him out.

  That shithead.

  I walk around, kicking at the ground, still unsure of myself around him and being here in general. I feel like if I gave it an honest chance, I would fall right back into this lifestyle of being here with Brax. But then, I still haven’t told him the truth yet. I walk up and down the small area in front of their front porch, debating back and forth with myself. Each minute that passes, I become more nervous about telling him the truth.

  I come up to the barn, giving it a good look. My favorite place was in there, with Brax trying to teach me all the different things ranchers do. I remember the first time I met him, and our first kiss being in this barn. This old wooden structure holds most of our memories.

  “Why do you always look like you’re sulking nowadays?” His deep voice startles me, and when I look up, he still doesn’t have a shirt on. The tips of his hair that shoot out the bottom of his baseball cap look damp, and he is wearing clean jeans. Who walks around shirtless like that?

  “Let me give you a tour.” He cracks a megawatt smile, catching me staring at him once again.

  “Thank you.” Taking another look around me, I can see why I fell in love here in the first place.

  He takes my hand, causing a bolt of electricity to shoot from my hand right into my chest cavity. I know I should remove our linked fingers, but I can’t. Instead, I allow him to lead me.

  “What’s over there?” I ask, seeing what looks like a new development.

  “Two things. My house, and Kellen and Sloan’s animal therapy program.”

  I want to ask him about the house, but knowing he built it for us only causes my guilt to rise once again.

  We walk the perimeter, heading toward the open field where a few horses roam. I watch him climb over the fence with ease till he is looking at me expectantly. I take my cue to follow him. I cautiously placed my foot on the wood planks, climbing over what looks like splinter hell. My footing softens once I step down, and I frown. I can feel the blood drain from my face when the smell hits my nose from my foot stepping in a pile of horse manure.

  Brax tries to cover his laugh with a cough.

  I can do this, one side of my brain chants at me, while the other side seems to disagree. I’ve never really been on a ranch before. Brax never took me out to the field when I visited. We stayed in the barn or under a blanket with the stars above.

  Lifting my new sneakers, I pull the bottoms across the fence wood, trying to clean them.

  “Just scrape it in the grass. You’ll be fine.”

  I try to be seductive, pushing my hips back while I clean the shit from my shoes, only for Brax to keep moving like I’m slowing him down. I desperately want to make a good impression, so sucking it up, I jog to catch up with him.

  We walk side by side through the uneven field. I keep Brax in the corner of my eye, loving the way he steals glances of me while smirking. I feel like I passed the first test. What scares me is that I want to pass all of his tests.

  Brax steps slow once we come up to a beautiful caramel-colored horse with a golden braided main. She is st
unning. My hand goes out to pet the bridge of her nose, which she sticks into my palm.

  “Hello there,” I coo.

  “Grab hold of her halter,” Brax instructs me.

  Sounds easy enough. My hand reaches out to hold onto her. I can feel Brax get close to me, our bodies brushing against each other while he places the lead rope onto it. He wraps his arm around me, causing a shiver to run up my body, while he opens my free hand and places the leading rope into it. I allow him to close my fingers around it, wishing we had more contact with each other.

  “Come on.” He pulls away and walks a few feet before stopping to watch me.

  I pull gently on the rope he placed into my hand. She starts walking with no problem. I feel like a pro and the lightheartedness of being proud that I can do this. I put a little hop into my step, showing off that I passed another one of his tests, only to feel a biting sting on my arm.

  “Shit, ouch.” I stop and without thinking let go of the rope to rub the tender skin of my arm, realizing she bit me. The horse bit me!

  “Oh, don’t be a baby. It’s only a love bite. Dolly likes giving those out.” Brax picks up the rope I’ve dropped, twirling the end and waiting for me to take it again.

  “Love bite? She hates me.” I stomp my foot, still feeling the nick in my skin.

  “I don’t remember you complaining when I would give you love bites.”

  I don’t know what to say to this. Well, I liked when you would bite my ass then devour me like your life depended on it.

  “You also never bit my arm.” It sounds as stupid out loud as it did in my head. He laughs again. Why is it each time he looks happy it’s at my expense?

  “You just have to show her who’s boss. That’s all.” I watch him lead her toward the fence, and he does it flawlessly. With each step, she goes to nip at him, but he anticipates her move and dodges it, not allowing her the chance to bite him.

  “She’s a therapy horse?” I ask, wondering how that’s possible.

  “Naw, not her. She’s too old and bitchy for that. She’s the first horse I bought all by myself. I like having her around. She keeps everyone humble.”

  I shouldn’t be melting at his reasoning, but I can’t help but think this is so Brax. The same Brax I fell in love with. How is it that he hasn’t changed? I think I was hoping I would spend time with him to realize he’s changed and is no longer the person I once knew.

  “Even with her little nips, she is a great lesson horse.” I watch him pet her affectionately as she tosses her head side to side, still trying to nip at him too. At least she feels the same way about everyone.

  “You’re really good with animals.” I look at him with awe I can’t mask. Everything always came so naturally to him here.

  “That’s only because I grew up with this stuff. If you stuck around, this would come easy to you too.” I watch as his sentence dies on his tongue, realizing he had started to make future plans. Plans we both obviously doubt will ever work out.

  “Trust me, this does come easy to me,” I try to gloat. “I just wanted you to feel manly by helping me out.” I purposely put an extra sway into my hips while I fling my hair back in a boast of confidence.

  That’s when I step into a rut. My scream is muffled in my own ears by the throb of my wrist as it hits the ground. My ears have a roaring sound within them; I can taste the mouthful of grass and dirt that covers my lips as I do a full face-plant into the ground.

  Karma. I could feel her push me down. Rolling onto my back, I lie there wishing I wasn’t trying so hard. My left wrist pulses as my ankle throbs. I make no attempt to open my eyes, feeling myself flush with embarrassment. I try to be strong, squeezing my eyes tighter as the burn of my ankle slowly crawls up my leg.

  CHAPTER 15

  I’m caught up staring at her perfectly round ass in her tight blue jeans. She has the perfect hourglass figure, making me want to dig my fingers into her hips. A smile tugs at my lips at her “I can do anything” attitude. I love that about her. She has never been afraid to step out of her comfort zone. She looks like she belongs in this field with her natural ability. I stay a step behind her, loving being able to watch her, placing every detail into memory without her noticing.

  I watch it happen in slow motion. Her foot sticks into a rare gopher hole. Her confident walk has evaporated as her whole body tumbles toward the ground. I let go of the leading rope, hoping to catch her in time, only to miss, my fingertips not having a chance to grab her.

  The pain she’s feeling is etched onto her face as she bites her lower lip, trying to keep her tremble from showing.

  “Ah shit, you okay, Ray?”

  Her eyes are closed tightly, wrinkling the skin on her face as she moves her head in short little nods, looking like she’s dying of pain on the inside. My horse is long forgotten, galloping away to freedom for the time being. Without thinking, I reach down to cradle her in my arms as I pick her up. She feels practically weightless as I straighten up.

  A small yelp escapes, her eyes stay closed with a frown.

  “I got you,” I tell her, my pace increasing to my fastest speed walk. I look down and wish I could take all the pain out of her face. Her body naturally curls toward me as she allows me to move her across the yard. I want to kiss her forehead then lips to erase the pain. For once, Raya looks vulnerable, a look she rarely holds. One day, I hope she realizes she has a whole family here that would do anything for her. There is no need to be strong by herself; there is a support system here if she would just accept it.

  It only takes a minute to reach my house before I fling the door open, kicking off my dirt-riddled shoes, and I place her on my counter in the kitchen before opening my freezer door to grab a frozen bag of peas to place on her ankle. When she hisses, I fumble, allowing the bag to drop to the counter as I stride over to get a clean kitchen towel to place over her skin before replacing the bag.

  “Does that help?” I ask, watching her eyes slowly open. I feel desperate to erase the pain I see there. I can’t help it; when she’s hurting, I feel it too. Her hand covers mine, almost in silent acknowledgment as she tries to force a smile for my account. My fingers glide softly over her reddened skin. “Mind if I take this off?” I refer to her shoe. The urge to bring my lips to hers festers, tapping into my brain like a woodpecker at a tree. The longer we look at each other, the more I want to touch her. I shouldn’t be caressing her ankle like my touches will take the pain away.

  “Please.” Her voice is low.

  Carefully, I slip off her shoe, taking the sock with it. Her body tenses up as I try to get a better look.

  “Sorry.” I hate this is causing her more discomfort. “I don’t think it’s broken, but it’s already swelling and bruised. It will be hard to walk on it for a day or so.”

  She groans, leaning farther back on the counter. Looking up, I have to admire her beauty. Her shirt rides up just enough to show that beautiful flash of her midriff. It makes my fingers twitch, wanting to touch it. Her tits sit up at attention, looking like the perfect handfuls I remember. Her light pink lips are slightly parted as her eyes shut yet again.

  Sliding closer, because I can’t control myself, I murmur quietly, “Closing your eyes isn’t going to take this away.”

  When her faux-green irises meet mine, I see the conflict living within her. She is looking at me like she wants to erase the past, relax into my touch, needing the contact that’s sparking right now. But there is pain that swirls through all that, and it’s not physically from her foot. I don’t recognize why it’s there.

  I fold the peas into the kitchen towel before I tie it loosely to her ankle. My fingertips skim their way up her leg until I place myself between her legs, my hands braced on the counter. The air around us sparks to life.

  Her chest heaves as her breaths quicken. I watch as her pupils dilate, unsure of my next move. I can’t stop touching her. My hand goes to her arm, my touch leaving a path of goose bumps on her creamy skin. At this moment, I’m read
y to forgive her. I’ve only ever wanted her.

  “Pretty.” I admire how she reacts to my touch.

  Not being able to take anymore of my teasing, her arm goes around my neck, pulling me in to close the gap. She kisses me with a fierceness I have never felt before, like I may slip from her grasp if she lets go.

  Her tongue probes my mouth, which I hungrily accept. My fingers thread into her hair, holding onto it, hoping this moment lasts a lifetime.

  I don’t wait to deepen the kiss. Her whimper vibrates my lips. Her body presses into me, making my already alert cock stiffen further. I keep her in place with one hand as I allow my other to roam her curves, remembering what she feels like under me.

  I can’t get enough of her. Before I can scoop her up once again to take her how I want in my bed, I feel her hands pressing against my chest. We part, both of us out of breath.

  “We need to talk.” She visibly swallows, biting at that plump lip of hers.

  “Talking is overrated.” I try to lighten up the changing atmosphere, wanting to stay where we just were.

  She pushes at me again. “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.” I test the water with my protest, unsure of the reason for the change in attitude. My body straightens up, giving us too much room.

  She huffs out, straightening herself back up, her ankle pain apparently far from her mind. The mood change puts me on alert. I already have a feeling I’m not going to like what is going to be said next. I can feel it deep into my bones like a sixth sense. I get the same feeling before anything bad happens. I’ve had this sensation too many times in my life.

  “Please forgive me.” Her eyes water up as my stomach flops. No good conversation ever starts with those three words. “But I know I don’t deserve it.” Her voice is low, and I hate seeing the way her lips frown as she tries to continue, but the words hitch in her throat.

  I can feel my face drop, my lips thinning as I switch gears. She moves her hands away from me as she rubs her hand against the other.