The Heart of the Lost Star (Tales of the High Court Book 3)

by Megan Derr

  "I don't—" Kamir choked, swallowed. "Marriage isn't necessary. I wish everyone would stop harping on it."

  "Maybe it's not in the Islands, but we all know the unwritten rules of the High Court, and those say very clearly that a man as fine as you should be courted and married. I think your High Commander has finally come around to seeing reason, and long past time he should."

  "Oh, stop it," Kamir said, but couldn't help the wobbly smile that overtook his face. "I think he has plenty of other things to worry about. But at the latest, he'll be home in ten weeks, and His Majesty said it would likely be closer to seven."

  At which point Kamir would be a good deal larger and less attractive, but there was nothing he could do about that. Hopefully the reason for his altered appearance would make up for it.

  She hugged him one last time then returned to the cooking, which she was doing because Liana had been called away to help a friend who'd recently given birth.

  Kamir finished his tea and left her to her work. He was nearly to his bedroom when he crossed paths with Charlaine, who'd clearly been headed there. "Are you all right?"

  "I should be asking you that. I apologize I was not to hand when he showed up."

  "Please don't. You shouldn't need to shadow me in the house. Not locking the gate was my error. Where is he?"

  "I had two of the guards here haul him to the palace, with orders to deliver him straight to Sarrica, along with a letter I wrote detailing what happened."

  Kamir opened his mouth, closed it again, but after another moment made himself ask, "Did I send him to his execution?"

  "You didn't do anything. He brought punishment down on his own head. But no, he probably won't be executed. Sarrica is a firm believer in getting rid of such problems, but execution is his last resort. Nobody would lose sleep if Theoren was executed, but he'll probably be given to a ship and made to work on it the rest of his life."

  "Thank you for telling me, and for coming to my rescue. I wish I had been capable of fighting him off myself—"

  "You aren't trained to fight, and you shouldn't be sorry about that." Charlaine smiled faintly. "Leave that to those of us who do have the training. Do you need anything else right now? Because I'm likely to be summoned as witness soon. His Majesty will send replacements, of course, but is there's anything you need before I leave?"

  Kamir shook his head. "Nothing at all. I think I'll go lie down for a bit, I do not have the energy I usually do and today has been a long day." He stepped in and gave Charlaine a brief hug. "Thank you for everything."

  "Thank you," Charlaine replied gruffly. "I'm sure you'll no longer need me in a few weeks, when the High Commander returns and Shattered Wind takes over the honor, but should you ever require my assistance again, you've only to ask and I'll come."

  "It won't be the same around here without you," Kamir admitted. "If you ever get bored with Fathoms Deep, you'll always have a place here, bodyguard or not."

  Charlaine hesitated, started to speak, but then only nodded, and finally bid him sleep well before striding off.

  Kamir almost called out for Charlaine to tell him what he'd almost said, but in the end let him go and headed into his bedroom.

  Stripping off his jacket and shoes, he crawled into bed, pulled up his blankets, and was fast asleep moments later.

  Chapter Twenty

  It took eight weeks, all told, for Jader to make it home, though part of that was his own fault, and he couldn't be sorry, not when he'd delayed his return to ensure the family he'd never really known had gotten the burials they deserved. Except, of course, for his traitorous brother, whose body had gone in with the nameless to be lost and forgotten in a mass pyre.

  They were further impeded by a spring storm that delayed the ship by nearly two days.

  When they did finally make it home, it wasn't even a proper arrival. It was so foggy, the schooner couldn't safely make it into the harbor. Instead Jader, Allen and their retinues were put on a smaller boat to be taken home.

  If they'd arrived on time, they would have been heralded with at least a little fanfare, but as it was, Jader was grateful for the quiet and the lack of people. He stifled a yawn as someone wearing Fathoms Deep colors helped him out of the boat, and swayed slightly as his legs tried to readjust to being on land.

  Lesto came out of the mist and briefly hugged him, Allen, and Rene. "Welcome home."

  "I'm surprised my husband isn't here," Allen said, pushing back the hood of his cloak, breath misting in the chilly spring air.

  "He tried," Lesto said.

  Allen laughed brightly, the sound rippling across the dark, mostly deserted harbors. "Let's be on our way then, for I would much like to be properly home, and if I keep Jader away much longer, he will pitch us all into the harbor."

  Not bothering to deny that, Jader took the satchel Tsarana handed him and let the bodyguards close in around them as they were escorted to a large, heavy carriage. Once they were settled and moving, he asked, "How is Kamir?"

  "Six months along, more or less," Lesto said, "and handling it far better than poor Tara. He is due any day now, and if the baby does not come, I think he will remove the child himself with whatever happens to be closest to hand."

  Jader chuckled. "Who is more distressed at this point: Tara or Rene?"

  "Oh, be quiet," Rene groused. "I am not distressed."

  Lesto gave a sharp, bright laugh. "You're almost as bad as Sarrica when it comes to fussing. Certainly you're the most ridiculous I have ever seen you, and you'll probably be even worse now you're home again and Tara is due to give birth within the month," Lesto said, and it was too dark to see his smirk, but plain enough in his voice.

  Rene made a low, rough noise, his bad hand curling into an awkward fist in his lap.

  Huffing, Lesto reached out and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Tara is fine, and will be fine during the birth, thanks to all of Kamir's advice and friendship and Sarrica's endless doting." He turned to Jader. "Speaking of Sarrica and doting, nobody has fussed over Kamir more, and the way the High Court behaves, you'd think they'd forgotten he was even more ridiculous with Nyle."

  "I'm not certain it's possible to exceed that," Rene said, and Lesto snickered.

  "Making amends, is he?" Jader asked. He wasn't angry anymore, but he wasn't precisely feeling charitable either.

  It was Allen who replied, "Sarrica was always disappointed that Nyle did not really care for children, and he always hated that Nyle insisted on carrying them anyway. I think he enjoys having friends and family to fuss over who do not hate every second of the ordeal. I'm fairly certain that if everyone keeps having children, he'll get it into his head to have more of his own—our own, I guess."

  "I'm fairly certain if you sire a child, there will be no living with Sarrica after they're born," Jader said with a snicker. "That child will be swaddled in silk and never allowed to leave his sight."

  Allen huffed in the dark. "He can certainly try."

  That certainly sounded like new additions to the imperial family were a strong possibility, though Jader wasn't convinced Allen realized he'd already accepted—liked—the idea. To judge by Lesto's silence, he'd come to the same conclusions.

  They rode the rest of the way to the palace in silence, though as they drew closer, Jader asked, "Where is Kamir right now?"

  Lesto chuckled. "His children have become fast friends with Bellen and Nyla, and the four conspired to harangue their parents into letting Chiri and Chara sleep over a few nights until you came home. Kamir is staying in your suite, though it took a great deal of effort to convince him to do so."

  "I see," Jader replied, hot satisfaction running through him. Maybe it was arrogant to be pleased that Kamir was in his space waiting for him, but he was pleased all the same. "I hope nobody is expecting me to do anything tonight other than go to bed."

  "If Sarrica tries to make us work at this hour, I'm throwing Allen at him and running," Lesto said.

  Allen cast them a look as t
he carriage came to a halt and light from the palace slipped through the windows. "If my husband tries to do work instead of greeting me properly, you may have to separate us."

  "Ha," Lesto replied. "Any distraction works for me." He threw open the door and climbed out. Jader followed him, then Rene, and last came Allen.

  Predictably ignoring Lesto's orders to stay inside, Sarrica stood on the front steps and flew down them the moment he saw Allen, sweeping him up and making it very clear that nobody would be made to work that night—except perhaps Allen, in ways he probably would not protest.

  When Sarrica finally tore himself away from Allen, he turned to greet Jader. "You've been sorely missed. I'm sorry for all you've suffered. Welcome home."

  "It's good to be home," Jader said quietly. "Thank you for looking after Kamir these past few weeks."

  "He looks after himself, really—probably more than any of us realize. I am sorry for my terrible mistake in issuing the imperial order. But speaking of Karmir: he claimed he was going to bed, but I am fairly certain he's been doing his best to wait up for you every night. Run along, High Commander. Take a few days to settle in. Next week is soon enough to put you back to work. There should be a bath waiting; I ordered them prepared when we heard you were on your way."

  "Thank you." Jader bowed and swept off, most of his misery sliding away as he lost himself in the familiar, desperately missed, contained-chaos labyrinth that was Harkenesten Palace. The late hour thankfully meant those halls were deserted of all but guards and a few servants stuck with late shifts.

  "Welcome home, High Commander," greeted the guards outside the doors to the imperial wing. They bowed low, then clapped his back and shoulders. "It's good to have you back. The Deputy High Commander is doing well, but…" The man shrugged, and the woman next to him nodded.

  Jader smiled and thanked them, then stepped through the doors and barely kept from bolting to his room. The guards there greeted him as well, their voices pitched low. "You're a happy sight," one of the women said. "I think Lord Kamir is asleep by now, but he'd like it if you woke him."

  "We'll see," Jader said. "Thank you." Hugging them both, he dragged out the keys he hadn't needed for months and unlocked the door.

  The suite was dark when he stepped inside, strange and achingly familiar all at once. So much was precisely as he'd left it six months ago. But there were little touches that were not: the empty tea tray a servant had not yet collected, a cheap pin book next to it. Someone had left a beautiful printed silk scarf draped over one chair, and the area close to the patio doors had a few toys scattered across it.

  He swallowed and removed his outer layers, dropping everything in a pile to deal with later. Walking quietly through the room, spying the bathtub that had strangely been left in the main room, he pushed open the bedroom door—then lingered there, too captivated to move.

  Kamir lay in bed fast asleep, a book on the floor where it had clearly been dropped. A cup of tea was on the bedside table. The footboard was draped with a dressing robe, slippers on the floor beneath.

  If there was a better homecoming to be had, Jader couldn't fathom it.

  He approached the bed and simply drank in the sight, keeping his hands to himself only by tangling them together behind his back. But oh, how he wanted to touch. Trace that familiar face, touch the unfamiliar rise visible through the layers of blankets. Jader swallowed. One thing to be told, to know, quite another to see. In just a few months he would be a father.

  Pulling up the blankets more firmly around Kamir, Jader then went into his dressing room and quickly discarded his remaining clothes. Taking a dressing robe with him, he returned to the outer room and the bath waiting for him there.

  He scrubbed and cleaned and shaved slowly, not dragging himself out until the water ran cold and the need for food won out. Belting on his robe, he went to the door and asked the guards there to bring him food.

  When it came, Jader nearly cried to smell and taste all the foods he'd been missing. Nothing was better than the food of Harken—and wine from his own stores. Though he tried to go slowly and savor it, the food was gone within minutes.

  Refilling his wine cup, Jader strolled out to his patio and leaned against the wall to watch the sea. He'd missed this view along with everything else, missed his aquariums, the smell of the sea tangling with the scents of Harkenesten.

  He took a few sips of wine and set the cup aside, leaning more heavily on the wall as his mind spun with everything he needed to do now he was home: the army would be the most strenuous of his tasks. He needed to shift Shattered Wind from mercenary to his private guard. Shadow Bell needed to be dealt with, according to what little he'd been told so far. He needed to become properly acquainted with the estate he'd never seen. But before all of that he—

  "J-Jader?"

  Jader whipped around, barely noticing the cup he knocked to the ground, sending wine splashing across the patio stones. "Kamir." He flew across the patio and stumbled to a halt barely a pace away, all his pretty, carefully rehearsed words failing him. "How—how are you?"

  "I'm glad you're home," Kamir said, staring at Jader like he was cool water on a boiling-hot day.

  The look finally jarred Jader into movement. Closing the space between them, he gently cupped Kamir's face in his hands and bent to kiss him.

  He'd been wrong before; this was the best possible homecoming, having Kamir close, warm and loose from sleep, fingers clinging as he kissed Jader back like it was all he wanted to do.

  Jader drew back only when Kamir shivered. "It's too chilly to be out here dressed as you are."

  "Dressed as you are?" Kamir countered.

  "Fair enough." Jader dragged him back inside and resumed the kissing, maybe trembling a bit himself as it really settled that he was home and would never have to leave home again—at least not for the foreseeable future. "You never answered my question."

  Kamir blinked at him. "What question?"

  "How are you?"

  "I'm fine," Kamir said, smiling that sweet, shy smile Jader had missed so fucking much. "We're fine, Commander." Before Jader could react, Kamir took hold of one of his hands and rested it on his swollen stomach. "See for yourself."

  Jader gave a shaky laugh. "I still cannot believe it. Of course I was ordered to leave right as everything got interesting around here." He looked up. "I… I am sorry I did not have more care. I know this was the last thing you needed with everything else weighing you down."

  "I have no regrets," Kamir said softly. "My only fear was that you would be angry."

  Jader tipped his chin up and kissed him again. "I could never be angry about a child. If nothing else, I have far too much ego."

  Kamir laughed.

  Taking his hand, Jader led him further into the suite and settled him on the sofa with a blanket. Once Kamir was comfortable, he built up the fire and went to fetch his satchel from where he'd left it in the entryway. "Most of my belongings are still on the ship and won't be here until morning, but I did bring a couple of gifts for you with me tonight."

  "You didn't have to bring me gifts," Kamir said, but the blanket fell from his shoulders as he leaned forward slightly and watched as Jader sat and pulled out the velvet box.

  "They were bought long ago, but I could hardly not try to keep pace with that beautiful watch—and don't think I've forgotten I have questions about my desk clock." Kamir's cheeks darkened and Jader was helpless against leaning over to kiss one and chased more kisses along his soft skin until he once more took that delectable mouth. "I've missed you."

  Kamir stroked his cheek, combed through the fine strands of hair that had fallen against it. "I've missed you, too."

  Stealing one last kiss, Jader drew back and offered the box. "This was the first gift I bought for you."

  Looking equal parts excited and nervous, Kamir set the box gingerly on his stomach and opened it—and gasped. "They're beautiful." He stared a moment, looking hesitant. "They remind me of that day in the hallway. I wa
s so upset. I'd just wanted…" He shook his head. "Then those guards."

  Jader tilted his head up. "Just wanted what?"

  Kamir looked at him, then looked away and ducked his head. "I… I'd just wanted you to notice me, if only for a moment. I'd seen you around the palace for years, but we hardly move in the same circles, even if my family was trying to throw me at Lord Lesto. But that morning, suddenly I had a chance to talk to you. Then the guards reprimanded me for the flowers, and I felt so hopelessly stupid."

  "I barely remember the guards, to be honest," Jader said. "All I remember is how beautiful you looked coming down the hall, bathed in sunlight, with flowers in your hair."

  Kamir sniffled, then started full out crying.

  Jader blanched, shoved his satchel out of the way, and pulled Kamir close. "Oh, no. I didn't mean to make you cry."

  "You're—" Kamir gave a wobbly laugh. "You're ridiculous. Do I look upset to you?" He smiled through wet eyelashes. "I thought High Commanders were more observant than that."

  Jader huffed playfully and kissed away the tears. "I think you look perfect, but I still wasn't expecting you to cry."

  "Sweet words like that are why you get in so much trouble."

  "None of this feels like trouble."

  Kamir smiled and shook his head. "I hope you're not this soft on your child; they'll turn into a spoiled brat."

  Jader started to protest he'd never be a soft parent, then thought better of it, given he had no idea what kind of parent he would be. "Speaking of spoiled brats, I know very well I've been one. But I hope you know by now that whatever my intentions when we began our affair, I very much intend for this to be something that will someday end in marriage. You have enough to deal with for now, and we've spent more time apart than together, but I would like that to be the path we walk, even if in the end we decide to part ways."