by Will Dunne
If Max says to Benny, "I trust you," we are likely to think he doesn't, because we assume instinctively that there must be something else going on. If Max says, "I want you to have my house key," we read between the lines and infer a sense of trust beneath the line. Look for dialogue in your scene where characters make "on the nose" statements, draw conclusions, or put forth generalizations. Some of these statements may be needed, but most will serve you better if they are moved to subtext and suggested by the details presented in the dialogue.
5. Does the dialogue tap the dynamics of listening as well as talking? One speech can trigger an array of different responses, depending on who's listening and how they feel. In each case, the listener hears what's said, interprets it a certain way, and responds accordingly. During this process, we can learn a lot about the speaker, the listener, and their relationship. Suppose Joe says, "You look like you could use a vacation." If the other character is Pete, a grumpy neighbor, he might interpret Joe's line as a criticism and reply, "If I need your advice, I'll ask for it." If the other character is Joan, an office rival, she might interpret Joe's line as a threat and reply, "You think it's that easy to get rid of me?" Or if the other character is Maggie, Joe's wife, she might interpret the same line as loving support and reply, "You're right, honey. Let's go to Hawaii."
In your scene, listen to what's being said through each character's ears. Are the responses unique and appropriate? Have you missed opportunities to reveal character through more telling or surprising interpretations of the lines uttered?
6. Are the characters focused on what's new rather than rehashing what they already know? When characters sit around and relive their memories at length or remind each other of things that should be obvious to them both, the dialogue tends to feel expositional and phony. More often than not, it's the writer's clumsy way to set things up for the audience. Watch for dialogue that begins with exposition flags such as "I remember ... ," "Do you remember when ... ," and "As I said before ..." Keep the focus of the scene on the here and now. Let the characters refer to the past and offstage world only when it is necessary to make something happen in the present, and keep these references as brief as possible. It is more dynamic to infer the past than to explain it.
7. Is all of that information really necessary? Great dialogue is transparent. It envelops the audience rather than impresses them. In the end, every speech matters because it not only reveals something important about the character, but also advances the dramatic action. Read through your dialogue to weed out speeches that don't perform both functions. It is not unusual to find characters making speeches that impress the writer but have little to do with the story. These are what screenwriter William Gold man refers to as "darlings" that get in the way of the dramatic action and should be "killed."
If speeches can be cut without changing what happens in the rest of the scene, it's a sign that those speeches should go. They have shifted the scene into neutral gear. These idle moments may be small, only a line or two, or large, a beat or more of action. Either way, they form loops of wordage that exist only as tangents to the dramatic action rather than integral parts of it. In some cases, it's the topic that's unnecessary. In other cases, it's not the topic, but the amount of detail devoted to it. In a dramatic story, time is valuable. Make every minute count by boiling the dialogue down to what is essential for these particular characters in this particular scene.
WRAP-UP
Most of writing is rewriting, and you will probably revisit your scene many times. A good way to review the dialogue during this process is to read each character's lines separately and focus on what that one character is doing in a scene. If you have a character who has only been asking questions, for example, the dialogue may be getting stale and predictable. Remember that characters can probe without asking questions and that too much of anything will ultimately work against the scene. For best results, try to vary the approach and speech rhythms as much as possible while staying faithful to your characters.
"The Bones of the Lines" later in this guide can help you through a technical scene edit. Try it as a final step to refine the language of your characters and tweak the action of a scene.
THE QUICK VERSION
Use subtext to reveal character and drive story action
BEST TIME FOR THIS
During scene planning, writing, or revision
READING BETWEEN THE LINES
What the characters don't say to each other is often a critical part of what happens between them. Whether through experience, imagination, or leap of faith, characters sometimes develop beliefs and feelings so profound, so painful, or so secret that they cannot be uttered in dialogue and must remain instead in the subtext of the scene. These unspeakable truths are a rich source of dramatic action because they are powerful motivators of what the characters do here and now.
A skillful dramatic writer can show us what's really going on by creating a context which suggests-but never explains-the unspeakable truths. We observe the behavior of the characters within this context, listen to what they say, and read between the lines to infer meaning. The unspeakable truths may be positive or negative, and may sometimes contradict what the characters say. Some characters want to communicate their unspeakable truth. Others want to hide it.
In Ballad of the Sad Cafe, a play adapted by Edward Albee from a novella by Carson McCullers, we enter the world of the poor rural South where we meet two eccentric characters: Marvin Macy and Miss Amelia. Unknown to Miss Amelia, Marvin Macy has suddenly fallen in love with her, even though they have never dated or even had much of a friendly exchange. When he pays her a visit one summer night, his goal is to win her hand in marriage, and his unspeakable truth (I love you) is a message he wants to make clear. The ever-practical Miss Amelia also has an unspeakable truth (I want your ten acres of timberland) which, for now, she wants to conceal.
Though these truths are never uttered aloud, the dynamics of the scene show us that Marvin Macy really is in love and that Miss Amelia has something else in mind when she accepts his proposal of marriage. As a result, the subtext of each character becomes knowable to a certain degree without having to be explained. We learn about Marvin Macy's (I love you) subtext through devices such as these:
• Character objective. One of the easiest ways to make subtext known is to give the character an objective that stems from the unspeakable truth and will drive action which embodies that truth. Marvin Macy wants to convince Miss Amelia to marry him. This simple choice of objective goes a long way toward making his (I love you) subtext known.
• Behavioral clues. Unspeakable truths are often revealed through the tactics characters choose to achieve their objectives. Though Marvin Macy never utters the words "I love you," there is no mistaking that this is what he wants to communicate to Miss Amelia as he attempts to portray himself as a reformed person, showcase his thriftiness, and assure her that he is a landowner who can provide for her.
• Emotional clues. You can suggest a lot of information by showing us how the character feels about what's going on. Marvin Macy is nervous. He stammers and is unsure of himself. This emotional adjustment to his task suggests high stakes for him and helps us see how much he loves her.
• Physical clues. The physical life of the scene offers many opportunities to show, not tell, unspeakable truths. Marvin Macy has worn his best jacket even on the hottest of nights. He has brought precious gifts-chitterlings and swamp flowers-as well as a silver ring which he finally works up the courage to present. Such details help us know and believe his (I love you) subtext.
In the same scene, Miss Amelia is more of a mystery, because, unlike Marvin Macy, she wants to conceal her unspeakable truth (I want your land). However, a number of clues suggest a hidden agenda in her agreement to marry him. Even though we don't yet know what that agenda is, we sense its presence because of what we have observed in the scene: her objective (she wants to find out why he has come here) in relationship to her emotio
nal adjustment (cold and suspicious), and her behavior-she spends more time talking about land and inspecting the silver of the ring than she does discussing the prospect of marriage. A hidden agenda like this can be suggested by any of the following:
• Statements that appear illogical. If something said now doesn't make sense because of something said or done earlier, we sense a subtext contrary to the text. For example, why would Miss Amelia accept Marvin Macy's marriage proposal when she has not shown even the remotest sign of loving him? Her agreement to marry appears illogical and implies that there is more going on than meets the eye.
• Actions that contradict words. You can suggest a hidden agenda by creating contrast between what the character says and what the character does. If the two don't match, we believe the actions more than the words because actions speak louder. Miss Amelia says yes to Marvin Macy's proposal, for example, but won't let him kiss her afterward.
• Inappropriate emotions. We may suspect ulterior motives when characters manifest emotions that do not seem to fit the situation at hand. Miss Amelia is unfriendly toward Marvin through most of his marriage proposal, and almost hostile after she accepts it. These surprising emotions call into question her motive for marriage.
Whether the character wants to communicate the unspeakable truth, as Marvin Macy does, or conceal it, as Miss Amelia does, the words that are not spoken often ring louder than those that are. What is the unspeakable truth for each character in your scene? How can you reveal this subtext without explaining it? How much of this subtext do you want us to know at this point in the story?
To have dramatic value, the subtext must be knowable to some degree. If the subtext is so buried that it can't be detected, we have no way to realize that something more is going on.
ABOUT THE EXERCISE
Use this exercise to explore the subtext for a scene that you want to write or edit. This subtext may be an unspeakable truth that a character wants to communicate or an unspeakable truth that a character wants to conceal. Either way, it should be a subtext that you want us in the audience to know or at least sense to some degree.
You can repeat this exercise for each character in the scene, but focus on one character at a time. As you do this, look for new story ideas while staying true to the character and his or her relationship to whoever else is here.
FINDING THE UNSPEAKABLE TRUTH OF THE SCENE
Think about the scene you are developing and begin to view it from one character's perspective. Imagine that, under the specific circumstances of this scene here and now, the character has an unspeakable truth-a certain knowledge, understanding, suspicion, desire, interest, emotion, or other development-that is too profound, too painful, or too secret to put into words. Yet it is a truth that will significantly influence the character in the scene. As an exercise:
i. Identify the unspeakable truth as simply as possible-for example (I love you) or (I want your land).
2. Tell why this truth is unspeakable. For example, Marvin Macy's love is too profound for mere words, and Miss Amelia's true intentions, if revealed now, would defeat her plan to acquire Marvin Macy's property.
EXPLORING THE UNSPEAKABLE TRUTH
Determine whether your character's subtext is a truth to be communicated or a truth to be concealed. Then go to the matching step below:
i. If the unspeakable truth is to be communicated to another character in the scene and/or to us in the audience, try these steps:
• Marvin's (I love you) subtext leads to his scenic objective: to win Miss Amelia's hand in marriage. Think about your character's unspeakable truth and the different desires it might arouse. Identify an objective that could grow out of-and suggest-this unspeakable truth, so that the character's very pursuit of this goal is a clue to the subtext.
• Marvin's (I love you) subtext is also reflected by his courtship strategies, such as assuring Miss Amelia of his reformed nature. Think about your character's unspeakable truth and the different behaviors it might foster. Identify two or three actions that could point to your character's subtext.
• Marvin's nervousness contributes to our discovery of his (I love you) subtext. Think about your character's unspeakable truth and the emotions it might trigger. Identify at least one emotion that could serve as a clue to your character's subtext.
• The gifts in Marvin's hands and the engagement ring in his pocket also contribute to our awareness of his (I love you) subtext. Think about the physical life of your scene. Identify one or two physical objects or elements that could serve as a clue to your character's subtext.
2. If the unspeakable truth is not to be revealed to another character in the scene but suggested to us in the audience as a hidden agenda, try these steps:
• Miss Amelia's (I want your land) subtext is not revealed until later in the story. Yet we sense a hidden agenda now, because, after her cool behavior toward Marvin in the scene, her offhanded acceptance of his marriage proposal doesn't add up. Think about your character's hidden agenda and how it might lead him or her to say something that doesn't seem to make sense at the moment. Give an example of a seemingly illogical statement that your character could make and that could suggest a hidden agenda without revealing what it is.
• Though Miss Amelia accepts Marvin's marriage proposal, she won't let him touch her. Think about how your character's unspeakable truth might lead to a contradiction between word and deed. Give an example of how the hidden agenda might be implied by having your character say one thing but do its opposite.
• After accepting Marvin's proposal, Miss Amelia gets angry at his attempt to kiss her. Think about how your character's unspeakable truth might lead to a surprising emotional response in the scene. Give an example of an unexpected emotion that could suggest a hidden agenda without revealing it.
WRAP-UP
If a heartfelt exchange between characters feels false or unbelievable to the audience, or if the dialogue of a scene seems melodramatic or corny, the problem may be that an unspeakable truth has been spoken. Putting such truths into words betrays their significance and creates dialogue that rings hollow because it has no subtext for the actors or audience to discover.
As you work on your story, think about the unspeakable truth in each scene. Whether your character wants to communicate it or conceal it, look for interesting ways to show, not tell, the subtext. By focusing on the unspeakable truth of each scene, you can avoid "on the nose" writing and keep us actively involved as we piece together the clues and dig deeper to find out what is really going on.
THE QUICK VERSION
Elevate the dialogue of a scene by raising some lines to a universal level
BEST TIME FOR THIS
During scene revision
TWO LEVELS OF DIALOGUE
Dialogue engages us in two different ways. First, it tells us the unique details of a world that we have never encountered before. Each character is someone we've never met and speaks in a distinct voice that reflects who that particular character is and how he or she fits into the specific story being presented. These are the details that give us the plot. The focus of these details are the plot points-the dramatic events-that allow us to follow the story step by step.
In scene 2 of Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamet, for example, real estate salesman Moss tries to draw his depressed coworker Aaronow into a plan to exact revenge on their ruthless bosses Murray and Mitch and get rich quick in the process. "Someone should rob the office," he says. The target of the robbery is the company's real estate leads, which could then be sold secretly to a competitor named Jerry Graff. Aaronow asks: "How many leads have we got?" Moss replies: "The Glengarry? ... the premium leads ... ? I'd say five thousand. Five. Five thousand leads."
Everything the characters discuss here is plot-specific. They are hatching a particular plan that involves a particular real estate company and its rival. The robbery they are planning is a key event of the story, with much of the second act centering on who did or didn't steal th
e leads. The dialogue surrounding this robbery applies only to the unique world of this play.
Ideally, every line of dialogue moves the story forward as it reveals more about the characters, so, in a sense, every line of dialogue is plot-specific. However, some dialogue has a second function as well. It reaches above and beyond the world of the story to include the world at large: the world that we, the audience, also inhabit. This is the other way that dialogue engages us: it presents universal statements-generalizations, adages, laws, principles, beliefs, or advice-that are meant to apply not only to the characters but also to us sitting in our theater seats. These are the universal truths and lies of the characters. Regardless of what the characters think, we will see these statements as "truths" if we agree with them and "lies" if we don't.
Great dialogue is sprinkled with universal truths and lies. We listen to these lines differently. They make us sit up in our seats because they challenge us to think about our own life experience and either agree or disagree. Some of these universal truths and lies are small. They offer little insights into everyday life. Some try to be profound statements about the human condition. For example, the world of Glengarry Glen Ross is a heartless one driven by ruthless greed. Here are some of the universal truths and lies sprinkled throughout the text:
• About money, Aaronow says, "People used to say that there are numbers of such magnitude that multiplying them by two made no difference."
• About luck, Levene says, "Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does, that's all it's doing. Streaks."