If she worked the bar the next night, what was she going to do with Nathan?
Chapter 8
JJ
The end of the tie in his right hand went over, no, under... wait, if he twisted... What was JJ doing? He undid the knot he was creating at his throat and let the ends dangle by the buttons of his shirt. He was working on the third attempt to tie his tie.
He couldn't get the top of the knot to go straight. He was all thumbs. Either that or he kept getting distracted by thoughts of what he was facing that day.
Staring into his own shattered eyes, JJ avoided looking at the stubble on his jawline he couldn’t seem to shave away. He blinked blood shot eyes and reached up to rub at the exhausted itch.
He couldn’t sleep. Tessa was in town and he hadn’t slept since she’d gotten back. How many more nights would he have to wonder about his son and about her? Was she lying in bed, crying herself to sleep? Her mom was dead and Tessa hadn’t said goodbye. Her pain and regret had to be inescapable.
Bride was a small town and JJ had always loved it, but now the size was noticeably tight. Tessa was right down the road. She wasn’t more than a few blocks away and her pain was guaranteed, but it wasn’t his place to assuage anything.
He reached up, running his hand over the five-o-clock shadow. Was that okay when it was only nine-thirty in the morning? The rough scratching sound as his fingernails scraped over the stubble on his chin cut through the silence filled with just his soft breathing.
If anyone had a problem with it, he was a lawyer – he’d find a way to defend it.
“What’s going on?” JJ’s girlfriend, Celeste, walked into the room dressed in a black dress with her hair braided down her back with sprigs of black Baby’s Breath tucked into the twists. Her effort for the funeral was evident and meant more considering she hadn't been extremely fond of Jillian and JJ’s arrangement. She’d maintained professionalism and perfect decorum at all times, but JJ knew how she really felt.
Celeste was grace and class with the classic temper of a passionate redhead. She was exactly what his persona needed.
Too bad she wasn’t what he wanted.
She didn’t wait for an answer as she turned, exposing her creamy back and the unzipped opening of her dress. “JJ, honey, can you zip up my dress and help me get my necklace on? It's being a real booger.” She flashed him a smile, the curve of her face attractive as all get out.
When he’d finally started dating again, he'd purposefully sought anyone who was the exact opposite of what Tessa was – brunette, curvy, spunky, and with more attitude contained in a small package than should be legal. Tessa hadn’t lacked anything as he’d tried to replace her in his heart.
Celeste had taken on a different role than he’d planned and he genuinely liked her, enjoying her company more than he had expected which made his reality even more painful. When he looked at Celeste he had to pretend she was someone else, someone who hadn't changed a bit.
He reached forward, taking the small tab between his thumb and forefinger. Pulling the zipper up, he took extra caution not to touch her skin. His nerves were on edge and it had nothing to do with her presence and everything to do with Tessa’s. How did he explain that? How did he excuse his activities? Celeste didn’t deserve anything he was doing. He finished his robotic motion of zipping up her dress.
No one deserved to be used.
Celeste turned, stepping into his view. Using the tip of her pinky finger, she traced the arc of her eyebrow. Studying his attire and the mess he’d made of his tie, she grimaced before training her gaze on his. “Are you okay? You've been quiet.”
“Sorry, I'm just distracted with this funeral.” He bit back the truth that he was distracted with Tessa’s presence, the presence of his son, and that his business partner had left him in equal partnership with a woman who may or may not run again. Tessa had already proved she was a flight risk. What was important enough to Tessa to keep her there?
Nothing. Even her mother hadn’t been able to keep her planted in one spot. Her relationship and commitment to him had been more fluid than a rainstorm.
Maybe all he had to do was get closure with Tessa before he could move on and find his happy-ever-after with Celeste. Wasn’t that the only thing holding him back? So far, he’d always asked ‘what if?’
What if Tessa returned and she wanted another go? What if she returned and apologized? What if she had come back to invite him into Nathan’s life?
All of the above would be acceptable... and JJ caught his breath. Was that true?
Yes. If Tessa wanted to have another go, he wouldn’t think twice. He would jump at the chance to be with her again. He’d never thought about a permanent future with anyone since.
“JJ? Hello? What has you so distracted? It can’t just be this funeral.” She narrowed her green gaze at him and tilted her head to the side. “What’s going on?”
JJ refocused and shook his head. “No, it’s just reminding me of my parents’ deaths... I know it was a few years back, but it seems so much more immediate.” He was holding up to his side of his career. He was a lawyer and dang, if he wasn’t lying through his teeth.
“Ah, yes, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.” Celeste shook her head, clucking her tongue as she turned toward the mirror and fixed her lipstick. “You know, it’s okay to not do so much for the Sinclair family now that Jillian is dead. You don’t have any other ties to them. I’m sure the daughter can take over the bar, if that’s what she wants to do and you can sell your half to her.” She glanced at him, questions in her eyes.
No way was he going to say what was really going through his mind. Celeste didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be shoved to the side just because his heart couldn't forget the way he'd fit with Tessa.
But at the same time, he had to somehow figure out how to explain to Celeste that he had more ties to the Sinclairs than just a business. He was linked to them for life and he wasn’t going to be able to get away. Not without losing a large part of his own life – especially now that he’d had the chance to meet his son.
JJ and Jillian used to joke about what they would do, if Tessa ever came back. They had monthly meetings down at Barb's Café. Over mounds of hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, and bacon, they laughed and joked about how things could be.
Not how they were with Tessa’s absence and how it destroyed both of them on a daily basis.
How they could be with all the hope and future possibilities ahead of them.
Celeste turned, reaching up and curling the end of her braid while studying JJ with her deep green eyes. She leaned forward, kissing him softly but fully on the lips. She pressed her body to his. “I don’t think it’s unrealistic to want you to leave that part of your life in the past, is it? Do you really think it’s fair for me to fight her memory as well as her presence?” She screwed her artfully painted lips to the side and looked down at his tie. She reached up and skillfully tied it at his neck with deft movements.
Her presence didn’t affect him like he was sure she meant to. He didn’t feel the steady thrum of his pulse quickening with her nearness – not like he’d felt with Tessa the day before with only a few feet separating them.
The constant enslavement of his senses and his emotions to Tessa after all this time hurt more than anything.
JJ froze as Celeste raised her gaze higher to meet his. Her eyes held her shattered vulnerability and he knew she could sense something wasn’t right. How long had it taken for her to suspect that his heart didn’t belong to her?
If JJ were smart, he'd run the other way. He’d stay with Celeste, he’d do what she wanted and sell Tessa the bar. He’d grab a ranch on the edge of town and have babies with Celeste. He’d walk away from the family he had living above the bar and get as far away from Tessa as possible. Or, he could try to convince her to sell the bar to him and suggest she leave.
Either way he wouldn’t get to know her son.
His son.
How
many times was he going to be expected to lose his heart? He couldn’t imagine trying to survive another bout of loss like the last time when he’d run out of the church, the simple wedding ring gripped so hard in his hand the band had left an imprint in his palm.
He’d chased after her. But she was too far away.
Whether he went with Celeste for a future of family, tradition, and expectations or he let Tessa leave with her son, he would lose Tessa and her son.
He would lose his son.
JJ could do that. He wasn’t willing to do that again.
THE TIME TO BEGIN THE funeral slipped up like a sparrow in the morning.
Everything was in place, but JJ wasn’t sure he was ready. The flowers had come in and they dripped with sunshine and happiness – exactly like Jillian had always been. Bright yellow and orange sunflowers mixed with white roses had been Jillian's favorites.
JJ had made sure to take a bouquet of flowers to Jillian at work every Valentine's Day. The task was something he and Tessa had done before she'd run out on them. JJ kept up with the tradition because he liked to pretend that Tessa would see them and remember.
Standing at the front of the church, JJ acted as the reception line, shaking hands with the few Bride residents who had shown up for the funeral. Watching for Tessa, JJ glanced behind him every few minutes to see if she’d snuck in one of the other entrances.
How had he found himself standing by the door, receiving people as if he had the right to anything concerning Jillian or Tessa? He wanted to slap himself for constantly hoping, constantly trying... and never getting noticed.
His smile slipped, but he jerked it back into place at the sight of the mayor. The man was humble and sweet and definitely belonged to Bride. JJ ducked his head in deference. “It’s a pleasure seeing you, sir. I wish it was under better circumstances.”
“I agree, Jeremiah. I’m going to miss Jillian’s terrific Super Bowl parties. She knew how to make even betting on the game feel legal.” The mayor nodded, clasping JJ’s hand with a quick pump and then walked inside, leaving JJ there at the door.
Holding a spot behind the mayor and waving the man on, Nancy Redd turned her attention from the town’s leader and focused her gaze on JJ. She arched a silvered eyebrow his way and smiled sweetly as she approached. Small hands wrapped in black-beaded gloves reached for JJ’s. A pull-on black knit sweater showed the slope of her frail shoulders and enhanced the strength in her expression.
Carefully arranged curls framed her all-knowing gaze. She reached forward, her grip surprisingly strong under the deception of her size and age.
JJ wasn't sure how old she was, but he'd known her as long as he'd been in Bride which was all his life.
She looked around the chapel, craning to see around JJ and then pulled herself back to center on him. With her free hand, she swatted the lower part of his forearm and blushed. “I don’t see her anywhere.” She tilted her head to the side, narrowing her gaze like she waited for a profound answer to a question she didn’t ask.
JJ blinked, releasing her hand. He motioned toward the altar and the opened casket. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Redd. Are you talking about Celeste? She’s up front—”
“I am most certainly not talking about that woman. You know who I’m talking about. I don’t see her. Did she come? Does she know her mother is dead?” Nancy’s eyebrow arched higher, if that was possible, and she folded her hands at her waist.
Before JJ could think of a response, Nancy reached up and patted his cheek. “Bless your heart, but you and I both know you shouldn't have let her leave.” She winked at him, wagging her finger in the air between them. “I know you didn’t want her to, but I think you could’ve stopped her.”
JJ was speechless. He didn’t know what to say. What if she was right and he could’ve stopped Tessa from leaving? What if he had tried harder to find her?
Guilt overtook his desire to see the mother of his son. Had he let her down as well as himself? Could he have rescued her from a life of single motherhood? He nodded softly at Nancy. “Thank you, ma’am.”
What did Nancy know? Probably the same thing everybody knew. Nancy might not have gotten the notice that Tessa was in town. She and Aunt Suki hadn’t spoken in years. Even though Suki was the town gossip for certain topics, Nancy cornered the market on the rest of Bride and still the sweetest woman alive.
Even if Nancy was a little bit on the nosy side.
She leaned her head back, inspecting him with narrowed eyes. “What are you thinking?”
“I couldn't control her, Mrs. Redd.” He didn't know how to explain it, and he didn't want to go through the farce of pretending to not know what she was talking about. He was smarter than that, and she knew it.
She nodded her head. “I know she came back. Just because Suki found out first, doesn’t mean I didn’t know.” Nancy looked around the chapel once more. She nodded tightly at JJ and pursed her lips together. “Well, she came back to Bride and right in the middle of a romance drought. Do this town proud. We haven't had a wedding in a long time. Two Cups could use the business. I just know that the first wedding we have in this town will return Ellora’s luck and we’ll be back to our bustling selves.”
JJ shook his head sadly. “What luck? Ellora’s husband never came back. That’s not luck. That's abandonment.” JJ felt badly for the woman the town was named after. She had never found love, at least as far as he was aware. There were different versions of the story, but he had a feeling deep in his gut that she’d never found what she was looking for.
Maybe it comforted JJ to think that he had something in common with the town founder. He couldn’t deny that comparing himself to Ellora was better than being alone in his situation.
Nancy shrugged her deceptively small shoulders. “Bless her heart, maybe Ellora did. Maybe she found him again. Maybe he returned and did what he promised her he would do. Maybe he died. Maybe she married someone else. None of that matters. All we know is that her heart was healed and she helped this town flourish.” Nancy reached forward and tapped a suddenly present small fan on his forearm. “We need another wedding. Do you understand me?” She narrowed her eyes at him until he nodded in the affirmative. “You need that.”
He smiled sadly and looked past her to the next person in line. “I won't get it.”
Chapter 9
Tessa
Tessa had to stop checking the stairs for her mom to appear. She’d glanced in the kitchen no less than twenty times since getting up that morning. Even though she had a child of her own, being back in her mom’s place made her feel like she was sixteen again.
The reality far out-shadowed the fantasy. Nothing was going to make her mom come out of the bedroom ever again. She’d never see her mom wiping at the counters or fluffing the oldest pillows on earth! Well, they weren’t that old, but the raggedy edges could pass for close to it.
Kneeling, Tessa winced as her knees struck the hardwood floor. Her dress was a little tighter than she had planned, but she didn't have anything else to wear in its place and no funds to go searching the small boutiques.
Black was the only acceptable form of funeral wear in a town the size of Bride. The town respected tradition in an overall mindset. While its residents celebrated quirkiness, they wouldn’t tolerate disrespect.
Tessa understood that. She reached up and tugged Nathan's clip-on tie into place, folding the collar down. “These are called wings. We'll just fold them over the edges of your tie and it looks like a real big guy’s tie. Pretty neat, huh?” She reached down and attempted to smooth the dress and its too-tight crease across the upper part of her thighs. She forced a smile but even she didn’t believe the lie.
Nathan looked up at her, his eyes big and brown just like JJ’s were. She hadn't realized how much Nathan actually looked like Jeremiah until she'd seen them standing side-by-side.
Even a full night’s sleep – okay, she’d never really gotten any sleep. All she’d done all night was toss and turn and argue with t
he couch cushions. But, even if she had been able to get a full night’s sleep, she doubted that would have been able to take away the awareness she'd had when JJ was in the room.
Or erase the tug of despair as he walked away.
“Why do I have to wear a tie at all?” Nathan reached up and tugged on the edge of his collar. Of course, he didn't like it. What boy liked wearing a black vest, pants, and a tucked in white shirt with black shoes he’d never have to wear again? She got the suit at Wal-Mart for a few bucks because it was on clearance along with the shoes. Unfortunately, the shoes were a touch too small and the suit was probably on clearance because the shirt and the pant sizes didn't match up.
Beggars couldn’t be choosers and Tessa was definitely a beggar. She opened her mouth to answer him when he cut her off with an innocent enough series of questions that would have brought her to her knees, if she weren’t there already.
“Why did Grandma die? Are you going to die? Did my dad die?” His puckered lips and furrowed brow would have been enough to take him seriously, but the presence of tears in his eyes screamed just how hard he was taking the funeral business.
Shaking her head slowly, Tessa scrunched her lips to the side. She reached out and pulled Nathan into her arms. He was getting bigger, but he was still a little kid. He was her little boy and she hated that he was in pain. Rocking him from side to side, she was grateful he still let her. She needed the contact almost as much as he did.
After a moment, she let him pull away. As he scratched the side of his nose and watched her, Tessa formed her answers.
When she finally spoke, she did so slowly and with extra care. “I’m not planning on dying any time soon. Grandma died... I’m not sure why. She was fairly young and I believe healthy, but she lived a hard and lonely life. When it’s our time, it’s our time.” She offered a soft smile. Would that be enough for him?
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