Embraced at Seaside

by Addison Cole

“You’re avoiding the question.” He pressed his lips to hers again, loving the sweet look in her eyes, even as she rolled them at his remark.

  “You’re avoiding the compliment.”

  He lifted her easily onto his lap. “I’m glad you liked the flowers. I was careful not to write anything that would out your secret lover.” The truth stung. He’d had a hard time holding back his feelings when he’d written the card, but he and Jana had come so far, and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable around her friends. He had faith that she’d eventually come around and let him be her man the way he wanted to.

  “Thank you for that. Although Sky looked at me like she knew something was up.”

  “I still don’t understand why you feel like you need to keep our relationship from everyone. Sky would love knowing that we’re a couple.” He had no doubt that his sister would be ecstatic to know they were together.

  “I just need a little more time. One thing at a time.”

  “I’m trying to give you time, but it’s not easy, Jana. You’re asking me to hold in all these emotions I’ve never felt for anyone else. It’s pure torture.” His tone made light of the ache he really felt. In an effort to distract himself before that ache could turn to frustration, he asked, “How did the space work out for the class?”

  “It was pretty incredible, actually. How did you get it cleaned so fast?”

  “With a little help from my friends.” He hadn’t been able to hire anyone to clean the space on such short notice, so he, Grayson, and Clark had done it. And the little white lie about where he was yesterday morning was worth hearing that the space was pretty incredible.

  Her eyes widened, now fully awake. “You cleaned it? Hunter, you didn’t have to do that. I could have cleaned it myself.”

  “Don’t be silly. Let my girl work her pretty little fingers to the bone?” He kissed her fingertips. “The space is perfect for your studio, right?” He shifted his eyes upward. “I can see it now, a big sign that says ‘Jana’s Dance Studio.’”

  Her smile reached her eyes and just as quickly fell flat. “Oh! I forgot to tell you. I spoke to Marco yesterday. He’s engaged. Engaged.” The word was laden with disdain. “He’s never coming back. He’s marrying his head instructor. Head instructor. I’m only an instructor. How did she become a head instructor?”

  They talked for a long while about Marco and what she had planned for the day, and it wasn’t until much later, after they had thoroughly ravaged each other, showered and dressed for work, and finally kissed goodbye, that Hunter realized she’d never answered him about accepting the space.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  JANA’S LIFE CONTINUED to feel like it was on fast-forward, despite backing out of the exhibition match. Hunter was putting in extra hours on his sculpture, and Colton had asked Jana to fill in for the past three nights, which was great for her bank account, but it meant that she and Hunter were rarely together before midnight, and they usually ended up tangled in the sheets, with very little time to talk. She knew he was stressed about getting his sculpture done, and she made a point of trying to keep their conversations light when they did find time to talk.

  Jana was meeting the girls for breakfast at Seaside, and Hunter was going into the shop early.

  “Have fun telling the girls about us.” He said it with a smirk. All week he’d been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he was tiring of waiting for her to publicly claim their relationship.

  She smiled up at him. “It’s not like I’m going to announce that we’re seeing each other.”

  As he walked her out to her car, his tone became serious. “But you’re going to let them know, right?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not like I’d lie about it. I just don’t think I need to make a statement about it.”

  “Jana, you know that when we do go out with everyone—and eventually we will—I’m going to have an arm around you, or hold your hand, or kiss you, regardless of whether you let them know first or not.”

  “Why does it have to be such a big deal?”

  “It’s not like I want you to announce it, but come on. You could have told them when they saw the flowers, and you didn’t. You could have told my sister any number of times, since she texts you a million times each week.”

  She was silent for so long, Hunter’s gut clenched.

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “I’m not good at this, Hunter. I told you I stink as a girlfriend and I wasn’t kidding.” Hunter accepted her past, moving from one guy to the next with no strings attached, but he didn’t know how badly she’d been hurt in the past or how badly she’d hurt Spencer.

  “I don’t understand what that means.”

  They’d never talked about specifics, and now she felt compelled to tell him—and the confession brought a thrum of panic. She knew the importance of this conversation, of his finally understanding where she was coming from, and she wanted to give him that. Desperately. She drew her shoulders back, swallowing the fear that accompanied the dull ache in her gut, and forced herself to explain.

  “What if…? I don’t know. What if I flirt and don’t realize I’m doing it?”

  He gritted his teeth. “Seriously? I’d better be the only man you flirt with.”

  “That’s what I mean. Do you know why I never date, Hunter?” She couldn’t slow down, and the truth roared out. “Because men suck. They make promises they can’t keep, and they manipulate you until you open your heart up and lay it out on the table. Because all they care about is winning—and then they leave, they hurt, they take that trust and shred it to pieces.” His eyes filled with empathy as he reached for her, but she shifted out of his grip, unable to stop the rest from being set free.

  “And it’s not just that. A string of guys hurt me, yes, and that was bad, but honestly…I get so caught up in having fun that I must not see clearly. Every guy I’ve ever dated has accused me of flirting with other men, and maybe they were right. I don’t know anymore. Every boy I ever dated thought I wanted to cheat even if I never did. I must give off really slutty vibes or something.” Her eyes filled with tears. She turned away to keep him from seeing. Her chest ached like an open wound. He’d walk away now for sure. How could he not? She couldn’t bear to look at him, to see the disdain that she imagined she’d see in his eyes. The disappointment and judgment that she surely deserved.

  “Because you probably were,” he said so softly, the pit of her stomach felt like she’d swallowed lead. He put his arms around her from behind and held her. She braced herself for a breakup.

  Please make it quick, because while I could take losing anyone else, I can’t take losing you.

  “Heck, Jana. I was doing that back then, too. I was doing that until I found you.” He turned her in his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Salty tears slipped between their lips. “That was then, pretty girl. This is now. I have total faith in you.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “You still don’t understand.”

  HUNTER’S INSTINCTS WERE to force her to see the difference between who she was then—who they both were before finding each other—and who she was now. But the look on Jana’s face told him there was much more than she was letting on.

  “Then tell me, Jana. I don’t want to play games. If you don’t want me, you better step up now and tell me.”

  Her chin fell to her chest. “It’s not that.”

  He forced his insecurities aside and held her. “Then tell me what it is. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Hurt me?” He was totally confused. She might be afraid to commit, but he couldn’t imagine her purposely hurting him.

  “When I tell you the rest, you’re going to think I’m a slut and probably a witch.”

  “Every single one of your tears destroys me, baby.” He wiped them away and kissed her damp cheeks. “Unless you’ve slept with some other guy since we agreed to be exclusive, I’ve got no right to ju
dge anything you’ve done.”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I could never do that to you.”

  A relieved sigh escaped his lips. “Then tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand.”

  “A few years ago I dated this guy Spencer. He was a really nice guy. The kind of guy who is serially monogamous, brings you flowers every week, dresses nicely, asks you how your day was. You know, the—”

  “The kind of guy every girl dreams of. Yeah, I get it.” He had no idea where she was going with this, but he knew he was the antithesis of the man she described, and that made him even more tense.

  “I guess.” She wiped her eyes and said, “Every girl except me.”

  “Baby,” he whispered, wishing he could ease the pain he heard in her voice.

  “Every time I tried to break up with him, he begged me not to. You know me, Hunter. I’m not a pushover. I told him I didn’t want to settle down and get married. I told him I didn’t love him. But he kept showing up everywhere I went. He pushed and pushed, no matter what I said or did. And finally I did what I felt was my only option, and it ended really badly.”

  “What did you do?” A bad breakup was something he could deal with, and the fact that she was so torn up over whatever had happened only emphasized how vulnerable she felt. Sometimes that was hard to remember, because she acted so strong and in control all the time.

  Fresh tears tumbled down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked away. The pain in her eyes was enough to make him want to find Spencer and strangle him.

  “Whatever it is, Jana, you can tell me.”

  “It’s embarrassing.” She looked down at her hands as she explained. “I was only twenty, and all I wanted was to live my life. All he wanted was to settle down and have a family. After trying to break it off for a few weeks…” She looked at him and said, “Weeks, not days.” Then she looked down at her hands again. “I couldn’t see any other way out, so I made a play for his best friend, who I knew was into me. I made sure Spencer would see us together.”

  “Okay, so you messed around with his friend. You felt trapped. What does that have to do with us?”

  Her eyes shot to his. “Hunter, look at how I handled it. He hated me after that, called me all sorts of names, and then…”

  Hunter fisted his hands. “And then?”

  “To get back at me, he posted about it on Facebook. I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life, because of course he didn’t say I’d tried to break up with him for weeks. He just said he caught me and his friend making out and that I was a slut and he was now a ‘free agent.’ My family saw it, of course, because he tagged me in the post, which is why I refuse to be on any kind of social media anymore. My closest friends knew the real story, but I had to explain it all to my brothers and sister, even my parents, and that was so hard.”

  The song she sang to Billy came back to him loud and clear. Jana’s inability to commit was born of hurt, and that cut him to his core. She’d boxed herself off from relationships in the same way he had. Like a guy. But while Hunter had simply not ever met a woman worth the effort until Jana, Jana had cordoned off her heart so she wouldn’t ever be hurt again. And she’d struck back the only way she knew how, to do what had been done to her in the past. To dish out the hurt she’d suffered. Who could blame her for that?

  “I hope Brock beat the tar out of the jerk.” Because if he didn’t, I’m going to.

  “Spencer’s really not a jerk. He was hurt.” She must have recognized his mounting anger, because when he opened his mouth to refute what she’d said, she cut him off. “I’ve felt horribly guilty ever since. I should have handled it better, differently, and I swore I’d never be in that position again.”

  He roped in his anger at the sight of more tears filling her eyes, and he gathered her in closer. “That’s why you’re afraid to fully commit?”

  “I don’t want to get hurt and I can’t take a chance of hurting you,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hide us. I’m just not ready to let everyone know. My life is such a mess right now. I need a little more time to be sure we’re going to make it.”

  In that moment, Hunter realized the magnitude of her insecurities and how a string of bad relationships and one desperate act had led her to become the tough-as-nails-on-the-outside, sensitive-as-an-open-wound-on-the-inside woman she was. The woman he was falling deeply in love with.

  Hunter was used to taking what he wanted, and in the past he probably would have forced her to tell everyone about them. But with Jana—only with Jana—what he wanted didn’t matter. All that mattered was making Jana feel safe and earning her trust, so that she could finally let go of all those insecurities that were eating her up inside and allow herself to live the life she deserved.

  “I’m sorry you went through that.”

  She tipped her face up.

  “I’m not Spencer, and I’m sure not the guy women dream of marrying. But there’s one thing I’m darn sure of, and that’s my feelings for you.” He tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Even if that means I have to work extra hard to keep your attention on me when we’re out, I’m one hundred percent, totally and completely, all in.”

  He cupped her beautiful face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. “I have total faith in us, and because of that I’m not going to push you to claim our relationship in front of our family and friends right now. I wish I could say I’d wait forever, but you know me. I feel too much for you to hide it that long, because even if you say you don’t want to hide it, that’s what we’re doing. But I know you need to trust what’s happening between us, and I understand that. After all you’ve been through, you need to develop your own faith in us, and maybe more importantly, in yourself.”

  He let those words sink in. “Hopefully one day you’ll realize that I don’t ever want to hold you back from doing all the things you dream of. I want to help you set yourself free.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  JANA DROVE TO Seaside thinking about her conversation with Hunter and trying to wrap her head around her feelings. She’d never opened herself up to judgment like that before with anyone but her family when all that stuff first went down with Spencer. And even then, she’d done it only because she’d had no choice. But Hunter deserved the truth, and she felt better for having told him.

  How had she gotten lucky enough to connect with probably the only man on earth who wouldn’t judge her for her past? He could have called her out on the inappropriateness of her behavior with Spencer. Instead, he’d not only understood, but he’d helped relieve some of her guilt. By the time she arrived at Seaside, she realized that she was letting her past control her life, and she’d taken baby steps toward change. Telling her friends about her and Hunter was just another baby step. Even if it felt like she was stepping over a giant ravine.

  She greeted the girls and their babies and sat beside Amy, listening to them rave about their husbands, who were out on Pete’s boat this morning for a little guy time. It made her want to tell them how awesome Hunter was. But every time she opened her mouth, she struggled to tear down the walls she’d lived behind for so long, and no words came.

  “What did you decide about the space for your studio?” Sky asked as they passed around a plate of muffins Leanna had made.

  “I haven’t made a decision yet. There’s a lot to consider.”

  Sky rolled her eyes. “Like how quickly you can quit your job? Come on, Jana. If I can open my own tattoo parlor, you can open your own dance studio. You’re more organized than me, less afraid of, well, anything at all, and from the way I was sore in places I didn’t know could be sore after that Foxy Mamas dance class, I know you’re a kick-butt instructor.”

  If only Sky knew how big her fears were and that they all centered on falling for her brother. “Yes, but what if I can’t get any students? I wouldn’t feel right stealing Marco’s students.”

  “Seriously?” Amy shook her head. Her blond hair was pinn
ed up in a ponytail, and Hannah, sitting in her high chair between Amy and Bella, kept trying to grab it. “You don’t owe that man anything. Besides, he’ll probably close the studio if you leave. Then they’ll come to you on their own.”

  “Maybe.” She twisted a lock of hair around her finger. “And you don’t think that renting from Hunter is a huge mistake?”

  “Why would it be?” Sky asked. “It’s the same as renting the building here, isn’t it?”

  I’m not sleeping with you guys. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Then it’s settled,” Bella said as she wiped Summer’s chubby cheeks. “Call Hunter and tell him you’ll take the space.”

  “Why is it that every time I come over here you guys change my life?”

  “Speaking of lives changing.” Sky looked like she was ready to burst. “Sawyer and I set a date for our wedding!”

  “Oh my goodness!” Amy jumped up and hugged her.

  “That’s great!” Jana said, happy for the change of subject and truly thrilled for her friends.

  “Yay, another wedding,” Jessica said as Leanna circled the table and hugged Sky.

  Bella lifted Summer into her arms and stood with one hand on Sky’s shoulder. “We have to celebrate.”

  “We are,” Sky said. “Sawyer’s arranged to play his guitar at the Bombshelter next Friday night, and you guys are all coming.”

  “Definitely,” Jenna said. “We wouldn’t miss it.”

  “And tonight we’ll have a barbecue in the quad, followed by a little chunky-dunking action.” Bella raised her brows in quick succession.

  “Bella.” Amy’s tone was stern. “You know Theresa’s here all week, and you promised no more doing things that would bother her. Skinny-dipping definitely bothers her.”

  “No, I didn’t. I promised not to do any more pranks, and I’m not breaking that promise.” Bella kissed Summer’s nose. “Chunky-dunking is like a rite of passage, and Jana hasn’t ever joined us. It’s time to christen her, and what better time than now, when we’re celebrating her new studio and Sky and Sawyer’s wedding date?”