The First Law Trilogy Boxed Set: The Blade Itself, Before They Are Hanged, Last Argument of Kings

by Joe Abercrombie

  ‘Wait!’ He held up his hand. ‘Just tell me one thing!’ She paused, one brow raised, questioning. Just stay there. ‘What happened to Davoust?’

  Shickel smiled. Sharp, clean teeth. ‘He never left the room.’ She stroked her stomach gently. ‘He is here.’ Glokta forced himself not to look up as the loop of chain descended slowly from the ceiling. ‘And now you can join him.’ She got half a step forward before the chain hooked her under the chin and jerked up, dragging her off her feet into the air, hissing and spitting, kicking and thrashing.

  Severard sprang up from his hiding-place beneath a table, tried to grab hold of Shickel’s flailing legs. He yelped as her bare foot cracked into his face, sent him sprawling across the carpet.

  ‘Shit,’ gasped Vitari as Shickel wedged her hand under the chain and began to drag her down from the rafters. ‘Shit!’ They crashed onto the floor together, struggled for a moment, then Vitari flew through the air, a flailing black shadow in the darkness. She wailed as she crashed into a table in the far corner of the room, flopped senseless on the floor. Severard was still groaning, rolling slowly onto his back in a daze, hands clasped to his mask. Glokta and Shickel were left staring at one another. Me and my Eater. This is unfortunate.

  He backed against the wall as the girl sprang at him, but she only got a step before Frost barrelled into her at full tilt, crashed on top of her onto the carpet. They lay there for a moment, then she slowly rolled on to her knees, slowly fought her way up to standing, all of the hulking Practical’s great weight bearing down on her, slowly took a shuffling step towards Glokta.

  The albino’s arms were wrapped tight round her, straining with every sinew to drag her away, but she kept moving slowly forward, teeth gritted, one thin arm pinned to her thin body while her free hand clawed out furiously towards Glokta’s neck.

  ‘Thhhhh!’ hissed Frost, the muscles in his heavy forearms bulging, his white face screwed up with effort, his pink eyes starting from his head. Still it was not enough. Glokta was pressed back against the wall, watching fascinated as the hand came closer, and closer still, just inches from his throat. This is very unfortunate.

  ‘Fuck you!’ screamed Severard. His stick whistled down and cracked into the grasping arm, breaking it clean in half. Glokta could see the bones poking through the ripped and bloody skin, and yet the fingers still twitched, reaching for him. The stick cracked into her face and her head snapped back. Blood sprayed out of her nose, her cheek was cut right open. Still she came on. Frost was gasping with the effort of keeping her other arm pinned as she strained forwards, mouth snarling, teeth bared, ready to bite Glokta’s throat out.

  Severard threw down his stick and grabbed her round the neck, dragging her head backwards, grunting with the effort, veins pulsing on his forehead. It was a bizarre sight, two men, one of them big and strong as a bull, trying desperately to wrestle a slip of a girl to the ground. Slowly, the two Practicals began to drag her back. Severard had one of her feet off the floor. Frost gave a great bellow, lifted her and with one last effort flung her against the wall.

  She scrabbled at the floor, clawing her way up, broken arm flopping. Vitari growled from the shadows, one of Superior Davoust’s heavy chairs raised high in the air. It burst apart over Shickel’s head with an almighty crash, and then the three Practicals were on her like hounds on a fox, kicking, punching, grunting with rage.

  ‘Enough!’ snapped Glokta. ‘We still have questions!’ He shuffled up beside the panting Practicals and looked down. Shickel was a broken mess, motionless. A pile of rags, and not even a big one. Much as when I first found her. How could this girl almost have overcome these three? Her broken arm was stretched out across the carpet, fingers limp and bloody. Safe to say no threat to anyone, now.

  Then the arm began to move. The bone slid back into the flesh, made a sickening crunching sound as it straightened out. The fingers twitched, jerked, scratched at the floor, began to slide toward Glokta, reaching for his ankle.

  ‘What is she?’ gasped Severard, staring down.

  ‘Get the chains,’ said Glokta, cautiously stepping back out of the way. ‘Quickly!’

  Frost dragged two pairs of great irons clanking from a sack, grunting with the effort of lifting them. They were made for the most powerful and dangerous of prisoners, bands of black iron, thick as a sapling trunk, heavy as anvils. He squeezed one pair tight shut around her ankles, the other round her wrists, ratchets scraping into place with a reassuring finality.

  Meanwhile Vitari had hauled a great length of rattling chain from the sack and was winding it round and round Shickel’s limp body while Severard held her up, dragging it tight, winding it round and round again. Two great padlocks completed the job.

  They were snapped shut just in time. Shickel suddenly came alive, began thrashing on the floor. She snarled up at Glokta, straining at the chains. Her nose had already snapped back into place, the cut across her face had already closed. As though she was never hurt at all. So Yulwei spoke the truth. The chains rattled as she lunged forward with her teeth, and Glokta had to stumble back out of the way.

  ‘It’s persistent,’ muttered Vitari, shoving her back against the wall with her boot. ‘You’d have to give it that.’

  ‘Fools!’ hissed Shickel. ‘You cannot resist what comes! God’s right hand is falling upon this city, and nothing can save it! All your deaths are already written!’ A particularly bright detonation flared across the sky, casting orange light onto the Practicals’ masked faces. A moment later the thunder of it echoed around the room. Shickel began to laugh, a crazy, grating cackle. ‘The Hundred Words are coming! No chains can bind them, no gates can keep them out! They are coming!’

  ‘Perhaps.’ Glokta shrugged. ‘But they will come too late for you.’

  ‘I am dead already! My body is nothing but dust! It belongs to the Prophet! Try as you might, you will learn nothing from me!’

  Glokta smiled. He could almost feel the warmth of the flames, far below, on his face.

  ‘That sounds like a challenge.’

  One of Them

  Ardee smiled at him, and Jezal smiled back. He grinned like an idiot. He could not help it. He was so happy to be back where things made sense. Now they need never be parted. He wanted only to tell her how much he loved her. How much he missed her. He opened his mouth but she pressed her finger to his lips. Firmly.

  ‘Shhh.’

  She kissed him. Gently at first, then harder.

  ‘Uh,’ he said.

  Her teeth nipped at his lip. Playful, to begin with.

  ‘Ah,’ he said.

  They bit harder, and harder still.

  ‘Ow!’ he said.

  She sucked at his face, her teeth ripping at his skin, scraping on his bones. He tried to scream, but nothing came out. It was dark, his head swam. There was a hideous tugging, an unbearable pulling on his mouth.

  ‘Got it,’ said a voice. The agonising pressure released.

  ‘How bad is it?’

  ‘Not as bad as it looks.’

  ‘It looks very bad.’

  ‘Shut up and hold that torch higher.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That there, sticking out?’

  ‘His jaw, fool, what do you think it is?’

  ‘I think I’m going to be sick. Healing is not among my remarkable—’

  ‘Shut your fucking hole and hold the torch up! We’ll have to push it back in!’ Jezal felt something pressing on his face, hard. There was a cracking sound and an unbearable lance of pain stabbed through his jaw and into his neck, like nothing he had ever felt before. He sagged back.

  ‘I’ll hold it, you move that.’

  ‘What, this?’

  ‘Don’t pull his teeth out!’

  ‘It fell out by itself!’

  ‘Damn fool pink!’

  ‘What’s happening?’ said Jezal. But all that came out was a kind of gurgle. His head was throbbing, pulsing, splitting with pain.


  ‘He’s waking up now!’

  ‘You stitch then, I’ll hold him.’ There was a pressure round his shoulders, across his chest, folding him tight. His arm hurt. Hurt terribly. He tried to kick but his leg was agony, he couldn’t move it.

  ‘You got him?’

  ‘Yes I’ve got him! Get stitching!’

  Something stabbed into his face. He had not thought the pain could grow any worse. How wrong he had been.

  ‘Get off me!’ he bellowed, but all he heard was, ‘thugh.’

  He struggled, tried to wriggle free, but he was folded tight, and it only made his arm hurt more. The pain in his face got worse. His upper lip, his lower lip, his chin, his cheek. He screamed and screamed and screamed, but heard nothing. Only a quiet wheezing. When he thought his head would surely explode, the pain grew suddenly less.

  ‘Done.’

  The grip was released and he lay back, floppy as a rag, helpless. Something turned his head. ‘That’s good stitching. That’s real good. Wish you’d been around when I got these. Might still have my looks.’

  ‘What looks, pink?’

  ‘Huh. Best get started on his arm. Then there’s the leg to set an’ all.’

  ‘Where did you put that shield?’

  ‘No,’ groaned Jezal, ‘please . . .’ Nothing but a click in his throat.

  He could see something now, blurry shapes in the half-light. A face loomed towards him, an ugly face. Bent and broken nose, skin torn and crossed with scars. There was a dark face, just behind it, a face with a long, livid line from eyebrow to chin. He closed his eyes. Even the light seemed painful.

  ‘Good stitching.’ A hand patted the side of his face. ‘You’re one of us, now, boy.’

  Jezal lay there, his face a mass of agony, and the horror crept slowly through every limb.

  ‘One of us.’

  PART II

  ‘He is not fit for battle that has never seen his own blood flow, who has not heard his teeth crunch under the blow of an opponent, or felt the full weight of his adversary upon him.’

  Roger of Howden

  Heading North

  So the Dogman was just lying there on his face, wet to the skin and trying to keep still without freezing solid, looking out across the valley from the trees, and watching Bethod’s army marching. He couldn’t see that much of them from where he was lying, just a stretch of the track over a ridge, enough to see the Carls tramping by, painted shields bright on their backs, mail glistening with specks of melted snow, spears sticking up high between the tree trunks. Rank after rank of ’em, marching steady.

  They were a good way off, but he was taking quite a risk even getting this close. Bethod was just as careful as ever. He’d got men out all around, up on the ridges and the high points, anywhere where he thought someone could get a sight of what he was up to. He’d sent a few scouts south and some others east, hoping to trick anyone was watching, but he hadn’t got the Dogman fooled. Not this time. Bethod was heading back the way he’d come. He was heading north.

  Dogman breathed in sharp, and gave a long, sad sigh. By the dead, he felt tired. He watched the tiny figures filing past through the pine branches. He’d spent all those years scouting for Bethod, keeping an eye on armies like this one for him, helping him win battles, helping to make him a King, though he’d never dreamed it at the time. In some ways everything had changed. In others it was just the same as ever. Here he was still, face down in the muck with a sore neck from looking up. Ten years older and not a day better off. He could hardly remember what his ambitions used to be, but this hadn’t ever been among ’em, he was sure of that. All that wind blown past, all that snow fallen, all that water flowed by. All that fighting, all that marching, all that waste. Logen gone, and Forley gone, and the candle burning down fast on the rest of ’em.

  Grim slithered through the frozen scrub beside him, propped himself on his elbows and peered out towards the Carls moving on the road. ‘Huh,’ he grunted.

  ‘Bethod’s moving north,’ whispered Dogman.

  Grim nodded.

  ‘He’s got scouts out all over, but he’s heading north, no doubt. We’d best let Threetrees know.’

  Another nod.

  Dogman lay there in the wet. ‘I’m getting tired.’

  Grim looked up, lifted an eyebrow.

  ‘All this effort, and for what? Everything the same as ever. Whose side is it we’re on now?’ Dogman waved his hand over at the men slogging down the road. ‘We supposed to fight all this lot? When do we get a rest?’

  Grim shrugged his shoulders, squeezed his lips together like he was thinking about it. ‘When we’re dead?’

  And wasn’t that the sorry truth.

  Took Dogman a while to find the others. They were nowhere near where they should’ve been by now. Being honest, they weren’t far from where they were when he left. Dow was the first one he saw, sat on a big stone with the usual scowl on his face, glaring down into a gully. Dogman came up next to him, saw what he was looking at. The four Southerners, clambering over the rocks, slow and clumsy as new-born calves. Tul and Threetrees were waiting for them at the bottom, looking mighty short on patience.

  ‘Bethod’s heading north,’ said Dogman.

  ‘Good for him.’

  ‘Not surprised?’

  Dow licked his teeth and spat. ‘He’s beat every clan that dared face him, made himself a King where there wasn’t one before, gone to war with the Union and he’s giving ’em a kicking. He’s turned the world on its head, the bastard. Nothing he does surprises me now.’

  ‘Huh.’ Dogman reckoned he was right enough there. ‘You lot ain’t got far.’

  ‘No we ain’t. This is some right fucking baggage you’ve saddled us with here, and no mistake.’ He watched the four of ’em fumbling their way down the gully below, shaking his head like he’d never seen such a waste of flesh. ‘Some right fucking baggage.’

  ‘If you’re telling me to feel shamed ’cause I saved some lives that day, I don’t. What should I have done?’ asked Dogman. ‘Left ’em to die?’

  ‘That’s one idea. We’d be moving twice the speed without ’em, and eating a deal better and all.’ He flashed a nasty grin. ‘There’s only one that I could find a use for.’

  Dogman didn’t have to ask which one. The girl was at the back. He could hardly see a woman’s shape to her, all wrapped up as she was against the cold, but he could guess it was under there, and it made him nervous. Strange thing, having a woman along. Quite the sorry rarity, since they went north over the mountains, all them months ago. Even seeing one seemed like some kind of a guilty treat. Dogman watched her clambering on the rocks, dirty face half turned towards them. Tough-looking girl, he thought. Seemed like she’d had her share of knocks.

  ‘I reckon she’d struggle,’ Dow muttered to himself. ‘I reckon she’d kick some.’

  ‘Alright, Dow,’ snapped Dogman. ‘Best calm yourself down, lover. You know how Threetrees feels about all that. You know what happened to his daughter. He’d cut your fucking fruits off if he heard you talking that way.’

  ‘What?’ Dow said, all innocence. ‘I’m just talking, aren’t I? You can’t hardly blame me for that. When’s the last time any one of us had a woman?’

  Dogman frowned. He knew exactly when it was for him. Pretty much the last time he was ever warm. Curled up with Shari in front of the fire, smile on his face wide as the sea. Just before Bethod chucked him and Logen and all the rest of them in chains, then kicked ’em out into exile.

  He could still remember that last sight of her, mouth open wide with shock and fright as they dragged him from the blankets, naked and half asleep, squawking like a rooster that knows it’s about to get its neck twisted. It had hurt, to be dragged away from her. Not as bad as Scale kicking him in the fruits had hurt, mind you. A painful night, all in all, one he’d never thought to live through. The sting from the kicks had faded with time, but the ache of losing her never had done, quite.

  Dogman remembered
the smell of her hair, the sound of her laugh, the feel of her back, pressed warm and soft against his belly while she slept. Well-used memories, picked over and worn thin like a favourite shirt. He remembered it like it was last night. He had to make himself stop thinking about it. ‘Don’t know that my memory goes back that far,’ he grunted.

  ‘Nor mine,’ said Dow. ‘Ain’t you getting tired of fucking your hand?’ He peered back down the slope and smacked his lips. Had a light in his eyes that Dogman didn’t much like the look of. ‘Funny, how you don’t miss it so bad until you see it right in front of you. It’s like holding out the meat to a hungry man, so close he can smell it. Don’t tell me you ain’t thinking the same thing.’

  Dogman frowned at him. ‘I don’t reckon I’m thinking quite the same as you are. Stick your cock in the snow if you have to. That should keep you cooled off.’

  Dow grinned. ‘I’ll have to stick it in something soon, I can tell you that.’

  ‘Aaargh!’ came a wail from down the slope. Dogman started for his bow, staring to see if some of Bethod’s scouts had caught them out. It was just the Prince, slipped and fallen on his arse. Dow watched him rolling on his back, face all squashed up with scorn.

  ‘He’s some new kind o’ useless, that one, eh? All he does is slow us down to half the rate we need, whine louder than a hog giving birth, eat more ’n his share and shit five times a day.’ West was helping him up, trying to brush some of the dirt off his coat. Well, not his coat. The coat that West had given him. Dogman still couldn’t see why a clever man would do a damn fool thing like that. Not as cold as it was getting now, middle of winter an’ all. ‘Why the hell would anyone follow that arsehole?’ asked Dow, shaking his head.

  ‘They say his father’s the King o’ the Union his self.’

  ‘What does it matter whose son y’are, if you ain’t worth no more than a turd? I wouldn’t piss on him if he was burning, the bastard.’ Dogman had to nod. Neither would he.