All She Needs to Know

by Maria Siano

  Summer moved big chunks of tomato around the plate with her fork. "I hadn’t intended to put the series on hold," she sighed. "But after Faith’s death, it took a while to get back to it."

  "Is that why you feel guilty?" Noelle scrunched her forehead. "Because you let the series lapse for a while?"

  Summer exhaled. "It’s not that. It’s just, I...I wasn’t completely honest with Kyle."

  Noelle’s eyes narrowed. "I don’t understand."

  Summer rubbed her eyebrow. "The article about Kyle’s cousin was going to run even if he didn’t agree to be interviewed about it."

  Noelle leaned across the table. "But how —?"

  "Kyle told me about Justin, in confidence." Summer let out a long breath. "And I promised not to write about it. I intended to keep my promise, but..."

  "Uh, oh." Noelle leaned back again. "I have a feeling I know where this is going. I’ve seen you get very eager about a story, Summer. You sometimes let it cloud your judgment. What happened? What did you do?" Noelle’s forehead wrinkled as she scrunched her nose.

  Summer took a deep breath. "Last week, Drew showed me an editorial he was going to publish. It condemned Kyle. Called him a publicity hound who used Faith. I couldn’t let Drew publish that. It wasn’t true. And it could have hurt Kyle’s career. Just as he’s on the verge of a Hollywood comeback."

  "It sounds like you were just trying to help Kyle." Noelle returned to eating her salad.

  "I did think I was helping." Summer stared at her plate. "I was just so worried about anything jeopardizing Kyle’s chance to revive his film career. I didn’t even think about what I was saying as I blurted everything to Drew." Summer lifted her head. "But as soon as I said it, I knew it was a huge mistake." She closed her eyes. "Only it was too late." She looked over at Noelle and took another deep breath. "So I told Drew I would write the article about Kyle’s cousin. And then I convinced Kyle to go public with the story."

  She frowned. "You mean you didn’t tell Kyle the Observer was going to publish the information about his cousin whether he agreed to be interviewed or not?"

  Summer blinked back the tears starting to form. "How could I? How could I tell Kyle what I did? It was such a betrayal, even though that wasn’t my intention."

  "Well, it sounds like you dodged a bullet, then." Noelle stabbed another piece of lettuce.

  "When Kyle agreed to go public with the story, I was so relieved." Summer rubbed her eyes. "But I’ve been riddled with guilt ever since."

  Noelle pushed her empty plate to the side. "Summer, I don’t think Kyle would have agreed to be interviewed if he didn’t really want to be. You might have given him a little nudge, but he’s pretty media savvy. He’s an actor whose been on Entertainment Tonight and all the other entertainment shows since he was a teenager. If he didn’t want to be interviewed, he would have said no."

  But Noelle’s words didn’t ease Summer’s guilt. "I feel like I’m lying to him," she confessed.

  Noelle’s eyes widened. "Listen, the story is out now — and people are responding so positively. Even if Kyle was reluctant to tell the story, he has to have rethought things by now. He has to know it was the right thing to do."

  "So why hasn’t he called?" Summer threw her head back.

  "I’m sure you’ll hear from him later." Noelle reached across the table and patted the top of Summer’s hand. "As soon as his plane lands, he’ll call. Aren’t you excited to be going out there to see him this week?"

  Summer’s stomach fluttered. "I’ve never been to a movie premiere. I’m a little nervous."

  Noelle smiled. "The only thing you should be thinking about right now is what you’re going to wear to the premiere."

  "Do you want to stop at the mall before we head back to the newsroom? You can help me pick out a dress."

  Noelle laughed. "You haven’t even bought a dress yet?!"

  ***

  Summer held up a long, white satin dress with black trim.

  From a few feet away in the women’s section, Noelle scrunched her nose and pointed to the rack of jewel-toned dresses covered in sequins.

  Summer shook her head. She didn’t want her dress to feel like a costume. "This is it," Summer said holding up the simple black and white dress. "Let’s get in line."

  As they dashed over to the cash register, Noelle peppered Summer with questions about the premiere. Would they actually sit and watch the entire movie, or would they walk the red carpet and then sneak out the back when the movie started? Would there be a premiere party after the movie? Summer had no idea how to answer. She didn’t know what to expect, other than what she had watched on shows like Access Hollywood over the years.

  The details about the premiere hadn’t seemed important. Until now, with it only a few days away.

  Summer draped the long dress over the counter as a muffled Pring! Pring! squealed from her purse. Summer let go of the hanger with one hand and reached into her bag with the other. As she yanked the phone out of the bag, Kyle’s name flashed across the top of the screen. Thank goodness, Summer sighed as she answered the phone. "Hey, Kyle. I’m —"

  "Can you meet me for coffee?" he interrupted.

  The urgency in his voice startled Summer. "What? Where are you? Are you in Spring Valley? I thought you were going to LA today? I thought you were already on your way there. Didn’t you have a flight out this morning?"

  "I changed my flight," Kyle muttered. "I’m leaving later today. But I need to see you before I go."

  Summer’s mind whirled. "OK. I can meet you at Brew City in twenty minutes." She took a deep breath.

  "I’ll...I’ll see you there," Kyle stammered.

  Summer paid for the dress and rushed Noelle out of the store.

  As Summer drove to the Observer building, she barely said a word to Noelle. When they reached the office, Summer screeched to a stop in front of the entrance on Main Street to let Noelle out.

  Noelle stepped out of the car and then turned and stuck her head through the open window. "Good luck, Summer. Call me later?"

  Summer nodded, unable to eke out any sound.

  Noelle held up her hand as Summer sped away to the coffee shop.

  ***

  Summer stepped into the cafe and rushed past the only other couple in the coffee shop as she tried to get to Kyle’s table in the back.

  Her stomach fluttered as she sat across from him. "Is everything OK, Kyle?"

  "I’m glad you were able to meet me." His eyes darted everywhere but in Summer’s direction.

  "Mmmhmm. I have an interview in about a half hour." Summer tried to steady her voice, hoping to conceal the panic rising inside her. "I thought you were on your way to LA today. What happened?"

  "I need to tell you something, Summer." He rubbed his chin. "This is difficult for me to say to you. I was just about to call you to cancel. But I have to tell you. I want you to know the real reason I have been visiting people with Hodgkin’s —"

  "Oh, but—" Her mind raced. Didn’t the article about Justin already explain the real reason he visited patients with Hodgkin’s?

  "I lied to you," Kyle whispered. "There is no Justin." He rested his head on his chest.

  "What?" Summer’s mind went blank.

  "The truth is..." Kyle lifted his head and held Summer’s gaze. "I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s."

  "What? When?!?" Summer leaned forward.

  "Twelve years ago." Kyle closed his eyes hard.

  The table vibrated as Summer leaned across it. "But you’re fine now? Right, Kyle? You’re fine now?"

  "I’m perfectly healthy." His eyes met hers. "I recovered. I’m fine."

  "Why did you lie to me?" Summer whispered.

  "I never meant to lie to you," Kyle answered in a near-whisper. "I was afraid to tell you the truth. I didn’t want you to know I had been diagnosed wit
h cancer."

  "Didn’t you trust me?" She looked away from him. Her eyes focused on a large painting of a yellow flower on the back wall of the cafe.

  "I should have told you," he admitted.

  She pressed her eyelids shut and grimaced. Then her eyes popped open. "Why couldn’t you have told me this before the article was published?" Her voice grew louder with each word.

  "I’m sorry," he answered, his voice still barely audible.

  She wanted to tell him how disrespectful, selfish, manipulative he’d been these past months. But she sat frozen. And the tears welling up in Kyle’s eyes confirmed her silence hurt more than any words she could say.

  "I didn’t ever want anyone to know I had cancer," he admitted. "I wanted to pretend it never happened. And for twelve years, I’ve kept this secret, from nearly everyone, except my mother and sister. Even Maxine doesn’t know. I worried if anyone knew, I would never work in Hollywood again. I’d be branded, not only as a has-been, but a sick has-been."

  "But, Faith—" Summer searched for the words to continue. But they wouldn’t come.

  Kyle filled the silence. "After meeting Faith, and seeing her willingness to publicly tell her story, I realized twelve years ago I had a chance to help people, even to educate them about Hodgkin’s, but I didn’t. You made me see I was a coward. And now I’ve become a liar."

  Summer shook her head. "Why would you make something like that up?"

  Kyle closed his eyes again. "Justin isn’t real, but most of the story was true." He looked at Summer. "I went through all of it myself, being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s at twenty, fearing I would never see thirty."

  Summer seethed. "You are not seriously trying to justify why you lied to me, are you?"

  "I know there is no excuse for what I did." He rubbed his eyes. "And I understand you’re hurt. All I can say is, I never meant to lie to you. I’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally."

  "You didn’t mean to lie?" Her voice rose. "I’m trying to understand your side of this, Kyle. Are you saying you didn’t intend to make up a story about a cousin who died?"

  He slumped down into his chair. "I don’t expect you to understand, but please, let me try to explain." He rubbed his eyes again and took a deep breath. "I almost called you right after I got my diagnosis twelve years ago. Even before I got sick, I wanted to get in touch with you again."

  "So why didn’t you?" she whispered.

  "I was afraid." Kyle took a gulp of coffee from his mug. "Before I got sick, I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way about me. Even if you did still have feelings for me, I was afraid I wouldn’t live up to your expectations. I never felt worthy of you. That’s why I couldn’t get in touch with you when I was diagnosed with cancer. I couldn’t let you see me that way."

  "What about after you recovered?" She tilted her head. "Why didn’t you contact me then?"

  "I felt like such a failure because my career stalled," he admitted. "I was working as an acting coach, taking bit parts in small theater productions —"

  "I wouldn’t have cared about that, Kyle." A wave of sympathy washed over her.

  "But I cared." He lowered his head. "I had nothing to offer you anymore. Before I got sick, I didn’t think you would even take my call, not after the way I left things with you. But then when I found out I had cancer, I was rethinking everything in my life. I didn’t want to miss the chance to see you one more time, in case the treatments weren’t successful. In case I didn’t make it."

  Summer tried to understand his fragile frame of mind at the time, what it must have been like to go through that. But it still didn’t excuse what he did. "You knew the whole reason I tried to convince you to tell Justin’s story publicly was so people would know the truth about your visits to Faith. I wanted them to know you weren’t using her to boost your career. I wanted the public to know what I thought I knew — that you are an honorable person. How could you then make something up and let me write about it — let me print it in the newspaper for everyone to read — when you knew it wasn’t the truth?" Summer stood.

  Kyle stretched his arm across the table. "Wait! Don’t go, Summer. Please."

  She slunk back down into the chair.

  "Summer, I know this isn’t fair of me to ask...But...are you going to write about this? Are you going to publicly reveal my illness?"

  "I will keep your secret, Kyle." She hesitated. "But we’re done. Don’t call me. Don’t try to get in touch with me. I want you out of my life, for good this time." She sprang up from the chair and ran across the coffee shop.

  Summer sprinted to her car and climbed inside. Still in a stupor, she didn’t move. She couldn’t.

  She watched Kyle through the cafe’s front window.

  He remained at the table, staring blankly out of the side window.

  How had he managed to keep his diagnosis a secret without the press finding out for twelve years? Summer wondered.

  Yet, even though he kept the secret, he still lost so much because of his illness.

  Ugh. Am I actually feeling sorry for him?

  But as much as she wanted to blame Kyle for everything, she had to admit she played a part in things, too. She let things go too far.

  If she had just fact-checked the story about his cousin more closely, or if she had asked for photos of Justin, or if she had talked to Kyle’s sister and mother.

  If, if, if.

  The clock on the dashboard flashed in front of her. She needed to leave if she was going to get to her interview with Mr. Lightner on time.

  ***

  Summer stepped off the elevator and stumbled into the second-floor newsroom. As she inched toward her desk, she was glad she decided to record the interview with Mr. Lightner, something she hadn’t done in years. She learned early in her career that transcribing recordings could be time-consuming, background noise usually interfered, and quotes could easily be taken out of context. But a few minutes into the interview, as the sound of Kyle whispering "I lied to you" reverberated in her head, she worried her handwritten notes about the complicated topic might turn out to be gibberish and she started recording.

  She glanced over at Noelle chatting with another reporter a few feet away.

  When Noelle eyed Summer, she sprinted over. "Are you OK, Summer?"

  From Noelle’s frantic tone, Summer didn’t need a mirror to confirm her dreadful appearance. "I feel awful."

  "Are you still feeling guilty about not coming clean with Kyle?" Noelle whispered.

  "Not exactly." Summer stumbled toward her desk.

  "Do you think you might be coming down with something?" Noelle asked as she followed behind her.

  Summer reached her desk and fell into the chair.

  Noelle rubbed Summer’s arm. "Why don’t you go home and get some rest? Maybe you can tell Drew you’ll send in whatever article you’re working on later. Can’t you email it to him from home?"

  "I think I’ll do that." Summer reached up and gave Noelle a hug.

  As Noelle trotted back across the newsroom, Summer wanted to run after her, tell her about the horrible thing that just happened.

  But she promised to keep Kyle’s secret. And she couldn’t betray him.

  After everything Kyle did, she still cared about him. She didn’t want to hurt him.

  She wished when someone did something awful, instantly all of the feelings for the person would disappear. But it didn’t work that way.

  Part of her even wanted to find a way to make sense of Kyle’s betrayal, to rationalize it, so she could still think of him as a good person.

  But she couldn’t do that. Because there was no excuse for what he did. And he had plenty of opportunities to tell her the truth before she published the article.

  The article. Summer needed to tell Drew. Immediately. He needed to know the Observer published fabricated inform
ation. A stabbing pain gripped at her side. But what if Drew decides he wants to write another article, this time calling Kyle a liar?

  She couldn’t risk that. With Wreckless just days away from opening, an article like that could jeopardize everything Kyle’s been working toward for the past twelve years.

  She couldn’t let that happen.

  She gathered her things and stumbled to the elevator. I have to keep Kyle’s secret about his cancer diagnosis, as I promised. It wasn’t her truth to tell.

  She pushed the button to call the elevator. But I’ll never forgive Kyle for allowing me to write a fabricated article. That could have jeopardized my career.

  Ping! The elevator arrived and Summer stepped inside.

  CHAPTER 9

  Kyle rested his head against the airplane seat and fell asleep just after take-off.

  He dreamed of being at the premiere.

  He enters the theater alone. The rest of cast, and Maxine, photographers, and entertainment reporters are nowhere in sight. Just one other person sits in the theater, a woman with wavy, shoulder-length blond hair, with her back to him in the front row. He inches toward her. But the aisle grows longer and longer. He can’t reach her. After trudging, for miles it seems, he nearly...

  Kyle ‘s eyes popped open as he woke with a jolt. His heart raced as the pilot continued to announce the landing procedure.

  With sweat beading on his forehead, Kyle reached into his pocket for his phone. Flipping through the messages, he swiped past texts from Vera and Maxine.

  No message from Summer appeared.

  He trudged off the plane and trekked out of LAX, dragging his carry-on behind him as he used his phone app to schedule an Uber ride.

  When the driver arrived, Kyle threw his bag into the trunk, climbed into the backseat, and closed his eyes.

  "Hey. Hey, we’re here."

  Kyle woke to the sound of the Uber driver’s voice.

  The driver turned into the parking lot at Kyle’s Venice Beach apartment building. Home. At last, Kyle sighed.

  It had been months since he’d been home. He had been subletting his apartment so he always stayed at a hotel when he was back in LA during the Wreckless press tour.