Meet Me in Bendigo

by Eva Scott

  ‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘I know the way.’

  She followed him to the front door anyway, driven by a need she could not identify.

  Ed opened the door and crossed the lintel. He stopped and turned. ‘I more than like you, Annalisa Cappelli. I always have. I hope you do well in the future.’

  She wanted to say, don’t go, stay and help me. Instead, she stared at him, mapping the contours of his face, her words crowding in her throat, refusing to be heard.

  He smiled sadly, his eyes full of regret. If he’d been waiting for her to stop him, he’d be feeling as disappointed as he looked.

  Why couldn’t she say what needed to be said? Her loyalties to her family and to GardenerGuy94 had been torn tonight and she no longer knew her own mind. She needed time.

  ‘Questo momento …’ he said softly as he turned back to the street.

  ‘What did you say?’ Her heart stopped beating and a shiver ran over her skin.

  A memory rose unbidden, of Ben on the last morning she saw him alive. He stood by the front door dressed in his riding gear, with his helmet tucked under his arm. His dark hair, desperately in need of a cut, had flopped in his storm-sea eyes which had sparkled at her with humour and love.

  He’d walked out the door, taking her heart with him, and she’d never seen him again.

  Tears welled in her eyes while the all too familiar feeling of a heavy brick pressing down on her chest, restricting her breathing as if she were being buried alive, transported her back in time. A part of her, the rational mind, tried to tell her everything was okay, that Ben wasn’t dying now. But in her heart he never stopped dying, never stopped leaving her behind so she’d have to face life alone.

  She had to get out of the room now. She had to get as far away from Ed as it was possible to get because she knew from experience what was coming next and she didn’t want him to see her fall apart, not like this.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She struggled to form the words even as her fingers found her locket. ‘I have to go.’ Annalisa fled to the safety of her home behind the shop as quickly as she could.

  Ed looked from Joe to Nonna. ‘What just happened?’

  One minute Annalisa had been prickly with him—while that wasn’t an ideal situation, they had been communicating civilly and he felt she’d been on the brink of saying something—and the next she had turned as white as a ghost and run.

  ‘What did I say?’

  Nonna took a deep breath and let it out in a rush, which had the effect of deflating her completely. ‘You couldn’t know.’

  ‘Obviously.’ Ed spread his hands wide in bewilderment. ‘I didn’t mean to upset Annalisa. I feel as if I’ve quantum-leaped into a situation I’ve no reference for.’

  ‘That’s because you have,’ said Nonna.

  ‘She was doing so well too,’ said Joe sadly. ‘Do you think she’ll be alright?’

  Nonna shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Only time will tell.’ She looked at the connecting door as if willing it to open and reveal a reconstituted Annalisa, fresh and happy.

  ‘Will someone tell me what I did wrong?’ A pulse of worry set up at his temple, promising a larger headache in the near future.

  Nonna took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, suddenly looking every one of her advanced years. ‘Come,’ she said, patting the seat next to her. ‘Sit.’

  He obeyed, his concern in the ninetieth percentile and rising, not helped by the fact Joe didn’t seem to want to meet his eyes. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘It’s like this,’ said Nonna. She paused for another breath as if to fortify herself for the story ahead. ‘Annalisa lost someone she loved very much.’

  Ed took in her words. ‘I don’t understand,’ he said. ‘How did I trigger her?’ Because clearly he had. He knew about loss. He knew that it could come for you out of nowhere even when you thought you had control over your emotions. Grief could be a sneaky adversary.

  ‘The thing you said, at the end there,’ said Joe gently, ‘that was exactly the last thing Ben said to her before …’

  ‘Before he was killed in a motorbike accident,’ finished Nonna, the tone of her voice firm as if she’d decided to rip the truth off like a bandaid and had braced herself for the pain to follow. ‘Ben always liked to say that line, the same one you said, as he was leaving. From some stupid gangster movie he liked so much.’

  ‘Oh.’ Ed blinked and stared at the table, afraid of what he would see in Nonna and Joe’s eyes. ‘That would be Brooklyn After Dark. It’s what Tony says to Maria every time he leaves her, you know, to hold the moment in his heart.’

  ‘Yeah, that,’ said Joe.

  ‘They were planning on getting engaged, having a life together,’ said Nonna. ‘He was such a sweet boy.’

  Joe nodded. ‘He was okay.’

  High praise indeed from Joe. Ed didn’t have a clue what to say. He searched for the right words and found his mind white and opaque, like someone had obliterated all his thoughts.

  ‘That was three years ago.’ If Nonna noticed his discomfort, she didn’t let on. ‘It’s taken Annalisa that long to find her feet.’

  ‘She was a right mess when she turned up here,’ said Joe. ‘I worried about the girl day and night.’

  ‘Didn’t we all.’

  ‘She seemed so good lately.’ Joe and Nonna talked around him, for which Ed was grateful as it gave him time to gather his wits. ‘That catfish boyfriend of hers seemed to cheer her up.’

  ‘What catfish boyfriend?’ Ed snapped out of his fog at the thought Annalisa might be seeing someone.

  ‘He means the man she’s involved with online,’ said Nonna. ‘He’s not really a catfish.’

  ‘We don’t know,’ protested Joe. ‘Jury is out.’

  Ed relaxed. They were talking about GardenerGuy94. They were talking about him.

  ‘And even you,’ said Joe.

  ‘Even me what?’ This had turned out to be such a confusing visit for Ed.

  ‘She fancies you too, has done since you first arrived even though you turned out …’

  ‘To be the devil in disguise.’ Nonna finished Joe’s sentence again.

  ‘I wasn’t going to go that far,’ said Joe with a shrug, ‘but if the cloven hoof fits.’

  ‘Should I go apologise?’ Ed pushed the chair back, preparing to rise.

  Nonna placed her hand on his arm. ‘No, I’ll go.’ She stood, with the stately grace of a matriarch whose authority was not to be challenged, and left. The sound of the wood-fire crackling filled the silence between Joe and Ed.

  ‘Bad business,’ said Joe at last.

  ‘I can’t even imagine,’ said Ed, suddenly weary and missing the comforting presence of his dog, Ripley.

  ‘You can see why this store means so much to her.’ Joe leaned in a little like he was sharing secret knowledge. ‘It’s been a haven. It’s also her home.’

  ‘I get it.’ Ed rubbed his face as if he could rearrange the emotions contained within his skull. ‘But I couldn’t stop what happened. You know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, we get that, me and Nancetta. We understand.’ Joe slumped back into his seat, like the effort of sharing had drained him. ‘I don’t want to see her go backwards, you know? She should be out there living her life.’ He waved one gnarled hand towards the window and the world outside filled with adventures. ‘The best of her years will be behind her before she finds the courage to love again.’

  ‘You think? What about the online boyfriend? How serious is that?’ He tried to tamp down the curiosity bubbling within. He wanted to know if he stood a chance with Annalisa. The last thing he wanted to do was break her fragile heart.

  ‘I think she likes him, a lot. She always lights up when she gets a message from him. Is it serious? I don’t know. Can it be when you’ve never met the person and don’t truly know anything about them?’ Joe’s watery grey eyes belied his sharp mind.

  ‘All good points,’ Ed conceded. ‘So, you’d say it was more of
an emotional affair?’ Yep, he was officially fishing.

  ‘Maybe.’ Joe looked out the window as he chewed on the idea. ‘He might be the confidant she needs, the stranger you can tell everything to.’

  ‘You have one of those?’

  ‘Me? I don’t need one.’ Joe’s busy eyebrows took on the appearance of two athletic caterpillars as they shot skywards.

  ‘I’ve got my dog, Ripley.’

  Joe grunted and Ed took that to be approval. ‘Can I be frank?’

  ‘Sure.’ Ed braced himself. How much more frank could Joe possibly be?

  ‘Despite Annalisa’s best efforts, she likes you. She’s attracted to you. I might be old but I see the signs, aside from the obvious display yesterday.’

  Ed shifted, uncomfortable under the old man’s scrutiny. ‘But I’m the devil.’

  ‘Yeah, there’s that and the online boyfriend, but you have the advantage of being here now. There’s chemistry between you two. Don’t think the rest of us haven’t been able to see it the whole time.’ He tapped the side of his nose. ‘We may all need glasses, but we’re not blind.’

  ‘That’s why I wanted her to take the deal. It’s more money than she’d ever make here at the store and more than this place would sell for. I wanted her future to be secure. I thought maybe then she’d overlook who I am.’ Ed felt lighter with every word he spoke. Maybe he needed a confidante. ‘I’m worried that Carpenter’s Warehouse will drive her into the ground much faster than she anticipates. It will crush her.’

  ‘You got that in one,’ said Joe. ‘This place represents the whole history of the family, not to mention her childhood and a link to her parents. This is her safe place and you’re taking it away from her.’

  ‘You don’t think I know that?’ said Ed morosely. ‘I spent hours thinking of ways I could stop this from happening but there was genuinely nothing I could do beyond the deal. Nothing. Even then, we passed the deadline and I gave it to her anyway. There’ll be hell to pay with my sister.’

  ‘I know you did your best.’ Joe reached over and patted Ed’s hand in an unexpected gesture of solidarity and forgiveness. ‘So, you gotta make up for the whole shitshow by demonstrating how you feel. You do feel for her, don’t you.’

  Joe’s question had the feel of a statement needing affirmation rather than a proper answer. They both knew the answer was yes.

  ‘How do I do that?’ Ed asked. ‘It’s like I’ve come up against an impasse and I don’t know how to get around it. We have this electric thing between us but she won’t acknowledge the fact it could be more if she’d give us a chance.’

  ‘There’s no getting around this situation. You’ve got to go through it.’ Joe made a gesture to illustrate his point.

  ‘Yeah, but how?’ Ed still didn’t have a clue. There were so many factors lined up against them, all of them seemingly insurmountable. She’d been pretty clear that while she was as attracted to him as he was to her, she had no intention of letting Ed Carpenter into her life.

  Joe leaned in again. ‘With kindness.’

  ‘That simple?’

  ‘Try it. Show her you care about her. See what happens.’

  The two men sat in silence contemplating this piece of wisdom. Joe’s advice, while simple, might be the answer Ed sought. If he focussed on Annalisa, supported her and showed her that he was a friend first and foremost, then she might be open to forgiving him. He could only hope there’d be a way through this hopeless situation for the two of them. What else could he do?

  Annalisa had begun crying the minute the door had closed behind her, sealing her in her sanctuary. She’d stumbled to her bedroom and thrown herself across the bed, letting the floodgates open and all the pain out in sobs that racked her body. Her emotional storm raged so strongly that it allowed no room for thoughts, just raw emotion, the kind that goes all the way to the bone.

  By the time Nonna found her, she was cried out and exhausted.

  ‘Annalisa, are you okay?’ Nonna whispered as if cautious to not set off another chain reaction.

  ‘Yes.’ Annalisa spoke into her pillow, so her voice sounded like she was underground. She felt Nonna’s weight press the bed down as she sat, and a hand began to rub slow circles on her back. The tenderness nearly brought on a fresh wave of tears, only Annalisa had nothing left in the tank.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Annalisa shook her head.

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

  Annalisa nodded into the pillow, like a child who refused to show her face. She waited until Nonna left the room and she could hear her in the kitchen, opening and closing cupboard doors. Then she sat up and wiped the last of the tears from her face, taking a moment to steady her breathing and check the storm had truly passed.

  She stood, shaky on her feet, and checked her hair in the bedroom mirror. Her curls had joined in on the emotional frenzy, sticking up in every direction like lightning rods. She smoothed them down as best she could.

  ‘Tea’s ready,’ called Nonna.

  ‘I’m coming.’ Annalisa took one last look at her swollen eyes and red nose. It wasn’t as if anyone but Nonna would see her like this. Weariness overcame her and she longed to sleep. Tea first and then she’d ask Nonna to watch the store while she rested. She’d understand, having lost the love of her life too.

  Nonna sat at the kitchen table, the tea steaming in two mugs. The Book of Cappelli lay waiting for consultation like an old friend. ‘Do you want something to eat?’

  Annalisa shook her head as she pulled out a chair and took her place behind a mug. ‘I just need a nap.’

  Nonna nodded. ‘In a minute. First, tell me what happened?’

  Annalisa rested her chin in her hand. ‘I don’t know. Everything was fine and Ed was talking to me, then he said … the thing … and it hit me like a freight train.’ She blew out her cheeks. ‘I didn’t see it coming until it was too late.’

  ‘So it was only about what Ed said?’ Nonna seemed reluctant to repeat the words.

  ‘Yes and no, if I’m being honest.’ Annalisa sat up and put her hands in her lap where she could pick at her cuticles without her nonna noticing. Nervous habit.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Nonna sipped her tea, acting all casual when Annalisa knew it was an act. Nonna was scared her granddaughter would slip back into her depression and so was she.

  ‘It wasn’t just those words … Ben’s words … coming out of Ed’s mouth. That damned movie. Ben must have watched it a zillion times. What are the chances they both liked to quote from Brooklyn After Dark?’ She hesitated as the realisation formed in her mind.

  ‘It was Ed himself, wasn’t it?’

  She looked at Nonna with surprise.

  ‘You know what I mean,’ Nonna answered her unasked question. ‘You like him despite the fact he’s the devil.’

  Annalisa laughed, the sound pushing out of her in a short burst at the thought of Ed in a tight red lycra onesie with horns and a tail. Maybe even a pitchfork.

  ‘Am I right?’ Nonna looked at her over the brim of her mug with eyes that saw all the way to Annalisa’s soul. ‘A woman doesn’t kiss a man that way if she feels nothing for him.’

  She closed her eyes. An image of Ed swam into vision. The way he had of looking at her with those blue eyes of his, like she mattered and he was delighted to be in possession of this fact.

  His broad shoulders and the way his muscles moved beneath his shirt, alluding to strength and a kind of solid being in the world that felt like the touchstone she needed after being out in the emotional wilderness for so long.

  Not to mention the answering call of her body to his whenever he came near. She knew he felt that too. She had experienced his desire up close and personal.

  On paper, an affair between them read like a no-brainer. That was before you took into account all the insurmountable obstacles in their way. Stuff like the fact he belonged to a cutthroat family who devoured small businesses whole. They stood for everythin
g Annalisa could not abide and, as Ed worked in the family business, it was only a matter of time before their differing philosophies tore them apart.

  While others might think her silly, Annalisa had trouble shaking the idea that, by entering into an affair with Ed, she would be betraying her family. That it’d be like sleeping with the enemy. Sure, it’d be fun in the beginning but before long the fact they were from different worlds would sour their passion, turning it bitter. Then what? One thing she knew for sure: she wouldn’t survive another heartbreak. She couldn’t live through that kind of loss again.

  Neither of their families would be thrilled with the idea of their relationship either. Just imagine what Christmas would be like. All that barely contained animosity would give her indigestion.

  Situation hopeless.

  She should just take the money and run.

  Another unwelcome thought hovered in the shadows of her mind. What if her attraction to GardenerGuy94 had more to do with the fact he couldn’t truly hurt her? Not like a real, flesh and blood man could. She wasn’t ready to face that reality.

  Grateful for Nonna’s patience, allowing the silence to cocoon them both, she finally spoke.

  ‘You’re right. I do have feelings for Ed. I don’t know if they are real feelings, like the ones I had for Ben, but there is something there. Something powerful, even if it’s just lust. For a moment’—she paused to stave off the mounting emotion—‘the past and the present collided. It knocked me off my feet. Not to mention that today marks the end of an era. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t weigh heavily.’

  Nonna reached out and took her hand, nearly making her cry again.

  ‘I understand, cara mia. You’re grieving, and that’s as it should be. When your grandfather died, I thought my own heart would stop. Truly.’ Nonna stopped and Annalisa could see on her face the toll this conversation was having on her.

  ‘Ben still feels like yesterday,’ Annalisa whispered.

  ‘Your grandfather feels the same. If I go to the bakery on the day they make cream donuts I feel the compulsion to buy one for him. In that moment I remember he’s not waiting for me at home and it’s like losing him all over again. Same with your father, although I have to admit losing a child is harder.’