Her gaze went to the boy who scooted across the floor to the worktable.
“I have one more crate to bring in,” Al told her. “Then we’ll put the things where you want them, and we’ll work on supper.”
Surprised, she asked, “Is it time for supper already?”
“Well, I usually have supper around six, but I thought you might want to eat early. You’ve had a long trip, and I figure you must be hungry.”
He was right. Her stomach was growling. She cleared her throat. “I don’t want to cause you any trouble.” Especially after all he’d done for her already. “I can wait until six.”
“Nonsense. It won’t hurt me to eat early.” He pointed to her hat and the drawstring purse hanging on her arm. “You can take those things off and make yourself at home.”
With an uneasy laugh, she said, “I forgot I still had them with me. Where should I put them?”
“Anywhere you want, though I suggest putting them out of Gilbert’s reach. He might not look like it, but he’s quick and he’ll drool all over your things if you let him.”
He headed back out to the wagon and she glanced at the boy who was studying one of the legs of the worktable. The boy was so curious about his surroundings. Smiling, she removed her hat, the sweat causing her bun to be matted down. It was a relief to have it off.
Gilbert looked over at her as if seeing her for the first time.
Chuckling, she said, “I’m the same person as I was before. See?” She put the hat back on and he blinked. Taking it off, she decided to put it on the coat tree. “I suppose I do look quite a bit different without it. But you’ll get used to it. I promise.”
The boy smiled and she couldn’t help but lose her heart to him. He was such a happy child. She supposed all babies were happy. But what surprised her was how a simple action could make her feel better.
She removed her gloves and went to what would now be her and Al’s bedroom. She tried not to think about the bed or what it meant. After all the time she’d spent in bed with a man, she hadn’t expected to be so nervous about what would be happening that night. But he wasn’t paying her for a service. He wouldn’t be running off as soon as he was done. She’d wake up tomorrow and he’d be next to her. From now on, she’d only share a bed with him.
Forcing her gaze off the bed, she went to the dresser and opened the drawers until she found three that were empty. She slipped her gloves in the top one. This would be a good place for small items. The other two would be for her clothes. There wasn’t much space, but it was enough to suit her. In fact, she had more space now than she did at the brothel. She’d definitely improved her station in life by marrying Al.
Hazel, of course, would have been worse off, considering the wealth she’d left behind. Sadie examined her hands. While she didn’t have any calluses on them, the nails were chipped and the skin dry from the times she’d washed them. She didn’t have any lotion, but she did pick up beeswax, rose water and olive oil while at the mercantile. She knew how to mix the ingredients to heal her skin. She would have to make some lotion tomorrow.
As it was, the day was getting late and she was exhausted. What she wanted more than anything was to fall asleep and stay that way until morning, but she would tend to her wifely obligation first. Maybe Al would be satisfied with doing it one time. If that was the case, then she could get a good night’s sleep. If he wasn’t in the habit of visiting the brothel she’d seen as she entered town, then it wouldn’t take him long to finish. She always preferred the customers who didn’t frequent such establishments just because she knew they tended to be quicker and gentler. Madame might have loved the regulars since they brought in steady payments, but Sadie hated them. They had absolutely no respect for anyone.
She slammed the drawer shut.
“Are you alright?” Al called out from the other room.
“I’m fine,” she replied before he came into the room to check on her. “I slipped.”
She waited for the sound of footsteps but he only called out, “Alright. I’m going to put the wagon and horses in the barn.”
When she heard the door close, she released her breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. Getting out of Nebraska was the best thing she ever did.
Once her nerves were settled, she went to the wash basin and lathered up the soap then washed her hands. She had a tendency to scrub them more than necessary, but it had become a habit over the years. Scrubbing her skin was the only way she didn’t still feel grimy and disgusting after being with those men.
When she was done, she dried her hands on the towel and wondered if the past would always haunt her. She didn’t know why she thought once she came to this small town that she wouldn’t give a single thought to how her life had been. If anything, the stark contrast only made her more aware of where she came from.
Maybe she was a fool. Just what made her think she could successfully pull off this ruse? Sooner or later all things came to light and Al would find out the truth…wouldn’t he?
No. There was no reason he had to know. Ever. She was miles and miles from Omaha. No one would find her. She was safe here. She could make a new start. She could be someone else. She’d be Mrs. Al Grover. No matter what it took, she’d do it. And if the memories of her past always haunted her, then so be it.
***
After Al finished tending to the animals, he returned to the house. The day had been a long one and he bet Hazel was hungry enough to eat anything he could make. If he didn’t think it’d overwhelm her, he would have taken her to Aunt Betty’s for a good meal, but she needed time to adjust to her new life. The least he could do was let her rest.
He smiled at her as he went over to the worktable which still had the boxes on them.
She stood up from the chair and walked over to him, wiping her hands on her skirt. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do, and Gilbert was content to scoot around the floor. I thought I’d sit and wait for you to return.”
“You don’t have to wait for me in order to do anything. Do whatever you want,” he replied.
Though she nodded, he sensed an uncertainty in her. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her if she’d never been given any choices in her past. She hadn’t said much about her life in Atlanta in her two letters, but he got the impression she was risking a lot to come out to marry him.
He suspected her parents hadn’t been pleased to learn of her decision, and now that he saw how beautiful she was, she definitely could have done much better than him. But maybe she came here because it was the first time she had a choice. He’d heard that some women weren’t given the freedom to do things they wanted to. Perhaps she’d been one of them.
Well, if that was the case, he wanted to make sure she understood that her needs were as important to him as his own. “Hazel,” he began as he opened the first box, “I want you to know that you can do whatever you want around here. This is as much your home as it is mine, and you’re my wife, not my servant. I want you to be happy here.”
She smiled. “You’re a good man, aren’t you?”
That was a curious question, but it gave him some insight into what her life had been like. And that being the case, he got the impression that she hadn’t been sad to leave her family. Deciding not to voice his observation, he left the box and closed the distance between them. He cupped her face in his hands and tilted her head up so her gaze met his.
Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth turned down slightly in apprehension, as if she didn’t know what to do.
Well, in time she would come to understand he meant what he said. In the meantime, he would show her. He brushed his thumb along her lips. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered.
She swallowed and offered a hesitant nod.
Closing his eyes, he lowered his head and kissed her. Given his limited experience with women, he hadn’t known exactly what to expect, and she probably found him lacking because of that but he enjoyed it more than anything else he’d ever done. It was much better th
an the kiss they’d shared after their vows. Reluctantly, he ended it.
Al let out a slight chuckle. “You’ve probably had better kisses than that from your suitors back in Atlanta.” The men there were probably a lot more charming, too.
Before she could respond, he turned his attention back to the boxes. “I better put these things away so we can get started on supper. Gilbert will want to eat before long, too. They say a woman runs the home, so I should put these where you want them.” He pulled out a few items from one of the boxes and showed them to her. “Where do you want me to put these?”
“Oh…um…” She looked at the shelves. “I can reach those easily.”
With a nod, he hurried to put them up for her. “I’ll put in another shelf, one that is closer to your height. When I built this place, I had some help, but I didn’t have a woman’s help in figuring out where to put everything. I’m willing to make any changes you need, though. I realize it won’t be anything fancy like what you’re used to, but I can make it more comfortable than it is. Don’t be afraid to let me know what you want.”
She stared at him for a minute, as if she needed time to figure out the right thing to say. Finally, she walked over to the table, glanced at the contents in the boxes, and then turned her gaze to him. “You really are a good man.”
Not sure why hearing her say that again should make him blush, he shrugged and took more items out of the box. “I only know how to be who I am. There’s nothing much to me. Not really.” After he put the items on the shelf, he went to another box and lifted the fabric and supplies for the clothes she’d make. “I’m not sure where you want these.”
He held them out to her, and she took them. “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.”
“It’s nothing. Besides, you need clothes. While what you have on right now looks good, Aunt Betty says a woman likes to have more than one dress to wear.”
She let out a soft chuckle. “She’s right.”
“Well, I’ll finish putting these things away while you take care of that. When you come back, I’ll make supper.”
“You’re going to make supper?”
“You’ve had a long journey. I can’t ask you to cook tonight. I can’t promise it’ll be as good as what you’re used to, but I don’t do too bad when it comes to fixing meals. And don’t worry about Gilbert. I’ll take care of him, too. I want you to rest, alright?”
She looked back at the soft material in her arms then smiled at him. “Alright.”
He returned her smile in time for her to turn and head for their bedroom. Yes, he was already in love with her. And maybe in time, she would come to return his feelings.
Chapter Four
A couple hours later, Sadie’s hands shook as she closed the door behind her. Collapsing against it, she pulled out the small bottle of olive oil from her pocket. If she wanted tonight to go as quickly as possible, she needed to be ready for him. And she didn’t have much time. Al had just changed Gilbert’s diaper and was feeding him for bedtime.
She couldn’t get over the fact that he was a good man. She’d only heard of such men. Men who put others’ needs ahead of their own. But until now, she’d never met one. And to think she was married to him. Hazel certainly knew how to pick a good one. And if anyone deserved a wedding night, it was him.
After she slipped out of her clothes and draped them over the back of the rocking chair, she twisted the lid off the bottle and poured a little of the liquid on her fingers before placing the oil inside her. It was a familiar routine and one she hated, but it was necessary if she didn’t want to end up sore the next day.
When she was done making sure she was slick enough, she hid the bottle back in her dress pocket then crawled into the bed and pulled the thin blanket up to her chin. This was it. Soon Al would come into the room. She gulped and closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down. This wasn’t how a newly married woman should be coming to her bed. Yes, she was supposed to be nervous. That was to be expected. But she wasn’t supposed to be in absolute dread.
She took a deep breath, held it, then slowly released it. She’d done this before. Many times. She just needed to think of something else while he was doing it. But what? The blue or yellow dress she’d make? The breakfast she was going to attempt tomorrow morning? The buildings she’d seen in town? The long ride here?
Opening her eyes, she studied the small bedroom with the remaining sunlight that filtered through the open window. It wasn’t much bigger than what she’d been used to, but there was no smell of perfume, sex or liquor in the room. That was a huge relief. She just might get through this without wanting to vomit afterwards.
Forcing her mind off the memories, she studied the quaint dresser and table beside it which contained the wash basin and pitcher. Next to the bed was a window with curtains made out of potato sacks. She frowned and took note of the quilt. It was frayed along the edges and had gray and blue squares.
She hadn’t noticed how masculine the room was before. It was just like the rest of the small home now that she thought about it. What a strange thing. There was nothing feminine about the entire place, except for her. Maybe he hadn’t been married to Gilbert’s mother. Or maybe he was glad when she died and threw out all traces of her? There were so many questions she had and she couldn’t ask any of them because he probably explained all of it to Hazel.
The door creaked open and she stiffened. In her curiosity, she’d forgotten what was about to take place. Clutching the blanket to her chin, she looked over at Al who set the kerosene lamp on the dresser.
“Do you want me to turn the light off?” he asked.
“No. Please leave it on.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. The light made it easier to focus on something—anything—in the room.
“How much do you want me to dim it?” he asked.
“What you have right now is fine.”
“It’s pretty bright.”
“I don’t mind it being bright.”
“Alright.” He left the dresser and pulled the potato sack curtain shut. Then he glanced her way. “I don’t know if you want to watch me undress or not, but I wanted to warn you in case you wanted to shut your eyes or something.”
Despite the awkward position she was in, a smile tugged at her lips. “I’ll just stay here and wait for you.”
That was simple enough. She’d done it often enough in the past. The men hadn’t warned her they were going to remove their clothes—and some only dropped their pants low enough to get to it. But he was a gentleman. She knew it as soon as he warned her that he was going to undress. He’d never step foot inside a godforsaken brothel.
She closed her eyes and swallowed. Hazel was a virgin. She had to play the part of one if she didn’t want him to figure out she was more experienced than a woman had the right to be. She could hear him removing his clothes and her mind went back to her old bedroom where she’d waited on her bed, fighting the urge to either cry or scream.
Her eyes flew open and she stared at the ceiling. This wasn’t her old room. It was her new one. And in this one, only her husband would be touching her and kissing her. It was still a transaction. But it was different from the kind it had been with the men in her past. For them, it was sexual gratification for money. In this case, she’d offer him her body for pleasure, but he’d given her his name, his home, and his protection. At least in this situation, she was getting things she wanted.
A movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned her head, her heart threatening to stop when she saw that he wasn’t wearing anything. She swallowed the bile that rose up in her throat and looked at the drapes.
The bed shifted under his weight as he slipped in next to her. The bed was much too small. She could feel his bare flesh pressing against hers, his erection indicating his excitement over what was about to happen. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. She could do this. She had to do this.
“Hazel,” he whi
spered, his voice gentle as he caressed her cheek.
He expected her to make eye contact with him. She was going to have to oblige him because that’s what Hazel would do. She forced her gaze to meet his, noting his thick lashes.
“I know this is your first time, and I’m going to try to be as gentle as possible,” he said. “If you don’t like anything, let me know and I’ll stop. Alright?”
Making herself nod, she managed a stiff, “Alright.”
He lowered his head and kissed her, something that surprised her since she fully expected him to reach for her breast right away. His lips were soft and hesitant. Raising his head, he took another good look at her, his eyes searching hers. “Do you want to wait?”
“No,” she quickly replied. If he didn’t do it tonight, she’d have to go through the next day in dread of this. At least if they did it now, he should be good for a few days. Then she could relax and settle into this life. “I…I’m just nervous, since this is my,” she tried not to wince, “first time and all.”
The lie was harder to say than she thought it’d be, but it worked. He relaxed and offered her a smile. “I’m really glad you left Atlanta to come here. I know in my ad I said I was looking for a mother for Gilbert, but the truth is, I also wanted a wife, someone who would be a friend and lover.” He chuckled. “I didn’t want to come out and say I was lonely. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing a man admits.”
She cleared her throat and returned his smile. “I was lonely, too.”
“Even with all the extravagant balls and men vying for your hand?”
Was that what Hazel’s life had been like? Going from one dance to another, holding hopeful suitors at bay? “None of those men meant anything to me,” she finally replied, figuring it best to let him think what he wanted even as she told him the truth.
“Well, I’m honored and forever grateful you came all the way out here to marry me. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you glad you made the sacrifice.”
The Mail Order Bride's Deception Page 3