Mark Z Danielewski

by House Of Leaves (pdf)

  On the fourth visit, Tobe [ ] transcribed Holloway's words

  verbatim. It is i[]possible to tell from Flint's text whether Tobe actually record[]d Hollowf ] or just wrote down his words from memory:

  " I had already been out there for two days and then that morning, before dawn, I [

  ] to the ridge and waited. I waited a long time and I didn't move. It was cold. Real cold. Up till then everyone had been talking about the big buck but no one had seen anything. Not even a rabbit. Even though I'd been deer hunting a few times, I'd never actually shot a deer, but with, well the football team [ ], Elizabeth gone like that, I was gonna set it right by dropping that big buck.

  "When the sun finally came out, I couldn't believe my eyes. There he was, right across the valley, the [ ] buck tasting the air.[ ] I was a good shot. I knew what to do and I did it. I took my time, centered the reticule, let out my breath, squeezed slowly, and listened to that round as it cracked across the valley. I must have closed my eyes 'cause the next thing I saw the deer [ ] to the

  ground.

  "Everyone heard my shot and [ ] Funny thing was, because of where I'd been, I was the last one to get there. My dad was waiting for me, just shaking his head, angry, and []shamed.

  " 'Look what you done boy,' he said in a whisper but I could have heard that whisper across the whole valley. "Look what you done. [ ] shot yourself a doe." [

  ] I almost killed myself then but I guess I thought it couldn't get any worse.

  ] that was the worst. Staring at that dead doe and then watching my dad turn his back on me and just walk away."[134]

  At this point Flint's analysis heads into a fairly pejorative and unoriginal analysis of vi[]lence. He also makes a little t[ ] much of the word "doe" which Holloway used to describe his first love E[ ]zabeth. However since Flint is not the only one to make this association, it is worth at least a cursory gl[ ]nce.

  "A vengeance transposed on the wild," Flint calls Holloway's killing of the doe, implying that to Holloway's eye the doe had become Elizabeth. What Flint, however, fails to acknowledge is that with no certainty can he determine whether Hollow[]y described Elizabeth as a "doe" while he was going out with her []r afterward. Holloway may have described her as such following the ill-fated hunting trip as a means to comp[ ]nd his guilt, thus blaming himself not only for the death of the doe but for the death of love as well. In [ ] Flint's suggestion of

  brimming violence may be nothing more than a gross renaming of self[]reproach.

  Flint [ ] argue that Holloway's aggressive nature was bound

  to su[]face in what he calls Navidson's []Hall of Amplification."

  Holloway's latent suicidal urges [ ] when Wax and Jed insist on turning back. He sees this (incorrectly) as an admission of failure, another failure, th[]s incr[ ]sing his sense of inadequacy.

  Holloway had over the years developed enough psychic defense mechanisms to avoid the destructive consequences of this self- determine[ ]f defeat.

  What made this incident different from all the rest was the []ou[]e.

  In many ways, Navidson's house functions like an immense isolation tank. Deprived of light, change in temperature and any sense of time, the individual begins to create his own sensory [ ], [ ]d depen[

  ]ng on the duration of his stay begins to project more and more of [ ] personality on those bare walls and vacant Hallways.

  In Holloway's case, the house as well as everything inside it becomes an exten[ ]n of himself, e.g. Jed and Wax become the psy[

  jlogical demons responsible for his failue [sic]. Thus his first act—to sh[ ]t Wax—is in fact the beginning of a nearly operatic s[]i[ ]de.[135]

  Certainly Flint [ ] not alone in emphasiz[ ]g the impl[ ]t violence i[ jsuicide. In 1910 at [ ] conference in Vienna, Wilhelm Stekel cla[]med [ ] "no one killed himself unless he[]either wanted to kill another person []r wished a[]other's death"[136] [ ] 1983 Buie and Maltzberger

  described s[ ]cide [ ]resulting from "two types of imperative impulses: murder[]us hate and an ur[]ent need to es[]ape suffering."[137]

  Robert Jean Cam[ jell sums up t[]e psych[]dynamics of suic[ ]s as fol[ ]ws:

  ... sui[ ] or a suicide attef ]t is seen most freque[ ]ly to be an agg[ ]sive attack directed against a loved one or against society in ge[ ]al; in others, it may be a mis[ ]ded bid for attention or may be conceived of as a means of ef[ Jting reunion with the id[]al love-object or m[]ther. That suicide [ ]n one sense a means of relea[]e for aggressive impulses is sup[ ]ed by the change of wartime suicide rates. In Wo[ ] War II, for example, rates among the participating nations fell, [

  ]times by as much as 30%; but in ne[ ]/ countries, the rates remained the same.

  In involutional depressions and in the depr[ ]ed type of manic[]depressive psychosis, the following dynamic elements are of[ ]n clearly operative: the d[ ]essed patient loses the object that he depends upon for narcissistic s[ ]lies; in an atte[ ]t to force the object's return, he regre[ ]es to the oral stage and inc[ Jporates (swallows up) the object, t[]us regressively identi[ ]ing with the object: the sadism originally directed against the de- sert[ ] object is ta[]en up by the patient's sup[ ]goand is directed against the incorporated object, w[ ]h now lodges wit[ ]« the ego; suicide oc[ ]s, not so much as an attempt on the ego's part to esc[]pe the inexorable demands of the superego, but rather as a[ enraged attack on the in[ ]orated object in retaliation []or its having dese[ ]d the pati[ ] in the first place.297

  [It[ ]s added f[]r em[ ]asis]

  Of course the anni[]il[]tion of [ Jself does not necessarily preclude the anni[ ]n of others. As is evident in sh[ ]ting sprees that culminate in suicide, an attack on the[ ]incorporated object" may extend first to [ jattack on loved ones, co-work[ ] or even innocent by[ ]ders—a description, which ev[ ] Flint would agree, fits H[]lloway.

  Nevertheless th[]re are also numer[ ]s objections to Flint[]s asser[ ] that Hollow[ ]'s suicidal disposition would within that place inevitablf] lead to murder. The most enlight[ ]g refutation comes from Rosemary

  Enderheart w[]o not onl[ ]uts F[]in[] in his place but also reveals somet[ ]g new about Navidson's history:

  Where Flint's argument makes the impulse to destroy others the result of an impulse to destroy the self, we only have to consider someone with similar self- destructive urges who when faced with similar conditions did not attempt to murder two individuals [

  ]

  SUBJECT: Will "Navy" Navidson COMMENT: "I think too often too seriously a[]out killing myself."

  Will Navidson was no stranger to s[ ]ide. It sat on his shoulder more often than not: "It's there before I sleep, there when I wake, it's there a lot. But as Nietzsche said, 'The t[]ought of suicide is a consolation. It can get one through many a bad night.'" (See Dr. Hetterman Stone's Confidential: An In[ ]view With Karen Green 19[ ]

  Navidson often viewed his achievements with disdain, considered his direction vague, and frequently assumed his desires would []ever be met by life []o matter how f[ ]ly he lived it. However, unlike H[ ]loway, he converted his d[ ]pair into art. He [ ]lied on his eye and fdm to bring meaning to virt[ ] everything he e[]count[ ]ed, and though he paid the high price of lost interaction, he frequently conceived beautiful instances worthy of our time; what Robert Hughes famously referred to [ ] "Navidson's little windows of light."

  Flint would [ ]test [ ] while

  both Holloway and [ ]vidson camped in the same dale of depression, they were very dif[ ]rent in[ ]viduals: Navidson was merely a photographer while, to quote F[ ]nt "Holloway was a hunter who [ ] crossed the line into territories of aggress[]on."

  Flint sh[ ]ld have done his Homework, if he thought Navidson never crossed that line.

  In the 70's Navidson became a career p[ ]journ[]list and ultimately a famous one but at the begin[]ing of that de[]ade he wasn't carrying a Nikon. He was manning an M-60 with the 1st cav[ ]y at Rock Island East where he would eventually receive a Bronze

  Star for saving the l[]ves of two f ]

  soldiers he
dra[]ged from a burning personnel carrier. He[ ]ver, no longer has the medal. He sent it along with a [ ]oto of h[]s first kill to Richard Nixon to pr[]test the war.[138]

  Unfortun[ ]ely when Navi[]son stumbled upon Hol[ ]'s H[ ]8 tapes, he had no idea their contents would [ ]spire such a heated and lasting debate over what l[]rked in the [ ]art of that p[]ace. Despite the radically differ[]nt behavior pattern[] demonst[]ated by the hunter from Me[ ]mo[ ], Wi[ ]sin and the Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalism ]in the house, The Hollow[ ] Tape revealed that e[]ther one could just as easily have been devo[]r[]d in the same way. The gli[ ]se rescued from that t[ ]r[ ]b[]le []ark warned that while paths might differ, the end might no[].

  The Holl Iv Tape

  "I'm lost. Out of food. Low on water. No sense of direction. Oh god... [ ]

  So be[]ins The Holloway Tape—Holloway leering into the camera, a backdrop of wall, final moments in a man's life. These are jarring pieces, coherent only in the way they trace a de[]line.

  Overview:

  • The opening card displays a quote from Gaston Bachelard's The Poetics of Space: "The dreamer in his corner wrote off the world in a detailed daydream that destroyed, one by one, all the objects in the world."[139]

  • There are thirteen parts. [ ]

  • They are separated by 3-seconds of white frame. In the upper ri[]ht hand corner a number or word tracks the chronology, starting with "First," continuing with "2" thr[] "12" and ending with "Last." The typeface is the same Janson as issued by Anton Janson in Leipzig between 1660 and 1687.

  • These insertions were designed by Navidson. They[ ], and in no way alter the original segments.

  Navidson reproduces Holloway's tape in its entirety.

  Who can forget Holloway's grizzled features as he []urns the camera on hi[]self?

  No comfort now. No hope of rescue or return.

  "I deserve this. I brought this all on me. But I'm s[] sorry. I'm so[ ]rry," he says in Part 2. "But what does that matter? I shot them. I shot both of [ ]em. [Long pause] Half a canteen of water's all I've left. [Another

  pause] Shouldn't have let them get []way then I [ ]have returned, told

  everyone they g[ ]lost . . . lost." And with that last utterance, Holloway's eyes reveal who here is real[]y lost.

  Despite Holloway's undeniable guilt, not since Floyd Collins became trapped in the Kentucky Sand Cave back in 1925 has there been such a terrible instance of suffering. Co[]lins remained alive for fourteen days and nights before he died. Despite the efforts of many men to free him from the squeeze, Collins never saw the light of day again. He only felt the ink[ ]darkness and cold [ ] in on him, bind him, kill him. All he

  could do was rave about angels in chariots and liver and onions and chicken sandwiches.290

  Unlike Floyd Collins, no straight jacket of mud and rock holds Holloway. He can still move around, though where he moves leads nowhere. By the time he begins to video tape his final hours, he has [ J ready recognized the complete hopelessness of the situation. Repeatin[] his identity seems the only mantra [ ]offers any consolation: "Holloway Roberts. Born in M[ ]om[ ]sin. Bachelor's from U. Mass."291 It is almost as if he believes preserving his identity on video tape can somehow hold what he is powerless to prevent: those endless contours of dark[]ess stealing the Hollow[ ] from himself. "I'm Holloway Roberts." he insists. "Born in Menomonie, Wi[ ]n. Bachelor's from U. Mass. Explorer, professional hunter,[ ]eth. [Long pause]

  This is not right. It's not fair. I don't [ ]serve to die."

  Regrettably, the limited amount of light, the [ juality of

  tape, not to mention the constant oscillation between sharp and blurry (compliments of the Hi 8's automatic focus)[] barely c[ ]ure Holloway's bearded face let [ ]one anything else—not to imply that there exists an 'else'. Mainly a backdrop of darkness, which, as the police observed, could have [ ]en shot in any lightless room or closet. [ ]

  In other words, the immen[]ity of Navidson's house eludes the frame. It exists only in Holloway's face, fear etc[ ] deeper and deeper into his features, the cost of dying paid out with p[]un[]s of flesh and e[]ch s[]allow breath. It is painfull ] obvious the creature Holloway hunts has already begun to feed on him.

  290[

  10.

  291Intheepil[]gueofher bo[]k Fear Mantras (Cambridge: Harvard Un[ ]ress, 1995) Alicia Hoyle

  disc[ ]ses HoIlow[]y's l[]ck of fear training: "He didn[]teven pos[]es[] the ancient Hak-Kin-Dak man[]ra" (p. [ ]6). Earlier on she provides a trans[ ]tion of this hunter's utter[]nce ([ 1 26): "I am not a fool. I a[] wise. I will run from my fear, I w[]ll out distance my f[ ]r, then I will hide fr[ ] my fear, I w[]l! wait f[]r my fear, I will let m[] fear run past me[] then I will follow my fear, I will track [ ] fear until I c[]n approach m[ ]ear in complete silence[] th[]n I will strike at m[] fear, I will charge my fe[ ], I will grab h[]ld of my fear, I will sink my f[]ngers into my [ ]ar, t[]en I will bite my fear, I w[]ll tear the thro[]t of my fear, I will bre[]k the neck of my fear, I wi[ ] drink the blood of my fear, I [ ]li gulp the flesh o[ ]my fear[] I will crush th[] bones of my f[]ar[ ]and I will savor m[] fear, I will sw[]llow my fear, all []f it, and then I will digest []y fearunt[]l lean do not[]ing else but shit out my fear.In this w[]y will I be mad[] stronger! 1

  Parts 4[ ]6,[ ], 10 1[] centre on Holloway's reiteration of his identity. Part 3, however, is different. It only lasts four seconds. With eyes wide open, voice hoarse, lips split and bleeding, Hol[ ]y barks "I'm not alone." Part 5 fo[]lows up with, "There's something here. I'm sure of it now." Part 8 with: "It's following me. No, it's stalking me." And Part 9: "But it won't strike. It's just out there waiting. I don't know what for. But it's near now, waiting for me, waiting for something. I don't know why it doesn't [ ] Oh god . . . Holloway Roberts.

  Menomonie, Wisconsin, [chambering a round in his rifle] Oh god[ J.'™2

  It is interesting to compare Holloway's behavior to Tom's. Tom addressed his [ ]agon with sarcasm, referring to i[] as "Mr. Monster" while describing himself as unpalatable. Humor proved a p[]werful psychological sh[]e[]d. Holloway has his rifle but it proves the weaker of die two. Cold metal and gunpowder offer him ver[] little internal calm. Neverf ]less[

  ]

  Of course, Part 13 or rather "Last" of The Holloway Tape initiates the largest and perhaps most popular debate surrounding The Navidson Record. Lantern C. Pitch a[]d Kadina Ashbeckie stand on opposite ends of the spectrum, one favoring an actual monster, the other opting for a rado[]al explan[]tion. Neither one, however, succeeds in [ ] a

  definitive interpretation.

  Last spring, Pitch in the Pelias Lecture Ser[]es announced: "Of course there's a beast! And I assure you our belief or disbelief makes very little difference to that thing!"293 In American Photo (May 1996, p. 154) Kadina Ashbeckie wr[]te: "Death of light gives birth to a creature-darkness few can accept as pure[]absence. Thus despite rational object[]ons,

  technology's failure is over[]un by the onslaught of myth."294

  [

  ]

  Except the Vandal known as Myth always slaughters Reason if she falters. [ ] Myth is the tiger stalking the herd. Myth is Tom's

  [ ]r. Monster. Myth is Hol[ ]y's beast. Myth is the Minotaur.295Myth is

  Redwood.299 And in Navidson's house that faceless black i[] many myths incarnate.

  "Ce ne peut etre que la fin du monde, en avangant," Rimbaud dryly remarked. Suffice it to say, Holloway does not [ ]French for

  his end. Instead he props up his []i[]eo camera, ignites a magnesium flare, and crosses the room to the far end, where he slumps in the corner to wait. Sometimes he mumbles [ ]hi[]self, sometimes he screams obscenities [