Pushing Up Daisies

by Jamise L. Dames

  Daisy nodded and blinked back the tears. Ms. Christine’s love had always been her weak spot.

  “The point is, I’ll never be too far away for you to reach me. Whether I’m home in L.A., or up there in heaven with Ma Dear, I’m always going to be here for you. Don’t ever do this to me—or yourself—again. Don’t try to go through something so painful without me. I’m your mother. I’m here to help you.” Ms. Christine reached over and hugged Daisy. “Now go ahead and cry, baby. Get it all out. We can talk about the past—and the future—later.”

  Daisy awoke, twisted her body in a stretch, and yawned. She was still tired, and her head was ringing. She groaned, turned over, and rolled her eyes. Who had set the alarm? Forcing herself to sit up, she turned it off. Had to be Ma.

  “You up yet, baby?” Ms. Christine said, knocking on the bedroom door.

  “Unh-uh,” Daisy lied.

  Ms. Christine opened the door. “What did I tell you about lying? Come on, Daisy. It’s after nine. I’m going downstairs to make some coffee. I’ve already drawn you a bath, and I ironed two different outfits for you…didn’t know which one you’d want to wear. You’ve always been picky, just like me.” Ms. Christine closed the door, chuckling.

  “Tea, Ma. Tea!” Daisy yelled.

  Daisy could her Ms. Christine mumbling as she went down the stairs. “I swear, coffee one day and tea the next. These kids.”

  Daisy smiled as she walked into the kitchen and saw Ms. Christine seated at the breakfast table. “I’m glad you’re here, Ma,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

  “I know that’s not coffee in that cup, is it?”

  “I’m sorry I had you make tea, Ma. I just remembered how nice it was when we used to drink coffee together.”

  Ms. Christine giggled. “I didn’t make tea. I knew you’d change your mind.”

  “So, where are we going? I know you want to go somewhere.”

  “That’s my baby. You know me, don’t you? Well, I thought we’d do a little shopping, then grab a bite to eat and talk.”

  Daisy gulped her coffee and slammed the cup on the table. She stuck out her tongue, waving her hand over it.

  “Burnt your mouth, baby?”

  Daisy nodded, still fanning.

  Ms. Christine snickered and went to get her some water. “Still my Daisy. Next time, sip it. You have to learn to take things slowly, otherwise you might get hurt.”

  Daisy filled her mouth with water and ice chips. She knew her mother was referring to her history of moving too fast with men. “Thanks. I needed that. Listen, Ma, we can shop if you want. But honestly, I don’t have any money.”

  “I know. We’ll take care of it.”

  “I don’t want your money, Ma.”

  Ms. Christine raised her eyebrows. “You’re not getting my money. There’s another way. Trust me.”

  Daisy sat inside the Sea Grill restaurant in Rockefeller Center and wolfed down her jumbo lump crab cakes, avoiding the tip of her tongue, which was still stinging from the coffee. Ms. Christine was in the powder room. Daisy closed her eyes with each bite, enjoying the succulence. Heavenly. She hadn’t tasted anything since Jasper’s death, had eaten only because she had to.

  “I’m back,” Ms. Christine announced, plopping back down in her chair. How’re the crab cakes?”

  “Ma, there’s just no word for them. Too good. Let’s leave it at that.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed them. Finished?”

  Daisy nodded.

  Ms. Christine pushed her plate back. “I know you need to talk to me. But first let me talk to you, okay?”

  Daisy smiled. “Sure, go ahead. There’s no way I’m going to forget my subject.”

  “Well, what are you going to do about Jay? Are you going to be his guardian—adopt him?”

  Daisy looked down. “I don’t know. I want to, but I don’t know the legalities, or how I’m going to take care of him. But I will, somehow. Whatever I do, I have to do it quickly. Summer’s almost over. Jay starts school in a month. And Jasper left everything to his wife, nothing to his son—or me, for that matter.”

  “Is his family that bad? You couldn’t trust Jay in their care?”

  “Ma, they don’t know him, were never there for him. Please, they didn’t even know he existed. But I’m sure they do now. I told you Jasper’s wife came over to confront me. She saw Jay, and she had to have known that he was Jasper’s. Who wouldn’t know? He’s the spitting image of his father. Still, she put us out.”

  Ms. Christine sat quietly for a moment, staring into space. “I got it,” she finally said, to no one in particular. “I’ll take Jay home with me for the rest of the summer while you get yourself together. It’ll be good for both of you. Besides, he’s always enjoyed his visits—”

  “Wait, Ma—” Daisy started to protest.

  “Don’t interrupt me, Daisy. Listen. Jay can come home with me, and you can get his paperwork together. Jasper may not have left you two any money, but he worked the majority of his life, and he made good money. Jay’s eligible for Social Security.”

  “Damn. You’re absolutely right. That never crossed my mind.”

  “Watch your mouth.”

  “Sorry. But I can’t let you take Jay. He’s already confused and hurt. He needs me right now.”

  “Yes, he does. But what are you going to do when they come to take him away? And believe me, they’re going to come. You don’t have the money to whisk him away and hide him. Let him come home with me, get a few weeks of stability in his life. He and Lani can play together. Let the boy learn to laugh again.”

  Daisy nodded and smiled on the inside. She fantasized about her children playing together and longed for the day that it wouldn’t be temporary. She knew Jay’s going would be best for both of them. She could use the time to get on her feet, and he could enjoy himself, finally—hopefully.

  Ms. Christine reached into her purse. “Now, about what you wanted to talk about. I have a feeling I know what else is bothering you, besides Jasper. Once you cleaned out the closet I knew your memories would come back to haunt you again.” Ms. Christine slid a picture across the table in front Daisy. “Lalani. You want Lani back, right?”

  Daisy stared at Lani’s picture and picked it up gently, as if it might break.

  “She looks just like you,” Ms. Christine went on, “but I guess you can see that. Answer me this: How come you haven’t seen your daughter in almost seven years?”

  Daisy held the picture and traced Lani’s pretty smile with the tip of her nail. She couldn’t believe how much her daughter had grown. She was even missing a couple of teeth. Daisy grinned at that, wondering if anyone teased her at school.

  “Well?” Ms. Christine leaned back and drummed her fingers on the table.

  “Well what, Ma? Well, do I want Lani back, or, well, how come I haven’t seen her?” Daisy laid Lani’s picture on the table.

  “Don’t get cute, Daisy.”

  Daisy’s mouth was dry. She reached for her glass of water but found it empty. Ms. Christine slid her glass of water across the table. “Thanks, Ma.” Daisy gulped the water. “Ooh, I needed that.”

  “I know. My mouth gets dry too when I’m nervous.”

  “I’m not nervous. Okay, so I am. It’s just hard for me to explain about Lani.”

  “I know, Daisy, just like I know you. You do want Lani back, right?”

  Daisy nodded.

  “Well, I don’t understand—”

  “She’s my child, Ma.”

  “Okay, I’ll grant you that. You did birth her. But Lani is Brea’s daughter.”

  “No, she’s my daughter, Ma. And I’d have her, if you guys—”

  “We what? Say it, Daisy.”

  Daisy looked around the restaurant. She didn’t want to cause a scene. “If you guys hadn’t made me give her up.”

  “Oh, really? You think we made you? Daisy, look at me. No one made you give Lani to Brea. You know that. Do you remember how you cried about school? Yo
u’d call me and say, ‘Ma, how am I going to do it? I have to graduate. What am I going to do?’ Do you remember all that? I do. I remember it plain as day. I was the one you’d wake up at three, sometimes four in the morning.”

  “Yes, I remember,” Daisy mumbled.

  “So how can you sit there and accuse us of making you give Lani away?”

  Daisy looked into her mother’s eyes. “Ma, you came up with the idea.”

  “No, I didn’t. I don’t know what you’ve talked yourself into believing, but you’re wrong—dead wrong—and you know it. What I suggested, baby, is that you come home for the remainder of your pregnancy. But you refused. You took Brea up on her offer to live with her.”

  “I know, Ma. I thought that’s what you wanted. You said I was an embarrassment to the family.” Daisy wiped her tears with a linen napkin.

  “Oh, Lord, Daisy. I may have. If I did, I apologize. I didn’t mean to. I was just so upset about it back then. My baby was having a baby. It’s just that you—all of my children—always made me so proud. I used to brag all the time about you kids. To me, you all were perfect. We’d never had a problem before that. You children never gave your dad and me any trouble. You went to school, helped out around the house, graduated, and went to college.”

  Daisy nodded.

  “I guess I was so blessed with great children that I didn’t know how to handle the unexpected. I never meant for you to think…I’d never ask you, or anyone else, to give up their child. With all that I had to put up with as a mother—the labor pangs, colic, teething…hmm…and, Lord, puberty,” Ms. Christine said with a smile. “I’d do it all over again—twice. I’ve never regretted you all. I know what that love’s like, between a mother and a child. I wouldn’t take that away from anyone.”

  “But you think I don’t deserve to know that kind of love with Lani.”

  “You have that with Jay. You may have given birth to Lani, but Jay’s your child. Tell me why you believe you have a right to Lani if Jasper’s family doesn’t deserve custody of Jay. The same argument applies, Daisy. You don’t know Lalani, and you haven’t been there for her, either.”

  Daisy frowned, repositioning her leg to get into a comfortable position. With each attempt she made to get her foot within reach, she held her breath. She soaked a cotton ball with fingernail-polish remover and immediately regretted holding the acetone too close to her face. The fumes were making her nauseous. “Ick,” she said as she rubbed the cotton across her toenail.

  “Why don’t you just go to Ming Li’s shop and get a pedicure?” Ms. Christine asked.

  Daisy jumped. “Ma, I didn’t know you were there. What’s that you used to tell us, to announce ourselves before we enter a room?”

  Ms. Christine laughed. “Yes. Yes, I did. I said for you to announce yourselves; I didn’t say that I had to.” Ms. Christine sat on the floor next to Daisy. “Pass me those cotton balls and the remover. I’ll take the polish off for you. I still don’t understand why you don’t just go get a pedicure.”

  “I haven’t had a professional pedicure in almost eight years. Jasper used to do my feet. He’d wash them and massage them. He’d even put cuticle remover around the edges of my nail beds before he’d put them in the foot massager.”

  “He did?”

  “Yeah, he did. He used to hold my feet as if they were the most beautiful things he’d ever laid eyes on.” A dreamy smile spread across Daisy’s face, and tears welled up in her eyes. “He used to file and buff my nails. He’d even polish them. He said my feet were too pretty to be overdone. He wanted them accentuated, not disguised.”

  “Disguised?” Ms. Christine wrinkled her nose. “How does someone disguise toes?”

  “Designs and loud colors. I had tiny orange swirls painted on my toes when I met Jasper. You know, at that time I was always after something different. I think that’s what attracted to me to Jasper. He was different. He wasn’t like Calvin, or the other deadbeats I’d dated in college…he actually seemed to care about me…right from the start. You remember when that guy tried to rob me and I didn’t have any money? Not a dime.” Daisy laughed.

  “Lord, how could I forget? I wanted to kill him, whoever he was.”

  “Well, that’s the day I met Jasper. Gigi and I had just come out of the nail salon and had just spent our last cent on our nails. We were headed to the subway station and I was walking ahead of her because she was on her cell. I turned the corner before she did, and the next thing I knew I was pressed against a building and had a knife pointed to my face.”

  “Oh, God. You didn’t tell me all of that…only that you were almost robbed…” Ms. Christine clutched her chest.

  “Then I saw Jasper. At the time I didn’t know that he was supposed to be meeting Gigi, I didn’t even know who he was. So, it was like he appeared out of nowhere. You should’ve seen him, Ma. He stepped up and said, ‘If you want to rob someone, rob me. Try to take my money.’ Then he reached into his pocket, threw his money on the ground, and dared the man to pick it up.”

  “That was awfully bold of him. But what does that have to do with having swirl designs on your toes?”

  “After the robber ran off, I hugged Jasper and got fingernail polish on his shirt. You know I never wait for my nails to dry. I felt so bad because I knew he’d never get the stain out. But then he accidentally stepped on my toes, and I felt like we were even. Then he insisted that I let him make it up to me, so I did. That’s also the day Gigi and I met Ming Li. Anyway, he walked me back to the nail salon and removed the polish himself. Then he picked out a new color for me. I was so happy,” Daisy added, her voice cracking. “I thought that was the cutest thing on earth, him picking out which color he thought was best for me. Jasper controlled me before he even knew my name. He hadn’t even asked me what it was yet.”

  Ms. Christine took Daisy in her arms and rocked her. “It’s going to be okay, baby. It’s all going to surface…it has to. That’s one of the first steps in healing.”

  “Ma, how could I have been so stupid? I loved him. I thought he loved me. Why does it have to be so hard? No one told me love could be so cold.”

  Ms. Christine held Daisy at arm’s length. “Now you listen to me, Daisy. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you different. Love isn’t cold, baby. It’s nice and warm. It’s an emotional home. If it feels any other way, it’s not love. You understand me?”

  Daisy nodded.

  “Now, I won’t bad-mouth Jasper, because he’s gone. But Lord knows, I’d curse him to hell if he were here. There are four things I don’t play around with: my life, my children, my husband, and my money. Not necessarily in that order.” Ms. Christine paused, shaking her head. “What Jasper did to you was awful. Disgusting. You know it, I know it. And wherever he’s at, he knows it. You were a good woman—naive, but good. But now you’ve got to finish pulling yourself together. You allowed him to break you in life; don’t give him the upper hand over you in death too. He’s gone, Daisy. It’s time for you to let his spirit go and lift your own.”

  Daisy rested her head on Ms. Christine’s shoulder and thought about what she’d said. Like Ming Li and Gigi, her mother was right. It was time for Daisy to take care of Daisy.

  “Ma?”

  “Yes, baby?”

  “I’m going to get Lani back. You and I didn’t speak for months, and you have me back in your life. I want my baby back too.”

  Ms. Christine kissed her on the forehead and looked into her eyes. “I know you do, baby. But think of Lani first, not yourself. Don’t rip her from the only home she’s known—the home that your sister Brea has given her. Try to focus on yourself right now. You can’t do anything for anyone else if you can’t do it for yourself.”

  Daisy rang the bell hesitantly. Although she and Ming Li were close, and Daisy appreciated Ming Li’s offer to let her stay until she found a place of her own, she wasn’t comfortable living with her. She’d heard enough horror stories of friendships dissolving once people moved in together. I c
an’t stay here long.

  Ming Li opened the door with a smile. “You don’t have to ring the bell, you know…oh, I forgot. I haven’t given you a key yet. Come in and lock the door.”

  Daisy gently closed the door and bolted it. She leaned her weight against it, dropping her purse on the floor. “Whew. I don’t ever want to see another box again.”

  Ming Li closed her red silk robe around her. “That bad, hunh? You’ll be okay, trust me. You just need something hard and stiff.”

  “Ming Li! Is sex all you think about?”

  Ming Li laughed. “I was talking about a drink.”

  Daisy sat down on the sofa. Ming Li sat opposite, putting her perfectly French-manicured foot on the coffee table. She shook her head. “But you do need a man.”

  “For what?”

  “Whatever you want. They come in handy, you know?”

  “I already had one…didn’t do me any good.”

  Ming Li shook her head. “You had a boy. Boys play; men please. Watch this. First, tell me where your things are.”

  “In the Jeep. Why?”

  Ming Li ran her fingers through her hair and raised her eyebrows. “Ricky, honey, can you come out here for a minute?”

  Daisy gasped as six-foot-four Ricky walked into the room. His height was intimidating, but his eyes were soft and friendly. He smiled as Ming Li whispered in his ear. “Daisy, give him your car keys,” Ming Li said, never taking her eyes off Ricky.

  Ricky nodded and took Daisy’s keys without uttering a word. He speed-walked to the bar, humming. Although he was only steps away from Daisy and Ming Li, he seemed to be in another world. He returned in less than a minute, smiling, and placed their drinks on the table, then kissed the top of Ming Li’s head and disappeared into the foyer.