A Christmas Blessing

by Sherryl Woods

  “Sherry, Lucas?” his mother asked.

  “Hmm?” he murmured distractedly.

  “She’s asking if you would like a drink,” Jessie explained as if she were translating a foreign language. There was a look of knowing amusement in her eyes he couldn’t mistake.

  “No thanks,” he said.

  “I’m very surprised to see you here, Lucas,” his mother commented.

  “But we’re delighted, aren’t we, Mary?” his father said, a warning note in his voice.

  His mother seemed startled by the sharp tone. “Well, of course, we are. I’m just surprised, that’s all. He hasn’t been here for months. And,” she added pointedly, “he told me quite plainly that he couldn’t get here over the holidays. As I recall, he told you the same thing just yesterday.”

  Luke refused to be drawn into a quarrel. “Plans change,” he said.

  “Will you be staying long?” his mother asked.

  “Mary!” Harlan protested. “You’ll make the boy think we’d rather he stayed home.”

  His mother flushed. “Well, of course, I didn’t mean that. For goodness sakes, Harlan, I was just trying to think ahead and make some plans. I was wondering if we should have another party, perhaps for New Year’s Eve.”

  Luke shuddered at the thought. “Not on my account,” he said with absolute sincerity.

  “I think a quiet celebration is more in order this year,” Harlan said, regarding him with something that might have been understanding. “I think we had enough chaos around here last night to last till next year.”

  “Chaos?” Mary repeated, red patches of indignation in her cheeks. “I worked for weeks to make sure that we had a lovely party for our friends on Christmas and you thought it was chaos?”

  Harlan sighed. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, dear. Your parties are always well attended. They’re the high point of the social season around the whole state of Texas. Everyone knows that. I just think one is enough.” As if he sensed that his fancy verbal footwork hadn’t yet placated her, he added, “Besides, I know first-hand how much the planning takes out of you.”

  Mary sighed heavily, her expression put-upon. “I suppose a quiet family occasion would be nice for a change. Perhaps for once Jordan and Cody can be persuaded to leave their current paramours at home.”

  “I doubt that will be a problem,” his father said. “Jordan claims to be fed up with the social whirl and Cody’s trying to put a damper on Melissa’s enthusiasm for a spring wedding. I suspect they’ll be happy to come alone.”

  “That was certainly the impression I got from them, too,” Jessie chimed in. “I never thought I’d see the day when those two would turn up anywhere without a woman, but they seemed almost relieved to be on their own last night.”

  After the initial awkwardness and minor bickering, the rest of the evening settled into something astonishingly comfortable. Dinner passed quickly with quiet conversation about old friends and plans for the next few days of the holidays.

  “The McAllisters’ annual party is tomorrow night,” Mary reminded them. She looked at Luke and Jessie. “I’m sure you’ll both want to come.”

  “Not me,” Jessie said at once. “I’m not quite up to partying yet, but the rest of you go.”

  Luke noticed that Jessie claimed a lack of energy only when it suited her purposes. She’d always hated the stuffy McAllisters and the collection of rich and powerful they dutifully assembled periodically to prove their own worth to the neighbors.

  “I believe I’ll stay here, too,” he said, studiously avoiding Jessie’s gaze.

  His mother opened her mouth to protest, but to his surprise, his father defended his decision. “Mary, leave him be. If it were up to me, I’d stay home, too, but I know you won’t have it.”

  “Well, for goodness sakes, it’s social occasions like this that make the kind of business contacts you need,” his mother grumbled. “I should think Luke would be aware of that, as well.”

  Luke settled back in his chair, his decision reinforced by his father’s surprising understanding. “I prefer to make my business contacts in an office, Mother. That way there’s no confusing my intent. As I recall, the last time I tried to do business at one of these social occasions, Henry Lassiter thought I was going to trade a herd of cattle for his daughter’s hand in marriage.”

  Next to him, Jessie choked back a laugh. Her eyes sparkled with undisguised merriment. “How on earth did you extricate yourself from that?”

  “Thank goodness I didn’t have to,” he said, laughing at the memory. “Janice Lassiter was as appalled as I was. She told her father in no uncertain terms that she was not a piece of property he could trade in to get a prize bull and a few cows. I have to admit I found her a bit more intriguing after she said that.”

  To his surprise his mother’s mouth curved into a smile. “You never told us that story.”

  “Of course not,” Luke said. “Do you realize how embarrassing it was to realize that I’d made some innocent remark that got mistaken for a marriage proposal? It’s not something a man wants getting around.”

  Jessie leaned close and whispered, “There are some women who might even take you up on an innocent remark even without the offer of the cattle. Those are the ones you really have to watch your step with.”

  Luke shifted and stared at her, his blood suddenly thundering in his veins. He could feel his cheeks flush and prayed that his very observant father was watching something else at the moment. If Luke meant anything at all to Angela, who was sound asleep in her grandfather’s arms, the little munchkin would wake up and start screaming right now to divert attention.

  She didn’t, which meant he had to hide his reactions as best he could.

  Why had he never noticed that sweet, demure Jessie was a master of torment? She must have had poor Erik in a daze from the day they’d met. Or perhaps his brother had been made of sterner stuff than he’d ever realized.

  “Watch yourself, darlin’,” he murmured in an aside he hoped couldn’t be overheard. “You’re just begging for trouble.”

  Jessie turned her deceptively innocent gaze on him. “Who’s going to give it to me, Lucas?”

  Good question. For him to tangle with her in the way he longed to, the way she was taunting him to, he was the one who would be in real trouble. Up to his neck in it, as a matter of fact, and drowning fast.

  Chapter Fourteen

  If it weren’t for the half dozen servants scattered around, Luke and Jessie would have had the house to themselves the following evening, once his parents had gone off to the McAllisters’ party. For some reason, Jessie found being alone with Luke at White Pines oddly intimate and very disconcerting. Acknowledging her feelings for Luke at his ranch had been one thing. Admitting them here, where she and Erik had spent their entire married life, was something else entirely.

  Frankly, she was still surprised that Luke had conspired to be alone with her. When she’d left his ranch, she had been all but certain she would never see him again unless she arranged it. Now, not only had he followed her to White Pines, he seemed unwilling to let her out of his sight. She couldn’t believe it was because he’d had a change of heart about their relationship. He was still jumpy as a june bug around her. To be truthful, she wasn’t much better.

  Sitting across from Luke in the huge, formal dining room, with the table set with fancy china, sterling silver and fine crystal, Jessie felt as if the atmosphere were suddenly charged with electricity. In his kitchen she had been comfortable, even sure of herself. Here she felt as if she were on a first, very nerve-racking date. She wondered if he felt the same uncertainty, the same shivery anticipation.

  If he did, it wasn’t apparent, she decided with some regret. He’d worn slacks and a white dress shirt, left open at the throat just enough to reveal a sexy whorl of crisp, dark hair and tanned skin. With his hair neatly combed, his cheeks freshly shaved, he looked as confident as Jordan, as sexy as Cody and as at ease as Erik. The combination was eno
ugh to make her palms sweat.

  Luke lifted his glass of wine and took a slow sip, his gaze never leaving her face. The intensity of that look was deliberate. There was no mistake about it. Jessie could feel her cheeks flush. Her pulse skittered wildly.

  “Everything okay?” he inquired in a lazy drawl that sent fire dancing through her veins.

  “Of course,” she responded in a choked voice. “Why?”

  “You look a little…feverish.”

  Oh, sweet heaven, she thought desperately, wishing she could pat her cheeks with a napkin dipped in the crystal goblet of ice water. The man was deliberately turning the tables on her. She swallowed hard and searched her soul for the confidence to play his game and win. “No,” she said eventually, her voice shaking. “I’m fine.”

  He nodded politely, but there was a knowing gleam in his eyes. “If you say so.”

  “I do,” she said adamantly.

  “Okay.”

  Fortunately, Maritza came in with the main course just then—beef Wellington. “It is your favorite, Se;atnor Luke, s;aai?”

  Luke grinned at her, his attention diverted at last. Jessie used the reprieve to draw in a deep breath and surreptitiously fan herself with her napkin.

  “Absolutely,” he told the housekeeper. “And not even Consuela does beef Wellington better than you do.”

  “I will not tell her you said so,” Maritza said, her cheeks rosy with pleasure at the compliment.

  “Thank you,” Luke said, his expression absolutely serious. “She’d put me on a diet of canned soup for a month, if she found out.”

  When the housekeeper had retreated to the kitchen, Jessie said, “You’re very kind to her.”

  He seemed surprised by the comment. “Why wouldn’t I be? She’s terrific. The whole family is. Did you know that Rosa who owns the caf;aae we went to is another cousin? I believe Lara is Rosa’s daughter or maybe she’s a second cousin. I’ve lost track of all the connections.”

  “And you’re nice to all of them.” Seeing his skepticism, Jessie tried to analyze what she’d seen in their rapport. “I can’t explain exactly,” she finally admitted. “It’s not that you’re just polite, that you say what’s expected. You genuinely appreciate what they do. I’m sure that’s why Consuela chose to go with you when you left White Pines. I suspect you make her feel like part of the family, while your mother treated her like hired help.”

  Luke shrugged off the compliment. “Consuela is family to me,” he said with surprising feeling. “She’s the one who really raised me, raised all of us, for that matter. Mother’s single goal in life was to make Daddy’s life easier, to give him whatever he wanted. She gave him four sons, then did everything she could to see that we stayed out of his way. If I’m ever fortunate enough to have children, I made a promise to myself that they will never feel the way we felt as kids, as if we were a nuisance to be tolerated.”

  Jessie was appalled by the assessment, by the trace of bitterness in his voice. Obviously his resentments ran deeper than she’d ever realized.

  “Your father certainly never treated any of you that way as far as I could tell,” she argued. “He’s obviously very proud of all of you.”

  Luke’s expression was doubtful. “You can say that after the way he manipulated Erik, the way he’s always tried to control the rest of us?”

  Jessie found herself smiling at the concept that anyone on earth could manipulate or control Luke. “I don’t see that he exactly has you under his thumb.”

  “Because I rebelled.”

  “Don’t you suppose the struggle to become your own man made you stronger?”

  His gaze narrowed. “What’s your point?”

  “That if Harlan had made it easy for you, you might not have fought half so hard to get your own way. All of this could have been yours. You would have had a nice, comfortable life without really struggling for it.”

  “Are you saying he deliberately battled with us over every little thing just to make us fight back?”

  Jessie shrugged, refusing to spell it out any more clearly. She wanted him to look at his past from a fresh perspective and draw his own conclusion. “You know Harlan better than I do.”

  Luke’s expression grew thoughtful. “I never thought about it that way before,” he conceded. “I always wanted my own place. I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps and simply claim what he’d already built. The harder he fought to keep me here, the harder I fought to go.”

  “And you succeeded in making the break,” she pointed out. “You have a successful ranch of your own now, one you can be especially proud of because you know it’s the result of your own hard work, isn’t that right?”

  He nodded slowly. “Jordan made the break, as well. He and Daddy used to stay up half the night fighting over his future. Daddy was fed up with him wildcatting at oil wells all over hell and gone. Told him it was time to settle down back here. Swore he’d cut him out of the will, if he didn’t stay.”

  He paused, then suddenly grinned. “I just remembered something. I was here the night Jordan packed his bags and stormed out to move to Houston. He told Daddy he could take his inheritance and shove it. I came down when I heard all the commotion and found Daddy standing at a window watching him go. There were tears in his eyes and the strangest look on his face.”

  “What kind of look?” Jessie asked.

  “I realize now that it was satisfaction, maybe even that pride you’re so sure he feels for us. He was actually glad that Jordan was going after his dream,” he said, a note of astonishment in his voice. “Jordan even admitted to me later that he’d had an awfully easy time landing his first desk job in the oil business. He always had a hunch that Daddy had made a call or two.”

  “Could be,” Jessie said. “Too bad he hasn’t tackled Jordan’s social life. It’s time he settled down. I think he’s finally ready.”

  “Really?” Luke shook his head, clearly bemused by the discoveries he was making once he looked past those deeply ingrained resentments. “That would be something to see. I think Jordan’s going to surprise us all when he finally falls in love.”

  “What about Cody? How did Harlan deal with him?” Jessie asked.

  “In his heart, Cody was the one who always wanted White Pines,” Luke said. “Unlike Jordan or me, Daddy kept pushing him toward the door. The harder he pushed, the more Cody dug in his heels and made himself indispensable around here. The next thing we knew he’d built himself a little house down the road and was acting as foreman.”

  Three brothers, Jessie thought, all a little stronger because Harlan had had the wisdom to make them fight for their choices in life, rather than handing them a future on a silver platter.

  And then there was Erik.

  “Erik was the only one the technique backfired with,” she said softly. “He was never like the rest of you. He was gentle, eager to please. You said yourself the other day that he was the diplomat. Whenever Harlan pushed him, he backed down, tried to find a middle ground, hoping to win his father’s approval. Instead, Harlan just grew more and more impatient with him.”

  Luke reached for her hand. Jessie supposed he meant it only as a gesture of comfort, but it made her senses spin. She couldn’t have pulled away, though, if her life had depended on it. Fortunately, she supposed, Luke broke off the contact all too soon.

  “I suppose the real skill in parenting is understanding each child’s personality,” Luke said thoughtfully. “Daddy said just last night how amazed he was at how different we were. Maybe if he’d recognized that sooner, Erik wouldn’t have suffered so, trying to be something he wasn’t. And you wouldn’t have lost him.”

  Jessie took a deep breath and met Luke’s gaze. It was time to tell him everything and see where it led them. “I suspect I was destined to lose him one way or another. At least this way he never had to lose me to another man.”

  Luke choked on the sip of wine he’d just taken. His eyes watered as he stared at her with astonishment written all ove
r his face. “What are you saying?” he demanded.

  Jessie drew in a deep breath. She wasn’t going to let him mistake her meaning with subtleties. “That I was in love with you long before Erik died,” she admitted boldly.

  Luke was shaking his head before she completed the sentence. “Don’t say that,” he protested.

  “Why not? It’s true.” She leveled a gaze into his troubled eyes. “Why do you think I left here after Erik died?”

  “Because you couldn’t bear to be around me, knowing I’d caused his death,” Luke said.

  Jessie decided she’d already opened the door. It was time to walk through it.

  “No,” she told him softly, but adamantly. “Because I was filled with guilt over my feelings for you. From the day Erik and I moved into White Pines, I felt this connection to you. I didn’t want it. I couldn’t explain it. I certainly could never have acted on it, but it was there, just under the surface, tormenting me.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes, spilled down her cheeks. “You have no idea how guilty I felt when he died. A tiny part of me was actually glad that I would never have to make a decision to leave him. I don’t think I could have, no matter how badly I wanted to. I could never have hurt him that way. For all of his weaknesses, Erik was good to me. He deserved better than he got from me. He deserved my whole heart, instead of just a piece of it.”

  She thought back to the few moments she’d had with Erik at the hospital after Luke had come to tell her that her husband was dying. Alert for just a heartbeat, he’d turned that gentle, understanding gaze of his on her.

  “Be happy, Jessie,” he’d whispered, clutching her hand in his.

  “Not without you,” she’d insisted, as the life slowly seeped from his body with each weakening beat of his heart.

  He’d squeezed her hand fiercely. “Tell him, Jessie.” Then more emphatically, he’d said, “Tell Luke.”

  At first she hadn’t realized what he meant. “What?” she’d pleaded. “Tell Luke what?”

  He’d struggled for air, then managed to choke out two words. “Love him.”