by Alex Apostol
Earth
Angel
Alex Apostol
Text Copyright © 2012 by Alexandra Sands
Cover design Copyright © 2012 by Ian Hernandez and Alexandra Sands
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Any places or characters resembling real people or places are purely coincidence.
To my mom and dad. Thanks for always believing in me and pushing me to accomplish my dreams. I love you both.
Table of Contents
Preface
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
Preface
My life used to be normal, but now? Normal doesn’t even register with me anymore. I drove down the open road using every feeling I had in my body to guide me to where he’d been taken to. I didn’t care how long it took or how hard the hunt would be. I would find the one I love and bring him back.
1
“I could possibly be fading or have something more to gain. I could feel myself growing colder. I could feel myself under your fate.”
– Ashtar Command
The nine months after graduation had been absolute hell for me, but through that hell came my true purpose. My life used to make sense. I completed high school with honors and was accepted into one of Indiana’s best universities to study journalism. I wouldn’t have been leaving my home state, but at least I would leave my home town. Opening the door to the run down motel room, staring at the stained crème carpet, I wished I could go back to the supposed hard times I was going through when I was eighteen. I had no idea then how good I really had it. With the years that had passed since then, it all seemed so easy. There were so many things I would have done differently if I had the knowledge I had now. But one thing I’ve learned through the true hell I was going through now is that I cannot live in the past. If I did, the grief of the awful events of my life would drive me to literal insanity. But there was nothing wrong with remembering when life was simple; when I was happy. Though I could not live in the past, I also could not forget. The memories of the people whom I loved and were most important to me were the ones that kept me going, kept me on track with my mission. Remembering my hometown and the better times of my life, I smiled and set my bags down on the squeaky, hard mattress of the used twin bed.
I’d lived in the same house my whole life in a town called Valparaiso. Believe me, it wasn’t paradise as the name suggests, but it was a decent place to grow up. Even though I went to a high school with a senior class of about seven hundred, that didn’t guarantee me to have the best social skills. I mostly kept to myself besides my best friend, Cara. I never took an interest in my schoolwork either. Instead of doing my biology homework, I would shut myself in my room all night and read, and instead of taking notes during class I would write Cara notes about everything that was on my mind. The only class I ever took seriously wasn’t really even a class at all. It was the last period of the day when I got to work on the high school’s newspaper. I wasn’t on the fast track to any prestigious Ivy League schools, by far, but I had good enough grades to study down state and follow my passion for writing. A few weeks after graduation, though, I fell ill. At first I thought I had the flu, but after two weeks of feeling nauseous and spending hours in the bathroom, I knew something was wrong.
As I waited for the test to show either one line or a plus sign in the grocery store bathroom, I thought of everything I would lose if I was actually pregnant. I wanted to travel the world and experience different cultures. I wanted to write about everything I saw. Hell, I wanted to experience my first time on my own at college. If I had a baby, none of that would be possible. I would have to stay home, get a job, and try not to screw up raising another human being. Thinking about the responsibilities I could have to face made my stomach twist into a million tightly wound knots.
I stopped pacing past the bathroom stalls and sat on the edge of the sink to consider my options. This was a different time than when my parents grew up. I could still have the life I had always dreamed of. I was young and smart, so maybe getting rid of it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Why should I have to give up everything I worked so hard for because of one mistake? And what about Rob?
Rob had been my boyfriend for the past year. He was also the first boyfriend I’d ever had. We met at the beginning of Senior year in photography class. I made sure to sit at the table with the fewest kids I knew in order to ensure minimal chit chat. I didn’t want to be bothered while I read during downtime. Before the teacher gave out the first assignment she took everyone into the darkroom to demonstrate how to use the chemicals and equipment. It took several minutes for my eyes to adjust to the low lighting of the red bulbs, but once they did I noticed someone staring at me. I had never seen him before, but with a class as large as this one that wasn’t entirely uncommon. He was taller than most of the kids around and very cute. I had never been good at interacting with boys. As he looked my way from the corner of his eye and smiled, I felt my face burn with embarrassment. I lowered my head and let my long wavy brown hair hide my red cheeks.
As I worked up the courage to meet his gaze, I stared absently at his jeans, which were tighter than most, excluding the group of spiky black-haired kids who I always suspected liked to shop in the junior girl’s department for their pants. The jeans showed off his lean figure while he leaned back and rested his elbows on the high countertop. Once the demonstrations, which I hadn’t heard a word of, were over the first assignment was handed out. The bell rang and everyone rushed into the hallways.
“Hey,” I heard a deep voice greet me as I rushed to my locker upstairs. When I looked over to respond, I saw the gorgeous boy from the dark room smiling at me. “I’m Rob.”
I smiled back, dumbstruck and muttered my name as I set my books down on the floor and tried to remember my locker combination.
“So was there any particular reason you were staring at my crotch back in class or were you just enjoying the view?” he asked as he ran one of his hands through his tousled brown hair.
He shot me a wide grin as he watched my face turn from pale ivory to bright red. His teeth were perfectly straight and white as a movie star’s. And just like that, I was hooked.
*
My watch beeped, letting me know time was up. I reached for the test. I could see my hand shaking as I gripped the plastic stick. Everything I thought about before was washed away when I saw the results. I put the test down on the counter again and looked at myself in the water speckled mirror. I was going to be a mother. The first thing I decided to do was tell Rob the news.
I got into my dad’s old pickup truck and slammed the squeaky door closed. My dad had let me borrow his truck for the first time ever, which was actually a really big deal. He loved that Chevy as though it were a member of our family. For years he spent most of his spare time rebuilding it and today he trusted me enough to let me drive it. Knowing I wouldn’t be trusted like that ever again by my parents made my eyes sting, but it wasn’t time for tears just yet.
I paused before ringing the doorbell. There was no telling how Rob would react once he realized he was going to be a dad, but I had to be prepared for anything. I pushed in the lit up button, causing the whole house to fill with the melody of antique chimes.
“Hey, babe. Come on in,” Rob answered.
He took no note of the grief in my voice as I responded back. I decided it was
best not to prolong the conversation and just dive right in. As soon as I stopped talking Rob’s face fell and he was quiet. He stared at me, running his hands through his hair repeatedly causing it to fall back into his dark brown eyes as he paced the entryway.
“Okay…either you can keep me and give up the baby, or you can keep the baby and give up me,” he said with panic overtaking his usually calm and cool demeanor.
The decision was easy. Rob was my first boyfriend and he meant the world to me. I kissed him on his soft lips. As he held me against his warm body I looked up into his beautiful, dark eyes. He really was too handsome for this small town. I knew he was going to do great things some day and everyone would know his name.
“Goodbye, Rob.”
I turned for the door and didn’t look back. I was going to miss him. We had shared so much together over the past year. On the drive home I rehearsed how I would tell my parents their only daughter wasn’t going to be the first in the family to graduate from college. Nothing I said to them was going to make it any easier to hear. I turned the truck engine off and sat for a minute in the driveway while I collected my thoughts. The best thing to do was to be direct about what I wanted. After all, I was an adult now and the decision was mine to make. I heaved a sigh as I got out of the truck and made my way to the front door.
When I walked in, I noticed how quiet it was. Every night after dinner, my mom liked to sit in her pajamas on the bed and read through the stacks of magazines she subscribed to. I stood in the entryway, picturing her brushing her beautiful shoulder length blonde hair, wishing she had the smooth vibrant skin of Charlize Theron. My dad was most likely in his study reading on our old brown leather couch. When I was younger I used to read next to him every night in the book-filled room. Whenever he wasn’t paying attention I would look up at him and try to count the speckles of gray hidden within his curly, dark hair.
“Mom, Dad, can I talk to you in the living room?” I echoed through the house.
Slowly but surely, both my parents made their way to me with confused looks. I had never called a family meeting before, and I hoped I would never have to again. When the word pregnant escaped my lips, everything else I said was irrelevant. My parents just stared ahead into space as we sat across from each other. Once the information was processed, tears streamed down my mother’s face. My dad took off his glasses and rubbed in between his eyes with his thumb and index finger. I told them my plan to have the baby and raise it on my own. Without saying anything, they both sighed and looked at each other with disappointment in their eyes.
Weeks went by and my parents didn’t talk to me or look at me. As I sat at the kitchen table across from my mom, I ate her homemade chicken soup and tried to build the courage to break the silence. Something had to be said. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“If you don’t want me to live with you and dad anymore, I would understand,” I said, continuing to stare into my bowl. “I know you both must hate me for what I’ve done.”
My mom looked up at me with her soft blue eyes and smiled. She rested her hand on top of mine.
“Honey, no matter what you do we will always love you. Your father and I will help you through this. Don’t worry.”
I smiled back at her as she kissed me on the forehead. I guess they just needed some time to take in the life altering news of becoming grandparents at the age of forty. From that day on, my parents fussed over me night and day. They never left me alone, which for most eighteen year olds would be a nightmare, but I knew it was how they showed their love and approval for me and the baby. My mom drove me to every doctor’s appointment, and my dad was willing to run to the store at all hours for any cravings I had. As my belly expanded, they became more and more excited to meet their grandbaby.
During my seventh month, my parents finally showed their trust in me again. They went out on a movie date together for the first time since I told them I was pregnant, promising to bring me back some leftovers from the snack bar. I loved when my parents kissed and held hands before their dates. They had been married for twenty years and I still saw the love they had for each other. I hoped one day I could have that as well. As they were walking out the door, my mother turned to me.
“Are you sure you don’t need us to stay?” she asked with a concerned look on her face.
After I reassured her several times that there was no need to stay, they were out the door. I sat on the couch alone that night, eating popcorn out of a bowl that rested on my enormous stomach. As I watched old reruns of ‘Gilmore Girls’ and snacked, I thought about what kind of mother I was going to be. Everyone says they won’t be the kind of parents their parents were, but I had always gotten along with mine. I really appreciated everything they had done for me. Turning out like them wouldn’t be so bad. I sat engrossed in thought of my life in the very near future for over an hour when the doorbell rang. I struggled to get off the couch and waddled over to the door where two policemen stood with grim faces.
“Are you Kamlyn Page?” the taller officer asked.
He was exactly what I pictured when I thought of the word ‘cop’. He had short, dark hair hidden under the black uniform hat and a matching dark mustache. His hands were placed on his belt as if at any moment he might decide to hike up his pants and question my attitude.
“Am I in some sort of trouble?” I asked as I furrowed my eyebrows from confusion.
I hadn’t done anything to get myself into trouble with the law my entire life. Well, Rob and I had gone skinny dipping in Lake Michigan once not too far from home, but that was ages ago. How would they even know about that?
“I’m sorry, Miss. Your parents were in an accident tonight.” My eyes grew wider in fear as he continued to speak. “They were hit by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel.”
He waited for my reaction, but when it became obvious I didn’t fully understand what had happened, the second officer, who was a shorter man with red hair and a sympathetic face, put his hand on my shoulder.
“They didn’t make it, Miss. I’m so sorry.”
The next few minutes were a blur of hysteria. My lips quivered and tears streamed down my cheeks. I thought my knees were going to give out, and they probably would have if the red-headed officer hadn’t taken hold of me. He hugged me and rubbed my back, trying his best to consol me away from having a panic attack. Once I calmed down enough to breathe normally, they sat down on the couch with me and proceeded with the details. I didn’t say a word. I just stared absently as they explained everything again.
After they were done and I appeared to be calm, I assured them I would be okay as I walked them to the door. Before I had the time to work myself up into more tears after they left, the doorbell rang again. Cara stood on the doorstep. She wore pink pajamas with pictures of sweet treats all over them and her golden blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.
“I waited till the cops left to come over. Is everything okay?”
A tear slid down my cheek as I explained what had happened to my parents. Cara’s soft, brown eyes began to cloud as well. She pulled me in for one of her patented ‘Everything will be alright, just let Cara fix it’ hugs as I wept. We had been friends since the first grade and she knew my parents as well as her own thanks to over a decade of sleepovers. I knew hearing the news wasn’t easy for her either, but she put on a brave face for me.
“Kamlyn, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
She led me to the couch and sat close to me. We stared in silence for what seemed like forever. I knew she was wondering how I could be so calm. Inside I felt like my heart was breaking. The numbness of being in shock was the only thing keeping me together. Images began to crowd my head, the next one more horrible than the last. I wondered if my parents saw the crash coming, if they suffered, if they felt horrible pain before they died. I wondered if they had thought about me and the baby before they were taken.
“Well, I guess the only thing to do now is to have me move in,” Cara said,
shattering the silence.
I was grateful to have such a caring friend. Her parents had raised her with the heavy hand of the bible and even though I wasn’t anything close to being a religious person, I could always appreciate her desire to help others. I told her I would love to have her move in as soon as she could. I knew the minute I was alone, I would break down again. I would cry till it felt like my eyes were going to float away in a river of tears, scream till my throat was hoarse, and throw things to release my pent up rage at the cruel hand I was dealt. But I had to be strong, though, if not for me then for my baby. Over the next week we moved all of Cara’s belongings into my old room and I moved into my parent’s room. It still felt wrong to be in there without their permission, as every child feels when entering their parents’ personal space.
Everything was left exactly as it had been when my mother and father was there; a pile of star-studded magazines sat on one night stand while a pair of glasses and book sat on the other. I stared at their belongings for a half hour, unsure of how I was supposed to pack away their life and replace it with my own. I sat on the edge of their bed and let the tears flow down my cheeks as I put the boxes together. I knew my parents would want me to continue to live my life to the fullest and not let their passing break me down. Knowing this didn’t make what I had to do any easier, though. Just when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, I wouldn’t be able to pack their things away for storage, Cara came into the room. She rested her hand on my shoulder, letting me cry as long as I wanted.
If it wasn’t for Cara, I never would have been able to get the ball rolling on turning their room into my own. I probably would have crawled under the sheets in their bed, pretending they would be home soon. I would have stayed there for days, forgetting my responsibilities to my baby and Cara and the house, sinking deeper into my sorrowful depression. But Cara picked up the boxes I had put together and headed over to the dresser underneath the window, opening the drawer and looking back at me for reassurance she wasn’t overstepping any boundaries by touching my parents’ things. I nodded through my tears and the reality of packing away the life I used to know and love began.