by Alex Apostol
For the last two months of my pregnancy, Cara and I started new. With the baby coming soon, I focused on getting the nursery ready and getting myself ready as well. It was very possible that I had read every parenting book ever written. Cara had even read a few of them to prepare herself as well. She was a very simple person when it came to what she wanted in life. She never had any plans to go to college. She was content working at the fifties diner in town and being there for me and the baby. It wasn’t that she didn’t have any talents or ambitions; just that she was content being a simple person, with a simple life.
The only silver lining to the tragedy of the last few months was that my parents had made some wise investments in my schooling, even grad school if I had wanted to go. Even the house was completely paid off and left to me so we were guaranteed a place to live. They had taken my baby’s needs into consideration and set up funds for schooling, any money necessary for him to pursue any education he could dream of; private pre-school, private school, prep-school, college (Ivy league or not), grad school, anything he could fathom. That combined with both of their substantial life insurance policies had set me up with a nice financial nest. In fact, it was more than a nest. If I lived simply in the way I always had, I would never need to work again, or at least until I was middle-aged. Of course, I would want to dedicate my life to something worthwhile and make a career out of it, but it was nice to know I could afford to be a stay at home mom for my baby for a few years without having to worry about how to support my little family. I read that the bonding experience of the first few years of the new baby’s life is something that can never be replaced or recreated down the road. I wanted to be the best mom I could be.
Cara was there for me while the lawyers discussed my inheritance from my parents and asked many questions. I had thought of most of the questions beforehand and was sure of myself to keep composure, not realizing that during the process my mind would be drawing a blank. I should have wrote everything down, but since I had been able to keep steady in public the past week or so, I thought I would be able to with the lawyers as well. But from the moment I shook the woman’s hand, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over the brim. My throat closed up as I choked down my overwhelming sadness. I don’t know how I would have gotten through any of it if it wasn’t for Cara and her positive attitude. Afterwards, during our daily breakfast, she sat at the kitchen table twirling her honey golden hair in between sips of coffee. This routine continued every morning. She would assure me that things would get better and she was right. As I lay in the hospital bed with my new baby boy in my arms, I knew everything was going to be different. I brushed my cheek against Danny’s and breathed in his wonderful powdered smell. I stared into his rosy face and knew it was the first time I had ever felt true love.
*
Time flew by so fast once Danny came into my life. The first year of motherhood was tiresome and trying, but it had its unforgettable moments. As Danny and I practiced standing up on the floor of his sunny yellow nursery, he smiled up at me and giggled. I knew he was excited to try new things and explore new places, just like his mommy had been.
I scooted away slowly and let go of Danny’s tiny hands. He looked down with his brilliant blue eyes and then back into mine with a surprised, elated smile. He had never stood that long all on his own and he knew that was something to be proud of. He picked one foot up and stomped it down in front of the other. As he rejoiced in giggles at his accomplishment, his curly blonde hair bounced all around. I danced around, clapping over my son’s success, when Danny’s face turned to surprise. He waved his arms around to catch his balance. Just when he thought he had steadied himself, he fell backwards. His butt plopped onto the crème colored carpet with a soft thud.
“Don’t worry, little one. It still counts,” I said with an overly exaggerated grin on my face.
Danny responded with a toothy smile and a silly giggle before he pushed himself off the floor to try again. That kid had determination.
*
Year five proved to be the hardest year for me, though. They always say it is the terrible twos parents should fear the most, but Danny had always been a mother’s dream; quiet, respectful, curious. I spent five years doting on him and caring for my handsome little man. I spent every minute making sure he was safe and happy, but those days were behind us.
It was Danny’s first day of kindergarten. This was the first time my baby boy had ever been away from me. I knew there were supposed to be some tears on the first day of school, but I was blubbering. I hugged Danny tight, silently letting the tears roll down my face as he fit his tiny arms around my neck. He looked all grown up in his button down blue plaid shirt and little brown corduroys, but to me it still felt like I had just brought him home from the hospital. How was I supposed to send my baby away to spend the whole day being watched by strangers? My brave boy backed away from me, wiped the tears from my face with his soft, little hands, and spoke softly to me.
“It’s okay, Mommy. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Without control, a grin pulled at the corners of my mouth. I’d never expected to raise such a wonderful son, but there he was. He was so full of confidence and love, something I had appreciated in his father when we were together. I usually only saw what I gave my son through parenting and dedication, but he still had bits of Rob in him, making me cherish him all the more.
I stood up, pulling my hair into a ponytail. Danny waved goodbye enthusiastically as he walked into the chaotic classroom of screaming children. One last tear rolled down my cheek as I watched the doors close behind him. The hardest part was over. I wiped my face and took a deep breath before heading back to my old pickup truck, knowing my little man would be okay without me.
2
“Sometimes I wish I lived in an Airstream, homemade curtains, live just like a gypsy.”
– Miranda Lambert
It was just another typical day in Northwest Indiana as far as I was concerned. The sun shone brightly and the air was crisp with the smell of fall. My son and I were at the park down the street from our home, playing on the swing set.
“Higher, Mom, higher!” Danny shouted in between giggles.
His curly blonde hair flowed back and forth with each push and his cheeks turned rosy red from the cool breeze. Without warning, Danny planted his feel firmly down, dragging his new shoes through the dirt covering the ground beneath the swings. It’s too hard to try to get kids to keep their shoes clean so I don’t even bother. I’d just have to buy new ones when he grew out of these next month anyway, I thought. I stopped and turned, listening to the sound of the dry leaves crunching beneath my feet as I waited to see what Danny would play on next. Instead of running over to the slide like any other kid would have done, he ran straight over to me and hugged me tightly around the waist.
“I love you, Mommy,” Danny said in his sweet, angelic voice.
I smiled down at him as happiness and content spread through me.
“I love you too, sweetie.”
*
My cell phone blasted out the latest Carrie Underwood song and I reluctantly opened my eyes. The cracked brown ceiling of the motel brought me back to reality and I picked up my phone from the bedside table. I stared at the bright screen through squinted eyes and saw the familiar picture of my best friend glaring back at me.
“Hi, Kamlyn,” Cara said in a voice too cheerful for how early it was. “Your lead is over on the old Kettle Road. When you go around the big bend heading toward Roosevelt Lake there should be a two story house with a wraparound porch.”
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to wake myself up enough to remember everything she was telling me. The window next to the bed had the blinds open and I saw that the sun was hiding behind a blanket of gray clouds again. It was just another day in the state of Washington. I yawned quietly while she continued to throw information at me at top speed.
“Mrs. Baker lives there a
nd her husband died yesterday. The police say he drowned but he was in the living room when it happened…no water in sight.”
I thanked Cara for her help and got ready to hang up when I heard her soft voice break the silence again.
“Hey, are you okay? You sound…” Her voice trailed off.
She didn’t have to finish her sentence. I knew exactly what she meant.
“I’m okay, really,” I assured her, trying to muster up some joy in my exhausted voice. “I just had a dream is all.”
I knew Cara well enough to know she was thinking carefully before she spoke again. I could picture her twirling her hair around her finger in between sips of coffee at the old wooden table in our kitchen, as she so often did. She never really knew what to say when the subject of Danny came up, which was perfect for me because I never really wanted to talk about what had happened. Cara had been my best friend since the first grade. She was always there for me when I needed her. When I found out I was pregnant after graduation, she helped me make the difficult, wonderful decision to be a mom. And when Rob made me choose between him and my baby, she was there with a tub of chocolate ice cream and a good cry. She was with me every step of the way after my parents died. I don’t know how I would have gotten through any of that if it weren’t for her and her unfailingly positive attitude.
“I think you’d be more upset if you didn’t get to spend time with him in your dreams,” she said after a while in her most comforting voice.
Even though it pained me, the more I thought about it the more I knew she was right. Sometimes all I wanted to do was stay in bed the entire day just to spend more time with him. I thanked Cara once more for her help and said I would call her when I got back from Mrs. Baker’s house, but instead of starting my day I stayed in bed and closed my eyes again. I wasn‘t planning on falling asleep, just to clear my head, but my exhausted body had other plans. Before I knew what happened I drifted into a deep sleep and was back in Indiana, one year ago.
*
Trying to fall asleep, I counted in my head. Cara had left for the night to stay at her boyfriend’s house. She’d met Tom at the diner she worked at and they were inseparable ever since. I was glad Cara had found someone who treated her right. She deserved nothing less. He was quite a bit older than her, but he had his head on straight. I knew if they worked out in the end, he would be able to take care of her.
Even though she loved spending every extra minute with Tom, whether she was at his house or he was over at ours, she never felt comfortable spending the night away from me and Danny. Ever since my parents died she’d been with me every night, but I finally convinced her we would be fine. Alone in my dark room, I began to think otherwise. When I was little my parents allowed me to watch all the horror movies I wanted thinking it would help me learn to process fear. At the time I wasn’t scared of anything, but years later I began to feel anxious as I tried to fall asleep. I pictured frightening things moving around in the dark…watching me.
I counted to a hundred five times before I heard someone coming up the stairs. The house was fairly old and whenever someone took a step some floorboard somewhere gave a loud creak. It was an effective alarm system for me since the tiniest noise woke me up from a dead sleep. Cara must have changed her mind about staying over at Tom’s house, I thought as I turned to look at my bedroom door. I hoped they hadn’t had a fight, but I knew if they had she would want to talk about it with me.
I resumed counting, waiting for the moment Cara would knock on my door, but I didn’t reach ten before I heard Danny’s piercing scream. I jumped out of bed and ran as fast as I could into his room. I threw the door wide open, but was stopped in my tracks. Cowering over my son’s bed was a dark figure in a long black robe. Its face covered Danny’s while it emitted a low rattling growl from deep within its throat. Even from the doorway I could smell its putrid scent of decaying, rotting flesh. The figure raised its head slowly and stared, freezing me where I stood. Its gray, leathery skin seemed to glow slightly in the darkness. Black, empty eyes bore straight through me. Where its pupils should have been, there were tiny yellow snake-like slits, never moving…continually glaring. Fear spread through every bone in my body, but everyone knows there is nothing fiercer than a mother protecting her child.
Without considering the consequences, I picked up a heavy snow globe on the dresser by the door and ran at the cloaked, haggard figure screaming as loud as I could. I had never fought someone before, but I was prepared to do anything for the safety of my son. Before I reached the bed, it opened its mouth to let out a shrill shriek. An enormous gust of wind circulated around the room as it screamed louder. I fell to my knees and covered my ears, trying to block out the horrible, ear splitting sound. The snow globe lay next to me in pieces on the floor, the glittery water from inside dripping out onto the carpet. I felt a warm liquid trickle from my ear and run down the side of my neck as I continued to jam my fingers deep inside them.
As the wind rushed around the room, the figure’s hood blew off its head. Long, matted black hair flew around in every direction as it pierced my eardrums. Its teeth were brown and rotting out of its head, jagged enough to tear through human flesh. It never took its dark, hollow eyes off of me, until it spun around and jumped through the window next to Danny’s bed.
I rushed over, but there was nothing except darkness outside. A sharp pinch on the bottom of my big toe grabbed my attention from scanning the outdoors below. I lifted my leg up and saw a small piece of broken glass had sliced through my skin. Pulling the shard out slowly, I looked over at Danny and saw the covers tangled around his motionless body.
“Danny? Danny, can you hear me?”
Tears filled my eyes as I knelt beside his bed. He didn’t move or speak. I put my hands on his shoulders to shake him, thinking he may be in shock, but as I grabbed him I felt a thick warmness cover my fingers. I hesitated before pulling my hand out from underneath his fragile body, not wanting to see what covered it. When all I saw was red, a heavy weight set in on my chest.
*
I sat up quickly, trying to catch my breath. I looked around the small motel room and decided it was time to get out of bed. I’d had that dream frequently and I’ve learned that the best way to get past the feelings it brought up was to start my day. It was almost lunch time and with my head still spinning with sleepiness, I trudged my way to the bathroom.
Routinely, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and stared at myself for a moment in the mirror. I took a deep breath as I forced myself to focus on my reflection instead of letting my mind run wild with the images that played in my head. My once bright blue eyes were now dull and gray. My skin no longer had a warm glow to it. I put great precision into lining my eyes as I pushed all other thoughts from my head. As hard as this particular day already was, I knew I had a job to do. I turned away from the mirror and headed outside. I had a limited amount of time left since I had slept in, so I picked up a pre-assembled burger from the gas station and headed for Mrs. Baker’s house.
My old pickup truck roared loudly down the windy Kettle Road. As I shifted the stubborn gears, I went over in my head everything I needed for the job and assured myself it was all with me. I took a bite of my burger and looked out the window. I was in awe with my surroundings. Washington was a beautiful state with its picturesque mountains and enormous pine trees. The weather was dismal, giving the overly green wooded area passing by me an eerie storybook quality. I’d never been somewhere where the sun barely shone, and yet it was so vibrant in color. The brightly colored moss covered trees seemed hauntingly unreal. This place might have actually been peaceful for me if I wasn’t on a hunt.
Turning around the bend in the road, I spotted the large white house Cara had described earlier. Even though it was clearly very old and past its prime, it was perfect to me. It exactly the kind of home I had always pictured myself living in someday. There was something appealing about living in a house with history. I used to dream of being in the country, i
solated and alone. Not after the things I’ve encountered, though.
I rang the doorbell and after a few moments an older woman answered. Her eyes were red and puffy, from crying over her husband’s recent death I assumed.
“Hi, Mrs. Baker. I’m Kamlyn Page. I just moved in down the road,” I lied with ease. “I wanted to come by and introduce myself and also express my condolences,” I added as I held out an apple pie I had picked up from the gas station as well.
“Nice to meet you, dear, and thank you,” she said as she stepped aside and held her hand out to welcome me in.
As we made our way to the kitchen I stopped to admire the old photographs that hung on the wall in the hallway. Family history had become a fascination of mine since my parents passed. I spent many sleepless nights looking through old photo albums of when my mom and dad were younger. Mrs. Baker took note of my interest and began to narrate a few of them to me. One was a faded black and white photo of a man standing by a flowing river with a giant grin on his face. He was holding a large fish upside down while tucking the thumb of his other hand underneath his suspenders.
“That was Michael’s father. He helped build the Grand Coulee Dam in the 1940’s,” she said with pride, clearly enjoying the chance to show off her knowledge of her and her husband’s genealogy.
“That’s very fascinating,” I said as I followed her into the kitchen.