Henrietta's Heart

by Pat Dale

  “Well, I wonder why that would be. I always thought you were a bright boy. Now, I’m not so sure.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “That’s obvious. It looks to me like you might need your meddling mother’s help after all. So you love Hattie, right?”

  “More than I ever thought possible.”

  “Well then, all we have to do is to make sure she knows that.”

  “How do I tell her?”

  “Tell her, dear. Just tell her...” She hesitated. “No. That’s not going to work. Don’t just tell her. You’ve got to show her.”

  “I have told her and I thought I was showing her.”

  “Well, it’s clear your work isn’t done yet, young man. In the meantime, I may be able to help. Hattie might be made at you, but she’s still speaking to me. Let me talk to her.”

  “Maybe she doesn’t love me after all and doesn’t want to tell me.”

  “I don’t think so. Not from what she’s said. No, I think she loves you as much as you love her. The problem is that the both of you have too much pride.”

  “Pride? I don’t give a hang for pride.”

  “You may not think so, but your actions say otherwise.”

  He held his head in his hands and stared at the pattern on the lace tablecloth. Its intricate design blurred as he wondered if she could be right. He got to his feet and thanked her, then went to his room and flopped into the easy chair next to the window.

  For long minutes her words passed through him, his mind a blur. Try as he might, knowing Hattie was involved with the blonde man in some way was too much to handle. She kissed him in front of the whole store! He brooded long into the night.

  * * *

  Brad roused from the half-sleep locking him in an endless nightmare and looked out the window. Snow had fallen again, blanketing everything. Despite his gloomy mood, the clean white scene lifted his spirits.

  Okay, Trimble, time for a decision. What are you going to do the rest of your life?

  Pulling on his clothes, he replayed the sight of Hattie kissing the blonde creep. It was obvious any hope of having her in his life was over. It was time to move on.

  He did his best to eat the breakfast his mother prepared, though his heart wasn’t in it. Finally, he pushed the half-empty plate away and got to his feet. After saying goodbye, he went directly to the paper office where Sheila waited with a certified check.

  “Thanks Sheila, and good luck. I know you’ll do a good job.”

  “And thank you, Brad. I’ll do my best. You’ve been a good boss. What happens to you now?”

  “I’m moving on, like I told you. He strode across the room and shook hands with Joel. “You guys keep things going. See you.”

  He headed for the bank to deposit the check and then moved out to the highway. “Well goodbye, Leadburg. Farmville, here I come.” Once he found a place to live, he’s come back and pack up his stuff. For now it was safe at home with his mother.

  * * *

  Hattie struggled through Wednesday morning, but it was a half- hearted effort. She’d blown any chance to bridge the gulf separating her and Brad. She had no energy for fixing store deficiencies. Much less, planning store refurbishment or relocation.

  Hours passed while she signed the paperwork Shirley left on her desk earlier and daydreamed the morning away. Dreams were all she had left.

  The phone rang just as the clock bonged twelve times. “Leadburg Mercantile. How can I help you?” she said in a monotone.

  “Hattie? It’s Beth. Are you coming?”

  Coming? Beth? Oh, no! It was Wednesday noon and she had a lunch date with her old friends. How could she tell them she wasn’t interested?

  “Hi, Beth. Sorry. I had a bunch of paperwork to get out. Are you guys at Neil’s?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there in five minutes. Sorry, I’m late.”

  “No problem. We know how tough it must be to run that place. See you soon.”

  She put the phone down and headed for Neil’s. Maybe the chili would warm her up. Maybe the girls wouldn’t ask too many embarrassing questions.

  Maybe the moon was made of green cheese...

  They all looked pretty much the same as a decade earlier, except more mature. Teresa seemed a bit pudgy, but she was pregnant. Susan’s blonde hair had grown a shade or two darker, and longer. She’d always worn it in a bob, now her hair touched her shoulders when she turned and waved at Hattie.

  And she was thin. So, Hattie wasn’t the only one who’d been able to keep her weight down. Not that she was really trying. Beth, with her same old chestnut pageboy, slid over to make room.

  “Hi! So, how’s our favorite local tycoon coming along?”

  Hattie grimaced. “Forget that title. I’m lucky just to be a store owner. But things are okay, I guess.”

  Susan frowned. “Doesn’t sound very optimistic. Have sales been bad, Hattie?”

  “No. Actually, sales are better than they’ve been for several months. I’ve just got some stuff on my mind.”

  “I hope it’s not getting you down,” Teresa said. “We’re counting on that good old ‘dynamite in miniature’ Hattie to energize us, kid. What did Brad call it? Hattitude?”

  She grimaced, hoping her friends had forgotten about that. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had that kind of energy, Teresa.”

  “Well, you’re looking good, at least. Something must be agreeing with you.”

  “Yeah,” she replied. “All in all, I can’t complain.” Oh yes I can. But I’m not going to ruin the day.

  Beth chimed in, “Well, we’re back together again, and that’s something to celebrate. Let’s eat.” They all chuckled as Beth motioned for the waitress.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After the table was cleared of all but coffee, the moms each pulled out photos of their kids. As they proudly put their offspring on exhibit, Hattie shrank into herself. She’d not even thought about having kids, and now the others had crossed that line. Even Teresa would soon be on the other side of the gulf that separated her from them.

  Another gulf. The things they used to share were no longer important to her friends. They have family now.

  “So, Hattie,” Susan asked, “when are you going to thrill us by announcing you and Brad are getting married?”

  “Say what?” She stared, unbelieving. “What makes you think I’d marry him?”

  “Well, I remember how you always felt about him.” Susan raised an eyebrow. “And as far as I know, he’s still single.”

  “Yeah. He’s single, all right. And likely to stay that way as far as I’m concerned.”

  Beth said, “You’re not still crazy about him?”

  “Crazy about him? In your dreams, Beth.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I mean, we all figured you two would get whatever problem you had worked out someday. Neither of you ever seemed right for anyone else.”

  “Tell that to Mr. Big Shot Editor. He’s got all the women he can handle.”

  Susan let out a shriek. “You don’t mean Sheila, do you? Are they an item now?”

  Hattie realized she’d said too much. “Not really. I just meant he has other women he can rely on for what he needs.”

  The look on their collective faces said they weren’t buying that little lie, but there was no way she could elaborate on it. She’d gone too far already.

  Conversation reverted to the ‘good old days’ and how Hattie had once been their sparkplug. When one of them asked if she still had the cute mascot costume, she admitted she did. But when they began calling her Tigger, she knew it was time to get out of there.

  “Hey, guys, it’s been great but I have to get back to the store. Lots to do. Maybe we can do this again.”

  “Yeah,” Beth said. “Soon. How about once a month? That work for everyone?”

  They agreed it would, so Beth volunteered to set a date and get back to them. Hattie left the group with hugs and kisses all around, and a wounded
heart. Damn you, Brad.

  * * *

  Before the day was out, Brad had made arrangements to buy the Gazette and found a nice little apartment just a block from his new office. After stowing the few items he’d brought, he headed back to Leadburg to pack the rest of his belongings.

  Amelia met him at the door. “Hi, dear. Ready for supper?”

  “Yep. But I have to hurry. I’m moving my stuff to the new apartment tonight.”

  “You have an apartment already?”

  “Yes. I finalized the purchase of the Gazette today and managed to find an apartment nearby.”

  “So you’re really going to live alone down there?”

  “Actually there’ll be three of us. Me, myself, and I.”

  “Cute, son. Real cute. What about Hattie?”

  “What about her?”

  “I thought you were going to fight for her.”

  “It’s too late for that. She’s already found someone.”

  “I don’t think so. You’re making a big mistake.”

  “Maybe, but nothing like the mistake I made waiting all these years for her. I’m getting on with my life.”

  He nibbled at the supper with the same lack of enthusiasm he’d displayed at breakfast. After a dozen bites, he jumped to his feet and hurried to his room. Within a half-hour he’d packed most of his things into the Jeep and was on his way back to Farmville.

  Amelia cleared away the dishes and put her kitchen in order. Just as she was going upstairs, the phone rang. “Amelia, hi. Is Brad there?”

  “No, Hattie. He’s gone.”

  “Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

  “For good, I think. He’s moved down to Farmville.”

  “He moved away? Just like that?”

  “Well, you know he sold the Express and bought the Gazette down there. Then he came home just long enough to pack his things. Said he had an apartment close to his new office.”

  “I see. Well, I guess I won’t be able to talk to him.”

  “I’m sorry, Hattie. I’d hoped...”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  Hattie hung up and stared out the store’s front window at the winter wonderland, wondering whether she’d ever have a chance to tell Brad what she’d been thinking. Just then, she glanced up into the old roll top desk that had been her dad’s. His Bible lay on an inner shelf, open and gathering dust. She’d never noticed it before.

  She pulled it from its perch and dusted it off. There was a passage from Proverbs on the page highlighted. Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Pride? Wasn’t that what Amelia accused her of?

  Her eyes focused on the book again. There was a marker between the pages. On it, Harry had written — He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife.

  More confirmation. Oh, no. Maybe she was guilty of pride and haughtiness. But what about Brad? She was about to head for home when the phone rang. She’d already started out the door but turned back and answered when it continued ringing.

  “Hattie, Barry Goodnow here. Glad I caught you. Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Sure. I suppose. Why not?”

  “Fine. We’ve discussed your latest counter offer and, despite some resistance from the home office, I’ve convinced them you’re serious. We can offer you the five-hundred-thousand.”

  She was in no mood to dicker and groaned audibly. “I’m not interested in that figure, or any figure tonight. I may call you tomorrow.”

  “Hattie? I thought you would be pleased.”

  “Pleased? Me? You must be mistaking me for someone who really cares one way or the other, Mr. Goodnow. Now, if you have nothing more to say I’m going to hang up.”

  “I wouldn’t do that, Miss McCall. You may think you have us over a barrel, but I can assure you that isn’t the case. I just gave you our final offer. We would like to build here in Leadburg, but it would be very easy for us to withdraw from your little town and build nearby, say in Farmville.

  “If we did that, I can promise you we will put your—what did you call that dump? Podunk, right? We’ll put your little podunk store out of business.”

  Taken aback, she froze. Was he serious? Was it the end of the line?

  “Well, Miss McCall, what is it going to be?”

  “I’ll have to think about it, Mr. Goodnow. I’ll call you back tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow at the latest, Hattie. I like you. I really do, but I have my limits, as I’m sure you can understand.”

  “Tomorrow. I promise.” She hung up and headed outside.

  Halfway to her car, the number registered. He’d met her original demand. She must have been out of her mind. I should just call him back and accept.

  But she had to think this through.

  * * *

  Two hours later, Hattie was sitting at her kitchen table trying to get down a bowl of canned stew She’d hardly eaten anything for two days other than the luncheon at Neil’s with the girls. It was almost like chewing dirt as she swallowed another bite of the stew.

  The image that played in her memory over and over was Brad walking away from her in the school corridor after she’d refused to go to the prom with him. Now she had a fresh image to go with the old one, this time, of him dashing down the stairs and out the door.

  She couldn’t blame him for being angry. It was her fault. All her own darn fault. She’d been too proud to listen to him. Dried eyes that rained tears when she first arrived home suddenly spilled over with a fresh supply. Her heart seemed ready to burst from the longing inside. “Oh Brad, if only I’d known...”

  Her body ached for the feel of his long arms around her, holding her close, his lips on hers—his voice saying softly that he loved her.

  A touch of guilt stirred as she recalled Sheila in the back of that car. What made it more painful was that it had paralleled one of her fantasies with Brad. When she’d thought it was him with that blonde, it had been a stab to her heart. Even though it was kind of fast, she’d been jealous it wasn’t her in the car with him.

  Hattie remembered the night she could have gone all the way with Tom. There had been times she’d thought she made a mistake by not going ahead and pleasing him. But, after today, she knew there was nobody in the world for her but Brad. And now she’d torpedoed that, big time.

  Try as she might, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. Tiring of attempting to avoid it, she finally gave in. The image of him beating a rapid retreat slowly faded into an earlier one from their school days. Then, remarkably, her mind began to fill in details from even before that.

  She remembered her first days in high school when everything about life had been so exciting. She could still recall the exhilaration of the moments when she first became aware of being more than a child. Of course, she’d had a much easier time of it than some of her classmates because of her diminutive size. Everyone acted like she was still a little kid; well, almost everyone. But not Brad.

  From her first recollection of him, he’d treated her with respect. She still remembered those days in the high school band when they’d glance at each other from time to time. It was then that she’d been struck by his hazel eyes that seemed to smile even when his face was serious.

  Her mind shuffled from memory to memory as the minutes ticked by. She sat with her eyes closed, almost afraid to breathe. A fleeting glimpse of her mother and father in church together teased her. Slowly, gradually, the image held and cleared until she could make out the details of Harry’s youthful face. He’d been so handsome with his dark wavy hair and bright blue eyes.

  Before she could recall more details, the image faded. Hattie opened her eyes and stared around the office. Alone.

  She was totally alone. But, for that one glorious moment, she’d not felt alone. Now, it was as though the room closed in around her.

  The feeling of being totally isolated from the world was something she’d never had before and she didn’t like it one bit. A brief but chilling flash of imagination had her on h
er feet and headed for the door. For that instant, she’d seen herself as an old woman, shriveled and bent, living by herself; a kind of female, mid-American Scrooge. Hair stood out on her arms as she slipped into her jacket.

  Without knowing where she was going, she started the car and put it in gear. As she moved slowly down the narrow street toward the business district, she passed the church. At this time of night it would be quiet in there. Probably locked tight.

  She pulled to the curb and shut the engine off. After sitting there, looking at the dimly lit stained glass image of Christ for several minutes, she got out and went up to the door.

  It was unlocked. She pushed it open and stepped inside. Feeling like an intruder, Hattie hesitated before going further. But something compelled her to move forward in spite of her reticence. A warm glow settled over her as she tiptoed across the foyer and into the sanctuary. She was alone in the church and yet...

  She didn’t feel alone.

  After staring at the window for several minutes, she moved to front and knelt at the altar rail. Dropping her head onto her arms, she rested. Those memories that were so fleeting earlier returned in full color. She could see her dad and mom clearly. Allene, with her lovely long strawberry blonde hair and such soft eyes, seemed to beckon to her.

  “Oh, Mom, I miss you so much. Are you and Dad okay?”

  Her voice echoed through the empty sanctuary. There was no answer, at least not an audible one. But in her heart, she was suddenly filled with a feeling of peace. Her question was answered. Without willing it, she began to pray.

  Prayer had always been a daily routine in the McCall household. Even so, she hadn’t said a prayer in ten years. Not even on the day of Harry’s funeral did pray to the God she felt betrayed her. Now, her heart led the way. So full and yet so hurting, it could wait no longer to spill out what overwhelmed her.

  “Oh, God, please hear my prayer. I haven’t been very faithful for all these years. Please forgive me. I’ve not given up on you or ceased believing in you. I guess I let my ego get in the way of my heart. And my pride, my dumb pride.