“You married me to save your reputation?” He tried and failed to keep his voice level.
“You needn’t sound so shocked. Women marry to save their reputations and avoid scandal all the time. And it’s not as if I didn’t like you. I did, you know.”
“You liked me.” He could scarcely choke out the words.
“Of course, a great deal. I certainly could have chosen anyone else to, well…”
“Deceive? Betray? Mislead?”
“Assist me in my plans,” she said in an almost prim manner. “However, from the beginning I did realize if something went awry—”
“If?” he sputtered. “If?”
“Yes, if. I certainly did not expect problems, however if they occurred, I could well end up married to the wrong man for the rest of my days. And I would not have minded being married to you at all. You were”—she smiled pleasantly—“my second choice. I daresay I could have been quite happy spending the rest of my days with you.”
“Well, that makes all the difference then, doesn’t it?”
“No, it doesn’t. I realize now that I hurt you terribly. I heard you even became quite disreputable for a time.” Her gaze slipped over him in an assessing manner. “I would have liked to have seen that.”
He ignored the comment and the implication it carried. “Is this the apology then?”
“Yes, I think so.” She thought for a moment, then nodded. “That’s all I wish to say on that matter.” She drew her brows together. “Is that good enough?”
“Hardly.”
“Well, it sounded much better in the carriage on the way here,” she murmured.
What did he expect? Violet was Violet after all, and Violet had always done what was best for Violet. At least that had been his experience. It struck him for the first time how little he really knew of her. Looking back on it, their romance—for lack of a better word—had been swift and had consumed him. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so smitten with her, he would have kept his wits about him, but at the time he would have followed her to the moon. Now he couldn’t quite remember why.
“So,” she said brightly, “am I forgiven?”
He smiled in as pleasant a manner as he could muster and found it wasn’t difficult to do so. “Absolutely not.”
She huffed. “Do you plan on holding this against me for the rest of my life?”
“More than likely.” He studied her for a moment. He would never truly get over what she’d done to him; in many ways it changed his life. But there was no longer pain associated with it. There was a residue of anger, and that might well always exist. But it had been years since he’d given her so much as a second thought. “However, you should know that I have put what happened between us in the past. I have put you in the past.”
She lifted her chin. “I don’t believe you.”
“You should.”
“I cannot imagine you did not know my husband had died or where I was in any given year.” She met his gaze pointedly. “I knew where you were and what you were doing.”
He said the first thing that came to mind. “In order to make your husband jealous?”
She shook her head. “That wasn’t at all nice, Gideon.”
She was right, the comment was beneath him. “My apologies. That was uncalled for.”
She waved off his comment. “Yes it was. It was also most insightful of you. You have come in quite handy through the years.”
“I’m glad I could be of ser vice,” he said wryly.
“Gideon.” Her gaze met his. “I should like to be completely honest with you.”
He snorted. “If that’s possible.”
“I have thought about you a great deal through the years. Not that my marriage was not a happy one,” she added quickly. “I did not make a mistake in marrying William. However, the manner in which I forced him to face his feelings for me was cruel to you. I see that now. I should like to make it up to you.”
“What?”
“I am free now, Gideon. And we are both far past the age of consent.” She rose to her feet and stepped closer to him. Entirely too close for propriety. “I am a widow, and from what I hear you like widows—”
“I like one widow in particular.” He resisted the urge to move away. She would surely see that as a sign of discomfort caused by desire for her. Not bloody likely. He held his ground. “Not widows in general.”
“Pity.” She considered him for a long moment, and at once he understood how a luncheon selection might feel. “I have decided to have a party, Gideon. Let us say a week from now. That should be enough time. Something to announce that my days of mourning are over and I am back in London. Small, intimate, nothing like last night’s pretentious debacle.”
“And yet your grandmother seemed to enjoy it.”
“William’s great aunt actually.” She thought for a moment. “I will have to invite Susanna, I suppose, although she doesn’t like me, she never has.”
“Lady Dinsmore is an excellent judge of character.”
She ignored him. “I shall have the invitations delivered tomorrow.” Violet furrowed her brow in thought. “Possibly even today if I hurry.”
“I’m afraid I must decline.”
“I know what you’re thinking, Gideon.” She laughed. “You think I’m not inviting anyone else, don’t you? That this is simply a plan to lure you into my evil grasp? Perhaps seduce you?”
“I admit the thought had occurred to me.”
“Did you like it?” She gazed at him in an innocent manner he didn’t believe for a second.
“No,” he said simply.
“Pity it didn’t occur to me, it’s really quite brilliant. I should be happy to invite your widow if that’s what I need to do to ensure your attendance.”
“Even so—”
“Come now, Gideon.” She sighed in annoyance. “I am trying to start my life anew here in London. I would prefer to do it without old gossip hovering about. If you do not attend my very first party, there will be talk as to why you didn’t. The only way to show the world that we harbor no unpleasant feelings toward one another is for you to come.”
“Perhaps.”
“There is no perhaps about it. We can be polite, cordial, even friendly. That should quench any rumor about ill will between us.”
He hadn’t the slightest desire to attend a party given by Violet although it might be most entertaining. “I will consider it.” He straightened. “Now then, if your apology, and I use the term loosely, is at an end, I must bid you good day. I have pressing matters of business I must attend to.”
She hesitated. “Gideon.”
He blew a long-suffering breath. “Yes?”
“I do wish to be honest with you.”
“What an intriguing idea.”
“Therefore I feel I should tell you I have found I do not like this business of being unmarried. I don’t like having to manage my own affairs. I don’t like not having a man about.” She cast him a confident smile, and the hairs on the back of his neck rose. “I want a new husband, Gideon, and the one I want is you.”
“Therein lies a problem,” he said smoothly. “As I do not want you.”
“Oh, but you will.” She stepped closer to him. “I am quite willing to offer you now what I was not willing to give you before.” She laid her hands lightly on his lapels and gazed into his eyes. “I am no longer an innocent virgin.”
He firmly removed her hands from his coat. “You might well have been virginal but you were never innocent, my dear.”
“It’s my fault you’re so cynical, isn’t it? I did this to you. I do regret that. Well.” She lifted a shoulder in an offhand shrug. “I shall have to do my best to make amends.”
“Let us simply consider the matter over and done with.”
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly.” A determined gleam shone in her violet eyes. “I don’t like being alone, without a husband. I became used to marriage and I intend to be married again. And I warn you.” She looked him s
traight in the eye. “I want you, Gideon, and I will have you.”
“I should warn you as well, I am not the same youth who could be so easily fooled by a pretty face and a charming manner.”
“I have no intention of fooling you.” She leaned closer to him and lowered her voice in a seductive manner. “But I have every intention of making you again feel for me what you once did.”
“And you shall fail.” He smiled slowly. “Never again, Violet.”
“We shall see.” She turned and started for the door, then paused and looked back at him. “Do keep in mind, I wanted William and I let nothing, not even you, dear, dear Gideon, stand in the way of getting him. I am no less determined now.” She smiled pleasantly. “Good day, Lord Warton.” A moment later, she was gone.
“Good day, Lady Braxton,” he murmured.
If he lived a hundred years, he never would have expected that particular conversation. Oh, certainly, in the beginning he had played their reunion scene in his mind where Violet had pleaded for his forgiveness, declared her undying love, and begged him to take her back. Naturally, he had then scorned her advances or he had graciously taken her back, depending upon his state of mind at the time.
Nine, eight, perhaps even seven years ago, her declaration that he was the one she wanted would have meant everything to him. Now it was no more than a matter of curiosity. Intriguing but not overly interesting. There were any number of feelings he had expected to have if this time ever came. He wasn’t even sure if he was indeed still angry with her. Or if he cared at all. How very odd. There was a time when she was all he wanted in the world. Now all he wanted was Judith.
And what, precisely, did that mean?
He had no idea but it was past time to find out. He had told Judith he wanted to be with her for a very long time. What did that mean? Marriage? Marriage was never supposed to be part of this and yet…
A few days in the country would serve him well. He would have a chance to think clearly without his thoughts being clouded by her presence. When he returned he would know his own mind. And perhaps even his heart.
First, of course, they had to survive Violet’s party. Judith and Violet in the same room did not seem especially wise. Still, Violet had a point. Ignoring her invitation would only fuel more gossip. His appearance at her soiree might well show the world there was nothing further between them. Especially with Judith on his arm.
Although the chances were just as good it could be a disaster of biblical proportions.
“So, even though you fully intended to tell him at the ball that Violet was back in London, you didn’t?” Susanna perched on a stool in Judith’s conservatory and watched her friend in a manner Judith thought was entirely too observant.
“It didn’t seem necessary at the time.” Judith glanced up from the plant she was repotting. “I am sorry we missed the queen though. It must have made the evening a rousing success.”
“It always does but you didn’t miss a great deal. She didn’t stay very long, which was a relief to all concerned.” Susanna drew her brows together thoughtfully. “It always seems to me, when I see Her Majesty at any social event, that she looks the tiniest bit as if she would prefer to be dancing across the ballroom floor rather than being…royal. Of course, Prince Albert always looks the tiniest bit disapproving.”
Judith smiled absently.
“And you didn’t tell him about Violet yesterday either?”
“I never had the opportunity. He sent me a note saying he had to leave for the country on some sort of emergency involving his estate. It’s awkward to tell the man you’re involved with that the woman who broke his heart has returned.” Judith shrugged. “Although by now I daresay he already knows.”
“I think we all know. And I believe they spoke at the ball.”
“I see.” Judith kept her expression carefully composed. It was to be expected that Gideon might have spoken to Lady Braxton. And not especially odd that he would not have mentioned it. After all, she did not mention Lady Braxton’s presence to him.
“Did you receive an invitation to her party?”
“It arrived this morning.” Judith carefully dislodged the roots of the small fern. “I thought it surprising given that I’ve never met her.”
“I don’t think it’s the least bit surprising. I think it’s quite diabolical. Obviously she wants Lord Warton to come and is clever enough to realize he won’t if you don’t.” Susanna sniffed in disdain. “Rather short notice for a party, I think, and highly suspicious as well. I would wager she’s up to something.” She studied her friend. “Did you know you have taken that same plant from one pot to another three times now?”
“Don’t be absurd.” Judith scoffed and looked down at the fern. “It’s four times I think.” She blew a long breath. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I can’t seem to concentrate on the task at hand.”
“Obviously your mind is elsewhere.”
“Perhaps.” Indeed her thoughts were squarely on Gideon’s abrupt departure. His note had been brief and to the point. Almost curt, although she was probably reading more into it than he had intended. They had parted amicably enough the morning after Susanna’s ball. Indeed the morning, as well as the night before, had been quite wonderful. But then it always was with Gideon. More and more she disliked every time they said goodbye, regardless of how long they would be apart. More and more she wanted…more and more. It was a ridiculous thought. There could never be more. She shook her to clear it. “I have sadly neglected the conservatory recently.”
“For, oh, say, the last month or so?”
“For precisely the last month or so.” Judith glanced around the glass room. “I had this built shortly after I returned here to live after Lucian’s death. I have poured a great deal of my heart into it, and it in turn has sustained my soul through the years. There is a comfort I find here that I find nowhere else. In the way life flourishes. In the scents of earth and growth. And in the sound of water splashing in the fountain. Admittedly, the fountain is an affectation for a serious conservatory but I think the earth is not complete without water.”
“How very philosophical of you.”
“Not at all. I simply like fountains.” Judith smiled and shook her head. “Beyond that, I consider it practical in many ways. It keeps the air moist. Water is as necessary as earth for life to flourish.”
“And what of passion?”
Judith raised a brow. “Passion?”
“You have always had a great passion for this conservatory and these plants. Even love.” Susanna chose her words with obvious care. “If they are neglected now, is it perhaps because that love is directed elsewhere?”
“They are not neglected, I misspoke,” Judith said quickly. “I have highly skilled gardeners whose duties include tending to everything inside the conservatory in addition to the garden. What I do is little more than play.”
“You did not answer my question.”
“I’m not sure it needs an answer, although I will admit my attention of late has not been on the conservatory.” How could it be? Every waking moment had been filled with thoughts of him. What had the man done to her? This was not supposed to happen. She was not supposed to feel as if her life was not complete without him. She was not supposed to feel anything at all about him save lust and perhaps friendship. She forced a casual note to her voice. “I am thinking about breaking it off with him.”
Susanna stared. “Why?”
“I misunderstood what he was saying the other night. That, coupled with the knowledge of Lady Braxton’s presence, led me to believe he was ending our relationship.”
“You never jump to conclusions.” Susanna narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “Indeed, you have always been one of the most rational people I know.”
“Past tense apparently.” Judith shook her head. “And when I thought he was ending things, well, I did not like the feeling at all.”
“No, I can’t imagine you would.” Susanna chuckled. “You have
always been the one to decide when an adventure was over.” She sobered. “Why end it with him now?”
“I’ve let it go on far too long as it is.” Judith couldn’t quite believe the casual note in her voice. As if discontinuing her relationship with Gideon didn’t matter. When it mattered terribly. “It seems best for all concerned.”
“I see.” Susanna thought for a moment. “No, I don’t.”
“I would simply prefer to end it before anyone gets hurt.” Judith didn’t want to break it off with Gideon and perhaps if he hadn’t left London, if he were here, she wouldn’t have the time to think about it at all. His very presence would be reassuring. But when she’d misunderstood his intentions at the ball, she had felt something very much like the beginning of heartbreak. She would prefer to avoid that and end it with him before she reached a point where the pain would be unbearable. If indeed it wasn’t already too late.
“Who?”
“I don’t know who.” Judith huffed. “Someone, anyone.”
“Who?”
“Honestly, Susanna, you sound like an owl.”
“Who?” Susanna said again firmly.
“Me,” Judith snapped. “That’s who.”
“Why?”
“This is quite enough of—”
Susanna pressed. “Why?”
“Because I’m in love with him!” Judith glared. “There! Are you happy?”
“Not especially.”
“It’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it? It’s what you’ve been trying to make me say.”
“It’s not at all what I wanted to hear,” Susanna said quietly.
“That’s right, you don’t like him. You thought our being together was a mistake.”
“If you recall, I thought your being together was a mistake because I feared you would be hurt,” Susanna said slowly. “I have changed my mind.”
“About my being hurt?”
“No, about Warton himself.”
“Of course you have.” Judith brushed dirt off the apron she wore over her dress. “He’s charming. How could you not like him?”
A Little Bit Wicked Page 17