by Skyler Wood
Guards went tumbling with shouts, bouncing off the gates with a resounding thud. A moment later the elemental splashed behind them. It had a far different reaction when it hit the gates. It rippled and shifted, and became a pale brown in color before splashing down. Cosmo smelled the strong scent of beer.
One of the guards made a gesture and a row of stacked bottles appeared, forming a pyramid.
"Whoa, not bad," said one of the guards
"Special delivery," Cosmo said, already working to put the best possible spin on things.
"I kind of thought it would ... burn away, or something," Vex said.
"To keep us from taking potions out into the city all magically charged liquids are supposed to be transformed into harmless water. Ah ... a few of us tweaked the runes," said one of the guards.
"You brought us to the mage academy? Why, exactly, is it underground?" Cosmo asked.
"I don't know. It just is these days. It used to be a big tower," Vex said wearily.
One of the guards was trying to cram as many bottles as possible into his robes. He said, "It still is. We're just a little inverted for the time being. We're going to figure that out one of these days."
"Girls are hotter in the undercity anyways," said another.
"True that," Vex said, rather more cheerful.
"You wanted to talk to magical people, boss. Or do you want to get some more sleep?" Vex asked.
Back to a bed where more magical assassins might be headed, or heading into a school of mages. Cosmo wasn't sure which was more dangerous.
20
The campus was busy despite the late hour, students in brightly colored robes roaming the halls.
They'd been given vague directions to the magical artifacts department. The Dean's office didn't hold the wizened old wizard they'd expected, but rather a young man in a painfully bright golden robe and sitting behind the desk. He looked miserable.
"We're looking for Dean Stonewell?" Cosmo asked.
The young man jerked his head towards a cabinet in the corner.
"You have him locked up?" Vex asked.
"Magical portal to another world right?" Cosmo asked, and looked at Vex. "Mages are always doing that sort of thing.
"Neither, I'm afraid. He's a 'she', and she is the cupboard. Trying to get into the mind of an artifact. It's all terribly experimental. I'm Sedwin Slythe, her assistant."
Cosmo peered at the cupboard. "How long has she been like that?"
"Over ten years now. Irritating, right? I need her to sign off on my grad project and she can't very well do that when she doesn't have hands, can she?" Sedwin said peevishly. "You'd think that inking a leg up would work just fine for her to scrawl some sort of signature, but no, it doesn't."
"Can't you just ... change her back?" Vex asked.
Sedwin gave her a long and horrified look. "And interrupt her research? What would happen to my recommendation then? She's avoiding students, it's fine, all the Deans all do it. Probably hoping I'll give up and go away too."
This conversation was supporting everything that Cosmo felt about mages and he took a moment to massage his eyes.
"He's joking, right?" Vex asked.
"I don't think so. They're all like this," Cosmo said.
"You aren't here to talk about my dissertation. You're not mages, you're not fancily dressed enough. What do you want?" Sedwin asked.
"We have an escaped magical artifact we'd rather be less ... escaped," Cosmo said.
Sedwin gave a weary sigh. "Of course you do. Everybody does. You'd think that all the warnings to please keep your artifacts contained would have more of an impression, but no, people just let them wander off."
"It isn't really our fault," Vex said.
"Then they always say that."
"In this case we mean it. It had been abandoned for five years while still hooked up to magical power," Cosmo said.
"Well, that was just terrible judgment. Magical artifacts always need to be properly stowed away when not in use. What else is going to happen with all that magical power? Of course it will manifest," Sedwin said.
"Can you help us?"
"Rather busy here, as you can see. What if the Dean wakes up while I'm away and then decides to toddle off and become a teacup or something?"
"You have to leave often anyways. To sleep?" Vex asked.
"To increase study time we got rid of sleep a few years back. It was supposed to be temporary, I think," Sedwin said cautiously. "I'm sure somebody is working on it."
"We should have kept the beer," Vex said.
"We'll settle for a consultation," Cosmo said.
"You might have had one, if you had beer," Sedwin said with a frown. "Tried to make a magical tap in here. It poured root beer, always root beer. I think it's because we're underground."
"We are doing a photo shoot today for a new line of armor, and it will look like this. You're welcome to attend," Vex said, waggling her fingers as her outfit transformed into the barely there suit of armor.
Sedwin stared for a moment and sat up straight. "What type of artifact are we dealing with?"
"Still got it," Vex said, snapping her fingers and returning to her normal attire.
"A magical printing press. It belongs to the newspaper. I think it decided to go hunt stories on its own," Cosmo said.
Sedwin frowned again. "I know that artifact. I mean, not personally, but it was the Dean's work. From back before she became furniture, obviously."
"Then you'll surely be able to help," Vex said.
Sedwin leaned back. "That actually makes it really confusing. Usually artifacts go rogue because they're poorly constructed. Somebody ignored the safeguards and a bit too much magic sends them rogue."
"And your professor never makes a mistake? She's been furniture for a decade, right?" Vex said.
"And she means to be. I'm not insane, she's a careful spell-worker, meticulous," Sedwin said with a glare towards the cupboard.
"And being hooked up to magical power wouldn't have changed that?" Cosmo asked.
"It usually reinforces whatever is already there. If there is a directive, it will enforce it, but if there are safeguards, it will strengthen them too," Sedwin said thoughtfully.
"So what does that mean to us?"
"It should respect authority. That's one of the things a properly constructed artifact will always do."
"I tried to present it with proof of my authority the first time I met it. It ran away," Cosmo said.
"See, you were creating some cognitive disruption. You may have been a source of authority, but if I'm right you wouldn't have been the only one. Your press isn't out of control, it is doing exactly what somebody wants it to," Sedwin said.
It was an interesting idea. Cosmo wasn't sure exactly who that might be. A previous staffmember of the paper, perhaps. It obviously wasn't the mage who created it.
"So how do we get it under control?"
"Don't let it run away. Keep asserting your authority. Bolster that any way you can and it won't have any choice but to listen to you," Sedwin said.
"Guess you need your snazzy "press" hat, boss," Vex said.
"Best help I can give you. Well, best help I will give you. Good enough?" Sedwin asked.
Vex glanced at Cosmo, who nodded.
They gave him the location of the forge and the time for the photo shoot.
21
They were short of sleep, but Cosmo didn't want to head back to Vex's place where it would still be dangerous. Grom's opened early and they were able to arrange for some added protection for the newspaper building. It was noisy at night, but for the time being they'd have to sleep there until they could manage some other form of protection. Dropping into Grom's also let them grab what Vex's thief friends had gotten from the warehouse overnight—a wrapped bundle they kept sealed until they could get some privacy.
"So who do you think tried to kill us, boss?" Vex asked as she plopped into the chair opposite Cosmo's desk.
"L
et's see what we got from the warehouse first. Maybe it will give us some kind of idea," Cosmo said.
Vex carefully unwrapped the bundle. It was several rolls of scrolls. Vex peeled one loose and studied it for a moment before passing it over.
The scroll bore an image of the queen with an "X" placed over it. Text below recounted a number of past grievances with previous evil monarchs of Pipopolis, and how the people needed to rise up and demand a change. The rest of the scrolls were identical. They looked cheaply made, as if they'd been produced in a local basement instead of being brought in from Brightpip.
"I guess it makes sense Brightpip doesn't like the queen, but this is weird. Usually they deal with it. Pipopolis switches off back and forth. It isn't their turn," Vex said.
"They took us prisoner. They might have just tried to assassinate us. Someone is taking it very seriously," Cosmo said.
"I mean yeah, this is rebellion-level stuff. If it gets out they're behind this, it's going to seriously harm the relationship between us," Vex said.
Cosmo tried to the put the pieces together. They still weren't there, not quite, but they were getting close.
"We do have something tying our two events together now. I'm just not sure what it means," Cosmo said.
Vex frowned. "What connection? I'm not seeing it, boss."
"I think the treasures were meant to be discovered, but not in the way we discovered them. It would have put the old money and the new against each other. These pamphlets are more about good versus evil."
Vex looked thoughtful and she leaned to rest her elbows on the desk as she clutched her head in her hands. "I haven't seen them out there, but maybe this is another thing meant to be discovered. It works either way."
"And I've got something else for you to think about. I've been thinking about who could have commanded the press and I only come up with one good answer. The same person who gave control of the newspaper to us," Cosmo said.
"You think the queen is behind this?" Vex's eyes widened in alarm. "That is crazy. Why would she do that? What would she have to gain?"
"The Evil Queen is ... evil. It's right in the name. A discovery that made the new money and the Assembly look bad would also strengthen her power," Cosmo said.
"And maybe the press was supposed to discover both stories. She sent it out there, but when it didn't get the job done she sent us," Vex said, and her shoulders slumped. "It makes sense. So what do we do?"
Cosmo honestly wasn't sure. While he didn't much like being manipulated, he also didn't like losing his head. But it was more complicated than just that.
"Right now we don't know that for certain. Just because the pieces fit doesn't mean we assembled them properly. We could also have been sent to disarm this scheme, not execute it."
"With the queen getting an idea what was happening and sending us in. My head hurts. If that were the case, then why wouldn't she tell us anything?" Vex slumped still more.
"Because she thought she didn't need to. That we'd follow the threads and pull on them, and expose what we found," Cosmo said.
Vex pushed herself up from the table. "Boss, this is going to sound dumb, but ... I like her. I think she means well. I don't know if that makes a difference, I don't know if it should."
"I do too. For the time being, we play it straight. We assume that some unknown party is out to destabilize the city."
"What about the queen? If Brightpip really is plotting against her, she needs to know?"
"The last time we met with her she made it clear it needed to be a rare thing. We're not interrupting her bath again without a better idea what's going on."
"If it is the same party behind both, who could arrange it?" Vex asked.
"The Assembly? We haven't met with them, but they were enemies of the old paper. The queen is new to the city, and this would be quite a feat for her to pull off. The Assembly has been here a long time," Cosmo said.
"Frame themselves?"
"Maybe they meant someone to reach the conclusion we just did and turn the whole thing back around on the queen?"
"My head hurts more. That's too many wheels within wheels. It's getting stupid," Vex said.
"That's what happens when we speculate. We need evidence. Until we have it, we're just making up the story," Cosmo said.
"Then we find the press. Before, we were hitting it where it had been, we were looking in the past. We find it again, maybe we get another piece and get ahead of things," Vex said.
"And until we do, we do what we have to in order to make the newspaper a success. We'll try your pictures today, but we need a headline too," Cosmo said.
"I'll check with the reporters I hired. If they don't have anything, we'll talk to Grom," Vex said.
22
They had time yet until their appointment at the armorers. When news came in of a disturbance in the Miners district they headed out. They needed a headline.
When they arrived they found the streets filled with dwarves, most of them holding signs, "Down with Minecorp", "Magicity is Unsafe", "Save our Jobs".
Things looked especially tense where large, mechanical mining suits guarded some buildings. They were massive constructs of metal with drills in the place of arms, and a cockpit in their chest holding pilots that were mostly gnomes although Cosmo also spotted the occasional goblin and halfling.
"Any idea what this is about, boss?" Vex asked.
"Minecorp, magicity, and jobs. I can make some guesses, but let's find someone to talk to," Cosmo said.
Talking to protesters got them pointed towards a building right in the heart of the crowds. While worn, the stonework seemed particularly ornate. As a gnome Cosmo was drawing quite a few dark looks.
When they went to enter the building several dwarves in archaic-looking battle armor and wielding axes blocked their way.
"Pipopolis Press! Here to get your side of the story," Vex said.
"The what now?" asked one guard.
Another guard said, "That thing about the treasure. I bought one. Figured, 'What the hey'. Didn't say where they got it though."
"Tomorrow's edition will have an adventuring section with some great tips on where treasures can be found, and the latest in armor fashion," Vex said brightly.
"And your side of this story, if we can get through to talk to someone in charge," Cosmo said.
The dwarves glanced at each other and shrugged before stepping back. "You want Darok. He'll be the one in fancy armor."
There were less dwarves inside, but all carried some sort of axe on their backs and wore armor.
They soon found the center of activity, a dwarf with an intricately braided beard and armor with the golden shimmer of dawnsteel.
"Of course they aren't countering the accusations. They know they're true and they have no intention of honoring their obligations," Darok said, as he paced around the table.
Darok paused to look at Vex and Cosmo as they approached, his eyes narrowing until he caught sight of Cosmo's hat.
"The Press. Changed the name, but I heard you were back in business. Which side are you on in this?" Darok asked.
"We don't know a thing about what's going on. We're here to get your perspective," Vex said.
Darok grunted. "Our perspective? Our perspective is we built this city, we toiled and we bled for it, and now those who got rich off our labor want to throw us away."
Judging by Darok's armor he'd gotten pretty rich off it himself. Cosmo thought it might not be for the best to point that out.
"Maybe start at the beginning," Vex said.
"In the beginning there was nothing but stone and grass. This city came together one tunnel at a time, thanks to us!" Darok said, pounding on the table with a fist.
They were getting a lot of good quotes and no story.
"The miners outside who are so angry. They lost their jobs because of magicity-powered mining equipment?" Cosmo asked.
"They tried, oh, how they tried to take our jobs. But you know what? They never manag
ed to do it as well. A dwarf can dig a mine straight to the ore—we can feel it, smell it. Those machines tear down a whole mountain and just take everything," Darok said.
Cosmo could understand that. It was the same between all magicity-powered machines and mechanical. They made labor easier, but they didn't necessarily do it better than a skilled craftsman. There had always been limits to the mechanical too—they still required effort to operate. Magicity and its offer of almost unlimited power meant you could try doing things by brute force.
"So they're not taking your jobs?" Vex asked, her smile now looking a little forced.
"We came to terms, years back. They'd use the machines where they had to, to do the drudge work. Dwarves would be there for the precision stuff. We still had work, and a lot more got mined, a win for everybody," Darok said.
"But something recently changed?"
Darok went to a table lining the room and pulled out a bundle of papers, shoving them at Cosmo.
Cosmo had a look. The papers were schematics. They were set up for magicity, so he didn't completely understand them, but even with a different power source some of the mechanical fundamentals were similar.
Instead of just a high-powered drill and mechanical arms, the new suits seemed to have a lot of extra attachments. Finer manipulator arms and a few needles that were designed to be connected to some sort of magical sensor.
"They're working to upgrade their diggers," Cosmo said.
"Clearly. They think that we'll just vanish," Darok said.
Maybe, but the more Cosmo looked over the designs the more they made him uncomfortable. They lacked some details that a proper engineer would have included. To Cosmo's critical eye, the diagrams were obviously incomplete.
Vex caught the expression on his face.
"Trouble, boss?"
"Maybe. Where did you get these?" Cosmo asked Darok
"They were pinned to the door into our great hall one night. A challenge to the pride of every dwarf. We no longer need you, they proclaimed! We listened, but we are not done," Darok said.