As the Light Fades (ARC)

by Catherine West

  “No. But you can make the most of what you have now. Can’t you?”

  Liz met his eyes, grateful for his perspective. “You’re right.” She laughed. “Though if I change too much, my siblings might wonder what I’m smoking.”

  His low chuckle warmed her, but the wariness in his eyes remained. “I should ask you something. But I don’t want to scare you.”

  “Scare me? You just did.” She sat back a little, her heart picking up speed. “Is this about that stupid peck on the cheek the other night? Because I have no idea why I did that, and honestly, if you thought I—”

  “Elizabeth.” He slipped his hands around the side of her face, his expression too serious. “It’s not that.”

  “Then what?”

  He rested his forehead against hers a moment. Being so close, feeling the warmth of his touch, his lips mere inches from hers . . . all she had to do was lean in a little. Meet his lips with hers. If she dared.

  New feelings unfurled like a budding rose, opening to the sun after hiding from a summer storm. Her hands moved of their own accord, sliding up the softness of his wool sweater, tentatively brushing over his face, her fingers finding their way into his thick hair.

  “Eliza—”

  “Just . . . kiss me.” She cut off his groan with her mouth, waiting, hoping he would respond even as his lips made contact with hers. Gently at first, as though afraid she’d pull back in realization of this colossal mistake, and when she didn’t, he pulled her closer, ran his hands over her hair, and kissed her with more passion than she’d expected from this quiet man who’d somehow managed to turn her life inside out in such a short space of time.

  At last, he loosened his embrace and leaned back a little, his breathing heavy, eyes bright. Liz steadied her own ragged breathing in a shaky smile. Unspoken words sat between them. The corners of his mouth turned upward as he ran the back of his hand down her face.

  “I wasn’t expecting that.” His voice trembled ever so slightly.

  “Should I apologize?”

  “No. Of course not.” His smile faltered. “Unless you’re having second thoughts.”

  She rolled her eyes. “No.”

  A low rumble came from his chest. “You are full of surprises, Elizabeth.”

  “Well.” She sat back against the couch, her hand in his, their fingers intertwined. “Of course, now I’ll have to figure out exactly why I did it.” She started up at the ceiling with a happy smile. “Though at the moment I can’t say I care.”

  He leaned back and laughed, bringing her fingers to his lips. “Is this going to be a one-off thing or do we get to do it again sometime?”

  “I don’t know.” She turned her head to meet his shining eyes. “I haven’t decided yet.” A small part of her was cowering in the corner, telling her she’d just opened Pandora’s box. Because she’d let him in. Let him see inside her soul. After she’d vowed never to let anyone get that close again.

  “You’re thinking.” He ran a finger down her nose and she shivered.

  “I am.” Moisture wet her lashes, but she smiled anyway. “I’m not sure I should share my thoughts though.”

  “Mmm.” He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned against him, hearing his heart steady against his chest, reminding her that this was safe. He wasn’t going to hurt her. “You’re thinking you can’t handle this. Being with someone who doesn’t want a thing from you. Who only wants to see you smile, know that you’re happy and that you feel safe. And you’re not completely sure I could be that person. And you’re also not sure you deserve that kind of good.”

  Liz bit her lip and placed a hand on his chest. For a long moment, she didn’t move. Stayed in that moment where the world stood still, nightmares didn’t exist, and all the past mistakes she’d ever made disintegrated like dust. “I don’t know if I do.”

  He brushed her hair back and placed a kiss on her temple. “Will you let me convince you otherwise?”

  “I think if anyone can, it might be you.” She closed her eyes as he brushed tears off her face, leaned in and claimed her mouth in a sweet kiss that made no demands, only offered hope, and perhaps, if she’d allow it, a chance to heal. “I’m terrified of this,” she admitted on a half-laugh.

  “I know you are.” Matthew sat up and pulled her with him, taking her hands in his. “The truth? I’ve been attracted to you from the moment we met. But I didn’t want to push you. I knew you weren’t ready. So you call the shots here. If you want to explore the idea of a relationship, I’m all for it. If you need more time, that’s fine too. I’ll wait.”

  “What if I’m never ready?”

  His sad expression tugged at her heart. “That would be my great loss.”

  She sniffed back tears and studied the serious face staring back at her. “Are you actually this nice all the time?”

  “Nah.” He nuzzled her nose and gave a chuckle. “Not at six in the morning. And I turn into a bit of a bear after midnight.”

  “Ah. Then the night shift must be loads of fun for you.”

  “Right. Well, actually, I quit.”

  “You did?” This was new. “Why?”

  He got to his feet with a low groan. “Long story. I will tell you, but . . . we should probably get back before they come looking for us, huh?”

  She couldn’t help laughing at his worried look. “Believe me, they’re all wrapped up in bath and bedtime stories. It takes forever to put those two down for the night. And I want to tell you my ideas. For Mia’s birthday.”

  “Okay, Miss Carlisle.” Matthew bowed toward the door. “Walk me out and talk on the way. And then, if you’re done here, I’ll escort you home.”

  ___________

  He drove behind her all the way back from Wyldewood, constantly checking his rearview, convinced every car was following them. But when she made the turn into their driveway, none of the other cars slowed or stopped. They all kept driving.

  Matt parked, still debating whether to share his strange encounter that afternoon. He watched her exit her vehicle, her smile visible even from here, and his heart clenched. Why chase that off? She deserved a good night’s sleep without worrying about her ex lurking in the bushes. Matt would worry about that for her.

  She didn’t approach him as he stepped onto the driveway. Just skipped up her steps, unlocked the door, and he heard her disarming the system as she stepped inside. Then she appeared again and gave a wave.

  He tipped his head with a smile.

  She tossed him a smile in return and disappeared. He heard the click of the locks and the faint beeping of the alarm being set. Slowly he let out his breath and glanced around the darkened driveway. Yes, they definitely needed a dog.

  It was a little after ten when he moved through the kitchen, not sure if anyone would be awake. As he passed the living room he saw his parents, still up, playing a game of Scrabble at the gaming table.

  “Hey.” He wandered into the room, exhaustion hitting hard.

  “How was your dinner?” Mom smiled brightly as he sank onto the couch.

  “It was good.” He smothered a yawn. “What’d you guys have?”

  Dad stretched his arms and turned his head this way and that, joints cracking. “Your mother made coq au vin. And it was exceptional.”

  “Exceptional.” Matt whistled and smiled at his mother’s blush. “Way to go, Ma. Mia got home, right?”

  “She did.” His mother took off her reading glass and nodded. “Her nice friend joined us for dinner.”

  “Oh, really?” Matt sat up a bit. “Sorry I missed that.”

  Mom waved a hand. “Not to worry. I’m sure there will be another opportunity. Such a lovely boy. How was Elizabeth?”

  He felt the back of his neck heat, sat up and leaned over his knees. “Fine.” Dad’s chuckle made him look up in a hurry. “What?”

  “Nothing. I just remember you doing that a lot whenever you had a new girl you were interested in.”

  “Doing what?” Matt frowned. And sin
ce when had his father ever paid that much attention?

  “That.” Dad pointed. “You’d lean over your knees and let out that sigh that sits somewhere between frustration and elation.”

  “Gimme me a break.” Matt grinned just the same.

  “Oh, I remember that too!” Mom nodded. “Matthew, are you and Elizabeth . . .”

  “NO. Drop it.” He did his best to look annoyed, and his parents shared a smile. “Now look, Mia’s birthday is just around the corner and I’ve got an idea. But I’m going to need your help. Are you interested?”

  twenty-nine

  Liz ate a quick breakfast and got ready for work. How did it get to be Friday already? Before going to bed last night, she’d made a long list of all the potential guests she’d invite to the gallery event. She hoped Evy would have time today to sit down and make a firm plan with her. They could put a date on the calendar and start looking at invitations. Speaking of invitations, she needed to make sure Gray and Victoria had sent theirs out like she’d told them to. To wait another week was cutting it too close.

  Well, she supposed it was a good thing she had so many things going on. She needed the distraction. Because she was no longer obsessing over Laurence. She was thinking about Matthew Stone. And that amazing kiss.

  The memory warmed her face, and she banished the thought. She’d definitely allowed herself to get carried away. Got caught up in memories of the past, felt vulnerable, and he’d been comforting and . . . oh, who was she kidding? She was attracted to him, plain and simple. But that didn’t mean it was wise to jump into a relationship with him. Tempting, yes. Wise, no.

  And she definitely wouldn’t be jumping into bed with him. That part of her life was one she was trying to forget. She lived with regret, but wouldn’t be making that mistake again. Still, the more she learned about Matthew, the safer she felt around him. Weird as it was, she didn’t think he held any expectations when it came to what he wanted from their relationship. She thought . . . that all he wanted was to see her happy. And that was almost unbelievable.

  She pulled on her coat and gloves, checked her bag one more time, made sure she hadn’t forgotten her laptop or phone, and headed out the door.

  And speak of the devil.

  Matthew leaned against his Jeep dressed in dark jeans and a baggy sweater, his hair rumpled and his jaw sporting stubble. He sipped from a large Red Sox mug and nodded as she headed his way. “Morning, Elizabeth.”

  “Matthew. Aren’t you going to be late for work? You’re usually long gone by now.”

  “No classes today, so I decided not to go in. How’d you sleep?”

  “Actually, quite well.” She glanced at the gray sky and shivered. Snow was forecast for the weekend. “You look like you could use a few more hours.”

  “Yeah. Well, Mia was up a couple times last night. I think she’s worried about the doctor’s appointment this afternoon.”

  Liz nodded. She’d almost forgotten. “Will you let me know how that goes? I really should get going. I have to open this morning. Evy’s coming in later.”

  “Sure.” He drained his mug and moved to set it on the window ledge of the garage behind his vehicle. “I’m headed to the bank myself, so I’ll follow you.”

  “Okay. If you want. Have a good day.” She sent him a smile, got into her car and started the engine. Miraculously, it turned over right away. The old thing could be fussy in colder weather. Was Matthew still acting weird? Or was she overreacting and on edge? Hopefully he didn’t think she’d been rude. She didn’t mean to be. She just didn’t know what to do about him yet.

  And by lunchtime, when the bell on the door tinkled as Lynette breezed into the gallery, she wasn’t any closer to a solution.

  “Darling!” Evy rushed to Lynette at once, presenting her with the double air kiss Liz was familiar with by now. If Mia had been here she’d have rolled her eyes. And Matthew would have laughed. Okay, seriously? She really needed to stop thinking about the man.

  “Hey, Liz.” Lynnie left Evy to return to her two customers and hovered near the desk.

  Liz jotted a note on the file she was working on and took off her reading glasses. “Lynnie. What brings you by?”

  Lynnie scrunched up her nose the way she did when something confused her. “You sent me a text this morning. Asked me to pop in if I got a chance. You had something you wanted to discuss?”

  Liz gave her head a shake and sighed. She clearly hadn’t consumed enough coffee today. “Right. Well. Yes.” She rounded the desk and walked her sister around the gallery, sharing her ideas for the patron’s night. “We thought you’d get this wall here. You’ll have some new pieces to show by then, won’t you?”

  “Do I really have to come?” Lynette fidgeted with her bangles, looking like she was still in Africa in her long, gaily patterned skirt and simple peasant blouse and boots.

  “Yes, you really have to come.” Liz sighed in frustration. “That’s the whole point. It’s a meet and greet.”

  “Ugh. Early new year? I’ll probably have some new paintings by then. But things might be busy, with the wedding and everything . . . Nick’s dad.” Lynette’s eyes filled and she looked away.

  “Oh. Lynnie, I’m sorry.” Liz wished Evy would hurry up and join them. She wasn’t much good at this comforting big sister stuff. “I’m sure it’ll work out.” She patted Lynette’s shoulder.

  “The man is dying, Liz. How is that going to work out?”

  “I didn’t mean . . . I just meant . . . If you don’t have new stuff don’t worry about it. We can display some of your older pieces. And Dad’s.”

  “Right. Yeah. That’s good. I don’t want the pressure. Honestly. He could go any day now.” She pulled her fingers through her long hair. “I need Nick to take time off. He’s overworked and super stressed. But I think he’s avoiding being home for longer than he has to. You know?”

  Liz didn’t know, but she nodded anyway and watched her sister fumble in her large straw bag for some Kleenex. “Do you want to get some lunch, Shortstop?”

  She may as well have asked her if she wanted to swim around the island. Lynette gaped and swallowed a giggle. “What’s gotten into you?”

  Liz scowled. “What? I thought it’d be nice to have lunch with my sister who’s been gone for six weeks. If you’d rather not—”

  “Oh, don’t have a cow. I’d love to have lunch. We can go to the Longshoreman! I haven’t seen Jed yet.”

  “Really?” A greasy burger was not exactly the lunch she’d had in mind. But Lynnie was all excited now, so she nodded and tried to look enthused. “We’re off to lunch, Evy,” she called. “Be back in an hour.”

  Evy waved a manicured hand, her silver bracelets jangling. “Take two if you want, for coming in early.”

  Liz managed a tight smile and squelched rejecting that idea. But honestly. A two-hour lunch at the Longshoreman with Lynette? Heaven help her.

  Jed Hagerman practically flew over the bar at the sight of her sister. He enveloped Lynette in a huge bear hug that went on a few moments too long, ushered them to a booth, and took too much time wiping down the scratched tabletop. Liz summoned every bit of strength she possessed not to tell the guy to get lost.

  They sat, ordered food and drinks, and fell into awkward silence. “That boyfriend of yours should put a ring on your finger,” Liz said, tipping her head toward the bar. “Otherwise your bartender friend over there might beat him to the punch.”

  Lynette exploded into peals of laughter. “Jed? Liz, seriously?”

  “What? He’s been in love with you since high school. It’s no secret.”

  “No, it’s just his way. Jed knows how I feel. He’s a good friend.”

  “If you say so.” She fiddled with a cork coaster, same stamped-on design they’d used for years. She remembered coming in here with friends when she was home from college. Nothing about the dark, damp bar had changed. “So Nick’s not coping well, hmm?”

  Lynette shook her head with a forlorn expressi
on. “I’m hoping he’ll be okay. I think part of him still held out hope for a miracle cure or something. But Anthony’s liver functions are low this week. His kidneys are shutting down. It won’t be long. And Nick needs to find a way to deal with the inevitable.”

  “Death can be cruel.”

  “Yes, it can,” Lynette agreed. They both knew that truth too well. Liz’s eyes began to burn. What was with all this emotion lately? Last night she’d found herself in tears during a television commercial.

  She scanned her phone for something to do. She kept it on because she wanted to be reachable, but every time a call or text came through, she dreaded seeing Laurence’s name. He’d been quiet the last couple days though.

  “Dad seems happy,” Lynette said. “I can’t believe he’s painting again.”

  “Right?” Liz silently thanked her sister for changing the subject. “It’s almost like he’s back to his old self when he’s holding a paintbrush. It was such a great idea for Matthew to bring the kids in. I think they all get so much out of it. And Mia loves Dad, although she’d never admit it of course. But she lights up when she’s in that room. The change in her is crazy. Just like when she’s with the twins. It’s like she finally allows herself to be happy. Matthew’s always so worried about her. I think she’s going to be all right though, I really do.”

  Jed brought their food himself and hung around until Liz finally glared at him and he shuffled off. She poured a bit of vinaigrette on her salad and looked across the table to see Lynette grinning at her over the top of a monstrous cheeseburger.

  “Why are you looking at me like that? And you have ketchup on your chin.” She handed her a wad of napkins and grabbed her bottle of Perrier, wishing she’d ordered wine.

  Lynette wound a few fries into a blob of ketchup and made an annoying humming sound. Liz cleared her throat. “Lynette, don’t make me smack you in public.”

  “You’d never smack me anyway. You only did that once, and Cecily made you do all the dishes the rest of the week.”

  “You were a six-year-old brat who came into my room, tried on my best dresses, and spilled perfume all over the place. You deserved that smack.”