Don't Kiss Him Good-Bye

by Sandra Byrd

  I thought of his trying to hold my hand, his leaning even closer to, well . . . I wasn’t sure. “You’re right. I should probably have never gotten involved with him. So what should I do?”

  “I can’t answer that for you. But I can pray with you.” We bowed our heads, and she prayed for me. I really didn’t remember anything she said in the prayer because the whole time that one phrase from a teacher I’d had in middle school kept running through my head:

  “The time to do the right thing is as soon as you become aware that it needs to be done.”

  Chapter 48

  I was going to text him. I know, I know, cheap, low blow, cowardly. But I didn’t actually do it. First, I had no idea if he had his phone back or not. I considered texting him on Ian’s phone, but that seemed even worse. Instead, I thought I’d skip lunch on Thursday and meet him in the library.

  Thursday morning I delivered the papers, as usual. I didn’t take time to read my own and everyone else’s columns; I would do that after school this time. I’d told Penny what I was going to do, and we made plans to hang out in the courtyard after school so I could fill her in on how it went.

  I stepped into the library, half hoping Rhys wouldn’t be there and I’d be off the hook.

  He was there. I came up behind him at the computer. He sensed me and turned around and flashed that wide, white smile. “Hey, there’s my girl,” he said. “You’ve been so busy, I haven’t seen you around much. I’m getting my phone back today, though!”

  “Rhys, uh, could we go to the back of the library and talk for a minute?” My hands trembled, and I tried to take deep breaths without hyperventilating and passing out right there on the floor.

  “Sure.” He followed me to the back, to a nearly deserted section of the library among the musty biographies. As I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, I could still tell what I saw in him. He was cute, and he had a kind of . . . presence. People noticed when he walked by. But somehow the magnet that had once drawn me to him had completely turned around and was now repelling me a little instead. He plopped down on a bench and I put a few inches between us. He scooted over to erase the distance.

  “There isn’t an easy way to say this,” I said, “but I can’t go to the May Day Ball with you.”

  He faced me, shocked. “Your parents have told you that you can’t?”

  “No. I just realized . . . well, we’re very different people. And there are a lot of times I feel like you cut me down. You say things that are nice on one level, but there’s always a little dig.”

  Rhys shook his head. “I thought you were big enough to take a little teasing, Savannah. I didn’t think you were so oversensitive. I thought you were different.”

  His words confirmed to me that I was right to do what I was doing. I felt free. I felt affirmed. “I am different, Rhys—very different from the girl I’ve become over the past month or so. And I want the old me back.”

  “I’ve already paid for the limo,” he said. “I can’t give you your money back.”

  “That’s fine. I’m really sorry about all this,” I said, softening just a little when I saw the confusion on his face.

  “Yeah, you are sorry,” he said. I went to stand, but he put his hand over mine, keeping me on the bench for the moment. “You at least owe me a little token for our time together,” he said. He leaned in close, and I could smell the rosemary mint of his shampoo and feel that charm he turned on to almost everyone around him. “How about a kiss good-bye?” His arm held me firmly—a little too firmly.

  I wrested myself away from him and remembered what my mother had told me about firsts—first dances, first boyfriends, first kisses. I wasn’t wasting any of those on Rhys. “I am kissing you off,” I said. “But I’ll never kiss you good-bye.” With that, I took my messenger bag and began to make my way out of the library as fast as I could. The title of a Taylor Swift song ran through my head. “Should’ve Said No.”

  Before I was out of earshot, I heard him call after me, “She was right about you all along, you know.”

  I didn’t turn around, but I did wonder. Who was she?

  Chapter 49

  I sat in the courtyard under the blooming wisteria, the age-old branches twirling around the posts and gripping them like an arthritic hand. Their perfume drifted down and enveloped me. I opened the paper and read a few of my friends’ columns—Hazelle’s in particular, which was actually very good. And then I read my own.

  Dear Asking for Trouble,

  It seems like for some reason a lot of things are going wrong in my life. My parents split up last year and we had to move to a smaller house (even though I’m still going to Wexburg Academy). Also, we were going to take a holiday to visit my gran in Australia, and now we can’t because of money. I don’t want to sit around in the dumps all the time, though. Any advice?

  Sincerely,

  Blue

  I clearly remembered reading this letter right after Tommy had mentioned my joy. Joy had been on my mind, and I’d based my answer on Psalm 126:5.

  Dear Blue,

  I’m sorry things seem tough right now—and none of these circumstances are your fault! Hold on, though. You know that saying “The dawn follows the darkest part of the night”? It’s true. Try to find joy in the little things of life right now, day by day, and don’t focus on the rough bits of choppy water that everyone needs to paddle through. Soon enough the sun will rise.

  Sincerely,

  Blue Skies

  Someone slid in beside me. I looked up and blurted out before thinking, “You make a habit of sliding in next to girls, don’t you?” First I was mortified I’d actually said it. Then I was happy that I felt free to say what I was thinking. The old Savvy was back!

  Tommy grinned. “It would seem that way, wouldn’t it?” He looked at the paper in my hands and folded it back to the AFT column. “I read that too,” he said.

  I kept my poker face on; I really did.

  I could see Penny lurking, waiting for me, but like the great friend she was, she kept her distance. Tommy saw her too, though, and because he was a gentleman, he stood up to make room for her. He shook his shaggy brown hair, and I remembered again why I liked brunets. Then I remembered that he was dating Chloe and I locked the clasp of my heart.

  “See you at the May Day Ball, I suppose?” he said.

  I smiled, and he took that to be an affirmation. I wasn’t going to spill my guts with him. And I hadn’t even told Penny yet.

  “See you Sunday.” He waved at Penny and me as he took off.

  Penny walked casually to my side and sat down. “What was that all about?” she asked. “Did he ever call you?”

  I shook my head.

  “Did he tell you what he was calling you about?” she asked.

  I shook my head again. “He’s just a nice guy, Pen. He probably had a question about our church or something and someone else answered it.”

  “Oh. Well, then. How did things go with Rhys?” She popped the lid off her water bottle, then took a piece of gum and offered one to me. I started telling her everything that had transpired.

  “Creep,” she said. “Well, you’re still coming on May 2, right? to the garden and tea event?”

  “I’d love to,” I said. “But I won’t have anything to wear. I can hardly expect my parents to keep my gown when I’m not even going to the ball.”

  Penny nodded. “Well, let me know what you decide to do. Whatever you want to do is okay with me.”

  “Thanks, Pen.” I leaned over and hugged her. “I will. I’d better go home and talk to my mom about it now.”

  Chapter 50

  Mom and I sat on the couch together, sipping tea—now iced tea instead of hot. “So that’s the whole story,” I told her.

  She ran her hand through my hair, a soothing, comforting reminder of something she used to do when I was a little girl. “Are you happy with your decision?”

  I thought about missing the whole night, about the fun that would happe
n. But then I thought about missing the garden and tea party. “I’m sorry we can’t go to the garden party,” I said.

  “Me too,” my mom said. “But totally understandable that you wouldn’t want to go after all that.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind going,” I said. “It’s just that I won’t have anything to wear.”

  Mom set her glass of tea on the table next to the couch. “Why not?”

  “Well, we’ll have to take the Faerie dress back, right? I mean, it’s too expensive to keep for nothing.”

  Mom shook her head. “It’s not for nothing. You can wear it another time, to a wedding or something. The money spent isn’t as important as the great decision you made and the amazing step toward womanhood you took. The dress is perfect for you. I don’t mind keeping it if you want to.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” Mom said. “And then I’ll get a garden party out of it too. Speaking of which, I’d better get to the back garden, now that my wonderful girls have tidied it all up, and make a plan!” She stood up, and I went to call Penny and tell her that we’d be coming to the party after all. One good thing about not going to the dance was that I wouldn’t have to stare at Tommy and Chloe dancing together all night.

  When I picked up my phone, I saw that there was a voice message waiting for me.

  “Savvy. It’s Jack. Can you call me right away, please? Thanks very much.”

  Chapter 51

  I dialed him before calling Penny. What could he want? “Hey, Jack, it’s Savvy,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “Savvy, thanks for calling me back so quickly. Listen, we’ve had a bit of a changeup, and I wonder if you can help the paper out of a pinch.”

  I almost said, “Sure, of course” automatically, but I’d learned to wait before saying yes. “What did you have in mind?”

  “It seems that Natalie is not going to be able to take the photographs at the May Day Ball after all. She’s, um . . . she’s going to the ball now. I’d heard you were not going, and, well, I wondered if you’d reconsider taking the snaps that night.”

  Bad news certainly traveled fast. I had no idea how he’d heard that I wasn’t going to be there. I sighed. I was probably the only person on staff who wasn’t going to the ball. And I did know how to take good photojournalism pieces.

  He must have interpreted my long silence as a no, because he spoke up and sweetened the deal. “If you’ll do this, I promise you’ll have your own full-fledged article by the end of the school year. On whatever topic you choose. If we approve it, of course.”

  “With a byline?” I asked. If I was going to attend the dance in jeans and UGGs taking pictures of happy couples frolicking, it had better be worth my pain.

  “With a byline,” Jack agreed. “Will you do it?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Thanks, Savvy; you’re a lifesaver.” And with that, Jack hung up.

  I hoped I wouldn’t regret this later. Only time would tell.

  Chapter 52

  Friday. Everyone was preoccupied with the ball. The campus was practically abuzz. Not wanting to get stung, I headed home right after school to bury myself in a good book. Not a romance.

  Saturday. Helped Mom plant a few things in the back garden. Her joy lifted me up, and I actually started to look forward to the garden and tea party.

  Sunday. Church. It rocked.

  Monday. Louanne felt queasy, so I took Growl for a walk for her. He tugged at the lead the whole time and picked a fight with the neighbor’s poodle. I must have been saving up a lot of do-good points for something. I hoped I’d actually get to cash them in.

  Tuesday. Bumped into Natalie at the newspaper office. She said a noticeable nothing to me about taking the photos, and I said nothing either. Maybe Jack had taken her off the assignment?

  The weekend was fast approaching. I was starting to feel a little queasy myself.

  Chapter 53

  Wednesday night I made it to church on time. I got a mocha. With extra whipped cream.

  Jenny came up to me and asked, “So how are you doing?” I knew what she was really asking was What have you decided about Rhys? If it had been someone else, I might have thought they were being nosy, but not Jenny. She was my discipleship leader. She was supposed to ask me those tough questions.

  I told her what I’d done, and she beamed. “I knew you had it in you, Sav. What about this Saturday? Going to watch a film?” she teased. I cringed, knowing that I’d given that same advice in the paper, and really, now that the recipient was me, it didn’t sound as kind as it might have. Live and learn, I told myself. This advice column business was on-the-job training.

  “Actually, I’m going to the ball after all.” I held my hand up to stop her before she could get too excited. “As a photographer. In the background. Wearing jeans and taking snaps of the happy couples.”

  “Oh, Savvy. Really?” Jenny said. “You okay with that?”

  I nodded. “I am. Because the editor promised me an article next month.”

  We chatted for a few more minutes, and then Supriya and I stood next to each other for worship. Afterward Joe came onstage to announce the final winner for the April Fools contest.

  It went to the lip-synchers. Of course.

  Supriya leaned in and whispered, “I gave all my money to you.”

  I turned to face her and laughed. “And I gave all my money to you. We probably canceled each other out!”

  During the devo, my mind wandered. I felt bad. Not only wasn’t I able to give Be@titude the money for their event, but Natalie had e-mailed me that she’d taken out everything about them from the article.

  Thinking about Natalie right then especially bugged me. I couldn’t put my finger on why.

  Chapter 54

  I’d dressed for the part. Not the part I’d been expecting to dress for, of course. New jeans, white shirt, leather vest, gold hoop earrings. My hair was pulled into a long ponytail and gathered at the nape of my neck to keep it out of my eyes and out of the camera lens. Jack had given me the newspaper camera to use, and I’d been practicing with it all week so it’d be second nature to use it.

  I sat on the couch, waiting for my ride. Mom came and sat next to me. “Are you up for this?” she asked.

  “I guess,” I said. “Not how I’d planned for this night to go.”

  “Lots of life doesn’t go the way we plan it to,” she said. “It’s what you do when the plans change that matters.”

  I thought back to when Rhys claimed we were just friends but his actions made it clear that he wanted more. “I know,” I said. “Expensive lesson.”

  “They almost all are,” Mom said. “Ready to go?”

  I nodded. We gathered up my stuff and left.

  The ball was being held at Lallyworth Castle, a British National Trust property about twenty minutes away. There were several castles—castles, I tell you, not just mansions—within twenty minutes of my house. As far as I knew, the only castle on the West Coast of the United States was in California. I never stopped being amazed at being plunked down in a piece of ancient history.

  Although The Beeches, Ashley’s estate, was big, it was nothing compared with Lallyworth Castle. Someone had told me that Anne Boleyn and King Henry VIII had dined here. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine her feet walking up this very stone path.

  The hospitality committee had set up a coat check in the entry hall, and they were already there, bustling about. I headed into the great hall, where the ball was to be held. The room was swagged in greenery and white roses, probably flown in from Spain. I’d take an extra picture of those for Mom. There were great crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, already ablaze and warming the room. It was a good thing too, because several of the doors leading to porticos were open, letting in the evening air. It reminded me of a fairy tale. Only my coach had been turned into a pumpkin a week early.

  The band was warming up, playing a mix of violin-tinged romantic classics and guitar-driven modern rock
. I closed my eyes and imagined dancing. Then I went to a dark corner and set up the camera equipment so it would be unobtrusive and out of view for the ball’s guests.

  Couple by couple they came, and I snapped some photos, trying to have an emotionally detached reporter’s eye and not thinking as a girl who had no date. About an hour in, Penny and Oliver arrived. She spotted me, left Oliver with some friends, and hurried over.

  “You all right?” she asked.

  “Fine!” I said brightly. Maybe too brightly. “Pen, you look beautiful. Divine. Oliver is the luckiest guy here.” Her ears twinkled with the starry earrings she and her mom had found. Her silver-shot dress matched perfectly with the silver and crystal shoes. I didn’t even want to know how much her mom had paid for those shoes. I didn’t think her mom considered those things, really.

  She beamed. “Thanks to your help in finding the dress—and Be@titude. Did you see . . . them?”

  I didn’t know which them she meant. “I assume they came with you.” After all, Chloe was one of the Aristocats, and I knew that their whole group was having a pre-ball dinner together.

  “With us? Why ever would they come with us?” She seemed genuinely puzzled.

  “Chloe is one of your group, right?” I said.

  “Ah . . . ,” Penny said, grinning. “I had no idea that was who would be first on your mind. Though I should have. No, I mean—” she scanned the room and finally found whom she was looking for, then pointed—“them!”