by Tessa Layne
All she needed to do was turn her head. Heat was rolling off him, and her body softened, not interested in resisting at all. The spicy scent of his cologne must have aphrodisiac properties, because right now, her brain cells were exploding left and right, like she was high on painkillers. “Yes,” she whispered, registering her answer as if it came from far away, from some other Suzannah in an alternate dimension where her baby wasn’t sick, and where life was less of a struggle.
He brushed her mouth gently, managing to light it on fire, while barely touching her. Every synapse in her body waited expectantly, ready to combust the second their lips locked. His gentleness made her chest ache, made her impatient to devour him and forget the uncertainty, the confusion, and worry. But he kept a slow, patient pace, as if he was savoring every millisecond of their connection. When his tongue finally slid inside her mouth, licking along her lower lip, she responded with a groan, clutching his shirt and opening to him. Her heart raced, pounding in her ears, and for the first time ever, if he kept up this slow and steady assault on her defenses, she could come from just a kiss.
But he broke it off, bringing his forehead to hers, breathing shallow. When he spoke, his voice was thick and slightly unsteady. “I want people to know I’m Lulah’s father.”
CHAPTER 14
Gunnar’s heart slammed erratically in his chest, and not just because his dick was as hard as iron from kissing Suzannah. Kissing her gave him courage, and it had taken every last ounce of his courage to say those words.
She pulled away, lips swollen and glistening, eyes kiss-drunk. “What?”
“I want people to know.”
“I’m sure they already know. Did you see the look on Mario’s face when we walked into Gino’s? It took him about half a second to figure things out.”
Yeah, he’d seen the look, heard the whispers by the salad station. And hell, maybe bringing them to dinner was his way of starting this conversation rolling. But regardless of what Mario thought, Gunnar wanted people in town, at least the people he loved most, to hear it from him. And he wanted Suzannah to know that he wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed. No, he was proud, and he’d do right by Lulah. Suzannah too, if she’d let him. “But I want people to hear it from me. And I want Lulah to know who I am, too,” he added after a heavy pause. The meatballs settled like lead in his stomach.
Suzannah’s eyes grew wide, and a look of sheer panic crossed her face. “I-I’m not sure about that.”
“You can’t keep it from her, especially if the whole town knows.”
“I-I don’t think she’s ready.”
“I don’t think you’re ready.” Frustration added an edge to his words. He understood her desire to protect Lulah, especially given all she’d endured in her young life, but did that protection have to extend to him? “Hey. I’m on your side, here.”
Her eyes narrowed skeptically.
“I am. You’re obviously a great mom, and Lulah adores you. And I get that you’ve been through a lot together.”
“Everything.”
“Okay, everything together. And I want to help. But you have to let me.” He stared at her, hard. Willing his words to sink in. “And, you have to trust me.”
She looked like she was about to cry. His insides went all soft and gooey. What was he supposed to do if she started to cry? Shit. Horses were so much easier. “Hey,” he said quietly, tipping up her chin. “Do you remember when we were in Vegas and we talked about having kids?” Her nod was more like a twitch, but he’d take it. “And what did I say?”
“You said that while I was doctoring, you’d keep the kids with you in the barn,” she answered, barely above a whisper.
“And?”
“And that the best education for kids when they’re tiny is being outside. But that still–”
He kissed her, just briefly enough to stop her protests. “I haven’t changed. I still think that, and even if it means I come over here and play outside with Lulah, I’ll do that. You can still call the shots, although I’d like you to come meet my family on the Fourth. My brother and his wife and new daughter are driving up from Oklahoma. I could show you around, take you and Lulah out for a ride.”
“We’ve never been on horseback.”
“Never?”
She shook her head.
“Woman, you do not know what you’ve been missing.” His comment drew a small smile, and he’d take that over tears any day. “My mom’s going to be over the moon. You have no idea.”
She let out a huff of air through her nose, not quite a laugh. “How do we tell Lulah?”
Gunnar shrugged. “How about, hey there sweet thing, did you know I’m your dad?”
This time she laughed outright. “I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“For starters, learning her dad is flesh and blood is going to come as a shock.”
“But she likes me.”
“She does,” Suzannah agreed, nodding her head. “And I know you’re not going to like this, but we need to proceed slowly.”
She was right. He didn’t like it one bit. “But–”
She stopped his words with a finger to his lips, frowning. “Rule number one of parenting. What you want no longer matters. It’s about what’s best for Lulah from here on out.” She stood, tension radiating from her body. “Thank you for dinner tonight.”
Damn. Double damn, triple damn. He was being dismissed.
“We’ll come on the Fourth. What time?”
Disappointment flooded Gunnar. “Why don’t I come over in the morning, and we can go to the parade. You can follow me out after.” His words came out clipped. Flat.
“Gunnar.”
He jerked his gaze to her, schooling his features.
The expression she wore was one of exasperated patience. “You have to understand why this can’t happen overnight.”
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “I’d still like to come for dinner this week.”
“Of course.”
Gunnar stewed the whole drive home, and when he’d parked the truck next to the other Hansen vehicles, he hopped out and dialed his brother.
“’Sup, bro?” Axel answered on the first ring. “How’s the doc?”
So many things he could say, but he wasn’t about to confide everything in Axel. “So she’s got a kid.”
“Yeah. Heard that from mom and dad. How’s your arm, by the way?”
He made a fist, tensing the muscles, then releasing them. “Hurts, but I’ll live. Stitches came out last week.”
“I get the feeling this isn’t a social call.”
Gunnar felt like a balloon was about to explode in his chest. The pressure from keeping this to himself the last few weeks had become unbearable. He wasn’t a secret keeper. Not usually, and he hated how it made him feel. Especially when he wanted to shout this news from the mountaintops. “She’s mine, Axe. Suzannah’s little girl is mine.”
Axel let out a low whistle. “You sure?”
Gunnar nodded, pacing around the truck. “Yeah. I am.”
“But are you sure?”
“Meaning did I ask for a paternity test?” he growled.
“Don’t you think you should verify?”
“She’s not asking for anything. In fact, she’s keeping me at arm’s length.”
Axel chuckled. “I bet you fucking hate that.”
“Of course I hate it. This kid…” Gunnar stopped, throat growing thick. “She’s… she’s…” He took a big breath, picturing Lulah’s smile when he tickled her, or pushed her on the swings. “She’s incredible. This giant ball of energy, with big blue eyes and a laugh that makes my insides hurt. And she’s smart too, Axe. She can already read.” Pride surged through him as he talked with Axel. “And I would do anything to make her happy. It’s the craziest thing.”
“I know what you mean,” Axel interjected. “I fell in love with Melody the second the midwife put her in my arms. The whole thing still blows my mind.”
“’Zannah’s worried about how to tell Lulah I’m her dad.”
“Understandable.”
“How can you say that?” Gunnar demanded. “She deserves to know I’m her father.”
“Of course she does. But she’s practically a baby, right? Talk to Haley if you want a different perspective. She was in foster care until she was twelve.”
Gunnar raked a hand through his hair. “But I–”
“You’re scared. I can hear it in your voice, man. Take a chill pill. These things take time.”
“Since when did you get all wise?”
“Since my wife has educated me on the finer aspects of parenting and raising girls.”
Gunnar snorted. “Meaning she’s kicked your ass a few times.”
Axel chuckled. “Yeah. Maybe. But not saying I didn’t deserve it.” After a silence, Axel spoke again. “So what about you and the doc?”
“What about us?”
“Is there an ‘us’?”
Gunnar’s stomach yo-yoed. There should be. When they kissed, he felt like a goddamned superhero, like he could conquer anything. And yet… every time he pressed, she seemed to step back, or at least falter. What if they couldn’t be the family he’d dreamed of? What then? His stomach yo-yoed again. There had to be a way. He had to convince her they were good together. He braced a hand on the side of his truck. “Hell, I don’t know. I think there could be.”
“But?”
“But she’s gun shy. And working her ass off. Which is exactly why she should let me help.”
“What have you always told me about poorly broke horses?”
Gunnar blew out a heavy breath. “You know I hate it when you throw my words back in my face?”
“Heheheh. That’s what little brothers are for. Just keepin’ you honest, man.”
“Well, fuck you,” Gunnar answered good-naturedly.
“C’mon. Just tell me what you know I’m gonna say. What you taught me,” he added.
“That if you’ve got an unbroke or poorly broke horse, you establish trust by being present. And it may take a day or a month, but you can’t move ahead with retraining until you’ve accomplished that first step.”
“And when the horse pricks its ears at the sound of your voice, and doesn’t show signs of stress when you approach, only then can you reach out and touch it,” Axel filled in. “So you’ve just gotta be patient. If there’s something worth pursuing between the two of you, she’ll come around.”
“Since when did you get so philosophical?”
“Student always surpasses the teacher.”
“Ha. Ha.”
Axel’s voice turned serious. “You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah,” he answered with a heavy sigh. “Just don’t want this to go south a second time.”
“I know the feeling.”
Truth. Axel and his wife Haley had been college sweethearts, and she’d broken his heart. But a little over a year ago, she’d ended up back in Prairie, studying tornadoes, and the rest, as they say, was history. “Thanks, man. See you on the Fourth?”
“Can’t wait.”
Gunnar disconnected, then sent a text to his sister.
Gunnar: Hey, can you pop over for a bit? Gotta talk.
A few moments later his phone beeped.
Hope: Sure. Everything OK?
Gunnar: Yeah. See you soon.
Hope: :)
Pocketing his phone, he trudged up to the farmhouse where his parents still lived, and skipped the back steps, hopping directly onto the porch. The kitchen lights flooded the porch with warm yellow light. How many family meetings had taken place around the old kitchen table? How much ribbing when Hope and her husband Ben Sinclaire had first gotten together? The Sunday dinners back when Uncle Warren had been alive and his cousin Maddie had just started seeing Blake Sinclaire? More than anything, he wanted Suzannah and Lulah to feel the love that emanated from the kitchen, the love that permeated every meal shared there. More than anything, he wanted his little family, unconventional though they might be, to experience the love that lived in this kitchen. Pulling on the screen door, he stepped inside and kicked off his boots. The smell of a fresh pot of coffee hit his nose. “Ma? Pops?” he called.
“In here,” Martha called from the living room. “Come on in.”
He helped himself to a mug of coffee and called out as he wound through the kitchen to the living room. “Hey, can we talk?”
CHAPTER 15
At eight a.m. on the Fourth of July, Gunnar hopped the steps and knocked on Suzannah’s front door. Already, the air was warm and muggy, not a cloud in sight. Today would be a scorcher. Lulah opened the door, all smiles, and wearing her Batman pajamas and cape. “Mama, Gunnar’s here,” she called before launching herself at his thighs to give him a hug.
“Well, hey there sweet thing.” He patted her back, heart squeezing at her exuberance. “You ready to see a parade?”
“Mama’s making Special Breakfast.”
“Special Breakfast, huh? Well maybe I can go give her a hand.”
Lulah bounced over to her toy box while Gunnar made his way to the kitchen, where the smell of burned bacon hit his nose.
“Need some help?”
She turned, giving him a sheepish look. “I always seem to burn it.”
Gunnar cracked his knuckles. “Step aside. The master is here.” He stepped up to the smoky stove and hit the button for the overhead fan. “Do you have a cast iron pan?”
She shook her head, laughing. “I have no idea. Pans are in the bottom cupboard.”
He bent, and in the way back, discovered a beat up old pan. “These are the best. A little hot water and elbow grease, and this will be perfect.” He moved to the sink, and proceeded to scrub the heck out of the pan, then dried it with a paper towel. “You have any oil?”
She pointed to the upper cupboard.
After he greased the pan, he held it up triumphantly. “See? Good as new. The only pan you’ll ever need.”
“Really?” She made a face like she didn’t quite believe his claim.
“Well maybe not for spaghetti sauce, but pretty much everything else.” He laid the pan on a different burner and turned the heat to low. “The secret to good bacon is low heat.”
“But won’t it get soggy?”
“Nope. The fat needs time to render out. The best bacon comes with patience and a little TLC.”
“Sounds like a metaphor for life.”
He lifted a shoulder, quirking a smile and accepting the coffee mug she held out. A zing of attraction flashed up his arm as their fingers brushed. “Maybe so.” He stepped closer, into her space. Her eyes dilated as she tilted her head, and her breath came faster. Did she taste as sweet in the morning as she did when they were stealing kisses at night on the porch? Her hand rose to his chest, and he stilled, waiting. Kiss me. His body tightened in anticipation, breath stalling in his lungs. If he breathed, the moment would be lost, and he wanted to hang onto this with everything he had. A blast of pure pleasure shot through him when she raised herself on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his. His free arm shot around her, pulling her flush against his body and he teased his tongue along her lips. When she softened and welcomed him with a slide of her tongue, sparks shot off in his head. Kissing her was like lighting off a whole string of Black Cats. Kissing her was more satisfying than the best homemade meal. He could devour her here and now, but not with an unpredictable little girl in the next room. Reluctantly, he pulled away, grinning down at her pink cheeks and swollen lips. “I like making breakfast with you.”
She let out a satisfied breath. “Hmm. It is pretty nice.”
“The best.” Longing darted through him. Why couldn’t they do this every day? “Have you talked with Lulah at all?”
Growing serious, she nodded.
“And?”
“It’s hard. I don’t quite know what to say.”
“Well, what have you said?”
“When we found our stars last night,
I asked her if she missed Iris and Bailey.”
Where was she going with this? Remembering his conversation with Axel, he breathed in through his nose and nodded, giving her space to talk.
“And she nodded. And I reminded her how much they love her, even if they can’t come visit all the time. And then we talked about the next time they’re coming to visit, and how much she loves them.”
“Okay.”
She blinked rapidly, voice growing rough. “And then we talked about your star. And I… I asked her if she missed her daddy. I’ve never asked her that before,” she said, voice almost unintelligible through her tears.
Stepping back into her space, he wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m okay, really,” she spoke into his shirt, then glanced up.
For a moment, Gunnar thought his heart might pound out of his chest. Her face was the picture of agony. “What did she say?” His heart jumped to his throat, cutting off his air.
Two big tears streaked down her cheeks as she bit her lip and nodded. “She misses you, the idea of you, more than I ever realized.” She sniffed loudly. “And so I asked her if her daddy was able to come visit her, would she like that.”
Fear iced his veins, but at the same time, he already knew the answer, and he wasn’t sure what scared him more, the possibility she wouldn’t want to see him, or that she would. Could he live up to whatever four-year-old ideas she’d built up about him in her mind? “And?” he whispered.
Suzannah’s shoulders shook, and she nodded into his chest, voice muffled when she finally spoke. “She said… she said that’s what she wished for.”
Gunnar tightened his embrace, throat tickling, chest growing hot.
Lulah came tearing in and skidded to a stop. “Why are you hugging my mommy?”
“Because she needed a hug,” he answered with a little wobble in his voice. “That okay?”
She cocked her head. “I need a hug.”
He opened his arm, chest about to crack open wide. Lulah snuggled in between them. “It’s a Lulah sandwich,” she said with a happy smile.
“It’s a Lulah sandwich,” he repeated, blinking hard.