by Tessa Layne
Suzannah exhaled roughly and stepped out of his embrace, quickly wiping her eyes. “Wanna help with pancakes, bug?”
“Does Gunnar know how to make shapes?”
“The best,” he called out from back at the stove. “Any shape you want.”
“What about a dragon?” she asked suspiciously.
“Easy.”
“Unicorn?”
“All the time.” He crossed to her and swept her up. “If you promise to be very good, I’ll let you sit on the counter and watch.”
She looked to Suzannah, who nodded. “Just this once.”
Lulah clapped when he sat her down. “I want a dragon.”
Gunnar removed the bacon to a plate filled with paper towels, drained the grease and put the pan back on the burner. He held out the bowl to Lulah. “I need you to give it a stir for luck.”
She managed to stir without slopping batter on the floor, and Gunnar set to work. His little girl wanted a dragon, and by god, he was gonna make her one. He drizzled a shape into the pan and stepped back for her inspection. “Well?”
She wrinkled her nose. “It needs fire coming out of its mouth.”
Alrighty, then. He drizzled some more batter. “Better?”
Lulah beamed at him. “Perfect.”
His chest grew warm. He’d never expected the smile of his child to hit him like that, making him a total goner. He’d been utterly unprepared for how much her approval meant to him. “So your mom was telling me about your talk last night.”
She stared at him, swinging her legs.
“That you miss your daddy?”
She nodded, legs stilling.
“I bet your daddy misses you, too.”
“How do you know?” she asked very quietly.
He plated her dragon pancake and set out to make another one just like it. “Because you are a very special little girl.” His mind returned to everything he’d read online over the past week about toddler development. And the parenting book he’d ordered on overnight delivery. Keep it simple, let them ask questions. His palms grew sweaty as his thoughts raced about what to say next. This was so much harder than he’d imagined, than he’d practiced.
Ultimately, Suzannah rescued him. “What Gunnar’s trying to say, sweetie pea, is that he’s your daddy. And he’s missed you for a very long time.”
He offered her a silent gaze of thanks, and she returned it with a watery smile. He turned back to Lulah, whose blonde brows furrowed as she processed Suzannah’s words. After what seemed like an eternity, she looked up, breaking into an enormous smile. “You’re my daddy?”
Hearing those words from her high little voice nearly brought him to his knees. It felt like his heart was now on the outside of his body. Very fragile, vulnerable to the slightest barb. “Can I pick you up?” He opened his arms, and she leaned forward, letting him catch her up in a bearhug. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t see you until now,” he rasped. “But I want you to know how much I love you and missed you.” Lulah melted into him, snuggling her head on his shoulder. He caught a whiff of her baby shampoo, as fresh and soft as she was. He risked a glance Suzannah’s direction, and the knot in his chest squeezed harder. Her hand covered her mouth, eyes glimmering.
Lulah lifted her head. “Does that mean you’re going to marry mommy?”
“No,” Suzannah interjected firmly from the doorway.
Why did her statement bring a lump to the bottom of his throat? Marriage was a nonstarter, they were just trying to find their way in the here and now. Neither of them was in a position to talk about the future. And yet… In the back of his mind, the possibility was always there, hovering just out of reach. Gunnar bit back a noise of disappointment, focusing on the tiny person in his arms, returning his hug.
“Dylan’s mommy and daddy don’t live together,” Lulah announced.
“Not all mommies and daddies do,” Suzannah agreed, nodding her head.
“But Dylan says they don’t like each other. They yell at each other.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Lulahbug, Gunnar and I like each other just fine.”
“Then why can’t he live with us?” her voice wavered, and the lower lip that looked just like Suzannah’s pushed out.
Suzannah’s gaze snapped to his in a silent plea for help. “Well…, it’s–”
“There wouldn’t be any room here for my horses,” Gunnar interjected as relief engulfed her face. “But I’ll come over every day, just like I have been. Does that sound okay?”
Lulah’s mouth was a full-blown pout, now. “Will you play Batman with me?”
He nodded seriously. “Of course.”
“And read me books?”
“As many as you like.”
“And draw me horsies?”
“I’ll do you one better,” he kissed her head. “How would you like to ride a horse?”
She looked over to Suzannah, who nodded. “First you have to get dressed, and then we’re going to go to the parade.”
With a wide grin, she shimmied out of his embrace and ran off toward her bedroom. Gunnar crossed the remaining distance to Suzannah, wanting to hug her, but suddenly feeling unsure. He reached for her hand instead, taking her slender palm in his own. He cleared his throat, but the emotion still clung to his chest. “Thank you. I don–”
“Shhh.” She placed her fingers over his mouth. “You don’t need to say a thing.”
He kissed her fingers, pouring all his gratitude into the gesture. Electricity buzzed down his neck, settling deep in his belly. Did she feel it too? The spark that constantly lurked between them? He squeezed her other hand and stepped closer, until they were toe to toe, and he caught a trace of her jasmine and citrus perfume. He brought his fingers to her jaw, tracing along the bone with the lightest touch. “I installed the carseat,” he murmured, just above a whisper. “Weston helped me with it, so I know it’s safe. I’d like to drive the two of you out to the ranch after the parade. Would that be okay?”
Her lips parted, and her tongue darted out to slick her lower lip. His cock sprang to attention. He couldn’t, he shouldn’t risk a kiss, but the urge to drive his fingers into her hair and devour her mouth, was primal. She leaned into him, eyes fluttering shut. Oh, hell. How was he supposed to resist that? “You feel it, too, don’t you?” he whispered, mouth hovering just above hers. A millimeter more, and they’d be lip-locked.
“Better kiss me quick, cowboy,” she uttered tightly, breath skating across his cheek.
He covered her mouth. But instead of devouring her, the took his sweet time, stroking into her mouth as if they had all the time in the world and not a handful of seconds before Lulah came bounding back into the kitchen. She tasted sweet, a heady combination of coffee, smoky bacon and maple syrup. And sensuous, like a hot summer afternoon filled with promises of tangled limbs and bare skin. The quiet moan emanating from the recesses of her throat, only added fuel to the fire rising between them. He snaked an arm around her back, pulling her tight, and fuck, if she didn’t notch her hips against his raging erection, and give a little roll. But as fast as it started, she stiffened and pushed on his chest.
Not even a second later, Lulah popped into the kitchen wearing a flowered sundress and her Batman glasses. Suzannah must have supersonic hearing. All he could hear was the buzzing of desire pulsing through his veins.
Suzannah shot him a look of pure desire, laced with regret, yet somehow managed to sound calm when she turned to Lulah. “Ready for the parade, sunshine?”
How did she do that? Add mommy radar to her long list of impressive traits. And then it hit him with the force of an anvil dropping on his head. He was still crazy about Suzannah. More so now, than when he’d first fallen for her. The thought should have terrified him, and maybe it would have if he wasn’t still flying high from their kiss. Instead, he wanted to bask in the sensation, shout it from the rooftops. He didn’t care that she burned coffee, or bacon, and cooked horrible dinners. That shit didn’t matter. What
mattered was he was the luckiest sonofagun in the world. And if it took the rest of his life to show Suzannah and Lulah that he was their man, their champion, he’d do it.
CHAPTER 16
Suzannah fidgeted in the passenger seat of Gunnar’s truck as they turned underneath the wrought iron sign reading Hansen Stables. Ever since the kiss they shared a few hours before in her kitchen, Gunnar had been acting strangely. Well, not exactly strangely, but different. Resolute. Grounded. Unflappable. Confident, like something major had changed between them.
Of course, things had naturally changed now that Lulah knew he was her daddy. But this felt… deeper. And honestly, she was so relieved the big reveal had gone smoothly, it had taken her a few hours to notice the change. But it was definitely there. And it was glaringly obvious he loved playing the part of dad. The way he looked at Lulah made her ovaries sing. But would that last?
Gunnar stroked a hand along her thigh. “Nervous?”
“A little.”
“Mom and Dad are going to love you, and you’ve already met Axel.”
Her stomach kicked wildly at the mention of his parents. Gunnar might be convinced they’d love her, but she knew better. Would they judge her? Think she was a slut for seducing her son? Worse, would they treat Lulah differently? She found it hard to take a deep breath.
“Hey.” Gunnar stroked her cheek with the back of a finger, pulling her out of her maudlin imaginings. “I promise, they’re going to love both of you.” He hopped out of the truck, and jogged around the front to open her door. He gave her hand an extra squeeze as he helped her down. “Stay there while I help Lulah out of her car seat.” He pushed the passenger seat forward, and after fiddling with the straps, lifted Lulah out and settled her on his hip. “Wanna walk, baby girl?” She shook her head, burying it in his neck.
Suzannah was stunned at how their relationship had changed over the course of the day. It was like her little heart had been waiting for him. A pang of guilt pulled at her. Maybe she should have looked for him when she discovered she was pregnant. She shook herself. She’d done her best, and what was important, was that he was here now. Gunnar took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and led her from the parking area down around the back of the house to where they’d spread out picnic tables covered in festive tablecloths under the shade of two large oak trees. Someone had strung red, white, and blue paper lanterns between the branches. At the edges, several tiki torches had been lit, even though it was early afternoon. She caught a whiff of citronella. Suzannah couldn’t help but smile, the scene was the quintessential country picnic, straight out of Pinterest or Country Living.
Gunnar called out as they approached. “Ma, Pops, come meet Suzannah.”
She could hear the pride in his voice, especially when they approached and he tilted his head to Lulah, who clung to him.
“Meet my best girl.” She hardly recognized his voice through the emotion. “’Zannah, this is my mom and dad.”
She extended her hand. “It’s a real pleasure, Mr. and Mrs. Hansen. Gunnar’s told me so much about you both.”
Martha wrapped her in a soft embrace. “Hush, now. You call me Martha. And you can just call Eddie Pops. And who is this?” She lowered her voice, giving Lulah a pat on the back. “Hi there, honey. You can just call me Besta – that’s what all the kids call me. And this guy is Bumpa.” Lulah snuggled deeper into Gunnar, offering a shy smile.
Martha turned to her. “Is Lulah short for something?”
Huh. Funny Gunnar hadn’t told her. “Yes,” she answered, stomach fluttering. “It’s short for Talulah Belle.”
Martha’s eyes went wide, and her eyes grew misty.
“Talulah for my grandmother.”
“And my middle name is Belle,” Martha said, stunned.
Suzannah nodded, tears poking at her eyeballs. Even through her heartache, she’d wanted to make sure her baby knew where she’d come from, and to have some kind of tie to Gunnar’s family.
Martha blinked, wrapping her in another hug. “You have no idea what that means to me. Thank you,” she whispered. She stepped back, swiping her face with the back of her hand. “Now I’ve gone and gotten all emotional. Who’d like some lemonade?”
Gunnar placed a hand at the small of her back. “I’m gonna introduce you around, but don’t worry about remembering everyone’s names. There’s a bunch of us.” In short order, Gunnar introduced her to his entire family.
Axel, whom she remembered, and who welcomed her with a bearhug, and his wife Haley, and their little baby Melody, who was still in a sling.
Hope, their sister, and her husband, Ben Sinclaire. His family lived across the river and shared a property line.
Their cousin Maddie and her husband Blake, Ben’s older brother. They had a son, Henry, who was toddling around and hiding underneath the furniture.
Blake and Ben’s brother, Brodie, brought his wife, Jamey, who Gunnar mentioned had helped Martha prepare most of the spread.
Lastly, Gunnar’s Aunt Peggy, his cousin Parker’s mom, and her boyfriend Zack Forte, who used to be Haley’s boss.
Yep. No way in a month of Sundays, would Suzannah remember everyone. Or how they were connected.
Martha offered her a glass of lemonade, and a smile. “Do you feel thoroughly intimidated, now?”
“Pretty much. Although Maddie brought Henry in for a physical.” Suzannah took a long sip of the sweet-tart, obviously made from scratch, beverage.
“Everyone seems thrilled there’s finally a doctor in town.”
“To be honest, I’m surprised at how busy we’ve been.”
“Do you think you need help?”
Suzannah wasn’t sure how to answer. Half the Hansens and Sinclaires were on the board. Anything she said was likely to get back to the other members, and she didn’t want to come across as whiny, or incompetent. “Having someone sit at the receptionist’s desk has been really helpful.” She paused, debating whether to say more. “I think many people have put off seeking medical care for a very long time. It’s natural that when you finally have a doctor, that there’d be a backlog of visits.”
Martha nodded quietly. “Let us know if it becomes something different. I know it’s a lot for one person to handle.”
Nothing she couldn’t handle though. She couldn’t afford to give the board any indication she wasn’t able to fulfill the duties of the job. Even if she thought they were a bit unreasonable. Just the other day, she’d had to send a family to Manhattan because the child had a compound fracture in his arm and needed surgery. There was no x-ray machine here, not to mention she didn’t know the first thing about taking x-rays, and she could only detect the most basic issues on x-ray film. She was a doctor, not an x-ray tech or a radiologist. Helping the family come to terms with the reality they still were going to have to drive over an hour for medical care, had been… challenging.
“Can I ask you a question?” Martha asked.
“Sure. Anything.”
“Would you consider… would it be alright if we helped with Lulah? If you’re not comfortable bringing her out here, I could come into town. Gunnar told us about her heart and everything she’s been through.” Martha took her hand, gripping it hard. “I-I just want you to know, we consider you family. We’re here for you no matter what.”
Warmth flooded Suzannah. “I… thank you,” she said, overwhelmed. “That’s so kind of you.” She was unused to such kindness from strangers, and yet… it felt really nice.
Gunnar appeared at her side, hand coming to rest at the small of her back. His touch warmed her straight to her toes. “I thought maybe we’d take a little ride before eating?” He gave her a knowing smile. “And don’t worry about the heat. Nothing out on the table has mayonnaise. All the perishable food is inside where it’s cool.”
“Did I have that look?”
He grinned down at her. “The one that says you’re worried about treating a full-blown food poisoning epidemic? Yeah.” He raised his eyebrows and m
otioned over to a set of lawn chairs set up by the tree. “You see Lulah trying to play with Henry? She’s trying to get him to play Batman, and he’s having none of it.” Laughter dripped from his voice. “He just wants to dig in the dirt.”
“Well, let’s rescue them both. I bet Lulah will be thrilled.”
“What about you?”
“More nervous than thrilled. But I’ll get used to it. I trust you.” The last words popped out before she could censor them. But it was true – she trusted him. At least when it came to horses.
“Yeah?” His eyes bored into her.
She nodded, mouth suddenly like sawdust. “Yeah.” The air between them grew heavy, and the noise from the gathering faded away.
Gunnar spoke low, so only she could hear. “Sometimes, you get this look in your eye, and I just want to kiss you.”
Her heart jumped into her throat, then dropped to her toes, leaving her limbs tingling. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out, and honestly, what could she say? Because she wanted him to kiss her. More than anything. And truth be told, it was becoming harder and harder to hold him at arm’s length. At last, she dragged her eyes from his. “Lulah,” she called, working to bring her voice to heel. “Would you like to go see the horses?”
Lulah immediately jumped up from where Henry was seated, and ran to them. Gunnar scooped her up and placed her on his shoulders, her favorite place. “Now, hold onto my hat. Don’t let the wind blow it away,” he instructed as they started for the barn. “If you have fun today, I’ll get you your own hat and boots.”
“Will they be Batman boots?”
Suzannah let out a belly laugh. Gunnar followed suit. “I’ll see what we can find, Lulahbug. I’ll see what we can find.”
The door to the barn stood open, and together, they entered the dim space. The scent of hay and fresh manure hit her nose, but surprisingly, it wasn’t offensive. As they slowly walked down the aisle, she picked up the scent of leather, horse, and fresh cedar. In all, a comforting, outdoorsy, earthy aroma that slowed her heart rate with each breath.