What's Worth Keeping

by Kaya McLaren

  Paul laughed and stroked her hair for a few peaceful moments.

  After a while, she sat back up. He stood and helped her to her feet. Hand in hand, they left the tree and walked on down the path together, one foot in front of the other, taking the next step and the one after that, so much adventure and joy still ahead of them.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thank you to my agents, Meg and Christina, and to everyone at St. Martin’s Press, for taking all the pressure off of me and giving me time—time to heal my body, time to heal my mind, time to find my will and desire to write again. Thank you to my editor, Eileen Rothschild, for not only her patience as this novel morphed several times over the years but the level of insight and understanding she brought to this final version. Deep respect, Eileen.

  Thank you to Kari Morrison, my old high school friend, and her dad, Jack, for telling me stories about their summers in Mt. Rainier and Yosemite National Parks. Jack, not only did you give me great book material but you lifted me up out of the darkness on one of my lowest days. Thank you for transporting me to magical places with your stories.

  Thank you to Rhonda Noah for information about the Oklahoma City bombing, OSU, and all things Oklahoma.

  I read archived articles in the Oklahoma City Herald to learn about the Oklahoma City bombing and the effects of this trauma to the first responders. Thank you to the journalists who did such difficult and important work.

  Thank you to Mark Stevenson, Joe Fountain, Vince Sianati, Ramiro Espinoza, and Ross Green for answering my questions about experiences in the military and police and about trauma too.

  Thank you to Ben Whitting and Kevin Walton for giving me information about remodeling houses.

  And thank you to everyone who touched my heart so deeply with their love and compassion in all forms and expressions—practical help, practical gifts, donated sick leave, accommodation at work, quiet companionship on walks, gentle encouragement, soulful listening, and respectful honoring of my boundaries as I walked through a really tough time in my life. Extra thanks to Connie Celuska for playing her harp for me in the hospital when I came out of surgery because that was truly and deeply beautiful. And thank you to all my friends who survived breast cancer before me who informed me, encouraged me, and inspired me, but especially Patsy Everson, Annie Gerber, Patti Callahan Henry, and my cousin Angela McLaren. And again, thank you to my health team at Confluence in Wenatchee and to my loving parents for saving my life and being my heroes.

  ALSO BY KAYA MCLAREN

  How I Came to Sparkle Again

  The Firelight Girls

  The Road to Enchantment

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  KAYA MCLAREN lives on the east slope of the Cascade Mountains in Washington State, where she writes and teaches middle-school art. In her spare time, she loves to hike and SUP with her dog, Frida, as well as bicycle, ski, kayak, and visit as many national parks and hot springs as possible. You can sign up for email updates here.

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  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Amy

  Paul

  Carly

  Amy

  Paul

  Carly

  Amy

  Carly

  Paul

  Carly

  Amy

  Carly

  Paul

  Amy

  Carly

  Amy

  Paul

  Amy

  Carly

  Amy

  Paul

  Carly

  Paul

  Amy

  Carly

  Paul

  Carly

  Paul

  Amy

  Paul

  Amy

  Carly

  Amy

  Paul

  Carly

  Amy

  Paul

  Amy

  Paul

  Carly

  Paul

  Amy

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Kaya McLaren

  About the Author

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  First published in the United States by St. Martin’s Griffin, an imprint of St. Martin’s Publishing Group

  WHAT’S WORTH KEEPING. Copyright © 2021 by Kaya McLaren. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Publishing Group, 120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design by Danielle Christopher

  Cover photographs: woman and lake © Felix Zechner/Eyeem/ Getty Images; bird © Aoosthuizen/Getty Images Plus

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Names: McLaren, Kaya, author.

  Title: What’s worth keeping / Kaya McLaren.

  Other titles: What is worth keeping

  Description: First Editon. | New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2021.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2020035339 | ISBN 9781250145093 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9781250145116 (ebook)

  Classification: LCC PS3613.C57 W48 2021 | DDC 813/.6—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020035339

  eISBN 9781250145116

  Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.

  First Edition: 2021