The Amazing Adventures of Gramma

by Holly Vellekoop

  Ruthie caught on and said, “Sure, I’ll go get you a glass. I just made it.”

  “While you do that, I’ll take a look at your home. I haven’t been here for a while and want to see what you’ve done with the place.”

  Gramma jumped up and pulled detectors out of her carry case. She moved around every room in Ruthie’s house, looking for someone eavesdropping on the phones.

  “Oh, look at the photos of Jamie when she was just a little girl. Your granddaughter was so adorable,” Gramma called out, pointing at various pictures on the wall and elsewhere. Keeping up the pretense, she walked about the home.

  With an earphone detecting an audible alert, Gramma found several land line phones bugged along with Ruthie’s bugged cell phone. She kept up her charade as if nothing was happening.

  Next, Gramma pretended to look at Ruthie’s decorating abilities, all the while searching for hidden cameras.

  “You’ve done a lot with your home, Ruthie. So many beautiful things you’ve collected over the years. Isn’t this vase one that your in-laws used to own?” she asked. “I think I remember seeing it in their house many years ago.”

  “Yes, it is,” Ruthie answered. “It’s something Bert loved, so I kept it after he passed away. It’s quite an expensive antique now.” She handed her friend a glass of tea.

  “Lovely. Just lovely,” Gramma said. She took a sip of iced tea. “Mmmm. Delicious. Did you add mint?”

  “Why, yes, I grow it on my kitchen counter,” Ruthie bragged.

  Still playing a role, Gramma entered Ruthie’s office. An audible alarm sounded through the earphone alerting Gramma to a motion-activated, hidden camera in an outlet. She gave a few seconds glance at the offending device, pretending to just be looking around so as not to alert whoever may be watching on their end of the camera.

  “Let’s take a walk,” Gramma said. “I could use some fresh air.”

  “Sure. Yeah. Me, too,” Ruthie replied. She reached for her cell phone but Gramma motioned for her to leave it in the house.

  Walking along the street

  “Your phones are bugged. Your land line and your cell phone. There’s a hidden wall outlet camera in your computer room. What’s up, Ruthie? Why would anyone want to bug you? Good grief. What have you done? In other words, what are you doing?"

  Ruthie fidgeted and stuttered, not knowing where to start.

  “Stop hemming and hawing around. Spit it out,” Gramma said.

  “It’s Jamie. She’s been working for a computer company and lately she’s been acting really weird. She used to tell me everything. Now, she doesn’t talk about anything she’s doing. And I don’t mean just her company work. I mean she doesn’t tell me anything she’s doing anymore. That’s not my Jamie. We were always close. Shared everything.” Ruthie looked worried.

  “When did you suspect your home might be bugged?”

  “About two weeks ago when Jamie started insisting we go out to eat and talk. She loves my Dutch cooking. Homemade pot pie, apple strudel. I asked her what was going on and she pretended it was nothing, but she looks scared these days. And I noticed a lot of static and popping during my phone conversations. There were some other things, too. We’ve had a phone company truck just sitting around our block for days at a time. No one’s in it, but it’s there and in in a different position every time I see it.”

  Gramma paused. “I’m gonna make a phone call, but before I do, do you still have Bert’s Mercury?”

  “Yes. I don’t drive it often, but I do when I need to go somewhere. Why?”

  “‘Because there might be a GPS tracker hidden somewhere on it. If it’s a Logger, we’ll have to have someone personally search the car for it.”

  “What’s a Logger? Never mind, tell me later. On Bert’s Mercury?” Ruthie said. “It’s not going to blow up or anything is it?”

  “No, it’s not dangerous that way,” Gramma replied. “And yep. Someone may have planted one on Bert’s Mercury.”

  Gramma dialed a number on her cell phone. “Hi. It’s Gramma. I got a place that needs you to do a complete bug sweep. Her car needs a going over, too. How soon can you get here?” She gave directions and more information.

  “Who do you know who’d do that kind of work?” Ruthie asked. “And how do you know your phone isn’t bugged?”

  “Not important who I know,” Gramma answered. “And these buggers at your house are like junior high fledglings. They’ve got a long way to go before they’ll be successful bugging us. My group is beyond the university level. Now, tell me what you’ve got yourself into that would bring this on you.”

  Ruthie sighed. “As I said, Jamie’s been working for a computer company now for several years. Secret stuff. Goes to the Middle East. Can’t talk about it. I worry about her. When we go out to dinner, I think we’re being followed. When I mentioned it to Jamie, she said I was imagining things. Well, I’m not imagining anything, and I told her so. When I asked her what’s going on, she told me not to worry about it. That everything’s fine. Her response is nonsense.”

  “Hmmm. Let me look into this for you, Ruthie. In the meantime, I’ll let you know when to be out of the house so my team can bug sweep it.” She patted her friend’s hand. “They know how to do it so the buggers won’t know what hit them. Tell no one about any of this. Got it?”

  “Okay. Thanks for your help.”

  “One more thing. Keep your eyes on me right now. Don’t look anywhere else. There’s been a small personal drone following us the whole time we’ve been walking,” Gramma said. “Someone is going to great lengths to know what you’re doing, saying, where you’re going and who you’re with.”

  “Who’d do that? Who’d go to the time and expense of using a drone to follow us? They’d need a permit. They’d have to be able to afford it. Is it armed? Can you tell?” Ruthie struggled with wanting to look up, but kept her eyes on Gramma.

  “It’s got a surveillance camera on it. I have a strong desire to break out into a song and dance for it, but I’ll resist.” She laughed. “No matter what I do now, just play along with me.”

  Ruthie nodded her head.

  Gramma pointed to a bench and motioned for her friend to sit down.

  Ruthie took a seat and stared ahead at some ducks swimming in a small pond.

  Gramma made small talk about how cute the ducks were and reminded Ruthie not to move, no matter what she did.

  Ruthie pointed to the ducks on the pond, and Gramma dashed away toward a nearby apartment building. She grabbed a garden hose, turned the spigot on, and ran up to a second story wooden deck, two steps at a time, dragging the hose behind her. She knelt on the floor and peered out between the slats at the black bug-like drone.

  The flying machine circled around Ruthie, making an arc and reversing itself. Its multi-blades swirled above metal feet clutching a video camera.

  More amateurs. Gramma laughed out loud at the simplistic drone.

  With its camera rigidly pointing forward, the flying invader moved slowly toward the wooden deck, searching for someone or something.

  When it got within a few feet of Gramma, she stuck the hose between the slats and turned the nozzle on full tilt at the flying machine. Water blasted the miniature spy plane, knocking it around and around. Water spilled everywhere, over and under it. In less than a minute, the drone sputtered and tilted side to side, rolling as it fell like a dead bird to the yard below.

  “Booyow,” Gramma yelled victoriously.

  The drone was still.

  Gramma descended the steps, crouching as she continued blasting the invader with water. When she reached the plastic flying machine, she used the tip of her boot to point the camera downward. All the while, water coursed over it from the hose.

  “It’s okay, Ruthie, you can come over here, now,” Gramma called to her friend.

  “What in the world is that thing and who’d want to sic it on us?” Ruthie asked.

  “Whoever’s following your Jamie must be interested in wh
at you're doing, too,” Gramma said. “Amazing inventions, these drones. I’ll just take this one with me as an example of what not to use to spy on someone. Maybe do a workshop about it for would-be master spies. Hilarious.” She tucked the machine under her arm.

  “Now, let’s go get some coffee and a treat. Maybe some kind of a sweet dessert.” She made a mental note to activate her own drones. Two can play that game.

  Chapter 11

  Sweetums has Puppies, Rock Climbing,

  and Some Other Stuff Happens, too

  “Who has the cutest puppies in the world? Huh? Why, you of course,” Gramma cooed to her Pomeranian.

  Sweetums was lying on her side, proudly observing her two newborns having lunch. The tiny, blonde, fuzzy female and her chubby, white brother greedily ate while mom rested and watched.

  “They’re beautiful, Gramma,” Lola said. “I’d sure like to have one. Can I have one for my birthday?”

  “I’d like one, too, Gramma,” Andy said. “My birthday isn’t for several months, but I’ll buy it from you.”

  “I wonder what your dad and mom will think about you two getting puppies,” Gramma said to Lola. “You have your own apartment, Andy, so it’ll be less of a problem unless there’s something in your lease about pets. Lola, I’ll have to clear it with your parents before I say yes. I have several people who want them, but you two come first, of course.”

  “This one looks like Sneaky Rex,” Lola said. The white newborn was finished with his meal. Whimpering, he was trying to crawl over the blanket, moving his chubby self back and forth.

  Lola picked him up.

  “Sneaky Rex? Well, that’s better than Doo Doo or Opie,” Gramma said.

  Sweetums watched Lola’s every move, getting up to sniff her puppy on Lola’s lap.

  “Hmmm. I think you’re right. Yes, he does look like Sneaky Rex,” Gramma said. “Well, then it’s settled. The daddy is Sneaky Rex. He sure lives up to his name doesn’t he? The good news is we can rule out Doo Doo as the papa. Hallelujah. Not that there’s anything wrong with Doo Doo. Carl keeps him nice and clean and he’s a good boy. It’s just . . . well . . . his name’s Doo Doo.” She muttered to herself. “Who in the world would name their dog Doo Doo?”

  “You’ve got to admit, Carl’s not your ordinary neighbor, but then again, none of your neighbors are what I’d call ordinary,” Andy said.

  “So true. It’s not that Carl looks funny or anything. Heck, he wouldn’t stand out in a crowd. At least not until he opened his mouth and started talking,” Lola said. "But, that's true about a lot of people you know."

  Gramma’s phone buzzed with a text message. She checked to see who it was from.

  “Geez, you get more texts than I do,” Lola said. “Is there anybody you don’t know?”

  “Can’t think of anyone,” Gramma said.

  Before she could finish, Gramma saw Chatty Mae at the back window, peeking in at the new mommy dog and puppies.

  Next to Chatty Mae were the Poodle Twins. Their little black, curly haired bodies were keeping vigil with their moist noses pressed against the glass doors. Doggie breath and nose stuff smeared across the panes.

  Gramma motioned for Chatty Mae to come in and take a look. She smiled at the poodles and asked them what they wanted.

  They didn’t answer.

  Gramma went to get window cleaner and a rag.

  The poodles rushed away.

  Carl let himself through the gate into Gramma’s yard. He stood and watched her cleaning the glass.

  “Oh. Poodle drool, right?” Carl said. "There's some of that on my door windows, too."

  “Yep. And other Poodle stuff, too,” Gramma answered. She sprayed the glass and wiped it down.

  “I have an idea. You could avoid having to wipe that down so often by putting a screen in there instead of the glass,” Carl said.

  “Don’t you have some computer tekking to do or something?” Gramma advised.

  “You’re right. I do. Thanks for reminding me.” Carl hustled out of the yard.

  Gramma rejoined her guests in the house.

  “What’d Carl want?” Chatty Mae asked.

  “Nothing. He was just being Carl,” Gramma replied.

  “Aren’t the puppies beautiful?” Chatty Mae said. She bent down for closer examination. She squinted then smiled when she saw the white male. “Uh oh. That one looks like . . . you know . . . Rex.

  “We thought so, too,” Lola said. She giggled. “He’s my favorite.”

  “They are beautiful aren’t they?” Gramma said. “Just like their mother. Yes, indeed. And their father, too, of course. I mean, their daddy must be one handsome doggie.” She gave a nervous look to Chatty Mae.

  “Maybe I ought to get a stud fee, Gramma. After all, I’m sure Rex is the father, and, well, you know, people pay good money to get such beautiful puppies.”

  “You’re kidding. Right?” Gramma said.

  She gave Chatty Mae ‘The Look.’

  “Yeah, I’m kidding, but it was worth it to see the expression on your face.”

  “I might be getting one of the puppies,” Lola said.

  “Me, too,” Andy added.

  “We can’t be sure until you get the okay,” Gramma said. “Let me know whether you can have them or not. Better yet, I’ll ask your parents myself.” She texted her son and daughter-in-law.

  “I hope they say yes,” Lola said.

  “Well, your parents haven’t answered yet about the puppies. Maybe they’re just busy. Yeah, that’s it. They’re busy,” Gramma replied. “Or, maybe they're thrilled at the prospect of a new puppy. Nah. On another topic, what about your apartment building, Andy? Did you check to see if you’re allowed a dog there?”

  Andy shrugged his shoulders.

  Carl banged on the back door, black poodles at his feet.

  “Come on in,” Lola said.

  He looked nervously at Lola and Andy. “I forgot to ask you something Gramma. Business. Got a minute?”

  “Sure. I’ll meet you at the gate.”

  Carl and Gramma stood in the backyard.

  “I have to go to Rome tomorrow for the company,” Carl said. “I was wondering if you’re scheduled for Italy, too.”

  “Not this time,” Gramma said. “I’m in the middle of something else. Too bad, too I’ve always enjoyed working with you.”

  “Me, too. I was just checking. Uncle’s going with me and so is Chatty Mae. Most of the neighborhood is out working somewhere across this planet. Good grief. When will things quiet down on the continents?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m never without an assignment, either,” Gramma said. “Stay safe while you’re in Rome.”

  “Will do. Hey, I've got this really cool idea for joining all the backyards in our neighborhood. We could take down the fences, put in a walking trail, maybe some fun animals to roam there. A small pond for ducks. Quoits and horseshoes would be cool, too. Yeah, we could put in quoit and horseshoe pits. Wow. I gotta think this over. There's so much we could do with this idea. Whattya' think?"

  Pleased with his idea, Carl looked hopefully at Gramma.

  "I think you should get home and start packing for Rome, that's what I think."

  "You're right. Gotta go,” Carl said. “And Doo Doo needs a walk.”

  Gramma muttered under her breath.

  “What?” Carl asked.

  “Nothing,” Gramma said. She mumbled again.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  Carl headed for home.

  Gramma entered her house, grumbling all the way.

  “Where’d you get that cool necklace, Andy? I really like it,” Chatty Mae asked.

  “It’s the one Gramma got me in Ecuador. I think it looks good, too.”

  Gramma beamed at her handsome grandson.

  “Hey, Gramma. I’ve booked us at the indoor rock climbing gym,” Andy said. “Do you have time to join us? Lola’s going. It’ll be great fun. I know you went rock climbing years
ago, so I thought you’d enjoy it.”

  Gramma paused a minute to reflect on her early rock climbing experience on the Gheebar Rahl in Southern Afghanistan. Those were the days. She sighed in remembrance of her and her sweetheart husband, undercover investigating, yet still finding time for mountain climbing and chess with the best. Atash was amazing to both of them. Now he and her husband had passed on.

  “Gramma. What’re you thinking about? You look sad,” Chatty Mae asked.

  “Nothing,” Gramma answered. “Just some old memories. Now, about that indoor mountain climbing. Let’s go.”

  “You want to go with us, Chatty Mae?” Andy asked.

  “I think I see Boozie out there in the yard,” Chatty Mae said. “I’ll go see what she’s up to.”

  Chatty Mae rushed out the door. “I totally see you, Boozie.”

  She was gone before they could invite her again.

  Indoor Mountain Climbing Gym

  Bonnie, the gym receptionist, greeted them at the door and settled everyone in to do some rock wall climbing. She got a call to go to the back office and left the area.

  Beth stepped forward to welcome them.

  Andy, Lola and Gramma, all dressed appropriately for the upcoming adventure, warmed up and stretched to loosen tight muscles and ligaments. They squatted and moved about until all three felt their bodies were ready to make a climb.

  Gramma walked the perimeter of the gym, checking out the different climbing walls and arcs, being careful to stay out of the way of the other climbers. She mentally graded the walls, settling on the one she wanted to challenge today. She rejoined her grandchildren who were with Beth.

  “I can help you get started. Bonnie got called away for a few minutes,” Beth said and eyeballed Gramma. “Are you sure she can do this?” Beth whispered to Lola. A concerned look furrowed her brow and face. She observed the chalk can hanging from Gramma’s waist.

  “You’ll find out soon enough,” Lola said. “Don’t worry, though. We’ll keep an eye on her.”

  Beth fussed around Gramma, making sure her gear was on correctly and giving her instructions for how to navigate the wall. She checked and rechecked Gramma’s equipment and noted the harness and expensive pair of climbing shoes. She thought an orthopedic pair may be more appropriate. She wondered if the insurance will cover this.