“I need to ask you something,” she said carefully to Lynn as the lift inched its way back up the hill. “Is there something going on between you and Alison?”
A hard stare from Lynn, then an instant recalibration of her gaze that was like a stage curtain being lifted to unveil a completely different set. “What do you mean?”
“Are you friends with her? Secretly meeting with her? Inadvertently sharing information? Anything like that? Anything that could compromise this team that I should know about?”
Lynn’s face began to pink and not from the cool air. “If you’re accusing me of something, then just come out with it.”
“I’m not accusing you. I’m asking. There’s a big difference.”
Lynn’s hesitation confirmed there was plenty for Niki to worry about, and with it went her trust for Lynn. Dammit! How could they have success on the ice if her assistant coach couldn’t be trusted to have the team’s best interests at heart? What the fuck was going on? Her stomach pitched, and for a moment, she wanted to lean over and throw up.
“There’s nothing going on with Alison. You asked me to keep an eye on her, and I am. That’s all.”
There had to be more, much more. But there was no proof of anything, and little chance Lynn was going to make it easy and give her a big confession. At the top of the hill, knowing she had little other choice, she said, “If there’s anything, anything, that could compromise our success on the ice in five weeks’ time, you need to tell me. And you need to tell me now, because the Olympics is as big as it’s going to get for us as coaches and for most of our girls. We can’t have anything jeopardize that. We’ve got to be united in this.”
Lynn’s smile looked like it was chiseled on her face. “Don’t worry, Nik. Everything’s going to be fine. We’re in the driver’s seat, I promise.”
As her friend disappeared down the hill, Niki stood on the precipice and wondered, not for the first time, what the hell had gone wrong between them the last few months. And where the hell things were going.
* * *
It was beyond laughable to Eva that both teams should end up at the same time in the hotel restaurant for dinner. Fate was fucking with them, though she knew Niki would be far less amused. Alison looked like a gasket or two was about to blow inside her head. But Eva could see little sense in fuming about something she couldn’t control. Maybe there was even a reason they were being thrown together this week. And if there wasn’t, hell, it was worth it to sit and watch Alison have an aneurysm.
She chanced a shrug and a smile in Niki’s direction before turning her attention to her seatmates. With deadly accuracy, Alison’s eyes lobbed darts at Team Canada, which made Eva want to laugh at her display of childishness. If only she spent all that energy coaching them on the ice, Eva thought, they’d be the favorites instead of the underdogs who hadn’t won a gold medal since those first Olympics in 1998.
Three seats over, Dani madly texted on her cell phone. Each press of the tiny keypad grew more forceful, as though she might poke her finger right through the phone’s metal sheath and into the guts of the thing. Her scowl too looked like it might crack her face. Whatever was going on, it was clear she was pissed about something. Her frenetic texting stopped, but she tapped her phone impatiently, cut a hard glare across the room. Eva followed it, watched it land on Lynn O’Reilly, who suddenly picked up her phone. She read something on it, then typed. It wasn’t but a few seconds before Dani’s phone chimed with an incoming text.
Holy shit, Eva thought, watching the two text each other, Dani stopping only to glare at Lynn. Lynn didn’t return the look, but it couldn’t be coincidence that every time Dani texted, Lynn picked up her phone and vice versa. What the hell are those two up to? First it was Alison and Lynn with their heads together in that restaurant in Toronto, and now Lynn and Dani were texting? And was Alison aware that she wasn’t the only one on the team Lynn was communicating with? She turned her attention to Alison, who had suddenly become engrossed in her menu, either deliberately or coincidentally turning a blind eye to what was going on.
Eva tossed her own menu down, queasiness taking her stomach for a roller-coaster ride. She wanted to tell Niki about the new development, but Niki said last night she didn’t want to hear about any of it. Niki wanted to put her head in the goddamned sand and pretend there was no off-ice bullshit, no politics at play, no diabolical manipulations by people who would do anything to gain the upper hand. And there were people on both teams who fit that description to a T.
She tried to capture Niki’s attention but couldn’t. They’d meet again in the hot tub tonight, and though Niki might want to ignore whatever was going on, Eva sure wasn’t going to.
As Dani finally slid her phone back in her pocket, Eva crooked a finger at her to follow her.
In the ladies’ washroom, Dani fixed her with a sly look that was meant to be funny but wasn’t. “I’m not into washroom sex.”
“Ha ha. Want to tell me what you were doing texting Lynn O’Reilly?”
Smugness came easily to the sophomore forward; admission of fault, not so much. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I saw you doing it. But we can solve this little disagreement right now if you want to show me your phone.”
“Like, whatever. I don’t owe you an explanation about anything I do, especially not about who I text or don’t text. You’re not my mom, though you’re probably old enough to be.”
Anger hardened Eva’s jaw, but she wouldn’t give Dani the satisfaction. “You’re right, you don’t owe me an explanation, but I’d like one.” She couldn’t threaten Dani with going to Alison, because chances were Alison was involved in this little scheme too. Scheming and Alison were on a first name basis.
“Yeah, and I’d like a million dollars. Ain’t gonna happen.”
“You little bitch,” Eva muttered under her breath, stepping closer to Dani, towering over her but not touching her. “I won’t tolerate a team that has to cheat in order to win, if that’s what you’re doing. And I’ll do everything in my power to stop your bullshit. And Alison’s too.”
Dani stared her down, not an ounce of respect for the older, more experienced player who would one day be named to the hall of fame. “You’ve got an inflated sense of self-importance around here, Cruzie. But if you want to tattle on me to your girlfriend, go right ahead. Won’t do any good.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Eva seethed, her fists clenched at her sides.
“Whatever. I’ve seen you making moony eyes at Niki Hartling and I know you two used to get it on, like, a million years ago.”
“You know what, Dani? Fuck you. And remember, shit like this has a way of coming around and biting you in the ass. It’s called karma. And it’s a bitch.”
Eva stormed out without a look back. She had no idea what she would do next. It wasn’t like her to sit back and play it cool, but maybe that was exactly what she needed to do for once. If Alison and Dani were up to something, it would become evident soon enough.
Chapter Fifteen
Body Checking
Niki eased herself into the hot tub, already fevered at the sight of Eva, whose arms were cockily spread along the edge of the tub as if she owned it. There was something dangerously alluring about these clandestine, nocturnal meetings in the hot, burbling water with a gorgeous woman who used to be her lover. She should probably feel guilty, but she didn’t, because she needed to do something for herself, something a little on the edge, a little unscripted and totally away from the glaring spotlight of the approaching Olympic Games. In this little corner of the world, with Eva, she could be herself and she could let all her tension drain away.
“How was your day?” Eva asked, as though they’d done this a thousand other times. And they had, come to think of it, although it’d been a long time ago.
“Pretty tame, actually. Took the team to see an IMAX film and then we went for a snowshoe hike. How about you?”
“Not so fun.
Alison had us hit the gym pretty hard, then forced us to watch that film Miracle on Ice. Which she shows the team every year.” Eva rolled her eyes. “Next thing you know, we’ll all be ordered to wear underwear with the stars and stripes on them.”
Niki laughed. “Just don’t give my kid any. She has enough stars and stripes stuff, thanks to you.”
“Ah, yes, my evil plan to corrupt Rory first, then you.”
“Good luck with that. The maple leaf is firmly stamped on my ass.”
“Really?” Eva’s smile was nervy. And sexy as hell. “I’d like to see that.”
“I bet you would.” She studied Eva’s eyes, at the mischief lurking there, and, if she wasn’t mistaken, the sexual desire too. Fleetingly she considered the wisdom of getting the hell out of here, fast, because something was happening between them. Something she couldn’t quite name but wanted to. Was the flirting advancing to more serious territory? Was the volatile chemistry between them flaring to life again? All she knew for certain was that thoughts of Eva had filled her mind all week and filled her heart too. Seeing her like this—with her defenses down, her trusting nature exposed, her teasing nature on full display—made Niki long for the woman she’d fallen for when they were barely adults. The advice of a childhood friend’s mom drifted back to her, hauntingly so: “Choose your first love wisely, because first loves leave an imprint on your soul that stays with you forever.” She refused to believe it at the time, like any fourteen-year-old would. But now? Now the veracity of it was something she’d never question or doubt again.
“Niki…”
“Do we have to?” God, she did not want a deep, emotional discussion about their past, not now. She knew what Eva was going to say, what she wanted from her. But what good would rehashing the past do now? Besides, she wasn’t in the mood. She wanted to relax, not have to think about anything at all.
“Yes. I want to talk about us. Because we never have, and because I can’t quite reconcile the fact that we both walked away without a look back. I mean, haven’t you thought about why we—”
“Seemed to let go so easily?” Of course she had thought about it. They were both competitive people who liked to win, so why had they given up so easily? “Eva, I don’t know what good—”
“Please, Nik.”
Niki sighed, understanding it made sense that if they were to be friends, they were going to have to clear this hurdle. “Fine. I don’t know. It was easier to walk away than to fight our way through it, I guess. Look, it’s not going to change anything after all these years, all right?”
Eva’s face twisted in anguish, shocking Niki, who’d only ever seen Eva express such despair after the loss of a big game. “It might solve the mystery of why my heart can’t seem to love anyone else the way I loved you.”
“You mean all those women you had after me never managed to capture your heart?”
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I.” She’d heard plenty of gossip over the years about Eva’s many girlfriends, a butterfly sampling the nectar from a multitude of flowers. She stopped herself from twisting the knife a little, because she knew doing so would help loosen the fury anchored at her core.
“I wasn’t like you, Nik. I never found someone I wanted to marry.”
The sting in Eva’s voice was like a slap, and Niki instinctively reeled back. “Look. I wanted stability. I wanted a life that didn’t involve chasing a dream I knew was over. I wanted a real job and I wanted to come home to someone at the end of the day. Not…not…act like I was twenty years old forever.” She knew her words were a condemnation of the life Eva had chosen, but it was a life she couldn’t understand—playing hockey until her body gave out and being paid peanuts to do it, traveling from city to city, flitting from relationship to relationship, never putting down permanent roots. It was a transient, incomplete life. And it wasn’t for her.
Eva’s gaze settled on the distant mountains, dark shadows contrasted by stark white caps of snow that almost looked like smoke. “I was so stupid back then. I thought there’d be lots more Nikis in my life. I thought there’d be time to find someone else. That there would be someone else, someone like you. And I thought I could just go on playing hockey like this forever, I guess.” Eva’s eyes returned to her, and Niki could feel the weight of their soulfulness. For a moment she had to avert her gaze to keep from getting sucked into their depths.
“I think,” Niki said quietly, “when you’re young, starting over seems easier than mending what you have. And then at some point it becomes easier to wall off the damage and leave it there.” It’s what they’d both done.
“Did you love her more than me?”
The brutal bluntness of the question stole Niki’s breath, and she tried hard to muffle the audible gasp that escaped her lips. “Of course I loved her. I wouldn’t have married her if I hadn’t.” She knew she hadn’t really answered the question, and it angered her that she should be expected to compare, like she was choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream.
“But, what I mean…” The glisten of unshed tears was bright in Eva’s eyes.
“Eva, don’t.” It didn’t feel right talking about Shannon. At least, not with the woman who’d come before her. And yet, she’d confessed to Shannon everything about Eva, and Shannon hadn’t taken it well. Shannon forever after was insecure about Eva, flinched whenever her name came up, sulked openly at the thought, no, the worry, that Niki might have loved Eva more or deeper or better or something, and that she’d been more sexually hungry for Eva than she’d ever been for her. Why, Niki thought with rising frustration, did women become so emotionally preoccupied with third parties? With psychoanalyzing every relationship to death? It should have been enough for Shannon that she had chosen her to marry, and it should have been enough for Eva that she’d been her first love.
“Fine,” Eva replied tonelessly. “I get it.” She began to rise, but Niki clutched her wrist and held her back.
“I’m not trying to punish you or to be cruel to you.”
Eva sat back down and gathered herself. “No. I’m sorry. I had no right.”
For several minutes there was only the sound of the water rushing and swirling around their bodies. Niki couldn’t still her thoughts, couldn’t let herself relax into the kind of tranquility she craved and hadn’t found much of since Eva had reappeared in her life.
“Eva, I won’t lie to you. I loved you with everything I had. All right? Everything.”
“But it wasn’t enough, was it?”
Niki shook her head. “I think we weren’t enough. We didn’t know what the hell to do with that kind of love. We were kids. Kids who thought everything would continue to come easy to us. Kids who thought the things we had were expendable. Replaceable. Including our relationship. But we can’t go back. And we’ve got to stop kicking ourselves in the ass.”
“I’m not asking us to go back.”
“Then what?”
Eva leaned close, in the dim light her eyes black and liquid and beguiling. “Kiss me.”
* * *
The kiss was a struck match closing in on the tinderbox that was her heart, her sexual core, and Eva didn’t, for the moment, care if she got burned. Astonishment that Niki would acquiesce so quickly, that she would so thoroughly return the kiss, quickened Eva’s blood and the rush of arousal that threatened to swamp all of her senses. She thirsted for Niki and always had. It wasn’t the time to think about what the kiss meant as her lips pressed against Niki’s, softness melding with softness, noses and chins and cheeks adjusting and fitting together seamlessly, not having forgotten a thing. They’d always fit perfectly together, even in the early days when they were all awkward fingers and fumbling hands and inexperienced but eager tongues.
It was several breathless moments before Niki gently pulled away.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you after our breakup,” Eva confessed.
“You mean last fall?”
�
��No. Six years ago at that charity auction for women’s hockey at the Hockey Hall of Fame.”
Niki laughed. “You didn’t exactly look like you wanted to kiss me, if I remember correctly. You looked like you wanted to duct tape me to a hockey net and take slap shots at me.”
“No, I wanted to kiss you. But yeah, I was hurt and angry.” Eva grinned. “Slap shots wouldn’t have been a bad idea, though.”
“Why were you angry with me?”
“I was pissed that you were married and that she was there with you. That she wasn’t me. It was unreasonable, but at the time, I wanted to blame you.” Eva’s voice was barely a whisper now. “It was easier than blaming myself.”
Niki’s lips pursed together, maintaining her silence.
“I know you don’t want to talk about her, Nik, but I want to apologize. I acted badly. I was jealous. Hurt. Maybe I still am, I don’t know.”
Niki’s voice shook with reproach. “She was my wife. And she’s dead. You can’t possibly be jealous of a ghost.”
Yes, I can, Eva thought. Any further discussion was dashed when Niki heaved herself out of the tub. “Wait, Nik, please.” Goddamn it! She’d fucked things up again. She couldn’t help but think Niki didn’t want to hear her deepest thoughts, just as she hadn’t wanted to hear her suspicions about Alison, Lynn and Dani. Why do we always seem to misunderstand each other?
“It’s late. I need to get back.”
Eva bit back her disappointment. “Tomorrow night. Instead of the hot tub, I rented the ice at the arena down the road for an hour. Just for the two of us. Bring your skates, your stick, your gloves. I’ll bring pucks. What do you say?”
Niki quirked an eyebrow at her. “Are you suggesting a little one-on-one?”
Eva hitched her chin. “I am. If you’re not scared, that is.”
“Ha! I’m not scared. I could always beat you one-on-one.”
“That’s right. Past tense. But if you’re so sure, bring some pocket change.”
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