by Beth Rinyu
“Gia?” I didn’t want to look up because I knew whose eyes I’d be looking into when I did.
My hands began to shake as I tried desperately to pull it together, slowly lifting my head to find Jasper’s familiar eyes staring into mine. I remained silent, still a little stunned that he even acknowledged me. “I’ll be right over,” he said to the two businessmen he was dining with. “How are you?”
Really? How are you? “I have nothing to say to you.” I looked back down and fumbled through my wallet for my money, throwing it into the check folder. I stood up and hurriedly made my way out of the restaurant, hoping that Carrie would know where to find me.
“Gia, wait!” he followed me out and grabbed my arm.
I yanked it away with full force. “Do not touch me!” I shouted, causing some passersby to look our way.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I just wanted to see…”
“Wanted to see what? If I took care of the problem? Well, I didn’t, but Mother Nature did.”
He shook his head. “Gia, I’m sorry….I was under so much stress with the whole divorce.”
“You were under so much stress? Really? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Is that supposed to make it okay? You cast me aside when I needed you most and when your baby needed you most!” My voice rose in anger. I started to walk away but felt that there was so much more that needed to be said. Turning back around to find him still standing in the same spot, I moved closer until I was only inches away from him. “I thank God every day for that baby because it took something as horrible as the pain I went through over losing it to realize that you were nothing but a poor excuse for a man. I can honestly say that I hate you and I can only hope that one day you experience even one ounce of the pain that my heart has felt over losing my baby.” He stared at me blankly and for the first time ever, I saw what looked like remorse in his eyes. I wanted so badly to break down in tears but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I could fall apart the minute I walked away but I would not do it in front of him. As I glanced over at Carrie who had just exited the restaurant, she gave me strength to keep those tears at bay while she stood there quietly allowing me to vent my frustrations on him. “So, thank you Jasper, for showing me the real you and allowing me to realize how I deserve to be treated.” I glared at him, not backing down and being the first to look away.
Carrie finally walked over and wrapped her arm around me, leading me away. “You made your niece very proud,” she whispered in my ear. I let out a laugh before breaking the dam and allowing the tears to fall. Seeing him again hurt so badly, but not because I missed him or still had feelings for him. He was a painful reminder of what I had been through and what I had lost. He was also a reminder of how much I had healed in that short time and how much stronger I had become. And, most of all, he was a reminder of exactly how lucky I truly was to have a man like Cam in my life whether it be as a boyfriend or just a friend…..I needed him and I wasn’t going to be afraid to let him know that anymore.
Thirty-Two
Cam
I felt like a damn prisoner in my own home. Confined to hobbling around on crutches for the next six weeks, missing out on most of the season and countless doctor and physical therapy appointments in between and all because of one awkward move as I was fielding the ball. I hated having all of this free time on my hands. It gave me too much time to think about the one and only person who could put a smile on my face right now. I thought for sure I would have heard from Gia by now. We never went this long without talking and the whole thing that drove me nuts was I didn’t even know why she was acting this way. At least if I was playing ball, I wouldn’t have time to think about the whole situation, but sitting out on my patio, staring out at the beautiful blue ocean, all I could think about were her eyes and how much they resembled that water.
“Mr. Hamilton?” Lenny walked outside, breaking me from my inner turmoil and self-pity.
“Lenny, really, you can call me Cam.” I had told him this time and time again, but he never listened.
He took a seat in the lounge chair next to me. “I…uh just thought I’d mention this in case you’re interested.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Well, I’m sure you already know, but Gia’s ballet is in town at the Westin Grand Theatre.” My ears perked up at the mention of her name. “She had a performance last night that Lucy and I attended, and she left two tickets at will-call for tonight’s performance. Lucy’s daughter and niece were supposed to go but had to cancel last minute. So, we were wondering if you’d like to go and surprise her.”
I raked my hand through my hair and stared straight ahead. There was nothing I would rather do than see Gia tonight, but after how she’d reacted the last time we talked, I wasn’t sure if that was such a great idea. I rubbed the back of my neck while Lenny waited patiently for a response. “Uh yeah, sure. What time?” I blurted out.
A triumphant smile flashed across his face. “The performance starts at eight.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, maybe it would just make this whole confusing situation with Gia even worse, but I needed to see her face, I needed to hear her voice and even if it only lasted for one tenth of a second….I needed to feel that happiness that her beautiful smile brought out in me.
***
Swarms of people filled the theatre all to watch Gia in her star performance. I couldn’t stop smiling as I watched her move effortlessly across the stage. This was her dream and she had finally achieved it. When she stepped out on the stage to take a final bow, it was if I was staring at a different girl than the one I had known my entire life. She conveyed a confidence in herself that she always seemed to lack before. I remained on the down low, wanting Gia to breathe in her moment with the countless photographers and newspapers vying to get a few words from her. Her smile was a mile wide as she took it all in until her eyes shifted and focused directly on me. That smile that was plastered across her face just seconds ago was now replaced with sadness and confusion and in that moment I regretted my decision to attend. She sucked in her bottom lip, never taking her eyes from me as the reporters began to badger her some more, finally breaking free from her trance and looking away when her dance partner grabbed her arm and pulled her off to the side to pose for a photo.
I felt like I had lost her forever, we would never go back to where we were before and we would never move ahead as a couple. I had fucked up one of the best things in my life, all because I couldn’t control myself by not sleeping with her. I shook my head and made my way through the crowd, hobbling on my crutches, ignoring the reporters that where now snapping pictures of me. I looked straight ahead focusing on the exit and trying my best to forget that tonight ever happened.
Thirty-Three
Gia
What the hell did I just do? Why did I freeze at the site of Cam? I worked my way through the crowd, trying my hardest to find him. He had come here tonight to support me, just like he always had throughout my entire life. When I looked out into that crowd and saw those beautiful brown eyes focused on me, I went into shock. His smile conveyed so much emotion. It wasn’t a full fledge grin, but it was kind, gentle, and supportive….it was everything that Cam was to me. I had been a complete jackass with the way I had shut him out of my life these past few months and I needed to let him know how sorry I was. I began to break out in a sweat as my need to talk to him intensified and breathed a sigh of relief when I finally made it to my dressing room, where I could finally be alone and hopefully get in touch with him and make arrangements to meet up. I dug through my bag finally locating my phone that was buried on the bottom. I looked at the screen to find 1 missed call from Carrie and a text from Jason: Carrie’s water broke. Heading to the hospital now.
“Shit!” I whispered, knowing that my flight wasn’t leaving until the morning. I wanted to be in that room when my niece was born. I needed to be there. I pulled up the
email with all of my flight information and immediately called the airline to see if there was a flight going out sooner. I was as happy as could be when she told me there was one leaving in two hours. While the woman on the other end of the line changed my flight, I ran around my dressing room gathering my things. I had to dart over to my hotel and get my bags as quickly as possible if I planned on making that flight and welcoming my niece into the world. I ran out the door and on to the street, hopping into a taxi while I dialed Cam’s number only to have it go directly to his voicemail. My heart sank just listening to his voice on the message. Even though I would much rather see him in person or at least talk to him on the phone, I was going to have to settle on leaving a voice mail. I would just explain to him that I was in total shock when I saw him and how it meant more than anything in the world to have him there. That would have to do for now until I could actually talk to him. When I got the pre-recorded message stating that his mailbox was full I knew that wasn’t an option. Shit. Now what? Do I send him a text? No, I needed to talk to him. I dialed his number once again, hoping that by some miracle it would be turned on, only to have it go directly to voicemail once again. I had no choice. I needed to text him and ask him to call me. “Shit. Shit. Shit!” I shouted, causing the taxi driver to look in the rear view mirror at me. “My battery on my phone just died.” I explained.
He looked straight ahead, concentrating back on the road without saying a word. I wanted to cry, Cam was only a car ride away, and I had no way or no time to get in touch with him. I closed my eyes and pulled in my bottom lip, trying to focus and was coming up blank. The best I could do right now was get on that plane and be there for my sister and hope that I could make things right with Cam.
***
“Okay, baby, I’m here, you can come out now,” I spoke to Carrie’s belly. I couldn’t believe after a six-and-a-half-hour flight and an hour stuck in the back of a taxi to get here, this baby still wasn’t budging. Carrie laughed and I was amazed over how calm she was. “Wow, I want whatever drugs they gave you.” I teased.
“It’s called an epidural. I don’t feel anything.”
“Oh….well there goes that. I hate needles and I hate hospitals.”
“Yeah, me too, but this is a happy hospital visit.”
The sight of Jason walking into the room with two cups of coffee was like a mirage. I was so tired and in desperate need of caffeine. “Did I ever tell you that you’re my favorite brother- in- law?” I teased as he handed me a cup.
“I’m your only brother- in- law,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee and handing me the other cup.
“Stepbrother?”
“Don’t say that word!” Carrie scowled.
“You be quiet and just tell that baby to come out. Speaking of which….can you guys tell me the name now that I finally know it’s a girl?” They both looked at each other in confusion. “Oh no….do not even tell me that “Mr. and Mrs. Planner” do not have a name picked out for their baby yet?”
“Well, we can’t come to an agreement. Jason likes Kara –”
“Kara? Jas – really? Have your forgotten about the bitch Kiera in high school?”
“That’s what I said!” Carrie exclaimed, catching her breath to breathe through what I was assuming was a contraction.
“You guys are too much. It’s two totally different names!” Jason said in defense, taking a seat alongside Carrie’s hospital bed and holding her hand.
“Still, sounds too much like it.” I retorted.
“And what do you like Carrie?”
“I don’t know…I’ve honestly been driving myself batty trying to figure it out.” She sucked in another deep breath.
“Wanna know my girl name?”
Carrie nodded. “And I’ll even let you have it if you want.”
“I doubt I will want it. We’ve always had opposite tastes with names, but go ahead.”
“Emilia Rose…Emmy for short.”
Her eyes widened and she looked over at Jason. “Emilia Rose Wilder…Oh my god! I love it.”
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“But I can’t, that’s your name.” She shook her head.
“No…no…no! That’s my gift to you guys. Since I’m not getting to name my own baby that, I want my niece to have it.”
“But Gia, you might be sorry you gave it up if you ever have a girl,” Carrie contested.
“If you want it, it’s yours. Besides, if I were to have a baby, it would be with one person and one person only and if that baby happened to be a girl….I have another special name all picked out.”
Carrie raised her eyebrow and smiled while Jason stood there looking totally confused.
“Did you get to talk to him while you were there?” Carrie asked.
“Who?!” Jason inquired.
“Cam!” Carrie and I both shouted in unison.
“What’s going on with Cam?” Jason asked totally clueless.
“Gia, slept with him when she was in L.A. Then was stupid and told him she didn’t want him in her life anymore,” Carrie replied, breathing through another contraction.
“No…I didn’t tell him I didn’t want him in my life anymore. Geez big mouth, what’s in that I.V., truth serum?” I scolded. “He came to see me at the ballet last night.”
“And?” Carrie raised her eyebrow.
“I froze. I didn’t even talk to him. I just felt so badly for the way I had acted toward him and –”
“Gia!” Carrie shouted.
“Well it’s all your fault!”
“How’s it my fault?”
“Because I was planning on setting things straight with him and then I got Jason’s text telling me you were going to the hospital so I rushed back.”
“Gia!” Carrie scolded.
“I know…I know! As soon as this baby gets here, I’m going to call him and explain everything.”
“You better...ouch, that was a big one!” she said just as her doctor came in the room.
I stepped out of the room while he examined her, wanting so badly to step outside of the hospital to call Cam, instead I did the next best thing. I sent him a text: I don’t need anybody….but you.
There I did it. Not exactly in the manner that I wanted to but I put it out there to him. I began to second guess myself, but didn’t have much time to ponder it when Jason peeked his head out of the room to tell me that the doctor said that it was time. I scurried back in, reveling in anticipation, knowing that in just a few more minutes, my little Emmy would be here. When I looked down at Carrie, I could tell she wasn’t as excited for what was ahead.
“Just a little work on your part and a beautiful baby will be born,” I whispered in her ear.
I stood on one side of her and Jason stood on the other. She grabbed on to each of our hands and bore down with all her might. I hated seeing my sister in so much discomfort but I knew that in the end it would all be worth it.
“Just a little more,” her doctor coached.
“Come on Carrie, you can do it. I love you so much, baby.” My eyes filled with tears just hearing Jason’s words. He did love my sister very much. I could see the emotion in his eyes over seeing her in so much pain and I knew that if he could take it away and project that pain onto himself, he would. I watched as Carrie closed her eyes and pushed down as hard as she could. And within a matter of seconds, the most beautiful cries of the most beautiful baby in the world were heard – my niece.
***
After spending the entire day at the hospital, I went home with my mother to her house and collapsed. It felt so good to get a full eight hours of sleep and before I knew it, I was back up at the hospital doing it all over again. I couldn’t get enough of that sweet little baby. I loved holding her in my arms and watching her sleep, even her little burps were adorable. I chased away any self-pity that I was feeling when my mind would begin to wander, thinking about what my baby would’ve looked like if it had survived. My little Emmy was perfect in every way imagi
nable and she made me realize that miracles really do exist. My mother, Carrie and I sat silently and stared at her sleeping in her hospital bassinet. I was amazed at how doing something so simple put my mind at such ease.
“Can I pick her up?” I asked, once she began to stir.
Carrie nodded. “It’s time for her to eat. She’s like an alarm clock,” she laughed.
I gently gathered her in my arms, while Carrie prepared the bottle. As soon as I stuck it in her mouth, she began to suck it down like a little bird.
“Oh my goodness! I just cannot believe this!” Aunt Jodi bellowed with excitement as she walked into the hospital room. She bent down to kiss Carrie and congratulate her, then followed up with kisses for my mother and I. “So where’s the new daddy and grandpop?” she laughed.
“Oh Jason just ran home to get me some things, Ben is with him.”
She nodded and focused on my mother. “Well, congratulations….Granny!” She laughed loudly.
“Ha-ha! I’ll gladly accept that title for this beautiful girl,” my mother retorted.
“Yeah, well I’m thinking that’s one title I’ll never have, so enjoy it for both of us. The rate that my boy is going, he’ll never settle down with one girl.” There was a hint of sadness to Aunt Jodi’s voice. I could feel Carrie’s eyes settling on me, but I remained focused on the baby, placing her over my shoulder to try and get a burp from her.
“Well, you never know.” My mother whispered.
Cam never replied to my text. I had been so wrapped up in the baby that I really didn’t have much time to think about it, but now that Aunt Jodi had brought him up, it got me thinking about it and wishing that I had never sent it.
“Let me get a picture of all four of you!” Aunt Jodi exclaimed. “Three generations of Maynard girls!”