Glory Falls

by Janine Rosche

  His jaw clenched hard enough to ache. He’d never been one to wax poetic. But that hadn’t stopped her from knowing exactly what he’d been thinking. It had always been easy. No drama. No angst. Just Beck and Blue. He’d give anything to have that comradery again. But she was right. It was gone.

  Chapter Seven

  Later that night, the sound of an ignition summoned Blue off her couch and over to the curtains. The headlights of Val’s car cut through the dark, reversing down Thomas’s driveway and onto the road. Muted lamplight shone through Thomas’s windows. Blue hoped they’d shared a nice dinner. Better than her can of minestrone, whose second serving mocked her aloneness as she placed it in the fridge for tomorrow. It would be nice to share dinner with someone like she had with Thomas that night weeks ago.

  When he’d left earlier, she wondered if they were even friends anymore. It certainly didn’t seem so. He was an impenetrable wall, and as far as she could see, there was no door. Not even a peephole. Maybe that was for the best. Digging into Thomas’s life felt dangerous somehow. Perhaps deeds, good or bad, were meant to stay in the past. Tomorrow, she’d call Teddy and tell him the movie was a no-go. Her parents offered little encouragement during their phone call. Her father suggested she cowrite his next screenplay with him to get her name back up in lights. Blue balked at the offer. It was bad enough she had Teddy’s pity. She didn’t want her father’s as well.

  Light caught on the shiny polished wood of a statue of Jesus, which sat on a shelf. When Blue was growing up, her mother had told her countless times where they’d gotten the figurine, but Blue always replaced that knowledge with a calculus principle or a lyric from a Justin Timberlake song. Now she stared at the eyes, full of both love and sadness. Jesus, she’d been told in Sunday school, was her rescuer. But if that was true, he must be saving all his rescues for someone other than her and Ella.

  Blue double-checked the locks and flicked off all the lamps in the family room. The home was eerily quiet at night, and the stillness conjured up the melancholy that lived in her innermost parts. Sleep didn’t offer much peace, since that was when the nightmarish images plagued her.

  Blue climbed the stairs and shut herself inside the lavender walls of her room. The cheerful teenage decor carried her back to a simpler time. Her favorite picture still hung on the mirror. Robbie and Thomas held her across their bodies, and all three were dressed in their football uniforms. She’d been just one of the guys until the day she got hurt.

  Thomas had swooped to her side after she’d taken the tackle. He’d removed both their helmets and held her as close to his chest as their pads would allow. In the weeks that followed, he’d been at her beck and call with his care. Things changed between them, but not in a bad way. In a “he’s a guy, and I’m a girl” way.

  Closer and closer they’d grown their senior year, emotionally and physically. She hung on him every chance she got. When they snuck out to view the stars at night that spring, she’d curl up next to him, drinking in his body’s warmth. How many times did she wish he’d kiss her? And how many times did she end up screaming into her pillow later when he didn’t?

  Blue fiddled with the USC pennant pinned to the wall by her armoire. The plan had always been for her and Thomas to attend the University of Southern California together, but his life went in a different direction, thanks to his family, and he’d chosen to stay in Montana. She could still feel the wrenching in her gut when he broke the news to her.

  Their friendship had never been the same after that.

  Outside, there was a thud, followed by scratching. She turned her head toward the sound, hope swelling her chest ever so slightly. Everything was still. She must’ve imagined it.

  Knock-knock.

  Blue pushed the drapery to the side. Beyond the reflection of her childhood room, she saw Thomas’s hunched form on her porch roof. The lock had loosened with its repeated use and took only a flick of her thumb to unlatch. She lifted her window, and the chilly night air greeted her. But so did his sheepish smile and a package of cookies.

  “I know things are different now, Blue,” Thomas said. “But maybe some things can stay the same. Do you still have our sleeping bags? And your coat? It’s pretty cold.”

  Five minutes later, after Blue had handed all the gear to Thomas, she climbed through the window and onto her roof. He’d set up their sleeping bags and pillows and peeled open the brand-new pack of Chips Ahoy between them. He slid his legs into the plain blue sleeping bag. Even when stretched to its full length, the covering barely reached his chest.

  “I think this used to be bigger.”

  “I think you’re jealous yours doesn’t have NSYNC on it.” Blue climbed into her sleeping bag and zipped it up around her. Fortunately, its musty smell wasn’t as noticeable with the Montana October air swirling about her.

  “You know how much I love Justin Timberlake.” Thomas popped a cookie into his mouth and lay back on the borrowed pillow.

  She followed his lead. Blue shifted, failing to find a comfortable position on the shingles. She had never grown the curves most women gained with age. Long and lean, her shape was more pencillike than hourglass. Perhaps if she had some more padding, this wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. Thomas also squirmed until he pulled a folded sheet of paper out and handed it to her.

  “Val helped me come up with a list of names—people you could talk to who might be able to give you material for your thing.”

  Blue accepted the paper. Since it was too dark to see, she slipped it into her coat pocket. “Thank you.”

  Out here, the sky put Van Gogh’s Starry Night to shame. There was something about its majesty that pulled the truth from hidden places and implored her to draw closer to the boy-turned-man at her side. She felt the magnetism even now.

  Thomas cleared his throat. “I wish I could tell you why I act the way I do, but I can’t. It’s a gut reaction to act when given a chance. I’m not trying to be a hero. I don’t want to wear that label.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it comes with expectations. And sometimes heroics aren’t enough.”

  I’ll find her, Blue. I promise. The day Ella went missing was mostly a blur, but Blue remembered Thomas’s vow. A vow he did eventually fulfill, crushing her soul in the process.

  “I still don’t want you to mention Val. There are some reasons she’s shared with me that don’t make sense for her name to be out there. But maybe you could add a character—completely fictional—where you hint that something might happen in the future. I mean, if you don’t mind, maybe that person could be a friend. Not Ryann. More like—I don’t know—the girl next door. Like what Glory was to Felix.”

  Chapter Eight

  Thomas kneeled on the grave. After the rain two nights ago, the fur of the teddy bear leaning against the stone had grown matted and dingy. That wouldn’t do. He replaced it with a similar bear, its yellow color shining brightly in the afternoon sunlight.

  He stood and read the stone. Ella Charlotte Lawrence. The smallest cross etched into the top. The grave was positioned such that the concrete gaze of the angel in the cemetery’s center steadied on it. Protected in death, but not in life. At least not when it mattered most. He’d give his own life to have the events of that afternoon back. To do things differently. For Ella. For Blue. Even for Hunter Dean Lawrence, jerk that he was.

  He clutched the sodden bear in his hand and closed his eyes.

  Father, I don’t deserve your mercy or your grace. Forgiveness . . . well, I won’t even bother to ask for that. But I beg you, protect others from my actions—from my nature. Don’t let me hurt anyone again. Especially not those I care about. Please.

  The same prayer he’d raised for the last two years, and it still carved into his gut every time. A cold trickle dripped down between his fingers. It took effort, but he loosened his grip on the innocent toy.

  And as always,
be near to Blue. Show me how I can help save her, not harm her.

  After he finished his prayer, he gave a nod to the little girl whose life had been cut short. Something red caught his eye. Two dozen yards away, Ryann shook out a blanket and spread it across her first husband’s grave, then took a seat in front of the stone. She had to have walked right by Thomas, but he hadn’t noticed. Had she seen the teddy bear he now held behind his back?

  She gave a slight wave, then put her focus back on the marble. Her lips moved like she was talking to Tyler. Was she telling him about her wedding tomorrow? She and Tyler had been the best of friends, not unlike Thomas and Blue.

  Ryann’s Jeep sat at the far side of the small parking lot, right next to his Bronco. Fitting. Ryann loved being in people’s space and their business. Thomas half expected her to have hooked an arm around his shoulder during his prayer a few minutes ago. Thankfully, she hadn’t. Thomas wasn’t in the mood for a counseling session today, or any day for that matter, unless it involved his favorite canine.

  He rounded the Bronco’s bumper, then his feet skidded to a halt.

  Shane, standing by the driver’s door and petting Molly’s head where it stuck through the window, laughed as the dog licked his chin. “Hey, no kisses! I’m already taken.”

  Thomas debated where to stash the bear, but Shane gave him no chance. His focus fell on the bear immediately. Thomas shielded it between his hand and his thigh, hoping Shane hadn’t recognized it.

  “What’s up, Thomas?”

  Molly, upon noticing Thomas, pulled her head inside, then reappeared a few moments later at the back window next to him. Her nose pressed against the glass and puffed out a foggy breath.

  “Uh, your wedding. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the rehearsal?”

  “Nah.” Shane nodded toward the cemetery. “This was more important. And I wanted to be here in case she needed me.”

  Thomas looked back across the lines of gravestones. “Doesn’t it bother you that she loved someone before you? That she still—”

  “Loves him? No, it doesn’t bother me.” Shane rubbed his neck. “Well, I don’t like that he got all of her firsts or that he caused her so much pain. But I’m thankful for the friendship they shared. Just like I appreciate the friendship you two have.”

  Thomas quirked his brow.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you guys didn’t work out. And I’m really glad she never kissed you.” Shane shoved Thomas’s shoulder. “But she had many years of life without me there. Even though they weren’t all happy, they shaped her into the perfect woman for me.”

  Thomas’s muscles stiffened. It seemed like everyone around him found a person who was perfect for them. Well, he had Val. And a dog. A dog that was currently licking the inside of his truck’s window. That was enough. But who did Blue have?

  “Like the years Blue spent away from you, right? Has she changed?”

  “In some ways, yeah. But in other ways, she’s exactly the same.”

  “Ryann says you two are soul mates.”

  “Ryann also sings the wrong words to every Bon Jovi song.”

  Shane’s smile lifted. “She absolutely does. But that’s not the point.”

  “What is the point?”

  “I don’t know. I think God’s got something big planned for you. And as much as I like Val, I don’t think she’s part of it.”

  Thomas unzipped his sweatshirt to let some air in.

  “There’s a difference in how you look at the two of them. You look at Val like she’s, I don’t know, chicken marsala. A nice, dependable mainstay. You look at Blue like she’s the world’s finest slice of cheesecake, drizzled with chocolate and caramel.”

  “Comparing women to food? That can’t be good for a pastor.”

  “I think you know what I mean.”

  “And I think there’s a lot you don’t understand.”

  “Like why you’re carrying a teddy bear like the ones on Blue’s daughter’s grave? Fair enough. You know, when I look back at my old church, I blame myself for not knowing about the corruption, the embezzlement, and even my wife’s affair. As the executive pastor, I had a responsibility to see to it that my church did no harm to anyone. But I failed. People were hurt.” Shane rubbed his heavy brow. “Ryann says you blame yourself for the drowning. That, as safety director, it was your responsibility to protect the properties and the people downriver.”

  A shiver climbed Thomas’s spine. He needed out, but Shane blocked his way to the door. There was probably some etiquette rule out there about the groomsman not shoving the groom down the day before the wedding. And besides, if he hurt Shane in the process, he’d have to answer to an angry redhead.

  “I know guilt. I know shame. Every Sunday morning you’re not working, I see you at church. During worship, you’re as still and quiet as can be. And when I give the message? You look how I felt during my time in jail. Yet, you’re still there.”

  “Your point?”

  “God’s not looking for your penance. If there’s a price to be paid, he’s paid it already.”

  Thomas looked beyond Shane, to the mountains spanning east to west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. He shook off the verse. It was meant for someone else. Not him. Never him.

  “Thomas, if you ever want to talk, I’m here.” Shane paired his words with that look of his—the one that bled compassion and understanding. As if he didn’t have better things to do with this happy time in his life than listen to Thomas’s confession.

  “I don’t.” After excusing himself, Thomas climbed in the truck, waving off Molly’s greeting. He ignited the engine and pulled away from Shane and his good-intentioned pastoring. Once out of sight and before he pulled onto the main road, Thomas stopped and put the Bronco in park. He glanced at Molly where she sat in the passenger seat.

  “It’s not the same thing, Molly. Shane didn’t cause the mess at his old church. And he didn’t kill a child.”

  Molly whined and pawed his hand. She lowered her nose and peered up at him with the ultimate puppy dog eyes.

  “Don’t give me that look. You weren’t there. It was my decision to release the water that swept her downriver. Whether it was protocol or not doesn’t matter. It was my fault. I killed Ella. If Blue really understood that, she’d never forgive me. Shoot, I can’t forgive myself.” He sighed. “Now do you get it?”

  Molly stepped on the center console and pressed her forehead against the side of Thomas’s neck, and he leaned into the hug.

  “Thanks, girl. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anyone.”

  * * *

  * * *

  The next day, Thomas closed the door to the cabin turned bridal suite. The bride was ready, and it was time to start the nuptials. He turned to reunite with the rest of the groomsmen but found Blue instead.

  “Hey, Thomas.”

  As soon as Thomas noticed how pretty she looked in her dress, he aimed his focus on the gravel. “Blue.”

  Blue tugged Thomas’s arm until he squared his shoulders to hers. “Hang on. Your boutonniere is falling.” Before he could step back, she unpinned the flower from his jacket’s lapel and set to righting it.

  While he had the urge to puff out his chest a bit, he resisted. There’d be no impressing Blue, even if he tried. She’d been married to Cultural Chic magazine’s Most Handsome Man, after all. Plus, the only woman he needed to impress was Val. Was she even here yet?

  When they were kids, and Blue concentrated on a task, like building a ramp for their dirt bikes, her forehead would wrinkle. One brow went up, and one brow went down. Now, as she repinned his flower, her face reacted the same familiar way, and Thomas loved it.

  “There.” She smoothed down the lapels of his jacket. “You look quite debonair.”

  “You, too. I mean, you look nice.”

  Blue sas
hayed in her dress, just like she had when he’d first seen her the evening of prom. It was the color of the leaves forming golden halos beneath the area’s aspen trees. “Oh, this old thing?”

  “Right. I bet that cost more than Molly’s surgery.”

  “You’re probably right. My stylist bought it for me.” She shook her head. “That sounds so weird, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s a good thing I’m out of LA.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” The words seemed to land strangely. Perhaps because of the way his voice pitched an octave lower for some reason. But her glance lingered on him, even as they rounded the pine tree.

  “Val’s saving me a seat,” Blue said. “Remember. Don’t lock your knees or you’ll pass out.” She took the open seat next to his girlfriend, who’d worn her dark hair down for the occasion.

  At the reception, it would be nice to dance with Val. Maybe even run his fingers through her hair once or twice. He might kiss her if the mood was right and his friends weren’t there to rag on him.

  Thomas clapped a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “Ryann’s ready. Time to start.”

  “How pretty does she look?” Shane asked, rubbing his hands together, probably more out of nervousness than cold. The weather had cooperated perfectly for the outdoor ceremony. The chill that hung in the air wouldn’t turn cutting until well after they’d moved inside Ollie’s for the reception. Until then, the Madison River Canyon provided a brilliant backdrop for the couple who fell in love right here at River’s Edge Resort.

  “Real pretty. You’ll see.”

  Thomas took his place behind Robbie. The best man, Shane’s father, a longtime congressman from Washington, D.C., hugged Shane briefly. The two had reconciled last year, so his presence was an added blessing to the occasion. They formed a line between the rows of chairs and the simple wildflower-laced arbor where Pastor Joe stood, Bible in hand. The worship leader at Ryann and Shane’s church strummed an old hymn. Keira held hands with Anabelle as they approached the makeshift altar. Although she tried to hide it with her bouquet of wildflowers, there was a slight roundness to Keira’s abdomen that hadn’t been there even weeks before. In front of him, Robbie swiped at his eyes. Unlike Thomas, Robbie wasn’t ashamed of a few tears. But who knows? Maybe Thomas would react the same way if he had a daughter and a wife carrying his child. He’d never let himself imagine such a thing before. His eyes flitted to Val, who flashed him a pleasant smile. Val didn’t want kids. That much he knew.