The First One

by Tawdra Kandle

  Cory pointed to a stool at her kitchen breakfast bar. “Sit down, sweetie.” Once I’d boosted myself onto the chair, she leaned her elbows on the granite countertop. “Listen, Ali, I don’t want to overstep my bounds here. I know I’m not your mom, but I can imagine how much you miss her. And I was just thinking today that maybe you might want to go shopping with me for your prom gown. We could drive into Savannah if you like.”

  My breath caught. “Really? Oh, wow, that would be . . .” Suddenly I remembered that the money for my dress was tied up on our fields, in the onions and peaches and what-all Sam had growing. My smile faded. “That would be great, but I’m not sure I can. I was just going to check out the thrift store in Farleyville.”

  She nodded. “That’s perfectly okay, if that’s what you want. I’d still like to go with you.”

  So that Saturday, Cory picked me up out at the farm, and we drove to the thrift store. I’d heard stories of almost-new gowns, beautiful dresses for just a few dollars. But apparently we were too late for those, since the only possibilities on the racks were tired old bridesmaids’ gowns or worn dresses that were several sizes too big for me. I flipped through the hangers one more time as desperation stiffened my shoulders.

  “Ali, there’s nothing.” Cory put one soft hand on my back. “Honey, hear me out. Let’s just go into the city for kicks and see what we see. Sometimes they have amazing sales, and who knows . . . you might find something.”

  Since she was driving—and since I recognized the determined gleam in her eyes, as I’d seen it often enough in her son’s—I really didn’t have a choice. And once I’d spotted the silvery-blue strapless gown with the soft lace overlay, I was a goner. When I checked the price tag, I nearly died. But Cory only covered my hand with hers.

  “Ali, please. Let me do this for you.” She drew in a shaky breath. “When your mama died, I just felt so . . . helpless. There was nothing I could do for you and Sam, other than cook you some meals and try to be there for you if you needed me. But this is something I could do, on behalf of your mother. I want to think that if it’d been Brice and me who weren’t here anymore, your parents would be good to him. I can’t take her place, but I can make sure you have the perfect dress to wear to your prom. Please?”

  I couldn’t say no. And when I saw the look on Flynn’s face the night of prom, I was glad I hadn’t.

  So I had no qualms about Bridget hanging out with her grandmother. It was just the idea of sharing my daughter’s time with her father from now on that made my stomach clench. I was used to being the only parent, the one authority and the one who called all the shots. Sam had always been there as my back-up, to make sure Bridge knew she wasn’t going to get away with any nonsense. But he deferred to me as the one who made the rules and was the final say in my child’s life. Having to adjust to sharing wasn’t going to be easy.

  Flynn was very business-like when he called me on Saturday morning. I’d just gotten to the stand and was unlocking the register when my phone rang.

  “Hey, Ali. It’s Flynn.”

  I had a dizzying flash of déjà vu and had to swallow hard before I answered. How many times had I answered his calls with anticipation and a swell of happiness? Too many to count. But now everything was different.

  “Hey, Flynn. What’s up?” Silently I congratulated myself on sounding grown up and smooth. I could do this.

  “I just wanted to let you know . . . I canceled my flight for today and backed out of the job I had in Los Angeles. I’m going to stay in Burton for the time being.”

  I couldn’t tell whether he wanted me to apologize for screwing up his life or acknowledge that he was doing the right thing. I decided to go with a little of both.

  “I’m sorry you had to change your plans. But I know Bridget’s going to be so happy to have the time to get to know you.” I paused before adding, “And I’m sure you’re going to be glad to have the time with her, too.”

  “Definitely. It wasn’t even a question.” He sounded sure, and that made me feel a little less guilty. “I just had to make sure someone else could take the job. Otherwise I’d have flown out there, taken the photos and then come right back. But it works better this way.”

  “Okay, that’s great. Bridget said something about meeting your mom this weekend?”

  “I was hoping we could do that. If it works for you, maybe I could pick her up tomorrow morning. My mom’s doing a big family dinner in the afternoon, but I thought if Bridge comes early, they can get some time together, and then she can meet everyone else. What do you think?”

  What I thought was lost in the pure panic over the idea of my daughter being thrown into a situation I couldn’t control. What if they didn’t like her? What if Graham was mean to her? What if Iona and Maureen took out their anger at me on their newly discovered niece?

  It only took a fraction of a second before I realized how crazy that was. I’d known the Evans girls for a long time, and they’d never been anything but kind to me. Maureen and I’d been as close as sisters for several years. They’d welcome Bridget into the family, and the worst thing that would happen was she’d be spoiled rotten.

  “I think that sounds wonderful. Bridget’s going to be in seventh heaven.” I tamped down my own misgivings and tried to sound like I meant it. “What time do you want me to have her ready?”

  “Is ten too early?”

  I laughed. “May I remind you, we live on a farm. Early is never a problem. She’ll be all set.”

  “Cool. So I was thinking, maybe we could come up with a regular schedule for me to see her. I could pick her up from school some days, or if you were okay with it, she could spend the night at my mom’s with us.”

  Panic filled me. “But she takes the bus to school.” It sounded stupid to my own ears, but I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

  Flynn’s voice took on a patient tone. “I’m sure we can work out something where I pick her up or drop her off. By the way, how come Bridget goes to the elementary school in Burton? I thought she’d be at the regional one.”

  “They re-districted everything a few years back. We’re right on the line, so we were given the option of sending her to either school. I thought it would be easier for her to be with the same kids all the way through, rather than making the transition at high school like Sam and I had to.”

  “That makes sense. And it makes it easier for me, too. What would you think of me picking her up Tuesdays from school and then having her over night? And maybe one day a weekend?”

  “I . . .” I bit my lip. “Yeah, I guess that works. I’ll have to go into the school and make sure you’re added as a parent. They’re very strict now about who’s allowed to pick them up, you know.” This was going to mean telling other people the truth. I didn’t know why this hadn’t occurred to me before now, but for some reason, I’d thought I could keep the whole situation quiet, just between Flynn and his family and me. But once I told the school, the news would run through town like a wild fire. Great.

  “Can you do that on Monday? The sooner, the better. That way if I ever need to get her, it won’t be a problem. Right?”

  “Sure.” I couldn’t say anything more over the lump in my throat.

  “Are you okay?” Flynn sounded cautious. “You sound . . . weird.”

  “No, I’m fine.” I rolled my shoulders and closed my eyes. Honesty would be best here, I decided. “You just have to understand, Flynn, that right or wrong, I’ve been Bridget’s one and only parent her whole life. Getting used to sharing that responsibility might take me a little time. I’ve only been away from her overnight a few times in her entire life. The furthest and longest I’ve been apart from her was when she stayed at Katie’s last fall while I went to Savannah with Sam and Meghan. This is very new for me.”

  He was quiet for a minute. “I can understand that. And if I’m moving too fast for you, just tell me, and we can talk about it. But I’m trying to catch up on eight years of missing out. I don’t want to los
e another second with her. Especially if I’m going to have go away again.”

  “How long do you think you’ll be in town?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

  He blew out a long breath. “Not sure. I was planning to be state side for a while anyway, even before . . . well, before everything changed. I’ll have to go back to work eventually, but it isn’t pressing, unless a really incredible opportunity comes along.” He paused for a moment. “But no matter what, I’ll be back. I’m planning to make Burton my center of operations from now on.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I’d gotten used to a life that didn’t include Flynn Evans. Having him in town full time had the potential to turn my world upside down. “Won’t that be a big change for you?”

  “Yeah, it’ll be an adjustment, but it makes sense. Mom’s going to need some help, and I want to be here for Bridget.”

  “Do you have an apartment in New York?” I’d always pictured him living in one of those lofts I’d seen in sitcoms, something spacious and modern, with a deli on the corner and a view of Central Park. Having never left the great state of Georgia, I relied heavily on television and movies for my information on the world at large.

  “I have one that I’ve been renting from a friend of a friend. Actually, I move quite a bit, even in the city. All my shit that I can’t take with me on the road, I keep in two big rubber totes in whatever apartment I’m currently using. If I need to vacate before I can get back there, I have a friend who swings by, picks them up and moves them to the next place.”

  “Geez. That’s . . . wow. I just can’t imagine not having a steady place I could come back to, even if I were traveling most of the time.”

  Flynn was quiet for a beat. “I guess I lost the taste for a home after I left Burton. At least, home the way you’re thinking of it. At this point, I take everything I need with me. Traveling light isn’t a bad thing.”

  “I guess not. It hasn’t really been an option for me for a long time. Maybe ever. I’m one of those people who comes with baggage.” At some point, we’d stopped talking about apartments and homes. We’d veered into dangerous territory, where I felt like I might be walking close to quicksand.

  “I’m going to say something, but I don’t want you to think I’m trying to blame you for anything again. I just want to say that if I’d known . . . God, Ali. I would’ve been there every step along the way. You wouldn’t have had to do it all alone. Even if we couldn’t work things out between us, I would never have abandoned you.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the heel of my hand. “I think on some level, I knew that. But I couldn’t let myself really believe it. So many times I came close to calling you . . .” A particular memory burned against my mind for a nanosecond. I winced and pushed it away. “I was so afraid. I kept the possibility of you as my last resort. But at the same time, I was terrified of what would happen if I did call you and you didn’t come. Or refused to believe me. Or said you didn’t care. If that had happened, I’d have truly felt like I was on my own.”

  Flynn sighed. “I wish I could go back and change what happened, Ali. We can’t do that, but I promise, from here on out, we’re a team.”

  It’d made me glow, that promise. Sharing my daughter—our daughter—was going to take some getting used to, but the idea of not shouldering the entire job of parenting her made me a little giddy. I loved being a mom. I adored Bridget beyond the telling of it. But having another person to help me make decisions and take some of the responsibility was something I’d scarcely dared to dream I’d ever have.

  Keeping that in mind, I made it through the next day, when Flynn came by to take Bridget to his mother’s house. She was excited, hopping first on one foot and then the other as we waited on the front porch.

  “Do you think they’ll like me?” Her sudden question was the first indication that she might’ve been more nervous than she let on.

  “Oh, sugar, they’ll adore you. How could they not? You’re the prettiest, smartest, most talented little girl who ever walked God’s green earth. You just remember that. And remember, too, that you’re a Reynolds. So you hold your head high.”

  Bridget glanced up at me, mid-hop. “Am I still a Reynolds? Even though my daddy has a different name?”

  Crud. I hadn’t expected this issue to pop up so soon. “Well, honey, legally you don’t have your daddy’s name.” I bit my lip. Bridget’s name, on her birth certificate, was Moss, and Craig was listed as her father. When I’d registered her for school, though, I’d asked that they list her as Reynolds, since it was my last name. I’d never gotten around to changing my name on anything legal after Craig and I’d gotten married, and we hadn’t been together long enough for it to matter. “Not yet, anyway. We’ll see what your dad wants to do, okay?”

  “Okay.” She frowned. “But will I still be a Reynolds even if I have a different name?”

  “Always, sweetie pie. You’re part of me, and you’re part of Uncle Sam, and we’re both Reynolds. Nothing can change that.”

  I heard a car on the gravel of our driveway, and a moment later, Flynn’s gray sedan appeared. I didn’t know much about luxury cars, but I knew this was one. He opened the door and stepped out, and I tried not to stare. It was warmer today than it had been the last week, and Flynn was wearing faded jeans that fit his fine ass to perfection. And the blue T-shirt on top hugged his broad chest, showing off arms that had taken on quite a bit of muscle definition since he was eighteen. My mouth went dry. Hot damn.

  Flynn grinned up at us. Well, mostly at Bridget, but I was claiming some of that smile, too.

  “Morning, ladies.” He stopped at the bottom of the steps and stuck his thumbs into the front pockets of those sinful jeans. “Miss Bridget, you ready for a good time today?”

  As hyper as my daughter had been moments before, she was suddenly shy now. She nodded, her eyes wide, before repeating the same question she’d asked me a few minutes before. “Will they like me?”

  “Honeybunch, they already like you. Your grandma and your aunts—they can’t wait to meet you for real.” He leaned in as though sharing a secret. “In fact, and don’t let on I told you, but there just might be presents with your name on them at my house.”

  That brought out a smile. “Really? How come? It’s not Christmas, and my birthday already happened.”

  “I think we have a little catching up to do on Christmases and birthdays.” He glanced at me and winked. “Don’t worry, nothing outrageous. And they’ll rein it in after this.”

  “That’s fine.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Yeah, I didn’t like the idea of Flynn becoming the indulgent dad who could afford to give our daughter everything I couldn’t, but I wasn’t going to argue with the fact that they had years to make up. As for it becoming too much . . . I’d deal with that if and when.

  “Okay, well, you all set?” He stretched out a hand for Bridget. “Grandma’s chomping at the bit for you to get there.”

  Bridge took his hand and jumped down the two steps. “Yep!” She paused and turned back to wrap her arms around my legs. “Bye, Mama.”

  “Bye, sugar.” I knelt down in front of her and hugged her tight. “Be good. Mind your manners. Have a nice time, and I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Okay if I have her back around eight?” Flynn took hold of her hand again.

  “Sure. Of course.” I managed what I hoped was a good approximation of a genuine smile. “Enjoy yourself.”

  “We will.” He tossed the words back over his shoulder as Bridget dragged him toward the car. “Thanks, Ali. See you later.”

  I watched as they moved slowly down the driveway and out of my sight. And then I dropped to the top step and buried my face in my hands.

  “Hey.” Meghan’s hand squeezed my shoulder at she sat down next to me. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” My voice was muffled by my hands. “It’s just . . . harder than I thought.”

  “Ali, you’r
e not losing Bridget. Just because she’ll have more people to love her doesn’t mean she’ll forget those of us who loved her first.” She bumped against me. “Besides, if anyone should be freaking out, it should be me. After all, she’s not going to meet a new mom. She’s going to meet new aunts. What if she likes them more than me? I mean, I’m not even a blood aunt.” She sighed. “I’m not even an aunt by marriage. I’m just . . . her uncle’s girlfriend.”

  I wrapped my arm around Meghan’s back. “Don’t be silly. Bridge loves you. You’ll always be her coolest aunt, no matter what. And the marriage part is just a matter of time.”

  She raised one eyebrow. “What’ve you heard?”

  I smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” When her eyes widened, I just laughed. “No, I don’t know anything. But even if I did, I’d never rob you of the joy of a surprise proposal, so don’t even try.”

  “Great. Have I mentioned how much I don’t like surprises?”

  “Too bad.” I stuck out my tongue at her. “Someday you’ll thank me.”

  “Maybe.” She hunched over, arms folded across her chest. “So for real, are you all right? Was it hard to see her go?”

  I grimaced. “Yeah, but will you think I’m horribly shallow if I tell you the real reason?”

  “Too late. I already think it.”

  “Bitch.” I rolled my eyes. Meghan was the first female best friend I’d had in adulthood. It’d taken a little while to get used to some of her humor—affectionate insults, in particular—but I’d embraced it all eventually, to Sam’s horror. He liked to complain that his house had been overtaken by estrogen, but I knew that he secretly loved it. “It’s just that I’m not really worried about losing Bridget. But I felt so left out when they left. Here my daughter and her dad are going off for a big family reunion and dinner, and I’m Cinderella who gets stuck at home, alone.”