Beautiful Ugly

by Shelia E. Bell

  “I’m sorry. I told you that was not my intent at all. But slinging hurtful words toward me is not going to solve anything. I never have professed to be perfect. I’ve never tried to come off self-righteous or anything like that. You and Envy are my dearest friends. I never want to see you hurt, and I especially never want to be the one to cause either of you any hurt.” Layla’s voice sounded like it was cracking. “I’m going to let you go. And again, I ask you to forgive me. I really wasn’t judging or condemning you.” In a sad tone, Layla said, “We’ll talk later. Bye, Kacie.”

  Kacie heard the dial tone and laid down her phone. She kept on crying, holding her head in both of her hands. She wiped her face and sniffled when Keshena came toddling into the den where she was. She went straight to Kacie and tried to pull herself up on Kacie’s lap. Kacie eased her baby’s struggling by picking her up and holding her.

  Layla was right about everything she had said, whether Kacie admitted it to Layla or not. The truth was the truth, and the truth could definitely hurt. But Kacie, holding on to Keshena and looking red-eyed as Kali, Kendra, Kenny, Kassandra and Keith came into the den, saw six reminders of her torrid past. Every day, her past played itself out in the form of her precious, sweet, innocent, illegitimate children. She rubbed her belly in a circular motion before she sat back in silence and watched as Kenny look for her approval to turn on the television.

  “You can turn it on,” Kacie automatically responded in a tender voice like the true mother she was.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Beauty seen is never lost, God's colors all are fast. John Greenleaf Whittier

  “I don’t want to be bothered right now, Bill. Dang, can’t you give a girl time to get home, relax, and chill before you call?” There was no mistaking by the tone of Envy’s voice that she was peeved

  “Of course I want you to have time to chill. That’s why I’m calling. I want to come over there, or you can come to my place. I’ll fix you a strawberry martini, a light dinner, and salad. Then I’ll run you a hot bubble bath. After I bathe you, I’ll give you my signature aromatherapy massage.”

  The offer sounded enticing. There was no denying it. With every word that poured from Bill’s thin, sensual mouth, Envy wiggled in the car.

  “I’m on my way to one of my girlfriends’ house. As much as I’d like to take you up on your offer, I can’t. She needs a shoulder to lean on. I can’t let her down,” she said seductively in a no, I can’t, but yes, I sure want to voice.

  He apparently picked up on her reservation so he continued his over the phone seduction. “Envy, you know you keep me wanting you, girl. All I want is a little of your time. I’m leaving town tomorrow morning on business. I won’t be back until late Friday night. I sure would like to spend tonight satisfying you.”

  Envy slowed her roll. She imagined his curly, light golden hair, arresting good looks, and his simple style of dress. A pair of hands so powerful, yet light as a feather, that could remove every tensed muscle in her body. She smiled in the car while he continued his style of drawing her more toward his way of thinking. Envy mixed her pleasurable thoughts with each word that poured from his mouth. His air of authority was a perfect mix with his self-confident demeanor.

  “Your place. Seven-thirty,” Envy said.

  “That’s my girl. You know I’ll make it more than worth your time.”

  “You always do,” Envy responded, and closed her flip phone. It was almost five o’clock. She could still stop by Kacie’s house now, console her, and then have time to make it to Cordova where Bill lived in a private, gated community with sprawling houses that left no doubt of the success and wealth of the people who lived behind the gate.

  Envy said hello to Kacie and the kids when she walked inside the house, and went straight away to prepare a miniature sized portion of the leftover dinner Kacie had prepared. They talked more about her situation with Deacon and what she was going to do about the baby constantly growing inside of her. Envy felt sorry for Kacie, but there was really nothing she could say or do that would change anything.

  “Kacie, believe me, I’m glad I’m not walking in your shoes now because I don’t know what I would do in your situation.” commented Envy.

  “I appreciate you for admitting that. I’m glad you didn’t come off like Layla did when I talked to her.”

  “What do you mean? What did Layla say?” Envy asked and sat her plate on the end table next to the sofa.

  Kacie pursed her lips together and shook her head in discontent. “Only how wrong I was for sending that letter to Deacon’s wife. You know, maybe I was wrong. I’ll admit that, but like I told her, she had no right to come down on me like she’s all of a sudden pure as the driven snow.” Kacie’s sad countenance and disappointment was clear. She hung her head.

  “Kacie, Layla didn’t mean to be judgmental, I’m sure. She’s just concerned about you, that’s all. I am too. All of us were shocked to learn that he had a wife. I feel for you, girl.” Envy sat on the sofa next to Kacie and placed her hand over hers in a show of support and friendship. “We all react differently when we’re faced with disappointments or trials and tribulations. I can’t tell you how many times the mistakes I’ve made throughout my life replay over and over again in my mind like a song on loop. I’m living my life like it’s golden, when really it’s a tarnished mess. So I definitely am the last person to judge any one.” Envy’s face reddened.

  “Thanks for that. You’re such a good friend.” Kacie leaned over on Envy’s shoulder, and the two friends sat in silence until Envy broke the seal.

  “I’ve messed up so much in my life. I’ve done some things that I’m so ashamed of, Kacie. Just because it looks like I’ve got it all together on the outside, doesn’t make it so. If God can’t make it right for me after all of this time, I don’t know if I’ll ever escape the troubles of my past.”

  Kacie lifted her head and transferred her eyes on Envy’s solemn looking face. “What are you talking about?”

  Envy avoided her by ignoring the question. Instead, she reached for her empty plate, got up from the couch, and walked quickly toward the kitchen.

  Kacie followed. “It’s not going to be that easy. I am not going to let you get by without telling me what’s going on with you. I’ve been so busy worried about myself and my situation that I’ve failed to make sure my friends are okay. And for that, I’m asking for your forgiveness.”

  “Kacie, there’s no need to apologize. I’m doing fine. I was merely saying that I have stuff I’ve done that I’m so sorry about. That’s all.” Envy washed her plate while Kacie sat at the kitchen table.

  “I don’t know what you’ve done, but I do know what I’ve done. I know the mistakes I’ve made and I have a lot for God to forgive me for. All I have to do is look at every one of my children, and I’m reminded of how I’ve laid with man after man. Every time this baby kicks, I’m reminded that I’m carrying the child of a married man. I don’t know if I will ever measure up to being a Christian, or to becoming all that I’m supposed to be if I say that I’m a Christian.” Kacie flung her hands out toward the sky in a fit of desperation. She pushed herself from the kitchen table. “I’ve screwed up my life so badly, Envy. So nothing can compare to what I’ve done. Nothing.”

  Slowly, as if being cautious, Envy said, “I wouldn’t bet on that.” It was her turn to push away from the conversation they were about to embark on. “Look, I have to leave. I wanted to stay longer, but I have a business partner I’m meeting at seven thirty.”

  “Sure. Thanks for coming by and for a listening ear,” replied Kacie.

  “Somehow, this is all going to work out. You’ll see,” responded Envy as she walked toward the door.

  “Awwwww,” Kacie bent over, clutching her stomach tightly and leaned against the kitchen wall to keep from falling. “Awww,” she cried out again. Envy rushed to her and saw the drained look on Kacie’s face. She was absolutely pale.

  “What’s wrong? Do I need to call 911?”
asked Envy nervously. She placed both hands to the side of her head and clumsily stumbled in place.

  “No,” Kacie managed to tell her. Her teeth clenched like she was trying to ward off the sharp pains. “Ahhh,” she said in a different tone that may have indicated that the pains had subsided.

  “I’m calling 911,” Envy insisted.

  “No, I told you,” demanded Kacie. “The pain is gone.” Kacie sat down in the nearby kitchen chair. “The pains are just letting me know that my baby is getting in position. I’m not going into labor. I have a full three weeks to go. I went to the doctor last week. I had dilated just one centimeter. Sometimes sharp pains will come and go like that.”

  “You are still making me leery about leaving you here in pain.”

  “Envy,” Kacie waved her hand off in the direction of the door, “will you get on out of here? Don’t you think that after six kids, I know when I’m in labor?” Kacie managed to laugh and some of the color returned to her ashened face. “I’m fine. Really. If anything changes, I’ll call you; now shoo. I’m going to go and lay down until this passes.” Kacie waved Envy away again.

  “Okay, but you better call if anything changes. I do know that babies come when they’re good and ready, so I don’t care what the doctor told you last week. Things can change without notice when it comes to a baby,” Envy stated like she was sure of her statement.

  Kacie smiled lightly. “And just when did you become a baby pro? You’ve never been pregnant. Leave the expert advice to one who knows.” This time, Kacie giggled, but Envy’s face turned a shade of deep crimson.

  “I’ll check on you later,” Envy said and hurried out the door. For a few minutes, Envy sat outside in her car to regain her composure. She was shaken by Kacie’s pains and also reminded of her past. She sighed heavily and turned the ignition. When the car started, she sped off toward Bill’s. Bill would be just the one to relieve her tension and stress that had built up during the week. Out of all of her bedmates, Bill was the one with the magic touch; and magic was the only thing that could clear her mind of thoughts she didn’t want to think about.

  Thirty-two minutes after leaving Kacie’s house, Envy pulled up to the security guard stationed outside of Bill’s gated community. “I’m here to see William Martin. He’s expecting me.”

  The guard called Bill, and the gate opened to allow her access. She made several turns until she arrived in front of Bill’s 4,500 square feet house. Every time she pulled up in the circular drive, she imagined how it would be so easy to let Bill love and take care of her. He had the means, he ravished over her every time she was with him, and he was a great businessman who was skilled in and out of the bed. His need to give affection also made Envy think that Bill was a good father. He’d been married before, and he and his ex had two children, eight and ten years old. He adored his kids, and pictures of them were spread throughout the huge house. She walked up to the door, and before she could knock, he opened it and met her with the promised strawberry martini in his hand. He passed it to her, encircled his hand around her waist, and led her inside.

  True to his word, Bill delivered on every one of his promises. Dinner consisted of Caesar salad and succulent pork loin with marinated vegetables. Envy’s appetite awakened when she saw the presentation of the food on her dinner plate. After dinner, Bill made her another martini and insisted that she relax until he prepared her hot bubble bath.

  The warm bath was heavenly. She laid her head against the bath pillow, closed her eyes, and moaned with pleasure as Bill gingerly washed her. His words were none. His touch was magnetic. Out of all the men she’d given her body to, Bill was the one that knew every thing she liked and didn’t like. He made sure he always came through, which is why he was at the top of her list of partners.

  At the end of her bath, he reached for her hand and helped her step out of the tub. Smiles and looks of desire were shared between them in the place of words. Using a lush, thick towel from the towel warmer rack, he draped her shoulders and led her to the back of his house into a area which he called his relaxation room. Inside, there was everything needed and set up for a professional massage. Bill had admitted to her not long after they met a year before, that he was a licensed massage therapist. Being a massage therapist, however, was not how he had amassed his fortune. His involvement in software engineering for some of the world’s largest corporations assured him a seven figure salary. Envy smiled to herself as he led her to the massage table. I sure know how to pick ‘em. Look at him. Fine, attentive, rich, and a great lover. I could see myself as Mrs… She shook her head to dispel the thought.

  “You all right?” he asked tenderly.

  “Yes, sweetheart. I’m absolutely wonderful.” Envy laid belly down and placed her head in the face pillow. Removing oil from the double holster, Bill began to knead her tight, tensed muscles. His hands were perfect and every touch sent chills coursing up and down her spine. She gasped when he hit the small of her back.

  “You’re especially tense tonight. What is it?” he asked sincerely. “I’ve never known you to be this stressed.”

  She lied and blamed the problems Kacie was having for her anxiety.

  He moved down and used his hands to roll in a curvature motion over her butt, slowly moving along her thighs on down to the tips of her feet. She became quiet as a church mouse. Against her will, her eyes closed and her body began to relax. Bill reached for the bottle of warmed aromatherapy oil and performed the same massage again starting at her neck, moving downward. When he was completed with massaging her on her back, he guided her so that she laid flat on her back. With the aide of the warm oil, Bill’s touch set her on fire as he massaged her front. By the time Bill finished, Envy was ready. Ready for him to do whatever he wanted to do to her.

  He lifted her up in his arms and carried her almost limp body up the hall and into his master suite. There he kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, all around her lips knowing that for Envy, lip-kissing was off bounds. But he more than made up for not being able to kiss her lips because he used his magic touch to bring her to heights of excitement and passion that only Bill was capable of doing.

  Spent, the two of them lay in his massive bed, and he held her in the circle of his muscled biceps. In a matter of seconds, Envy was asleep.

  ×

  Layla screamed when the man came up behind the woman and placed his dirty, claw like hands over her surprised mouth. She fought hard against the monstrous man, but she was no match for his power. He dragged her, kicking and screaming, into a darkened warehouse and locked her inside a cage. The woman screamed, cried, and pleaded for him to release her. Grabbing her head in her hands, she screamed over and over again when she saw his toothless mouth walking toward her with a chain saw. Layla gripped Dennis’s arm and held on to it tightly.

  He chuckled before he whispered. “It’s only a movie, baby. Don’t be scared.”

  “I can’t help it. It’s scary.” She took a handful of the buttery bucket of popcorn, tilted her head back slightly and placed the delicious treats in her mouth. Picking up the soda from its holder, Layla gulped a couple of swallows to wash down the popcorn. She did this several times while she and Dennis whispered about the horror flick playing on the big screen. Dennis ate and drank right along with her.

  On their way home, Dennis invited her to his house. He’d extended the invitation several times during the time they had been dating, but Layla usually refused. Tonight, however, she readily took him up on his invitation and accepted it willingly.

  Dennis was a man she trusted. When she was with him, she felt a connection of their spirits. Dennis brought out the confidence and high esteem in her. He treated her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he only had eyes for her. His confession of love for her was the ultimate icing on the cake. Now she had to sit down with herself and look within her own spirit and heart to see if what she felt for him was love too. Or was she smitten by him because of how he treated her?

 
; “You okay?” Dennis quickly looked her way.

  “I’m more than okay. I’m fantastic.” Layla grinned.

  Dennis reached over his head and flipped down the sun blocker. He pulled a CD from the CD holder and flipped it into the player. “I want you to lie back, and listen closely to every word that’s being sung. It’s how I feel about you. Seriously,” he said and looked at her again.

  Layla laid her head back against the head rest, closed her eyes, and listened to the song. She wasn’t familiar with it because listening to gospel was her thing.

  “Lost without you…How does it feel to know that I love you, baby…”

  The lyrics of the song brought tears to Layla’s eyes. She felt every word if it. The smoothness of the man’s voice reminded her of Dennis. Every word pouring through the speakers touched her mind, her heart, and her spirit. Yes, she did love him. Thank you, God. I know for myself what being in love is. I do love this man. I love him and thank you, Lord, for bringing Dennis into my life.

  She reached across the seat and held on to Dennis’s hand while the remainder of the Robin Thicke song played. The song came to an end just as they turned into Dennis’s driveway. Another tear rolled down Layla’s face. Dennis was moved by her emotions.