by Unknown
“I don’t care,” he said. He gave up on the zit, and put his glasses back on. “I’m wearing it!”
“All right, whatever. You coming?”
“Yeah, just let me grab my phone.” He dropped his cell phone in his side pocket and walked toward me, his flip-flops making a squishy sound on the hardwood floor. “So it's just the two of us, right? He's not coming, is he?”
“Who?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Who do you think?”
“Evan? To a gay bar?” I laughed.
“Well, why not? You've spent a lot of time with him this week.”
“I know, but...” I started. “I didn’t even think to ask him. No, tonight’s just about you and me. I’m gonna show you I can have fun.”
“Yeah? You gonna dance?”
“Well... no.”
“Flirt with other girls?”
“Absolutely not.”
He hesitated. “You will have a drink, right?”
I pursed my lips, thought about it for a second. “I might have one drink.”
Lukas gave me an exaggerated smile. “Man, you’re gonna be the coolest one there.”
I slugged him in the shoulder, playfully, and pulled him toward the front door. “Let’s go, smart-ass.”
It was 10 PM on Saturday night and I had kept my promise: I got off work an hour early and came home to take Lukas to the gay bars in West Hollywood. One of the objectives that night was to get him out of the apartment, break him out of his shell a little. Nothing was more killer to a gay man in Los Angeles than staying behind closed doors all day and night, chatting up guys online. It grated on me, the more and more time I spent with Evan, that Lukas didn’t have anybody. I wanted him to find someone. The main objective that night was to ensure he would find that someone.
When Lukas insisted there would be no street parking this late on a Saturday, we paid the ten bucks and parked on the third floor of a high-rise parking garage.
I stepped out of the car, grabbed my purse. I made sure I had enough cash to pay for a drink or two. I had four ten-dollar bills, way more than I needed.
“So… where to first?” I asked.
Lukas emerged from the other side looking like he was entering the main gate at Disneyland. His eyes grew so large I dared not look at his crotch area. “Let’s start with Rage,” he said. “And work our way south.”
I nodded, took out my phone, and sent a quick text—when Lukas wasn't looking.
I had no idea what any of these bars were called, or what they were like, so I let him lead the way. As soon as we exited the parking garage, guys young and old started giving him double takes as they walked by. One guy even asked for his number—and we weren’t even to the main street yet.
Lukas tapped his hands against his hips, and gave me a knowing look.
“All right, all right,” I said. “What do I know? I guess pink tank tops really do get the job done around here.”
“You better believe it.”
“But Lukas, please…” I didn’t want to drain the promised fun away, but I had to say it. “I want you to find someone to go on a date with. Not someone to… you know…”
“What? To hook up with?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Don’t worry, Sydney.” He patted his right pocket. “I’ve come prepared.”
I looked at his pocket, didn't see anything unusual. “What do you mean?”
He glanced to his left and right to make sure no one was looking. Then he pulled the wrapper out of his pocket and tapped it against his leg.
“Oh God,” I said. “Is that what I think it is?”
He nodded, and put it back.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Lukas pointed at the solid WALK symbol across the street and started marching with great haste. “Come on, hurry! I’m getting cold!”
I followed him, albeit not as fast as he might have liked. “You’re cold because you’re practically naked!”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I don't like this, Lukas. This is a mistake.”
“What is?”
When he reached the other side of the street, he stopped and turned toward me, slowly, giving me just enough time to snatch the condom out of his pocket.
“Hey!” he said. “Give it back!”
“No!”
He reached for it, and missed, barely. He reached again. After he missed a second time, he tapped his foot against the ground, angrily. “You said you were going to be fun tonight.”
“Lukas, you told me you’ve never even kissed a boy before. Ever heard of the concept known as baby steps?”
His eyes widened, and he darted his eyes to his left. A group of young men passed him by, and, again, looked him up and down. Lukas smiled at them, then grimaced at me.
“Sydney, not every guy here needs to know I’m a virgin, okay? I’m not saying I’m going to have sex tonight. I brought protection just in case.”
“No. You’re not ready for it.”
He stared at me—seemed to stare right through me, really—then stormed down the sidewalk. “I don’t know why I asked you to come if you’re gonna be like this.”
“This is for your own good, Lukas—”
“For my own good?” He ran back up to me, like he’d never left. “Listen to you!”
I crossed my arms. "What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shoved his palms against his cheeks, then rubbed his index fingers against his forehead. “Nothing. Look... I don’t want to fight.”
I smiled, and gave him a quick hug. “Me neither. I'm sorry.” I put my arm out, and Lukas locked his in mine. “Let’s see all the cute boys this Rage place has to offer.”
The place was bustling with activity, filled to the brim with hot guys, and a few sporadic girls, of all ages. Five young men wearing gold thongs were go-go dancing in cages, and a rough metal song was blasting overhead. Every direction you looked there was a story. There were the two middle-aged bears with their arms wrapped around each other. There was the six-foot-nine seventy-year-old bopping his head up and down to the music. And then there were the small cliques of twink boys, all huddled close together with mixed drinks, scoping out the best talent the crowded club had to offer.
“So did you want to get a drink?” I asked.
“What?” he screamed.
“I said, do you want to get a drink?”
“I can’t hear you!” Almost like the DJ could hear our discontent, the music transitioned to a more tolerable and slightly quieter song, a dance remix of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.”
“Do you want a drink or not?” I asked, again.
He finally heard me, and smiled. “Yeah, that sounds great! You have a fake ID, right?”
I browsed through my purse, annoyed. I was just weeks away from turning twenty-one. “Yeah, I think so. It's somewhere here.” I hadn’t used it in a long time, so I wondered if I had stuck it in a drawer somewhere. I dug all the way to the bottom, and found it beneath an old pack of peppermint gum. “Here it is.” I stopped for a few seconds, looked at the front and back of the ID. It appeared perfectly authentic, even though the picture was me at age seventeen.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I just realized... you know who got this for me freshman year?” I chuckled. “Melanie.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, I told her I didn’t need one, that I had no interest in drinking. But she got one made for me, anyway.” I smiled at Lukas. “Looks like she just saved my ass.”
He smiled back. Anytime Melanie came up in conversation, we had to take a moment.
“Can you get me a Cape Cod?” he finally said. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.”
“Yeah, sure thing.”
I squeezed past a few people, but got blocked before I could reach the bar. The tall man with the polka-dotted bell-bottoms was bent over, his gigantic butt on display for everyone to see. I tried to get around him, but there were endless
lines of people to the left and right of me. I considered just sprinting forward, head first, like an angered linebacker—but then I saw a familiar face. He looked so out of place, so terrified of the half-naked guys and bright lights bouncing against the floor.
“Hey!” I said. “Robert!”
The redhead turned to me. “Sydney, hey!” He waved me over, and I plowed past a dozen giggling boys to get to him. “I just ordered,” he said. “Did you want anything?”
“Yeah, that’d be great. Could you get one Cape Cod, and one Shirley Temple?” I might have promised Lukas that I would try to act my age and order something with alcohol, but a Shirley Temple sounded perfect at that moment—sugary and sweet, like what was to come. I pulled a ten-dollar bill out of my purse and handed it to Robert.
“Actually, Sydney, those two drinks are probably twenty.”
“Twenty dollars?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Jesus.” I gave him another ten. A minute later, he handed me the two drinks, and for a brief moment, I was double fisting.
“Where’s Lukas?” Robert asked. He took a sip of his Jack and Coke.
“He went to the bathroom. Should be out any second.” I grinned at him, nudged him against his side real quick. “Thanks for doing this for me.”
“No, thank you. I’ve been trying so hard to have a reason to bump into him. You gave me one.” He lowered his head toward me. “He really told you he thought I was cute?”
“Of course he did,” I said. “He even told me he texted you, but of course I found out that was a lie. I needed to give him this extra push. I know he likes you, and I have this feeling you two could be so good together.”
Robert shrugged, and gave me a scared sigh. “I sure hope so. Cuz I think he's amazing.”
I clapped my hands, and looked toward the bathroom again. Lukas stepped out, started walking toward us.
“Okay, here he comes,” I said. “Now he can’t know I called you about tonight. You have to make him think you just randomly showed up.”
“Trust me, I will,” he said, and he slicked his hair back with his hands. When Lukas got within earshot, Robert waved at him. “Hey Lukas!”
His jaw dropped for a second. “Hey! Robert, right?”
“Yeah, hey.”
I handed Lukas his Cape Cod. “He literally bumped right into me.” I gritted my teeth. If Lukas was to suspect my manipulating the turn of events tonight, now would have been the time.
“How random is that?” Lukas asked, bewildered. But he kept his focus on Robert, not me. “It's nice to meet you.” And he hugged him, real tight.
“Same to you,” Robert said. "Do you wanna dance?”
Lukas took a sip of his cranberry-and-vodka, didn't say anything for a second. I thought he might take the form of a wimp and tell him no, but instead, he flashed him a flirtatious grin. “I would love to dance with you.” Lukas stepped with Robert toward the twinkling disco lights, then turned around and waved me toward him. “Sydney, you coming?”
“In a minute!” I said.
I watched as they found the right side of the dance floor, and started getting down to the latest Adam Lambert single. Robert snapped his fingers together, and Lukas pretty much bounced up and down, with no rhythm whatsoever. They were so dorky up there, so sickeningly adorable.
I took a sip of my Shirley Temple. It was so sweet.
Just like Lukas and his new ginger boy toy.
Chapter 20
Evan stopped at the top of the hill and planted his hands against his hips. Why had I agreed to this? Was I stupid? Or just insane?
“Syd, you’re missing out!” he shouted. “Come see this! The view is incredible!”
“No, no, I’ll stay down here, thanks.”
He put his hand out, like he had the magical ability to stretch his arm not just past me, but all the way to the Pacific Ocean. “Come on. What are you, scared?”
Yes. I was terrified. Not of the climb, but what I had to do.
A month had passed. I finally quit my job at Frederito’s and got a part-time job as a receptionist for a graphic design company, a position that would last until school started in late August. I had the weekends off—a plus—and I got to leave early on Wednesdays, just like Evan. With our schedules lining up better, Evan and I started spending more and more time together, to the point that I had been asked on three separate occasions if he was my boyfriend. We went to the movies, sampled various restaurants, even took a day trip to San Diego together. And we were still just friends.
It had been over five weeks since our date at the Coffee Bean, over five weeks since he first kissed me on the cheek. If I had known that kiss was only going to be a special occasion, not an invitation for more, I would have better appreciated it at the time. Lately he hugged me a lot, every time he dropped me off at my apartment, every time we parted for the night—but nothing more.
So of course every day we spent together, I fell in love with him more and more. He had been this unattainable dream before Melanie, and he was still the unattainable dream afterward. Evan had become my everything—and he didn’t want me. So when he asked me to go hiking with him on this hotter-than-normal Saturday afternoon, I agreed, knowing I was going to have to make the hardest decision of the entire summer. I didn’t want to be his buddy anymore, and I really didn’t want to be his hiking buddy.
It was finally time to break up with Evan Taylor.
My feet found the hill, so vertical you practically had to climb it with your hands, and I stomped toward him. Sweat dripped off my face, as my hair kept tangling up in knots.
He reached his hand out. “Come on! You can do it!”
My right foot slipped against a rock, and I almost tripped. That would have been a sight: me rolling down the hill, landing face first in a pile of mud. But I maintained my balance, grabbed Evan’s arm, and jumped to the top.
“You made it,” he said.
“I made it.” I peered out beyond the hiking trail. Evan was right; the view was spectacular.
He had taken me to Runyon Canyon, one of the most popular hiking trails in all of Los Angeles, and also one of the most crowded. I must have seen two or three people from school, just in passing. I spent so much time on the ground floor of the city that it was splendid to reach the top and look over it all. It almost didn’t seem real.
“Do you think you’ll want to stay here?” I asked. “After we graduate, I mean?”
“I think so,” Evan said. “I haven’t really thought about it yet. What about you?”
“Sometimes I get tired of all the crowds, all the people. Other times, like right now, I never want to leave.”
He nodded, and kept his focus on the awesome view. I brought my hand to his back, slowly, just to see if I’d get a reaction, any kind of reaction. When I touched him, he didn’t flinch, and he didn’t turn to me. Instead, he stepped to his right.
“Come on,” he said. “I know a hidden part of the trail.” He stepped over some tiny bushes and headed toward what looked like a cliff.
“Hidden, did you say? Maybe there’s a reason for that.”
“Melanie and I walked it once, it’s fun.”
I sighed, and followed him. We traveled on a steady surface for a minute or so, then veered around a small bed of wildflowers to find a thin dirt trail that edged alongside a massive cliff.
Evan stopped. “You see that over there?” He pointed across the way, at a large rock that appeared to be a hundred feet wide.
“Uhh, yeah.”
“That’s our destination.”
I looked over the edge, and my head started spinning. “No, uh-uh. I don’t think so. We're on the edge of a cliff, Evan…”
“You’ll be fine,” he said. He took my hands and placed them on his hips. “Just stay right behind me. I’ll keep you safe.”
I loved when he said things like that. It made me think he would change his mind about me. Maybe one day.
I looked back. This apparently was a true
hidden oasis, because no one was following us. I also didn’t see a single person near the rock. We were all alone.
“Evan?” I couldn't wait a second longer.
“Yeah?”
“Do you care about me?”
He was already going slowly, but he slowed down even more. “Of course I care about you. What kind of a question is that?”
I bit down on my bottom lip, unsure if I had chosen the right words. “I don’t know. I don’t know why I asked it…”
“Syd, you're my best friend. Don't you know that? When I wake up in the morning, you’re the person I want to hang out with. Not Todd. Not Zach. You.”
That was quite the competition. “I feel the same way about you, Evan. But you see, the thing is—”
“I mean, do you have any idea what it’s been like for me to have you around this summer?” We stopped for a moment. Evan talked to me by looking over his right shoulder. “I would’ve died without you. I was a wreck in New York, and when I came back out here, I didn’t know how I was going to survive. Losing Melanie… all the memories... it was too much. You saved me.”
I wanted to cry. He hadn't opened up to me like this in weeks.
But then I glanced to my left and looked down. I tried not to scream. Why did we have to be having this conversation on the edge of a freaking cliff?
When we started moving again, my left foot slid against a rock, and I almost slipped.
“Oh Jesus,” I said, stumbling, trying to keep my feet planted on the ground.
“Whoa, whoa,” he said. He gripped my arms and pulled me closer. “It’s okay. I've got you.”
I let out an annoyed sigh. “Are we there yet?”
“Like one more minute.”
“I’m scared, Evan. It’s too high.”
“Here.” He wrapped my arms around his chest. I smiled, and nudged my forehead against his shoulder. I took in a strong whiff of his spicy cologne. The smile faded.
“Evan… I can’t do this anymore.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re almost to the rock—”
“No, I mean this.”
He stopped, again. He dropped my arms from his waist, and slowly spun around.