Give Me Wings

by Joy Redmond

  During the Christmas season, snow fell off and on, and Mama was in despair because Carnikko’s headaches got steadily worse.

  Chapter Eighteen

  On the 4th of January, 1951, Mama decided that they’d walk to Canoe Cove and flag down a Greyhound. They bundled up, made their way down the hill to the paved road, and then began the three-mile walk.

  When they got to Canoe Cove, they stopped at the home of Mrs. Mayes, where Mama asked if she’d watch Don and Lee while she and Carnikko made the trip to Bon Harbor. Mrs. Mayes gladly agreed and she offered to keep Evan too.

  Mama said, “Thanks, but I always take my baby with me.” Mama held her children’s hands as they walked to Highway 41, a short distance from the Mayes’ house. They had a few minutes before the bus would arrive, and Carnikko was antsy. She walked in circles for a few minutes, then made her way to the corner where Frog Island Road crossed Highway 41.

  As she stepped on top of a concrete culvert and peered down at a ditch, shivers ran up her spine. The muddy ditch below her was eerie, as if it was some kind of monster, ready to rear its head and swallow her.

  Just as she was making her escape from the jaws of that menacing creature, Carnikko heard Mama call, “Here comes the bus, kids. Come over here and start waving your hands.”

  Evan and Carnikko both started waving their arms, and the big bus ground to a halt in front of them. Thirty minutes later, the Greyhound pulled under the canopy at the bus station in Bon Harbor.

  As Mama helped the children down the bus steps, she said, “The eye doctor’s office is only three blocks from here. We’ll be there in no time.”

  As they walked, Carnikko had the urge to hightail it and run, hoping Mama couldn’t catch her, but she was determined to be brave.

  It was warm in the office, and after Mama had spoken to the receptionist, they all sat down. Evan climbed onto Carnikko’s lap, patted her face, and said, “I wuv ya, Sissy.”

  His blue eyes twinkled, and his smile seemed to brighten the room as Carnikko twirled his blond curls and said, “I love ya too, sweet Evan.”

  A moment later, a young woman with a pleasant smile appeared in a doorway and said, “Carnikko. This way please.” She led Mama, Carnikko, and Evan to the examining room and said, “The doctor will be with you shortly.”

  A few minutes later, a tall, thin man came into the room, shook Mama’s hand, then looked down with a smile and said, “You must be Carnikko. I’m Dr. Moran.”

  “Uh-huh,” Carnikko managed to say, still fighting the urge to run.

  Dr. Moran held a piece of white plastic over Carnikko’s right eye and instructed her to read the letters on a chart on the far wall. Then he did the same with her left eye. He looked into her eyes with a bright light. “I don’t see anything wrong with her eyes. She has twenty-twenty vision, so she doesn’t need glasses.” Carnikko was overjoyed with the news as Dr. Moran continued. “It could be allergies of some sort.” He handed Mama a bottle of eye drops and said, “Put two drops in both eyes twice a day, and give her aspirin for her headache.”

  As Mama nodded her head, Dr. Moran added, “It’s also possible that it has something to do with her nerves. When children are emotionally distraught, they can sometimes develop tension headaches.” He tapped his fingers on the desk, then added, “And adults aren’t the only ones who have nervous breakdowns. When a child is emotionally pulled, they can snap like a rubber band. It’s something to think about, especially if these eye drops don’t help.”

  Carnikko was listening carefully, even though Dr. Moran was talking as if she wasn’t in the room. Grownups were always doing things like that. When Dr. Moran said that children could snap, she pictured her body levitated, being pulled in two, her head flying north, her butt flying south. She shuddered.

  “I understand, doctor,” Mama said with a sigh. “I’ll let you know if there’s any change.” Then she stretched out her hand to Carnikko and said, “Okay, honey, let’s go. You can stop worrying about having to wear glasses. God will take good care of you.”

  Mama paid the receptionist, then led the children outside. After pausing for a moment, she asked, “How would you kids like to walk over to Mammaw’s house? We have a few hours before the bus goes back to Canoe Cove. It’s a ways, but it’s a sunshiny day. What do you say?”

  “Yeah! Mammaw might have banana puddin',” Carnikko said enthusiastically, and Evan agreed.

  It was a long walk, but worth every step, as far as Carnikko was concerned. She was anxious to see Mammaw, and even if she didn’t have any banana pudding, she knew that Mammaw would make them something to eat. She always did.

  When Mammaw opened the front door, she exclaimed, “Why, my stars! What a surprise! Mammaw’s babies are here. Come in, everybody. What brings ya by here today?”

  “Have ya got any banana puddin', Mammaw?” Carnikko blurted out.

  As Mama looked slightly embarrassed, Mammaw laughed and said, “Well, I declare! How did you kids know I just made some banana puddin'? Come on, I’ll fix ya a bowl. Just follow me to the kitchen.”

  The three of them were right behind Mammaw as she headed to the kitchen, where she filled three cereal bowls with banana pudding, then set the bowls on the table. They tore into the pudding as if they were starving to death—which wasn’t far from the truth. When they finished, Carnikko and Evan scampered off to play hide-and-go-seek, and the adults went back into the living room.

  Later that afternoon, Carnikko was just rounding the corner into the living room when she heard Mammaw, “Look, child, you’ll have to accept that it’s your fault Ted took up with that no-good whore. I know how ya was brought up, but someday yer gonna hafta learn how to let your hair down a little and stop thinkin' that everything Ted does is a sin. I heard him ask ya once if ya wanted to go to a carnival when it came to town, but ya said it was sinful and ya wouldn’t go. Ya said the same thing about goin' to the movie house. If a man’s wife won’t accompany him, then—”

  Mammaw stopped abruptly when she saw Carnikko peek through the doorway. Carnikko didn’t see anything wrong with going to a carnival or movie house either, but she didn’t like to hear Mammaw fussing at Mama, especially if it made Mama cry. She had cried enough already.

  Mama looked at Carnikko and said firmly, “Go get your brother. It’s time for us to head for the bus station!”

  As Carnikko turned to obey Mama’s order, she heard Mammaw say, “Now, Rachel, don’t get mad. I didn’t mean to hurt yer feelins'. I’m just tryin' to get ya to loosen up a little—for the sake of yer marriage.”

  Then she heard Mama reply, “I won’t take the blame for your son ruining the life of his wife and children. He’s the one who broke his marriage vows. He stays loose enough for both of us, and now, since I know how you really feel, I won’t come back to this house. Never!”

  Mama had spoken more harshly than Carnikko had ever heard her, except the two times she had really let Daddy have it.

  “Now, Rachel,” Mammaw said, but Mama turned her head.

  Mama stood just as Carnikko appeared in the doorway, little Evan in tow. Then she hurried the children across the living room as Mammaw called after them, “Rachel, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Truth be told, yer the best thing that ever happened to Ted—and if I never see you again, you remember that.”

  Before they reached the front door, Mammaw had caught up with them. She hoisted Evan up and said, “Yer the sweetest grandchild a Mammaw could ever hope for. What with yer cotton top and sky-blue eyes, yer like a little angel, right here on earth.” She hugged Evan tightly and whispered in his ear, “And yer mama’s an angel too. You tell ꞌer that I love ꞌer, okay?”

  Setting Evan down, Mammaw held her arms out toward Carnikko. Carnikko ran into her loving arms and hugged with all her strength. She couldn’t stay mad at Mammaw, just like she couldn’t stay mad at Daddy.

  “Ya come back and see Mammaw as soon as ya can, okay?” she said, kissing Carnikko’s cheek.

  M
ama had stepped out onto the porch while they said their goodbyes. She took the children’s hands when they emerged from the house and walked away in silence. Dusk was just beginning to settle over the horizon and it was getting colder.

  When they finally reached the station, it was warm inside, and they only had a few minutes before the bus was ready to roll. By the time the bus reached the junction of Highway 41 and Frog Island Road, it was completely dark and much colder.

  “I’ll see you the next time you need a lift to town,” the driver said, smiling at Mama and winking at Carnikko and Evan.

  Carnikko forced herself to smile back, even though her head was pounding as if it were going to explode, and sparkly dots were dancing before her eyes, as if she was walking amid a swarm of fireflies. She could barely feel her hand in Mama’s as she led her around the bus.

  Just before they started to walk across the highway, Mama said, “I’m afraid it’s gonna be a long, cold walk home,” as she tucked her head against the cold wind.

  Carnikko clung tightly to Mama’s hand, her head pounding and her eyes stinging. Then the night lit up as if bright lightning was streaking across the sky.

  Carnikko felt her body jerk, hard.

  Then the world went black.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When Carnikko regained consciousness, she found herself still surrounded by darkness—and she was chilled to the bone. She tried to swallow, but something seemed to be stuck in her throat. It tasted like a mud pie she’d once touched to her tongue. As she rolled her tongue around in her mouth, she discovered that her mouth was full of mud.

  Then she heard voices that seemed to be coming from somewhere far away, but coming closer. She tried to raise her head, but she couldn’t seem to move. She rolled her eyes upward and could see the stars overhead. She was outside—but where?

  She heard a man’s voice say, “We’ve found two so far.”

  “Keep looking. There could be more,” another man’s voice said.

  “Look! Over here in the ditch. Here’s another one. It looks like a little girl.”

  Suddenly a bright light shone in Carnikko’s face, blinding her. As the light moved around, she could see forms above her. Was she in a well?

  She wanted to call for Mama, but her tongue wouldn’t move and she couldn’t form any words. It felt as if there was a ton of bricks on top of her body and she was suddenly aware that her body was hurting all over.

  “We’ve got to get her out before she freezes,” one of the men said.

  “No!” the other man said sharply. “Don’t touch her until the ambulance gets here.”

  “We can’t wait that long!” the first man countered. “I’m going down after her. You go get some coats, blankets—whatever you can find. We’ve got to warm her up.”

  A female voice chimed in, saying, “I’m a nurse, and I say get the child out of that ditch before she goes into shock. Both of you slide down the bank. When you’re ready, I’ll count, and then you lift her on three.”

  Fear gripped Carnikko as many questions raced through her mind. Where was she? Who were these people? Why couldn’t she make her tongue work?

  Then she felt two pairs of hands beneath her and heard the woman count, “One, two, three.”

  Instantly, a searing pain shot through her entire body—but only for a moment, until she passed out again.

  When she again came to, Carnikko tried to open her eyes, but the light above her was blinding. Squinting, she could vaguely make out a tall man in white above her. She wondered if maybe she was dead and seeing an angel, but her tongue still refused to work.

  Then the world went black again.

  Then she heard a deep male voice saying somberly, “She’s critical. She has a severe concussion and her tailbone is broken. Her pelvic bone was crushed and her left femur is broken in half. Her right fibula and tibia are both broken and she has two broken ribs. Thankfully, they didn’t puncture a lung. I’ll check back later. We can’t do anything until she’s conscious. You can stay with her if you’d like.”

  As she lay helplessly, Carnikko then heard a familiar voice. It was Mammaw, saying, “But how did this happen? Surely Rachel—”

  Mammaw was interrupted by Aunt Bell. “Let’s worry about Carnikko right now. She comes and goes, but she’s not with us for more than a minute, and she doesn’t know where she’s at.”

  Carnikko fluttered her eyes. The bright light was gone and she managed to open her eyes far enough to see Aunt Bell, Aunt Lou, and Mammaw. Then she felt someone touching her hair.

  “Her hair is caked with mud. They could have cleaned her up better than this after two weeks,” Aunt Bell said softly.

  Carnikko heard Mammaw praying, “I’m beggin' ya, Lord. Please don’t take this child.”

  Carnikko tried to raise her head, but the pain made it impossible. She rolled her tongue around her mouth. The mud taste was gone. She rolled her head toward Mammaw and whispered, “I want Mama.”

  Mammaw bent down to Carnikko’s ear and said, “Child, can ya hear me?”

  “Yeah,” Carnikko rasped.

  Mammaw whispered, “You gotta try to stay awake, okay? Keep talkin' to me.”

  Through blurred eyes, Carnikko saw another figure approach and take her hand. “It’s me, honey, Aunt Lou.”

  “Where am I, Aunt Lou?” Carnikko asked. “How did I get here?”

  Aunt Lou replied, “You’re in the hospital, honey. You got run over by a car.”

  Carnikko creased her brow, wondering if she were having a nightmare. Nothing seemed real. Voices didn’t sound right. She shut her eyes tightly, sure when she opened them that Mama would hold her until she woke up from the craziest nightmare she’d ever had.

  She opened her eyes. Aunt Lou was still holding her hand, looking down into her face. “What? I—I didn’t feel a car run over me,” Carnikko said, still confused. “Did Mama and Evan get run over too?”

  Mammaw said, “Yes, honey. Yer mama and Evan are in another room just down the hall.”

  “Are they hurt bad? I wanna go see ꞌem,” Carnikko said, tears rolling down her face.

  “You can’t see ꞌem yet, honey,” Mammaw said. You hafta get better first. Don’t worry about them. They’re fine, I promise.”

  “But I—” Carnikko began, but her voice sounded like she was in a deep well. “Does Daddy know I got run over?”

  “Yes, honey. Daddy came to see ya, but ya was asleep,” Mammaw replied.

  “Why didn’t he wake me up? Somebody tell him I’m awake now.”

  “Honey, ya been asleep for a long time. You were in what they call a coma,” Mammaw explained.

  “Well, he coulda waited anyway,” Carnikko said, trying to move her body. “Mammaw I hurt something terrible—all over.”

  At that moment, a short, plump woman came into the room, approached the bed, and said cheerfully, “Well, look who’s awake! Hi, honey, welcome back. I’m Nurse Marty.”

  “But I ain’t ever been here before,” Carnikko answered, wondering why Nurse Marty thought she’d been in the hospital before that day.

  “She’s awake, and she’s talkin',” Mammaw said excitedly, “but she’s in pain.”

  “Well, we can sure do something about that,” Nurse Marty said sweetly.

  “Nurse Marty,” Carnikko said, looking up. “Are Mama and Evan in different rooms? I’d hate for Evan to be alone.”

  Nurse Marty smiled, patted Carnikko’s hand, and said, “They’re together, honey. Don’t you worry about them. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  A few minutes later, Nurse Marty returned with a syringe. “You’ll feel a little sting, but it’ll be over before you know it,” she said, swabbing Carnikko’s thigh with alcohol. Then she pinched the flesh tightly, injected the painkiller, and withdrew the needle. “There, that wasn’t bad, was it?”

  “No,” Carnikko replied weakly.

  A man entered the room, saying, “Well, look who’s awake. I got a call telling me that I needed to get up
here to the hospital. So I left an office full of patients just to see how you were doing. You gave us quite a scare there for a while.”

  “Who are you?” Carnikko asked, eyeing the man as he walked toward the bed. He was wearing a red coat, white shirt, and a black tie. His glasses were sitting almost on the end of his nose and he had a shiny bald head. Carnikko thought he looked like a clown.

  “I’m Dr. Coleman, and I’m here to tell you that you’re going to be as good as new in no time at all.” He lifted Carnikko’s left eyelid and shined a bright light into her eye. He did the same with her right eye. “Your pupils aren’t dilated. That’s good. I’d say you’re going to stay awake now and be asking for ice cream before we know it. What do you think?”

  “I don’t think I’m rightly interested in ice cream until I know if Mama and Evan will be good as new too,” Carnikko said.

  “I fix everybody as good as new,” Dr. Coleman replied with a warm smile, “but first I want to explain a few things to you, okay?”

  “Okay,” Carnikko answered flatly.

  “You broke a few bones in the accident. Both your legs were broken, but—”

  “My legs are broken?” Carnikko wailed before the doctor could finish his sentence. “Will I be able to walk?” A horrible image of her legs dangling like wet noodles flashed before her.

  “You’ll walk, sweetheart,” the doctor said softly. “Don’t you worry about that.”

  Then he turned to the family and said, “Now that she’s awake, we can start figuring out how to put everything back together. She’s over the worst of it. She’ll need some rest, but you can stay a while longer if you’d like.”

  After Dr. Coleman was gone, Carnikko asked, “Mammaw, are you sure I’m gonna be able to walk again?”

  Aunt Lou answered Carnikko’s question. “He’s been my doctor for several years and I know he’s very good at what he does. Don’t worry, honey. You’re gonna be fine.”