Give Me Wings

by Joy Redmond

  “Carnikko! Don’t get up from the table until you’re excused,” Aunt Iris shrieked.

  Carnikko froze, the taste of vomit rising in her throat.

  “Let her go, Iris,” Uncle Otis said firmly. “Can’t you see the child’s sick?”

  “Alright, you may be excused,” Aunt Iris said as Carnikko raced toward the bathroom.

  A few minutes later, Aunt Iris appeared at the bathroom door and said, “Are you feeling better? Maybe we should just draw you a bath for tonight. I know this has all come as a shock to you.”

  Aunt Iris turned on the tap and poured some bath oil into the water. Carnikko liked the lavender scent and she was anxious to soak in the bath water, which would make her smell like a flower. She undressed, and as she stepped into the tub, Iris left the room.

  Carnikko scooped water with her small hands and let it trickle down the front of her. Then she turned onto her stomach and propelled her arms and legs as if she were in a swimming pool. “This is heavenly,” she whispered and smiled.

  A few minutes later, Aunt Iris returned, carrying a pair of pajamas. “These are some of mine,” she said, “but they’ll have to do for tonight. We can roll up the sleeves and legs.”

  “I have some flannel pajamas,” Carnikko said, but Aunt Iris ignored the comment.

  Aunt Iris took a towel from a rack above the tub and said, “Alright, let’s get you ready for bed.”

  Carnikko stood and Aunt Iris wrapped the towel around her. When Carnikko was out of the tub, Aunt Iris began rubbing her vigorously. When Carnikko’s body was dry, Aunt Iris said, “Now we’ll put on some lotion. If you take good care of your skin when you’re young, you’ll have healthy skin when you’re older. No woman wants dry, flaky skin.”

  Aunt Iris poured some lotion into her palm and gently spread it on Carnikko’s face, stomach, back, arms, and legs. The lotion felt wonderful, but having Aunt Iris rub her as if she was some kind of an infant was irritating and strange.

  As Aunt Iris spread some toothpaste on a toothbrush, Carnikko briefly wondered if she was going to brush her teeth for her too, but Aunt Iris handed the toothbrush to her and waited as she brushed, spit, and wiped her mouth on the towel.

  Aunt Iris took Carnikko’s hand. “Now, it’s time to read before bed,” she said. “I want you to read one book a week, and the best time to read is after a nice, soothing bath, while propped up in bed.”

  Carnikko looked up at Aunt Iris and asked, “Can I watch TV for a little while?”

  Aunt Iris’s eyes widened. “We have no television in this house. There’s nothing on television but garbage. It’s the worst invention ever inflicted upon the world!”

  No TV? Carnikko couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. I’ll go completely crazy. Crazy as a bed bug, as Mammaw always said.

  When they reached the bedroom, Aunt Iris pulled the bedspread back and said, “We’ll kneel by the bedside and say our prayers.”

  She knelt and Carnikko knelt beside her. Aunt Iris closed her eyes and prayed aloud, thanking God for blessing her and her husband with a wonderful little girl. Then she told Carnikko to pray and thank God for her new home and parents.

  I ain’t about to thank God for something I don’t want, she thought, then quickly said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t pray out loud. I get nervous and puke.” She figured that Aunt Iris wouldn’t risk having her make a mess on the pretty area rug beside the bed. Carnikko almost giggled as she pictured the scene.

  Although she didn’t seem happy about it, Aunt Iris said, “Alright. You may say your prayers silently.”

  Carnikko bowed her head and silently prayed, Dear God, please don’t make me live with this crazy woman! Amen. Then she jumped into bed.

  Aunt Iris tucked Carnikko in, kissed her cheek, and said, “I’ll go get a book. I think we’ll start with Tom Sawyer. I’ll be right back.”

  When Aunt Iris returned with the book, Carnikko feigned sleep, even throwing in a slight snore. Aunt Iris kissed Carnikko’s cheek again and said, “Goodnight. Sleep tight. May God protect you until morning’s light.” She turned off the overhead light, switched on a small night light by the dresser, and tiptoed out of the room.

  When she was gone, Carnikko rolled onto her back and looked at the ceiling that seemed to be a hundred feet tall. Then she heard the house making creepy sounds—cracking and popping, and she was sure she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Scary thoughts raced through her mind. Bloody Bones is cominꞌ out of the storage room, sniffing for me, and he’s gonna shake my eyeballs out.

  Then she remembered one of Daddy’s ghost stories. A ghost is cominꞌ for me, and it’ll break my arm off and beat me over the head with the bloody end.

  She hugged the covers to her trembling body. She was sure Bloody Bones or a ghost would take her life before morning came.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Carnikko was awakened when Aunt Iris flipped on the ceiling light, saying in a singsong voice, “Rise and shine!

  Carnikko sat up and rubbed sleep from her eyes. It took a second to figure out where she was. When her eyes finally focused, Aunt Iris was just drawing back the drapes.

  “I have breakfast ready, so don’t dilly-dally. We have a full day ahead of us,” Aunt Iris said. Carnikko was now sitting on the side of the bed, tears running down her face.

  Aunt Iris sat on the bed next to her, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and said, “I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” She brushed away a tear that was sliding down Carnikko’s cheek and said softly, “Please don’t cry. I have a big day planned for us. I was going to make it a surprise, but I’ll just tell you now. We’re going to town so we can shop for new clothes, new shoes, and all the other things you’re going to need.”

  Carnikko’s eyes widened, she brushed away her tears and a thrill ran through her body. She studied Aunt Iris’s face for a long moment. Maybe Aunt Iris ain’t gonna to be so bad. Maybe she’s just old and set in her ways. I heard her tell Aunt Lou that she was already forty-six. And that’s old!

  Carnikko swallowed hard, then asked the question that had been on her mind since the moment she first arrived. “Aunt Iris, are you and Uncle Otis rich?”

  Aunt Iris said, “No, dear. We’re far from being rich. We make a decent living because we have a large farm and most of the time we harvest good crops. We also breed and sell livestock. We don’t squander money and we know how to stretch a dollar.”

  Carnikko rubbed her forehead and said, “How do you stretch a dollar? It’s made outta paper.”

  “Oh, dear,” Aunt Iris said, shaking her head. “You take everything so literally. It just means we’re frugal—never mind.” She drew in a deep breath and said, “Carnikko, I know it won’t be easy at first, but I’d like it very much if you could learn to call me Mother.”

  Carnikko’s eyes widened. Mother? What’s wrong with this crazy woman? Again, she had the urge to run, but just like the last time, she had no idea where she would run to.

  Aunt Iris continued, as if it was a speech she’d been rehearsing. “I know there’s a lot coming at you at once, but I think it’s time that I explained our intentions.” Aunt Iris paused, looking as if she was about to cry herself. “You see, dear, Otis and I are planning to adopt you, which means we’ll become your legal parents, and when that happens, we’d like for you to call us Mother and Father.”

  Aunt Iris took a deep breath, as if it had been a difficult speech to make. Then she looked at Carnikko strangely, her eyes expectant and almost begging her to accept the proposal.

  Carnikko’s head was spinning. She remembered hearing Daddy say that Emily had been adopted, but she hadn’t questioned him about it. Her mouth was dry and she could feel her pulse throbbing in her temples.

  As Carnikko sat trying to absorb the situation, Aunt Iris sat next to her in silence.

  Carnikko sighed, then asked, “What would happen if I was adopted?”

  Aunt Iris smiled, as if just hearing the question had given her
hope. “You’ll be issued a new birth certificate that will show you as being born to Iris and Otis Hodge. Your last name will be changed to Hodge, and your blood daddy will sign away all rights.”

  Carnikko wasn’t sure that Daddy would ever sign anything like that. In fact, her mind conjured up images of Daddy laughing and telling them they were full of horse-shit. That image made her smile, which made Aunt Iris smile in return, although they definitely weren’t smiling for the same reason.

  Aunt Iris pulled Carnikko a bit closer and said, “Well, dear, I’m glad we had this conversation. I wasn’t sure how you’d react, but I’m hoping you’ll see that it’s in everyone’s best interest.” Then she paused for a moment before dropping her next bombshell. “And, dear, since your last name will be Hodge when the adoption process is complete, we’d like to change your first name too. We’d like to call you Amanda.”

  Carnikko’s eyes widened again, as Aunt Iris added, “And we think your middle name should be Dawn, because all of us are about to enter into the dawn of a new life. You’ve certainly brought sunshine into our home—and into our hearts.” She paused again, then asked, “Amanda Dawn. Do you like it?”

  Carnikko didn’t answer as thoughts raced through her mind. Daddy will never sign no adoption papers and I don’t care if ya call me Quasimodo! ‘Cept I ain’t got no hunchback. My daddy will set you straight, real quick, she thought, but instead she said, “Amanda Dawn is okay, I suppose.”

  Aunt Iris stood, reached out and took Carnikko’s hand, and said sweetly, “Good! Now let’s go downstairs and have some breakfast. Then we’ll be off on the shopping spree of a lifetime.”

  After breakfast, Carnikko headed for the bathroom and brushed her teeth, wondering if any of this could really be happening. When she came out of the bathroom, Aunt Iris led her back upstairs and though it wasn’t easy, she finally decided on the best outfit for Carnikko to wear for their shopping spree, though she made no secret of the fact that as soon as all Carnikko’s old clothes had been replaced, they were destined to disappear.

  In Carnikko’s confused state of mind, the drive into Bon Harbor was a blur. She only emerged from her stupor when Aunt Iris pulled the car into a parking space in front of a shoe store.

  As they walked toward the door, Carnikko saw a pair of shoes in the display window. She pointed at the shoes and said, “I like them white Bucks. That’s what all the girls in my old school wore. Can I have some white Bucks?”

  “May I have white Bucks?” Aunt Iris corrected.

  “You want white Bucks too?” Carnikko asked, momentarily confused

  “No, Amanda! I mean—oh, never mind. We’ll talk about that later,” Aunt Iris said, shaking her head.

  They sat down, and as a salesman approached, Carnikko said happily, “I want to try on some white Bucks.”

  The salesman said, “Okay, but first we’ll need to measure your foot.” He slid a sliding metal devise on her right foot, then announced, “Well, young lady, it looks like you wear a size four. I’ll go find a pair of the white Bucks you like. They are some of our best sellers.”

  As the salesman walked away, Aunt Iris picked up Carnikko’s old shoe, pushed aside the tongue. “I can barely make out the number, but it looks like—2 ½! My stars! I can’t imagine how you were even able to walk in shoes a size and a half too small. Dear Lord!”

  The salesman returned, slipped the shoes on Carnikko’s feet, and said, “Okay, stand up, sweetie, and walk around a little.” As Carnikko obeyed, the salesman looked at Aunt Iris and said, “She’ll have plenty of room to grow in those. Kids outgrow shoes almost as fast as you can buy them.”

  Carnikko walked over to a mirror propped up on the floor and looked at her feet. “Wow!” she said, and had the urge to dance a jig. “I’m wearing a pair of white Bucks! I can’t believe it!” Then she walked back to the chair, sat down, and looked at Aunt Iris with hopeful eyes. “Can I keep ꞌem on?”

  “You may wear them out of the store, but we need to try on another pair. You have to have some church shoes too.”

  Carnikko could hardly believe her ears. Aunt Iris was going to buy her two pairs of shoes?

  The salesman smiled broadly and said, “I think I have just the thing. I’ll go get a pair of Mary Janes.”

  Carnikko looked at Aunt Iris, and asked, “Why is he gonna try to sell Mary Jane’s shoes? I thought they only sold new shoes here.”

  Aunt Iris shook her head. “Amanda, he doesn’t mean that the shoes belong to Mary Jane. That’s called a brand name.”

  As the salesman slipped a pair of incredibly shiny black patent leather shoes onto her feet, Carnikko could only stare in silent amazement. She had wanted a pair of patent leather shoes all her life. She was actually trembling as she looked at Aunt Iris and said, “I feel just like Cinderella!”

  The salesman laughed, but Aunt Iris looked slightly embarrassed by Carnikko’s outburst.

  After she had walked around in the Mary Janes, Carnikko put the white Bucks back on and wore them out of the store while carrying the sack containing her precious patent leathers. Then they were off to buy dresses, petticoats, panties, undershirts, socks, pajamas, a housecoat, and slippers. Carnikko’s face was almost sore from smiling so broadly, and her head was still spinning from the wonder of it all as Aunt Iris bought her a blue-and-white tweed coat and matching hat.

  The next stop was a drugstore, where Aunt Iris filled a basket with bath salts, oils, lotions, shampoos, and conditioners.

  I’m gonna be dressed like a rich girl, smell like a rich girl, and live in a rich girl house. Just like I said I would do someday, she thought, as she watched Aunt Iris drop more and more items into the basket.

  When the shopping spree was finally over, Carnikko was exhausted and had to fight to keep her eyes open during the drive home. Her head nodded a few times, but she tried her best to stay awake. She didn’t want to risk doing something that would cause Aunt Iris to scold her.

  Something had been stirring inside her heart as the day went on. Maybe Aunt Iris really is okay. I’ve gotta try to get used to becoming Amanda, and learn to act and talk the way a rich girl acts. It won’t be easy, but it certainly might be worth a try. After all, I’m gettinꞌ all the things I ever wanted, and I’m gonna shine, just like Miz Mattie said.

  The day had been better than the best Christmas she had ever known. No one would ever call her a ragamuffin again.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Carnikko’s head was still nodding as Aunt Iris pulled the car into the garage, smiled, then said, “Now let’s get all of these bags inside.”

  Carnikko happily gathered as many bags as she could carry in her small arms. After they had carried all the packages into the bedroom, Aunt Iris asked Carnikko to sit in the rocker and pay close attention. Then she began unpacking the clothes, cutting off price tags, and giving detailed instructions on how to store each article in its proper place.

  “Amanda, after I’ve gone downstairs to fix supper, I want you to look in the drawers and closet and memorize how everything is put away. From now on, I’ll inspect your room once a week to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be.”

  Aunt Iris left the room. Only then did she finally have a moment to realize that it was all true. She had pretty dresses and white petticoats with ruffles and two new pairs of shoes. Tears of joy filled her eyes, even though all the new stuff meant she was about to become Amanda and leave Carnikko behind forever. She repeated Mama’s words, “That’s the way it has to be.”

  She opened the top chest drawer and ran her hand across the cotton undershirts and panties that had the days of the week embroidered on them. Then she opened the second drawer and stared at rows of colored socks to match the dresses. “No more worn out hand-me-downs.”

  She looked upward, and said, “Can you see my new clothes, Mama? Ain’t they pretty? I mean, aren’t they pretty? I can’t say ain’t anymore—and I have to start being Amanda and learn to talk proper, like you always did.”


  She giggled. “You always said I was too much like Daddy, and I talked like him. But you know what? Daddy talks better too. And Don and Lee talk like little gentlemen, and I know that makes you proud. Er, Mama, if you and God can fix it so I can see Daddy, Don, and Lee again, I sure would appreciate it. Bye for now. I’ll talk to you later. I need to talk to God now.”

  She closed her eyes. “Dear God. Thank you for all my beautiful new clothes—and my white Bucks and patent leather shoes. Amen.”

  As she headed for the closet to have another look at her pretty dresses, Aunt Iris called from the bottom of the staircase, “Amanda, honey, supper’s ready. Wash your hands and come to the table.”

  As they sat at the supper table, she tried her best to remember all the do's and don’t’s that she had been given the first night of her arrival. She was terrified of making a mistake, but she was determined to do her best at becoming Amanda—even if it killed her. And it did feel as if a part of her had already been killed. She was becoming a programed robot.

  During the meal, she did pretty well at first, then she slipped and used a piece of bread to scoop some corn onto the fork.

  “Amanda!” Aunt Iris shrieked, like someone who had just been stuck with a needle.

  The child dropped the fork and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat with one hand.”

  “Yes, you can, Amanda!” Aunt Iris said sternly.

  She looked at Aunt Iris and said, “I’m afraid I ain’t quite Amanda yet. I’ve still got a lot of Carnikko left in me. And I always will! You can’t just make me into somebody that I’m not!”

  She saw Uncle Otis bristle at her outburst, but she didn’t care.

  She watched in amusement as Aunt Iris shot her husband a withering look and said, “I’ve never seen a child who can change personalities faster than a chameleon can change colors.” Then she looked back at at the defiant child, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to try. This is your new home, we’re your new parents, and there are certain things we’ll expect of you.”