Atonement (Love Undercover Book 3)

by LK Shaw

  “I don’t know what to say,” I breathed out.

  “Look, I’ll admit I’m not excited about this whole plan of yours, and I’m definitely annoyed that you did it behind my back. But I think it’s smart. Like you said, it’s a risk. But definitely one I think is worth taking.”

  “Thank you. This means a lot to me.”

  “We’ll need to talk to Landon. Probably even the Rodriguez brothers. Get them up to speed on what’s going on. Manuel can work on getting you mic’d. Pablo—"

  “No,” I interrupted. “No mics.”

  “Preston.”

  “It’s not happening. That’s how people like me get killed. No fucking way. I guarantee Felipe and his buddy Cruz will be checking me for a wire. That I can’t risk.”

  “How do you expect us to make sure you stay safe if we can’t hear what’s going on?”

  “We’ll figure something out. A hand gesture or signal of some kind if I think things are going bad. But I’m not wearing a goddamn mic.”

  “Stubborn bastard.”

  “That may be so, but that’s the way this is going to work.”

  Brody sat there, glaring at me, but I didn’t budge.

  “Fuck,” he growled. “We’ll do it your way this time. But if at any time I feel something isn’t right, we’re coming in and stopping it. Even if we lose Felipe and any lead we might get.”

  I inclined my head, stopping while I was ahead. “That’s fine. In the meantime, I think we need to start taking a little closer look at Mr. King. Check his financials. Look at his businesses. It’s also possible that if he does have a stake in this whole thing, then not everything he owns will be transparent.”

  Brody grabbed paper and pen and started taking notes. “He’d need to have a location big enough to not only store his supply, but also be able to cut it. I’m going to call Landon again and see if she was able to get the chemical analysis report. Find out what the cutting agent is. I think that’s behind the overdoses. We also need to try and find out how many players are in this game.”

  That was the big unknown. “Right now we’ve got Felipe and Cruz. If King is involved, which I highly suspect, are they working directly with him, or is there yet another middle man? My guess is, there’s at least one more person in between,” I speculated. “There’s no way whoever is in charge of this is going to be the direct contact with those who are selling it. He’d want some level of separation between them and him. Those two may not even know who’s at the top. Which means extra work for us. I knew this wasn’t going to be that easy.”

  “Let’s just take one step at a time,” Brody cautioned. “We need to figure out if Felipe and Cruz are even our guys. Then we can figure out where they’re getting the stuff from and worry about connecting the dots later.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll reach out to the everyone and let them know what’s going on. We need to start thinking about the next stage of the plan now, as well as a plan for any contingencies that might come up.”

  Brody nodded. “I agree. Set up a meeting here tomorrow if you can. I’ll start working on King. See what I can start finding out about his possible connection to all this.”

  I saluted him. “You got it.”

  I’d give Victor a call, but I planned on having a face-to-face with Landon. It was time for us to talk.

  Chapter 13

  I hadn’t been home ten minutes before the knock came. Who the hell was that? Barely missing tripping over the damn cat, I hustled to the front door and peeked through the blinds. Son of a bitch. Glancing around the place, I spotted all the dust on the TV stand and the sink full of dirty dishes. I jerked the door open. “What are you doing here? Did you follow me? Again? For god’s sake, Preston, you have to stop doing that.”

  He smiled, unrepentantly. It sent a hum straight to my core. Damn him. “It’s really cold out here. You gonna let me in or leave me out here to freeze to death?”

  I harrumphed. “I should leave your sorry ass out there. It would serve you right for showing up announced. How did you even know where I lived?”

  He shrugged. “Like you said, I followed you. I didn’t know how else to find you, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t want me showing up at your office. Now, let me in before my nuts freeze off.”

  Stepping back, I opened the door wider for Preston to enter. His spring-and-sunshine scent followed in his wake as he moved past me. Briefly, I closed my eyes and inhaled the fragrance. God, I’d missed that smell even as I hated it. I quickly shut the door behind me, and pressed back against it, trying to calm my racing heart. He stood far too close.

  Preston pulled off his beanie and stuck it in his coat pocket before smoothing his hair down. A smile threatened at the sight of the few strands he missed that hovered over his head from static electricity. I smothered it. “Couldn’t you have just called?”

  “Didn’t have your number.”

  Without asking, he toed off his shoes, leaving them on the linoleum next to the coat closet and then shrugged out of his coat, hanging it on the doorknob.

  “Sure, just make yourself at home,” I huffed, crossing my arms.

  He glanced over his shoulder at me as he stepped further into the living room. “Thanks.”

  Just then, Sherbert made an appearance, head butting Preston’s leg. “Well, hey there.” Without pause, he reached down and picked up the orange tabby. I could only stare. That cat hated anyone besides me touching him. He’d growl at whoever tried to pick him up. And here that little shit was, sitting, happy as a clam in Preston’s arms, purring so loud I could hear him from over here. Traitorous asshole.

  The two of them walked around the room, the human whispering nonsense in the damn cat’s ear. His eyes darted up to meet mine, and he went back to talking in the feline’s ear. He wasn’t talking about me, was he? I shook my head. No, that’s ridiculous.

  “Why are you here, Preston? And don’t say it’s because you followed me. I want to know why you followed me.”

  “I told you we were going to talk.”

  He was right. He’d warned me, but I kept thinking he was just going to let it go. I should have known better. I didn’t know what I was going to say. Nothing had changed. “Fine. Let’s talk.” I just wanted to get it over with.

  “Do you mind if I sit?”

  I almost laughed. Now he wanted to be polite and ask? I gestured to the couch. “Have a seat. Wanna beer?” Might as well be hospitable.

  “No, thanks. I don’t drink. Well, usually. I’ve actually only had one drink in the last two years.”

  I didn’t even think about him being in recovery. “Yeah, sorry. I forgot. I have water if you’d rather.”

  He shook his head, settling on the end of the couch with Sherbert in his lap. “I’m fine, thanks.”

  I sat on the far opposite end of the sofa from Preston, who smiled. “Scared?”

  My eyes narrowed. “No.”

  “So, I went to Club Delight.”

  “Yes, I remember. I was there.”

  His attention remained on the cat. “No, I mean, later that night. Without you.”

  I reared back. “What?”

  “You didn’t get the answers either of us needed, so I thought I’d try my luck.”

  “And?”

  “I met Felipe and his buddy Cruz. Lovely fellas.” I heard his sarcasm. “And before you yell at me for being stupid, believe me when I tell you that Ines has already beaten you to it.”

  “Why would I yell? Or tell you you were being stupid?”

  “Because I arranged a drug deal while I was there.”

  I sat for a moment trying to puzzle out what the problem was. “Okay, I think you need to explain things to me, because I’m not sure how that makes you stupid. We’re trying to track down the dealer of this Rapture. You seem to have found him and you set up an exchange. I assume you’re planned on having backup during this little deal, correct?”

  Preston stared at me like I was crazy, his brow creased. “Yeah, t
hat was my plan.”

  “Great. So when and where is this business transaction happening?”

  He held his palm toward me. “Hold on a minute. I’m trying to process this.”

  I had no idea what he needed to process. I couldn’t keep quiet any longer though. “I still think I’m missing something.”

  He chuckled. “Ines was beyond pissed off. According to her, it was completely irresponsible of me. She was concerned that I’d gotten into a bad situation. That this could cause me to relapse.”

  My eyes widened as it finally hit me. “Ohhhh.”

  “Yeah.”

  It hadn’t really hit me that this could be a problem. I couldn’t help but study him. Maybe Ines knew Preston better than I did. I mean, how well did I really know him?

  “Do you think you’re going to relapse?” I asked.

  Preston paused long enough to make me nervous.

  “I’m an addict. Always will be,” he finally said. “Our client handed me that empty baggie of Rapture, and just the smell alone made my palms sweat and my body ache for a single taste. It was like being reunited with an old friend. Staying clean is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

  “So, is that a yes?”

  His eyes met mine. “There’s always that chance.”

  From the moment I’d seen the marks on his arms, I’d always been curious. “Do you mind if I ask what got you started on drugs? You don’t have to answer. I know it’s a pretty personal question.”

  Sherbert must have decided he’d had enough cuddling time, because he jumped down and strolled across the living room, to plop in a spot of sun that filtered through the kitchen window. I turned back to Preston.

  “No, it’s fine. I can understand why you’d wonder.” He paused and took a deep breath. “You probably know that Brody is ten years older than me.”

  I nodded.

  “He and I were always close despite our age difference. He practically raised me, since our mom worked two jobs. She was a single parent with two kids. Of course, Brody helped out once he turned sixteen. But then he went off to college. It had always been the two of us. And then, it was just me.”

  The faraway look in his eye kept me quiet. I didn’t want to disturb him. He continued. “It was my friend’s sixteenth birthday. Some guy threw him a party. His parents had gone out of town, so the house was empty. We were teenagers. We raided the fridge and cracked open some beers. I think I’d had one, maybe two. The next thing I know, the guy throwing the party pulled out a small baggie. I figured one time wouldn’t hurt, right?” Preston laughed, but it wasn’t because the story was funny. He shook his head. “One time turned into a lot of times. And then coke turned into heroin. I had to feed that rush, you know?”

  I didn’t know what to say. Instead, I scooted closer and reached out to lay my hand on his. He jerked at my touch, he was so lost in the past. His eyes darted down to our hands. He turned his over and threaded our fingers.

  “When did you get clean?” I whispered.

  “Which time? There’s been so many.”

  “The first time.”

  Preston swallowed, but didn’t answer. I waited. Then he let my hand go and rose from the couch. He strode across the room and stood near my mantle, refusing to look at me. Still I remained quiet. I didn’t want to push him.

  “Did Brody ever tell you why he joined the D.E.A.?”

  I blinked in surprise, not sure where he was going with the question. “I assumed he joined for the same reason we all did. It was a place where we could do some good.”

  “By the time I’d turned seventeen, I’d already gone from coke to heroin. Which is a lot more expensive. One day, I was high, and freaked out because my stash was nearly empty. I needed more, but I didn’t have any money. I couldn’t hold a job, even though I’d tried.” He stopped a moment. “I don’t have firsthand memory of the rest of this. I only know what Brody told me. I’d come home, frantic, rummaging through my mom’s purse looking for some cash. She saw what I was doing and tried to stop me. We wrestled over her purse. She lost her grip and fell. I grabbed all the money I could out of her wallet and took off.”

  I tried covering my gasp with my fingers. “Oh my god.” The words came out muffled behind them.

  “She hit her head and ruptured an aneurysm in her brain. She was dead in seconds.”

  It all made sense. His scars. The need for atonement. For forgiveness.

  I rose from the couch, stopping just short of him. My fingers tingled with the need to touch him. Our night together came to mind. Preston had taken my pain away. It was only fair that I try to do the same for him. Pushing aside the fear that kept holding me back, I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his back, trying to offer him the same comfort he’d given me.

  “That’s why you’re doing all this, isn’t it? You’re trying to make up for your sins.”

  He flinched, and then relaxed. “Yes.”

  “I admire you. Your strength,” I whispered almost against my will.

  It was true. Preston didn’t seem to let anything stop him or hold him back from getting what he wanted. Which terrified me down to my soul. Because he hadn’t made any secret of the fact that he wanted me. Someone who didn’t deserve him. Or deserve to be loved. Not after what I’d done. That sharp reminder had me pulling away.

  He turned to face me. “Why do you do that?”

  I wrapped my arms around myself. “Do what?”

  “That. Put distance between us. Run. I can see you fighting against yourself. You admitted that night that you felt the connection between us, but now you deny it existed. No matter what I say or do, you keep running.” He tried closing the distance between us, and I unconsciously took a small step back. “Just like that. What are you afraid of?”

  He didn’t understand. “It has nothing to do with being afraid.”

  “Then what does it have to do with? Your sins? Have you still not forgiven yourself for them?”

  I flinched at the question, and bit back all the things I wanted to say to him. We stared at each other, neither giving an inch, until finally, Preston was the first to look away. He moved around me and headed toward the front.

  “Brody wants everyone to come to the office tomorrow afternoon around four so we can try to come up with several different plans and scenarios for when this deal goes down. I guess I’ll see you there.”

  I watched him put his shoes back on and grab his coat. He shrugged into it and turned back toward me, his eyes boring into mine, like he was begging for me to ask him to stay. I couldn’t.

  It wasn’t fair to him, and I cared too much about him to hurt him that way. His shoulders sagged in defeat.

  “I miss Sara. At least she wasn’t a coward.” And then he was gone, leaving me alone, even though my heart was calling for him to come back.

  Chapter 14

  I pulled into the driveway of the small, bright yellow bungalow style ranch with white shutters and parked next to a dark blue pickup truck. Snow covered the entire yard, and the poor flower bed along the porch border was full of shriveled up bushes.

  The sidewalk had been shoveled, but I still kicked off the bits of snow clinging to my shoes. I knocked on the front door, shoving my free hand in my pocket to try and warm it while I waited for someone to answer. Finally, it opened.

  “Hey, man.” Victor stepped back and let me in. I bumped my shoulder against his with a single thump on his back in greeting.

  “Thanks for meeting me for lunch.” I held up the bag in my hand. “I brought us a couple burgers and steak fries.”

  “Sounds good. Let me take it and you can hang your coat in the closet.”

  Victor headed into the kitchen, and I met him in there.

  “Not that I don’t want to hang out with you, but what’s going on that we needed to have lunch together? Pablo and I are heading to your office at four.” He distributed the food he’d pulled out of the bag.

  Besides Brody, Victor was my on
ly friend. I really needed to talk to someone, and since this involved Landon, it had to be someone besides my brother.

  “I’m invoking the bro code,” I started.

  “What the hell is the bro code?”

  “It means that this is just between us. You can’t tell Estelle. And you definitely can’t tell Brody.”

  “Is this about anything illegal?”

  “What?” My head jerked back. “No.”

  Victor held his hands up. “I was just checking. I mean, I didn’t plan on telling Brody either way, but I was really kind of hoping for something illegal.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “You’re an asshole.”

  He grinned. “Anyway, what’s this big secret I can’t tell anyone?”

  Now that the opportunity to get things off my chest was here, I hesitated. The only people I’d really ever told my problems to were my sponsor and my therapists every time I landed in rehab. Did guys actually even talk about this kind of shit with each other?

  At my silence, Victor wiped the grin off his face. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

  “Landon and I slept together,” I blurted out.

  His eyes bulged. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “It was two years ago. Neither of us knew who the other was. She even gave me a fake name. I was having a rough day, and based on all the drinking she was doing that night, so was she. One thing led to another. She was gone before I woke up, and I didn’t see her again until outside Álvarez’s warehouse over two months ago.”

  “Holy shit,” he choked out. “No wonder you don’t want Brody to know. Have you guys hooked up again since then?”

  My laugh was bitter. “Not even close. She keeps denying there was something between us. That there’s still something between us.”

  “Oh, man,” Victor commiserated sympathetically. “I know what you’re going through. Estelle fought me every step of the way. She was worth the fight though.”

  “Landon is, too. But, god, she’s so frustrating.” I dropped my head and rubbed the back of my neck trying to ease the tension out of it. I blew out a long breath. “That’s not even the worst of it.”