His Confession

by S. Valentine

  “Lawrence,” she attempted to deny it.

  “Don’t even try to insult my intelligence. I just hope he doesn’t do to you what you did to me,” he said sourly.

  Before Gabi could respond, the line went dead. Running a hand through her hair, his words echoed in her mind. She was a true believer in karma. Maybe she did have it coming. So did Lawrence, for that matter. Maybe he’d meet someone who would make him feel worthless and lonely. She screwed up her face bitterly and turned to the window, gazing out at the grey sky. Mallory walked in, and sensing her sadness, put her arm gently around her shoulder.

  “I’m gonna have a shower.”

  “Sure. We’ve got plenty of time.”

  Gabi slowly mounted the stairs. She needed a lukewarm, refreshing shower. She gathered her pink towel from the bedroom, and then settled in the bathroom. She felt completely exhausted. Darion had kept her awake most of the night, not that she was complaining. She still got butterflies every time she thought of him. However, she wasn’t sure how to take his confession. If swinging was just something he’d experienced a few times, as he’d said, to experiment, kill his curiosities, have a bit of fun with a girlfriend, then she could handle that. Couldn’t she?

  She tried not to think about it. She needed to scrub herself clean. She turned the shower on, waiting for it to warm up. When hot steam filled the bathroom, she undressed and climbed in. Closing her eyes, she allowed the water to pour through her hair, down her face, and over her body. If only it could wash away her problems, Lawrence’s spiteful words, Darion’s dark desires, and the confusion which curdled inside her.

  ***

  Darion

  Darion sat in his office, his laptop settled on his lap. He clicked on the swingers’ forum and scrolled down. Eva hadn’t been on it for months. He liked to check now and then to see if she’d returned, selfishly wishing and hoping her and Vinnie’s relationship hadn’t lasted. He clicked on a few thumbnail pictures that resembled Eva, browsing the profiles. No sign of her. His mobile vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he glanced at the screen before answering.

  “Hello,” a sultry voice purred down the line.

  “Franchesca?”

  “Yes. How are you, Darion?”

  “I’m good.” He lit a cigar.

  “Shame you left the party early. I was looking for you.”

  “Maybe some other time,” he said out of politeness.

  “We discussed me holding a party at your club?” she reminded him.

  “We certainly did.”

  “Let me pull together some people, and I’ll email you a date.”

  “Sounds great. You’ll be more than happy, I can assure you.”

  “I don’t doubt it,” she said flirtatiously.

  He informed her of the name of the website. “You can fill in your application, upload your photograph, and your membership ID will be ready for you when you get here. I suggest you get your friends to do the same.”

  “Will do. I’ll see you soon, Mr. Milano.”

  “Can’t wait.”

  He put the phone back in the cradle, and poured himself a shot of vodka. Franchesca was hot. Usually, he’d be excited at spending time with a new woman, especially one that shared the same interests. Why wasn’t he excited? Gabi’s face appeared in his mind, and he shook his head, annoyed with himself. He needed to get a grip, and quick. Should he distance himself? He realised that he didn’t want to. Last night in his bed, with her arms wrapped around him, had made him feel content—until the bad dream.

  Gabi was a nice woman, the type of woman who he’d definitely feel secure with, settle down with one day. So why was he trying to change her, introduce her to swinging? Darion believed that you could have it all. Regardless of what Eva had done, you could have love and chemistry and excitement and polygamy. It could work. Couldn’t it?

  The tap at the door disturbed him. He looked up as Gina walked into the room, wearing a black corset, skirt, and platforms. Her hair and make-up were over the top, as usual.

  “Hey, baby.” She planted a firm kiss on his mouth abruptly, causing him to edge away. “You okay?”

  “I’m good, G. You?” He slid his chair back a little, creating some distance between them.

  “Hmm. I was seeing this guy called Johnny for a while, but he turned out to be a prick.” She shrugged. “Anyway, you haven’t watched me dance in a while. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve been busy.” He usually sat at the bar and watched her dance, at least four times a week. She got him so worked up. They’d then go straight to his office to make out. “Maybe you should give Johnny a chance.”

  “Darion.” She stepped forward, placing her hand on his arm, caressing it. “Don’t you want me anymore?”

  “Gina.” He let out a small laugh. “Don’t be fuckin’ crazy. I’ve been busy, that’s all.” He stood up, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to reject her, or hurt her.

  “Oh yeah. I checked your mail this morning,” she said drily. “You need to pay off those car bills before they’re towed away.”

  “Shit.” He rubbed at the stubble on his chin.

  “I take it you’re still gambling.”

  He remained silent as he poured himself a whisky, and Gina a shot.

  “I can’t believe you blew all your savings, Daz.”

  “G, please.” He pushed the glass toward her. “The club’s doing well. I’ll get it all back.”

  “Eva’s lawyers are still chasing you. You can’t avoid them forever.”

  “Drink up.” He pointed to the shot.

  “Alcohol is your solution to everything,” she muttered.

  “Not a solution…a distraction.”

  She snaked her arms around his waist, pressing her lips to his chiselled jawline repeatedly.

  He pulled her in for a hug, to take her mind off wanting to kiss him.

  Gina took a step back, her mouth agape. “That’s why you haven’t seen me dance…you’re under the thumb by that girl, aren’t you?”

  “Who?” He sighed.

  “The pretty blonde, Gabi. You know who I’m talking about, Daz,” she said, raising her voice.

  He huffed in exasperation. He wasn’t in the mood for a heated discussion. “Gina, it’s just sex.” Was it?

  “Come here.” She reached out for him again. “I’ve missed this.”

  Darion raised the glass to his mouth, swigging the whisky back. He grimaced at the taste.

  “I’ll catch you later,” she grumbled, refusing the drink he offered, pushing the glass away. She headed for the door.

  “Gina,” he yelled. He didn’t want to give her any hope that they’d ever become an item. Together, they’d be trouble. All hell would break loose. It was too risky. Their friendship would suffer. He couldn’t lose her that way. “Me and you are never gonna happen.” His face hardened. “You knew that from day one.”

  “Oh yeah.” She spun around. “Have you shown little miss upstairs yet?” she asked sharply, narrowing her gaze.

  “No, why?”

  “It won’t last.” She smirked. “As soon as she finds out that swinging is your way of life, that you own a swingers’ club, she’ll be gone. Not many people can handle that sort of stuff. I’m everything you want, Daz. You just can’t admit it.”

  He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, his fingers gripping the edge of the desk. He said nothing as she walked off. He tapped his foot on the floor repeatedly, lost in thought. Seconds later, he poured another drink and tossed it back. He needed to get out of the club; he felt suffocated. He hoped a ride on his bike would clear his head.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Five

  Gabi

  After a fairly quick day in the office, Gabi had had another dance class, which had gone well. The more she went, the more she enjoyed it. She’d even made a few new friends, which she was pleased about. As usual, she’d taken a fresh set of clothes with her, showered, and dressed.

  W
hen she exited The Royal Dance Academy, she was hit with rushing bodies, either shopping, on their way to work, or on their way to meeting family, friends, or a lover. Instead of the discontented expressions that she usually noticed, everyone appeared to be deliriously happy. Or perhaps that was her positive side, seeing the good in everyone and everything.

  As the indoor shopping centre was open until 10 p.m. that evening, she decided to do a bit of browsing, not particularly needing anything, but curious about new stock. It didn’t take her long to be tempted by a new pair of shoes, and a CD for the car. She was about to set off, laden with shopping bags, when she passed a woman’s lingerie store, which she knew also sold adult toys for women and men. Perhaps she could try some new things with Darion. She entered the cool, air-conditioned space, and scanned the racks of lingerie, sexy outfits, and shelves of toys, X-rated DVDs, books, and novelty gifts. A few items caught her attention, and after she’d paid for them, she left with a pink bag, giddy with anticipation.

  Gabi had only been predictable sexually with Lawrence because he hadn’t been experimental. She hadn’t been able to introduce new things into the bedroom and be wild and daring, which she knew that she could be. As usual, she was looking forward to seeing Darion. She never knew what to expect with him.

  When she was outside Darion’s apartment, she wondered why he hadn’t invited her to the club. With clammy palms, she tapped on the door, growing anxious. He yanked the door open. He welcomed her with a slow grin, and stepped aside to allow her to enter. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing only black jeans that hung low on his hips, the Calvin Klein waistband of his boxers visible. Gabi ignored the somersaults that her stomach was doing, and sat down.

  She scanned over the place. It smelt of incense sticks, and he had cleaned up.

  “You hungry?” he asked, leaning down and kissing her hair.

  “Not really.”

  “Well, I’ve been shopping and spent a fortune, so you better get hungry.” He stroked her cheek gently. “What do you fancy?”

  “Anything.” She wasn’t particularly fussed.

  “I’m glad you’re open when it comes to trying different foods.” He headed into the kitchen.

  I’ll show you who’s open. She turned to look at the plasma TV that was switched on. Goodfellas was showing. She sat further back in her chair. She liked this film. Just as she was getting into it, Darion returned with a tray of a variety of foods: meat nibbles, sushi, pizza sticks, and more.

  “Thanks.” She took a cheese and ham dipper.

  “You want a drink?”

  “Wine, if you have some.”

  He beamed. “Wine, it is.”

  Gabi needed a glass at least to calm her nerves. “Darion.” She gulped back the wine as soon as it touched her fingers. “Are you okay after the other night?” she asked.

  “What d’ya mean?”

  “Getting so worked up. And the dream.”

  “I’m good.” His expression said otherwise.

  “You can talk to me, you know.” She placed a hand on his arm. “I know this isn’t serious between us, but I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

  He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, obviously trying to remain calm. “I’m a mess, Gabi, what can I say?” He looked at her and shrugged.

  “We’re all a little messed up, if you think about it.” It was true. Everybody had some sort of baggage, issues, past drama, insecurities, or whatever.

  “Oh yeah. You’re fucked up?” He raised a brow. “How?” he challenged her, his mouth curling ever so slightly at the sides.

  “Okay.” Gabi refilled her glass. “I’ve not had many serious relationships. The longest one I had was my ex-fiancé. I thought I was happy with him. I thought I wanted the house, the marriage, and the kids.” She rubbed her nose nervously. “But I didn’t. I didn’t want all that.”

  “Why?” Darion’s forehead crinkled with confusion. “What woman wouldn’t want that?”

  “Well, I do want that, I think,” she corrected herself. “Just not with him.”

  “Why not? Surely something was right, if you were engaged to him.” Darion lit a cigarette.

  “I wanted it at first. Then I grew bored, unhappy, scared of the future. I don’t know.” She toyed with the stem of her glass.

  “Bored?” Darion’s mouth was a straight line. “So you cheated on him out of boredom. Nice.”

  Gabi looked at him. He was judging her, making her feel small, and low. He was the one that had instigated it, called her. It took two to tango.

  “You weren’t innocent in it all,” she snapped. “I was also unhappy and scared of the future,” she repeated. “I was lonely. I didn’t feel loved. Something was missing. Something wasn’t right.”

  “So, why didn’t you try and work on it? Why didn’t you tell him this?”

  “I did. I tried my hardest to make it work. We weren’t compatible.”

  “You should have realised that before you got engaged,” he grumbled, puffing on his cigarette.

  “Well I didn’t know then. We grew apart. He changed. That happens, Darion.”

  “Oh, don’t I know it.”

  “Just because you had some fucked up marriage doesn’t give you the right to judge my life.” Her tone was sharp as heat flooded her face. “I used to lie in bed, crying myself to sleep, nights I spent neglected, alone, wondering where he was. Then there were the days he came back moody, the times we spent together, bored shitless. God forbid we have any fun. I hated myself for feeling like I did. But I realised I wanted more.” She wiped a few tears away. “Life’s too short to never smile, to never laugh.”

  He shot her a look.

  “At times I was a bit afraid of him too,” she confessed, her head dropping.

  “Why? Did he hurt you, Gabi?” Darion scrutinised her intently, his expression hardening. “Answer me.”

  “He was drunk, I got in the way,” she attempted to make excuses.

  Darion jumped to his feet, grinding his teeth, his fists curled, as rage obviously consumed him. He grabbed his t-shirt. “Where is he? I’ll kill him.” His chilling voice was menacing. He yanked the t-shirt on.

  “Darion, stop,” she pleaded. “It’s over with now.”

  “No man should ever fucking put his hands on a woman,” he spat. “I know we get rough during sex, but I’d never hurt you.” He crouched down, grabbing her hands. “You know that, right?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you want me to go and pay him a visit?” She was touched by the concern that was apparent on his face, that he wanted to protect her from harm.

  “No. It’s in the past.”

  “You’re not miserable now. Are you?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” she mumbled. She had nothing.

  “Hey.” He shifted closer to her, his arm snaking around her waist. “What’s wrong, Gabi?”

  “I don’t know,” she repeated sternly. “I’m an idiot, that’s what.”

  “Why?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Try me.”

  Although Gabi could tell that he wanted to help, his face was a picture of worry.

  Her heart beat rapidly, her fingers trembling. She didn’t know whether to be upfront, or keep things to herself. What if the truth scared him? She inhaled deeply. “I think I like you too much, Darion.” She focused on the carpet, not daring to look at him. “I’ve tried not to. Even you taking me to a swinger’s party didn’t put me off. You excite me. I’m happy when I’m around you.” She shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”

  After a moment of silence, he sighed heavily. “I’ve told you I’m no good for you, Gabi.”

  “Why aren’t you?”

  He turned his head away.

  “I think I know what I’m getting myself into, Darion.” She stroked his fingers, and slowly leant toward him. Her lips met his. She liked him too much. She believed that if she were patient, Darion would eventually see sense, and properly
commit to her.

  “Don’t.” He pulled back, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “Don’t get attached to me, Gabi. Don’t be stupid.”

  “It’s too late,” she said irritably. “If you don’t feel happy being with me, or you feel nothing at all for me, then I’ll leave. I thought I could handle casual, but I can’t.”

  “You mean, you wanna be exclusive?” His mouth dropped.

  Yes. “No,” she lied instead, shaking her head, not wanting to push him away. “Do whatever you want, I don’t want to control you. I just don’t want to waste my time on you if you feel nothing at all for me. If I know that you like me back, just even a little bit, that’s enough. I can work with that.” Just a little bit of hope that it might lead somewhere.

  He bit his lip. His fingers tapped anxiously on his leg. “Of course I like you, Gabi.”

  “Yes, but is this just sex for you? You can be honest with me.”

  “I hoped it would be. I really did.” So, he did feel something for her. “I can’t do this though.” He inhaled deeply. “I just can’t.” His head fell in his hands. “You need to go.”

  “What?” she spluttered. “Go? But why?”

  “I can’t do this anymore. Just go. Now.” His voice was shaky.

  “Darion.” She knelt down before him, taking hold of his hands. “Why are you pushing me away?”

  “Gabi, please just go.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you speak to me,” she yelled. “If I leave this apartment now, I assure you, I will never come back. You don’t play with my feelings like this. Not when I’ve had the guts to admit I feel something for you.”

  “I can’t give you what you want.” He stood up, blowing out an exasperated puff of air.

  “So you want me to leave, and that be it? Is this what you want?” She stood up. “Tell me now, and I’ll go. You never have to hear from me again.”

  He let out a laugh. “Neither of us know what we want, do we? We’re just gonna drag each other down until we’re done with one another.”

  “You don’t know that,” she said softly.